It's Almost Over: 2016
by 80sarcades
Welcome! Be warned: this isn't a traditional 'Hogan's Heroes' story by any means...mainly just for fun!
Back in 2012 I wrote a story called "It's Almost Over" where Hogan and Hochstetter ran for President. It could be more described as 'organized crack fic' but really...after this LONG and stressful American election season we all need a bit of humor. If the words below make at least one person laugh then it was well worth writing.
I highly recommend reading the other tale first (there's a spoiler below) but both stories could stand alone. Have fun!
Disclaimer: I work for no campaign or candidates of any type. With that being said one of the candidates...and it should be fairly obvious...will receive, shall we say, a bit of a drubbing...
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; Warning! The following contains political humor of a non-party candidate based nature. Turn back if necessary.
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; Don't you want to read the original 'It's Almost Over..." first? It's available on fan fiction dot net...for free! Free! Just look under my screen name.
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; Don't forget to vote! Everyone's voice should be heard!
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; Ok, now that I've delayed you enough...on with the story!
November 8th, 2016
VOX News Channel:
"...and as we head into the final day of this election I'm tempted to look back on the normality of the Klink campaign," Megan Riley said, her eyes looking a bit wistful. "I just wish the man described as 'one of the most successful Presidents in modern history' had run for another term as President. Remember President Klink's famous slogan? 'Don't think, vote Klink!'"
Carla Whitmore laughed. "Oh, yes," she smiled fondly, remembering past days gone by. "It almost makes his campaign seem old fashioned. Just really...". A blank look entered her eyes for a moment. "What were we talking about?"
"Um...". Megan was suddenly at a loss for words before a smile broke out on her beautiful face. "Oh, I can't remember!" she laughed moments before her co-announcer joined in. She looked out beyond the studio cameras. "Does someone..." she prompted.
"The election!" a distant - and seemingly tired - voice called.
"Right! The election!" both women parroted! "Now, who's running again?"
"Oh, for crying out loud..." the same frustrated voice rang out before Megan waved him off.
"Just kidding!" she said brightly before facing the home audience. "Our latest nationwide tracking poll has candidates Hogan and Hochstetter in a dead heat nationally - 45% for Hogan and 46% for Hochstetter, well within the margin of error. The battleground states of Michigan, New York, Pennsylvania, Iowa and Wisconsin are all up for grabs by either party. This election is unprecedented in that traditionally blue states - or vice versa - could wind up in the other candidate's column. Carla, any final thoughts?"
"Only that I wish someone had a catchy phrase this time!" she complained. "I mean, 'Hochstetter for America'? 'America's Hogan'?" Carla rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No one does any original thinking anymore!"
"Oh, that's so true!" Megan commiserated. "The debates were bad enough! It's almost like watching two boxers go head to head and wondering who's going to get the knockout punch...". She frowned, clearly confused. "Were we just talking about Mike Tyson?" she wondered aloud.
"And I actually supported repealing the Second amendment to the Constitution..." the unseen voice moaned softly. No one paid any attention.
"Coming up, more boxing highlights!" Megan cheerfully announced. "Keep it right here on VOX news! We'll be back in a minute..."
(Screen fades to blackness before a campaign ad appears. What, you think you were going to escape them in this story?)
"Secretary Hogan..." a deep, almost creepy, male voice announced.
(Scene of ISIS fighters in the streets)
"Our diplomat in chief..."
(Another scene, this time of a building on fire. A crowd outside watches in glee as an American flag goes up in flames.)
"...and a disaster for America."
(A nuclear fireball suddenly flashes onscreen and rolls upward into mushroom fire)
"Hogan's next failure may be our last," the narrator continued. "Make the right choice for America. Vote Hochstetter for President...before it's too late..."
(A/N: And so election day begins...)