G'day! ~~~

Yayy, long time no see. This is the bonus chapter that I had promised after posting Chapter 15. I didn't think I could do it, but yay I did it. This chapter will reveal the reasons for all the choices Catherine made since season 4.

Also, I got so excited when I finished this chapter, so I actually post without getting someone to proofread this chapter. I hope it doesn't have tons of mistakes kkkk.

Leave a review if you are kind enough. It will make my day!

P.S: I dropped the show a million years ago, so in my version, Five-0 is a team of Steve, Danny, Chin, Kono and now Catherine. No other character can get in the way of that.

-LuckyStar/Catherine-

Chapter 16:

It has been three months since Catherine moved in with Steve and the two of them started a fresh new life together. It did not seem to bother them at all – seeing each other all day, at home and at work.

Since the first day Catherine moved in, she realized she knew every single corner in Steve's house without him telling her – where he kept his cups, his books, his kitchen cutlery, his toolbox.

That day on the beach on Steve's backyard, Catherine returned the ring to Steve. He was surprised at first but understood. They decided not to rush into anything right now.

Catherine's office at Five-0

Steve stepped inside the office when Catherine just got off the phone with Simon. He knew Simon occasionally called to check up on Catherine, and he was totally okay with that. Steve did not fully trust the guy the first time they met, mostly because of jealousy. Simon was in Catherine's life in two years that he missed. But over time, Simon earned his respect. Most importantly, Steve trusted Catherine.

It was so hard to say it, especially after everything had happened, at some point he thought he could never fully trust her again. There was nothing worse than not being able to trust the person he trusted more than himself. But Steve's glad that he could feel it again.

"Everything okay?", noticing the change in Catherine's face, Steve asked.

"Everything is fine. Simon just called. I asked him about Greer. He said according to his source, he wouldn't trust this woman. He said we'd better be careful."

"Okay."

Their conversation was interrupted by Chin. Chin just got back from his meeting with the Chief of Pacific Operations and Counterintelligence. Turned out there was a mole inside CIA.

CIA hit too close to home to both Steve and Catherine. Even though Steve had a bad history with CIA, he understood how serious this situation was and was aware of the fact that Doris could be in danger. After what Doris had done for Catherine, Steve felt like it's time for him to return the favour.

The team gathered around the smart table. Steve decided to be the bait, allowing himself to be captured and interrogated, so he could slip the false information to the mole inside the agency. The team tried to talk him out of it, but they also understood why Steve insisted on executing the plan – they could just silently pray the plan would work.

Catherine was confident about Steve's ability, but of all people, she understood how tricky it could be when it came to memories.

Understanding Catherine's concern, Steve moved closer to her, briefly hold her left hand under the smart table and mouthed at her: "Don't worry, Cath, I will be fine."

The team knew their friends needed a private moment, Kono signaled the guys and they happily took the hint. Less than one minute later, Danny, Chin and Kono went back to their own office, each of them going through the materials the Chief just sent through, trying to break down the information and arrange them in time order and category, so it would be easier for Steve to learn in one day.

There were only Steve and Catherine left in the main office.

"Cath, look at me."

Steve ordered, encouraging Catherine to look at him. When she did not move, he used his hands, pressing his right hand against her chin, gently guiding her to look at him.

"I know you're worried. I'm sorry it has to come to this, but I don't see any other option."

"I know, I know, I get it. It's not that I don't trust you, I know if there is anyone who can pull this off, it's you, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. What if they really mess up with your head, what if you lose your memory? What if you forget about me? About... us?", she knew it was silly, but she couldn't help thinking about that possibility.

"Don't be silly!", Steve tried to enlighten the atmosphere. "You are hard to forget."

"This is the only downside of working with my boyfriend being my boss. Seeing him walk right into danger and I can't even talk him out of it. I really don't like this, but I don't have a choice, do I?"

Steve grinned at the sound of the word "boyfriend" coming from Catherine. He looked at Catherine typing something on the smart table, studying the surroundings of the boat, analysing every single tactical spot the team could hide. She concentrated on something she hoped she could control, to minimise the danger he would be in.

"Also, Catherine, if this is about Greer, you've got nothing to worry about. Don't listen to Danny", he knew Danny had mentioned to Catherine that Greer was flirting with Steve when they were at the crime scene earlier, "It's a two-night-stand thing, one weekend, it was a long time ago, it's ancient history. It was right after my first training, it was way before you."

Catherine stopped typing, turned to smile at him, "Steve, you don't have to justify anything."

"I'm not justifying anything, I'm just saying."

"You are cute when you ramble, Steve", Catherine laughed, but feeling grateful that Steve always found a way to relax her mind, under any circumstance, "but I'm not jealous."

"I want you to be jealous though", he whispered under his breath, "a little bit", he shrugged his shoulder. Someone wise told him once that sometimes, the right amount of jealousy could be beneficial to a relationship. Steve never understood it until now – maybe some jealousy was needed, especially considering they just started their relationship all over again.

Even though Steve was trying to downplay it, he sounded a lot more serious than she thought, so Catherine turned to Steve, giving him her full attention. "Steve, I trust you. That's all I need".

"That's good to know. But FYI, I said that line first", Steve flashed a lopsided grin, remembering the last day Catherine was in the Navy, he reassured her when she asked if he was okay with Billy being her boss. Steve wondered if that line triggered her memory. "And you got my full attention since the moment you stepped into my life."

Catherine broke into a grin, she wasn't exactly fishing for a confession or reassurance but appreciated Steve's honesty. She quickly looked around the office, knowing everyone was wrapping their heads working on the case, she pulled Steve in for a deep kiss. They agreed to be professional at work, but sometimes, situations like this happened and they both knew PDA was acceptable.

"Please be careful!", she murmured between the kisses.

At the end of the day, they still had a case to solve and a mole to catch. Catherine spent the whole night with Steve in the office, helping him study 50 pages of information.

2 days later.

Waiting outside from the tactical point was the hardest part. It had been more than six hours and they still did not see any signal to move in. Seeing Catherine clearly struggle, Danny and Chin took turn trying to calm her down. But truth to be told, the longer the wait was, the less patient everyone became. They just wanted the night to be over with.

Finally, there was movement. A woman in black came out from the ship. It was Greer. She left in a hurry. It took everything from Catherine to not shoot the woman in cold blood. The thought of Greer betraying the country and torturing Steve pissed Catherine off more than anything else.

The team moved in right after Greer left, with Lou's SWAT team being their back-up. Catherine's only goal was to get to Steve as soon as possible. Kono covered Catherine, while Chin got Danny's back.

Without any difficulty, Catherine moved in to where they tortured Steve, thanks to the blueprint and the pictures Steve got while working undercover. Her heart literally stopped when she saw Steve fighting with another man under water. Without any hesitation, Catherine pulled the trigger, and 30 seconds later, Steve emerged from the water, bruises all over his face yet still looked insanely hot in the ridiculous outfit. Catherine helped him get out of the pool, while all three members of the team rushed into the room and stood behind her.

"Steve, you okay? Look at me. What's my name?", Catherine's trembling voice was soaked with concern. She quickly checked his body for any wound, before focusing on his eyes.

"Steve, what's my name?", seeing Steve look a bit lost and confused, as if he didn't understand her or didn't remember who she was, Catherine felt an immense pain shoot right through her heart, Catherine could feel the tears swelling up on her eyes.

"Catherine Rollins, will you marry me?"

That question came out of nowhere. It was the last thing Catherine imagined she would hear at that moment, it totally took her by complete surprise. She heard Danny mumble under his breath "Seriously? You animal, Steven", but could visualise the big, proud smile on his face without turning around.

It was ten seconds of silence, the longest silence in Steve's life. He did not want to scare Catherine away, considering their current situation, but it just came out of his mouth. That was the very first thought in his brain the moment his eyes laid eyes on her. They did mess up with his head, he thought it was Wo Fat who tortured him. There was a moment Steve thought he came so close to the death. He thought he saw his dad, he thought he came back to the "alternative reality" during his last encounter with Wo Fat.

It has never been more clear to him than that. No matter this reality or the "alternative reality", there was only one woman he wanted to get married and spend the rest of his life with. He could not wait for another day, he was afraid he would die before getting a chance to ask her.

Catherine Rollins.

The only image appeared in his head whenever he came so close to the death's threshold.

The only image that gave him the strength to keep going. To keep fighting. Every single time.

The only woman that he has ever truly loved.

"Yes".

That one word came out of Catherine's mouth and Steve felt like he could die at this moment with no regret. He let out the breath he certainly didn't realize he was holding back.

"Yes, Steve, there's nothing I want more", she leaned in to kiss him. Happy tears running down her cheeks, her lips brushing against his lips.

She could hear Danny and the team's congratulations behind her back. She could hear Kono's excited voice and feel Chin's tight squeeze on her shoulder.

One week later.

Waimanalo Beach

"Steve, thank you for coming here", Catherine greeted Steve who was slowly sitting down next to her on the bench. They exchanged a brief kiss, it felt like the most natural thing to do in the world now.

"Of course, what's wrong, Catherine?", just a look at Catherine's face could tell Steve that something was bothering her. That, on top of the fact that she had called in sick after her appointment with her doctor in the hospital and hadn't picked up his calls until the 5th one, when she asked him to meet up at her favourite spot on the island.

"Nothing's wrong, but can I ask you something first?"

"You can ask me anything, you know that."

"Can you turn off your phone, just one time?", Catherine bit her lips, which was quite rare for her, she clearly looked very nervous, "I just feel like this is gonna be a long talk."

Being confused, but Steve happily complied Catherine's request. They deserved privacy some time. As far as he could remember, they hardly had any serious talk without being interrupted by their work. He regretted this every single day after she was gone, wishing he had spent more quality time with her, wishing that they could open up to each other more.

"Steve, I remembered. Everything."

Steve looked at Catherine, could not be able to hide the contentment in his eyes. But also, his palms started sweating as the natural fear crept in and realisation hit him. This also meant Catherine would be able to give him the explanation she had promised to give him before wrapping up her mission.

"When we were working on that case with Greer, when you first came up with the idea of being the bait, I contacted Agent Elizabeth Keen, FBI, she helped me arrange a call with a therapist who is an expert in memory manipulation. At first, I just wanted to make sure the plan we were working on would be flawless. Otherwise, I wouldn't let you walk in there."

"Agent Elizabeth Keen? As in the FBI agent who was on FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted list last year?"

"Yes. We met while I was in CIA, working on a case with FBI. Despite the conflict between two agencies, we actually clicked and stayed friends since then. She's an amazing woman, complicated but amazing. I helped clear her name when she was on the run, so she sort of owed me one."

"After your plan actually worked, I realized I could really use this therapist's help, so I came back to her this morning", Catherine rubbed the ring on her finger, it's a new habit she picked up recently, since she had this ring, as it worked wonders helping her relax. She couldn't help smiling when thinking about the meaning of this ring – their promise for the future and the indication of Steve being her fiancé.

Sensing the worry in Steve's eyes, Catherine quickly apologised, "I'm sorry, Steve, I should have told you, but this is something I have to do on my own. Besides, Elizabeth was there with me the whole time, she made sure to stop the therapist if I couldn't handle the process, so I was in no danger."

Steve nodded to signal her to continue.

"The therapist took me back to the moment when this all started, when I was in the hospital. I'm sorry, Steve, I'm sorry I chose to block you out. Blocking you made all the pain in my heart go away".

Catherine's eyes were starting to redden, the guilt gradually made its way creep all over her body. She couldn't even look at Steve's eyes, he was mentally strong, even when they were messing up with his head, Steve still managed to follow their plan and nailed it, but she chose the easy way out, for her own sake.

"Catherine, will I like where this is going? You don't have to continue if this changes us", he took her hands in his, rubbing her ring finger. The fear of losing her again ripped his heart out.

"Steve, I do have an explanation for every decision I made in the last couple of years, I promised to give that to you, which is exactly what I am going to do. I just think you deserve to know why I did what I did. What happens next, totally depends on you", she took out the ring, giving it back to Steve, giving him the right to decide their future.

"When I woke up, I didn't know where I was, I didn't remember what had happened. I lost track of time, some flashbacks appeared in my head, but in no particular order", Catherine started explaining.

"I remembered you asked if I wanted out of this thing, remembered you asked me to look into your eyes and tell you if I want us to break up. I remembered the disappointment in your eyes when you said I kept choosing the place where you're not. I remembered when you said you couldn't wait for me anymore. I saw Lynn in that beautiful white dress, I remembered the romantic dinner I interrupted between you and her, in your house – the dinner I never had. I remembered feeling jealous, but had no one to blame but myself".

Closing her eyes, Catherine could still feel the bitter, the numbing pain. The echo of Steve's words when he said he couldn't wait for her anymore still resounded in her head, it was so difficult to keep talking without choking.

"I had years, years, Steve", she emphasised, "to dwell in the conversation we had that day, I guess that's why it was the first thing that came back to my head when I woke up, not the promising talk we promised each other before I was captured. It was too fresh, I tried not to think about it too much because I didn't want to mess up my very last mission."

Steve thought back to that day, he admitted to himself that he only said that hoping to change Catherine's decision. He regretted instantly, but his ego was so bruised that he couldn't tell Catherine that he didn't mean any word he said. He was so bitter that he didn't even say how much he loved her.

"I was trying to protect myself. Letting you go seemed to let the pain more bearable. And it worked like magic", she lowed her voice, almost sounded like she was whispering to herself.

Catherine took a deep breath, arranging the thoughts inside her head, but there were too much going on, she didn't know where to begin.

"I lied to you, Steve."

The word "lied" coming out from Catherine's mouth still hurt like hell. Steve raised an eyebrow, waiting for what's coming next.

"I wasn't happy doing what I was doing. I wasn't truly happy with the CIA. How can I be happy when it wasn't even my choice to become a CIA agent? ", she was proud of all the good work she had done for the service, for all the contribution she made to her country, but it didn't change the fact that there wasn't a single day she didn't wish she could be honest with him from the start.

"Lynn was drunk that night, and bitter. I could see her face when she said "Catherine" Catherine? We talked when you were getting your stuff upstairs. She randomly mentioned that you took her out to a fancy sushi restaurant on Valentine's Day, private room, you took time off to go on a getaway weekend with her, you cooked dinner for her. A fancy dinner, with candles and everything, with you cleaning up nicely. All I got was dinner under the sunset, burnt steak, countless breakfasts at Rainbow Drive-In, and reservation at fancy restaurants that we never made it", Catherine thought back about how she tried to contain her jealousy when she and Steve went to rescue his mother, kept her on top of the game, but totally broke down in front of Doris when she had a moment to herself.

"Don't tell me you didn't love it", Steve felt bad that Catherine had to compare herself with another woman in his life, but still tried to tease her.

"Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you, regardless of what we do together. But I also missed the romantic side of you, the little things you did", Catherine flashed a sad smile, thinking about how thoughtful he was waiting up for her on her first day working with Billy, going to great length to get her the special edition of "Chicago" album, or just simply collecting the plumeria flowers over the years, "But seeing you with Lynn, I couldn't help but being jealous. Somewhere along the way, you stopped doing that", Catherine admitted, sadness flashing in her eyes, "Our jobs always managed to get in our way, I know it wasn't your fault. It got to my head that maybe we were not meant to be together. I sincerely hoped Lynn could offer you a stable life that I couldn't give you, so I gave you my blessing, it was so hard. The selfish side inside me kept asking "I sacrifice everything for you, to protect you, yet everyone thought I was the bad guy in our relationship. I give up everything, yet you get to move on". But Steve, I love you enough to let you go, to set you free."

It hit Steve hard to hear Catherine talking about setting him free. He unconsciously moved a bit closer to Catherine, wasn't sure if he was offering reassurance to himself or to Catherine. Probably both.

"After you left the second time, I had abandonment issues. When I started dating again, I made a mental note to myself that I had to treat the next girl right, so she won't leave me like you did. You know, with Lynn, I tried to be the perfect guy, being romantic and all, but then I realized it was for the wrong reason. I felt guilty that I cheated on her, emotionally. I couldn't get you out of my head, even when I slept with another woman. And because of that, I realized how much of a crappy boyfriend I was to you all those years. There wasn't a single day I didn't think about how different it would be if I treated you better. I was such a douchebag. Since you settled down in Hawaii, I started taking you for granted, I didn't put too much effort into the thing we had, because I was too confident that you would never... leave me", Steve's voice soaked with regret.

When they both were still in the Navy, they normally resided in different parts of the country, or even in different nations, so they tried to make the most use of their short vacations, or even just the weekends to be together. But since Catherine moved to Hawaii permanently, never for once, Steve took her on a short vacation or getaway weekend. He was happy with their domestic life together – the life they had never had before – as a couple. He thought it was enough, so he stopped trying to win her heart. They fell into the trap of every couple who has been together for a long time. There were so many nights when he contemplated back and questioned himself if that was the reason she left him.

"Always too confident, too cocky. But Steve, you were right. I would never leave you of my own will. Never", Catherine sighed, looking at Steve, knowing they were about to encounter the most difficult part of this conversation. "I was happy, too."

"Catherine, why did you join the CIA?", Steve finally worked up his courage and asked the single question he had always wanted to ask her for years.

"They actually approached me even before I officially got retired from the Navy, before Billy. My C.O got the words out. But knowing Doris being in the service and how you felt about them, I turned them down. Things were good between us, and I didn't want a job, even if it was the perfect job to get in way of that. I wasn't only talking about the job with Billy, it was also about the CIA", Catherine was referring to the conversation they had in Steve's office years ago.

Steve was taken aback by the information that was unrevealed to him. He couldn't deny the pride swelling in his heart, the pride that Catherine was such a valuable asset to any team. Any team.

"I wanted to get out of the Navy because I was tired of being relocated all around the world. Rumour had it at that time, I was picked to be on the USS Nathan James, Steve."

"Oh my gosh Catherine, it would be a huge honor to serve with Commander Tom Chandler. He's like a legend in the Navy. I had always regretted that he didn't get any chance to work directly with him when I was active."

"Yes, it would be a great step for my career, but the assignment was supposed to be two years. And... I wanted to be here, with you, on this island, full time, you know", Catherine never had the chance to explain why she didn't discuss her plan with Steve before Billy and his big mouth came into the picture. "I wasn't getting any younger, I kind of wanted to settle down, but... wasn't sure if that was what you wanted. We never discussed the future. I couldn't tell you, I didn't want you to think I forced you into something you didn't want. I didn't want you to know that I was so ready to choose you, instead of my career in the Navy, I was afraid that you would think low of me, so I kept it cool."

"I would never think low of you. I always assumed that you knew how I felt about you, about us. I was committed since the start, Catherine, how could you not know that?"

"I mean I could see, I could feel, but I was afraid it was just my imagination. Your team was very supportive of us, Danny made it very clear that you were basically a monk whenever I wasn't around, which was very endearing, Steve, but... you never said those three words out loud."

"I am so sorry."

"And when the thing with Billy fell apart, I felt like I lost a purpose. For my whole life, I had orders to follow, I knew exactly what I had to do, but I lost all of that. And you started to keep things from me. You confided to Lou instead of coming to me, so I thought... I thought you didn't trust me enough to confide in me."

Steve thought back about that specific time in his life – their life – when things started falling apart.

"You were going through such a hard time, I didn't have the heart to give you even more burden from me. The truth was after Billy's death, I started having nightmares about Freddie. Remember in Billy's funeral? When I told you "It's not on you", and you asked, "I was supposed to have Billy's back, how is it not on me?". I couldn't answer, because it was the exact same thing I kept telling myself since Freddie died. He died covering me, Catherine", his voice cracked, "I tried to move on from that, but that day, everything came back, I was struggling myself. All the nightmares started again, more frequently. And the worst part was... when you joined Five-0", Steve stopped, trying to calm himself down. Back then, Catherine was his personal therapy, she grounded him, comforted him in ways that no one else could. She used those very words to convince him a chance to move on after Freddie died. The truth was he could never stop blaming himself for his partner's death. It was hard enough for him to see Catherine go through the same thing then, it was even harder to have to tell her that she would never be able to forgive herself. That guilt would always come back one day, in the darkest time.

Sensing his discomfort, the flood of his emotions, Catherine reached out and held his hands in her hands, leaning a bit closer to his body, which instantly made it a little bit easier for his mind to function. He continued, his voice trembling, "I was thrilled at first, about us working together, seeing each other every day, every hour. But having you working under my orders was harder than I thought. The worst thought started creeping into my mind, what if we worked together and I couldn't have your back? It was tough to watch any member of Five-0 get injured, but I went crazy seeing you get shot, even if it was just a graze. I started having dreams about you dying in my arms, how could I possibly tell you something like that?", it made him sick just thinking about these nightmares.

"I really wish you had talked to me, Steve, I had no idea", Catherine leaned towards Steve, pressing her face in his neck, "thing would be so different if we... just talked... like this. I legit thought we were taking a step backward, I thought you were falling out of love with me. I didn't even know if you loved me as much as I did. As much as I do. I didn't feel like I was needed", Catherine visualised the day she said goodbye to him the second time, still feeling the dull ache in her heart as if it was just yesterday. She meant part of what she said, including the part she wanted to feel needed.

"Don't say that, Catherine. I had never fallen in love with any other woman since you stepped into my life. I always knew, I was just too afraid to make it official". He always lost the people he loved, at some point, he once believed he was cursed until Catherine made her way into his life.

Catherine shushed Steve by giving him a sweet, slow kiss. They could taste the saltiness of each other's tears, but it calmed both of them down. Steve embraced Catherine as tight as he could, they both held on each other for dear life.

"The CIA came to me again, after Billy, after Najib, when I was in Afghanistan. They offered to help, in exchange for my service. I turned them down again, but they didn't give up that easily. This time, they spilled the beans, saying that you killed a top CIA agent, someone very powerful, one of National Security advisor's associates. He ran CIA black ops, Doris's ex-boss. At first, I didn't believe them, because you never ever mentioned him to me, until they showed me the footage", she remembered how confused she was when she watched the footage of Steve pulling the trigger. The day she rescued him from the collapsed building.

He was acting weird that whole week. They gathered for dinner at Kamekono's shrimp truck one night. Catherine could tell there was something bothering Steve, she could always tell. But he just shook it off when she asked and left. Her gut was telling her Steve was hiding something from her, which made her question the status of their relationship even more. The next day, when he was stuck inside that collapsed building, for a moment, she thought she had lost him. Her mind went to a very dark place. The moment she heard his voice on the phone and could confirm he was alive, she made a vow to herself that no matter what, she would stay by his side, waiting patiently until he was ready to share his secrets with her again. She decided to trust him unconditionally, trust that he respected her enough to talk to her if he really wanted to end the thing between them.

But eventually, things went sideways. They grew apart. Looking back, it has been five years since they could just... confide to each other.

"It was treason, Steve, and they had proof. Just because he didn't tell you the information you were after doesn't make it okay for you to kill him. I don't think the Governor could protect you. The CIA could turn your life upside down so easily, all of your sacrifice and contribution to this country would go wasted, I couldn't let that happen to you, Steve", Catherine closed her eyes for a moment, trying to adjust her shaky breath so she wouldn't burst into crying. Over all these years, she never had a chance to explain herself to the person on the receiving end of her sacrifice. Steve McGarrett.

Looking at Catherine, Steve only saw the determination being written clearly on her face. The determination to protect him at all costs. And he spent the last couple of years trying to put all the blame on her, trying to move on from her?

"They convinced me they wouldn't charge you with treason if I agreed to join the service. Have you ever questioned why they let such a homicide slide? It took a lot more than you being THE Doris McGarrett's son."

Steve went numb. A lot of things had happened after that day, with Catherine leaving, he was busy dealing with his mess, emotionally. Steve never questioned why no one went after him after he killed Edward Cobb. In fact, he didn't even know how powerful he was, Edward Cobb was just an ex-CIA on paper. Steve was just angry that that bastard set his team up and killed two innocent people.

"Steve, I am really, really sorry that I went behind your back. But I don't regret what I did. If I could choose again, I would still do what I did. I don't see any other way to get out of the situation you were in. I didn't have a choice. I thought I was protecting you."

"You should have told me, we could have faced it together."

"They specifically told me not to tell you."

"So you sacrificed yourself? Your career? Your personal life?"

"You were worth it, Steve. You would have done the same thing for me. You could have lost everything if I did nothing."

"But I wouldn't lose you", his stomach filled with bitterness and a dull ache. "I lost the most important thing that ever happened to me the day you left."

Steve looked at Catherine, whispering, but she just stared at the ocean. He quietly watched the beautiful fragile lieutenant sitting in front of him. She's so close yet so far away. It seemed that she's lost herself in some trains of thought. So focused. So fragile. So vulnerable.

"Catherine, look at me."

When she didn't listen, Steve's heart clenched so hard, he stood up and kneeled in front of her, leaned in and took her breath away. The kiss conveyed better than anything he had to say.

"I'm sorry", he murmured among all those kisses, "My ego was bruised. I couldn't see things clearly. All I saw was you left because I wasn't enough."

"I'm sorry, too, Steve. It's so hard to deal with myself when I remember everything. All the guilt. How can I ever forgive myself? I wasn't there for you when you almost died, when the whole Wo Fat thing happened, the liver surgery. I lost 5 years being in your life."

"Catherine, don't go there. We can't change the past. You were there for me, all the time, at least right here", he guided her hands to place them on his heart, "I keep you right here. An untouchable place."

Nothing hurt Steve more than seeing the uncertainty and guilt in Catherine's eyes.

"Listen to me. Yes, I admit you hurt me, repeatedly, but you also saved my life the moment we locked eyes. I don't know why you can't forgive yourself. Catherine, you pulled me out of every dark point. You protected me even when I didn't ask you to. You're my hero. You make me human", he tightly squeezed her hands. She could read the honesty in his sparkling blue eyes. "I almost forgot how to cry since my mom's death. You taught me how to fear of losing someone important to me. You reminded me that I can be loved, very much loved. You proved to me that not everyone will leave me alone, because you will always be there for me."

"But I didn't. I left. And after everything, I chose the easy way out – to forget about you, to protect my own ass."

"But here you are, right now. You left, and you came back."

He put the ring back into her finger.

"This is still my decision", he pulled her left hand into his mouth and gently kissed her finger where the diamond ring was, "Please do not, do not take it out one more time. Third time is the charm. I would like you to be my wife, me being your husband, if that's what you make you happy, too."

"So you forgive me, just like that? I broke your trust. It's very important for me to know if you can trust me again, Steve."

"Yes, let's move past all of that. I trust you. And I love you. I'm in love with you. I should have said this a long time ago."

Catherine broke into a smile – the most beautiful smile Steve has ever seen. It lightened up his world. In one moment, Steve felt like he defeated the world.

"When you decided to move in with me – again, even when you forgot everything about us in the past, I told myself that I would take whatever second chance God gave me. It doesn't matter what we did to each other in the past, I love you, and I know you feel the same way, and it's enough. I'm glad you fall in love with me again, just like the first time. I knew how it felt to live without you, so if I could have another chance, I would be happy to. Besides, I feel like your side of the story pretty much changed everything. Now I feel like the bad guy in this relationship, the douchebag whose ego is too big that he couldn't see anything clear and played the victim the whole time. And Catherine, I'm sorry."

"Is it one of our things now? Keep saying Sorry?", Catherine touched his lips, caressing his brows.

"I never realize how difficult it was to be left behind, being helpless, being kept in the dark. Waiting is pretty much all I can do, and I don't even know how long I have to wait. I put you in that position for so many years, when I was a SEAL, being out there, jumping in the most dangerous classified missions around the world. I never asked if you were okay with me going on that mission. You never complained. You made it look so easy, so effortless, you were always being supportive and understanding. And I took that for granted."

"Look, it's your job and I perfectly get that. I have never blamed you. Never."

"That's why I love you, that's why I realize how selfish I was. I am the one who doesn't deserve you. You never asked me to choose between you and my job, even when I always put my job first, yet the moment you wanted something on your own, I was quick to judge you. Throwing you under the bus instantly. Accusing you of always choosing some place that I'm not. Saying things to hurt you on purpose, hoping it could change your mind." He said he couldn't wait anymore, and the truth was he spent the next three years trying to move on from her, hooking up with every attractive woman who showed interest. He casually dated Ellie, Lynn, Alicia, had a one-night stand with a woman he met on a flight, well, with a lot of women while dating Lynn, for that matter. He disgusted himself, he became the kind of guy he loathed – the player, "I never had the chance to say how sorry I am. I feel like a son of a bitch for hurting you. The whole time, I thought I was the only one who got hurt, I never realized how much I hurt you."

"Steve, you know what, I think it's time we make a new promise to each other."

Their first promise was "Be careful".

"Yeah?"

"That we won't say Sorry this often. We forgive each other. Deal?", she continued.

"As much as I still think of myself as a douchebag, that promise sounds cool. I will try my best."

"Good, I'm counting on that."

"You wanna go home?"

"Can we take a short walk first? And you can turn your phone back on if you like", Catherine pointed at Steve's cell phone.

"Catherine, I think it's time for you to be less selfless, okay? Pretty sure this island can survive for one day, without me working. I will put you first every now and then", Steve joked, winking at his future wife.

"Cool, I like it."

Catherine smiled. They took a stroll along Waimalona Beach, hands in hands, entwining their fingers.

"Steve, can I ask you for a favour?"

"Anything, Cath."

"Can you... at least try to mend the relationship with Doris?", being able to work with Doris occasionally definitely made them closer. Catherine got a chance to see the story from Doris's side, too. "Every story has three sides: your side, her side, and the truth, it is unfair to just look at things from one individual perspective. Yes, the truth is she faked her own death, she left you, she hurt you big time, but on her defense, she thought she was doing the right thing to keep you, all of you, safe. She could have stayed, knowing one day, any day, her enemy would hurt you and Mary, or leaving, watching you from a distance, protecting you both", Catherine remembered the only time Doris really opened up to her. Doris always kept things to herself, never explained despite how everyone thought of her. Going through the exact same thing, Catherine understood Doris more than ever before.

"You know what, Catherine, I haven't mentioned Doris in a long time, but I forgive her now. It's been a while I don't feel any resentment towards her. It still hurt me to think about how she abandoned us, me and Mary, but growing older, I also see how difficult it must have been for her. I appreciate her looking out for you and trying to bring us back together. I'm willing to welcome her back to my life now, but I'm not sure if she can do the same thing."

"Next time she calls, tell her that, ask her to come home", Catherine smiled, kissing his cheek, "and tell her our good news, too", she looked down at her left hand, couldn't contain the happiness travelling through her whole body.

"Catherine, you can officially call Doris "Mom" now", Steve grinned, teasing Catherine.

"I would like that, actually, but only if you make peace with her. Only if you are okay with it."

"I'm perfectly okay with it".

They kept walking, filled each other in about what had happened in the last couple of years. Catherine told him about her life in the CIA, except for all the classified details, which were the majority. She was a part of some really big missions he had heard of in recent years. Or the ones that he had never heard of. Steve was just in awe of Catherine's excellent contribution to their country. While he was running around protecting Hawaii, thinking he was the hero, she was the one who was protecting the whole country, yet being accused of being the bad guy by everyone around him.

"So... was that true that you were seeing someone?", Steve carefully brought up the topic.

"You know... it was a bit hard to see someone doing what I was doing", she said that when they were in the aircraft on their way to save Doris, "I lied. I only said that because I saw you with Lynn, I didn't want you to feel guilty."

"What's the deal with Simon then?"

"Steve, where does that come from?", she stopped, shifting uncomfortably.

"Hey, sorry, don't get mad", Steve pulled her back when she was about to pull her hands out of his.

"I'm not mad... I'm just... Simon, he's a great friend. He's like a brother to me."

"He loves you, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I love you, just as simple as that", Catherine always knew Simon's feeling for her, but she wasn't ready then. Unlike Steve, she was never ready to move on. Never wanted to. "So it doesn't matter how he feels about me. Steve, you don't need to be jealous."

"Catherine, I trust you, completely. I'm just sad that he was there for you when we were not together – having your back, protecting you. He was doing my job. And he never hurt you the way I did. That's hard to compete, you know."

"That's true. But you have the rest of your life to try harder, to make me happy, Commander", Catherine smiled, putting her hand above his ass, resting her hand there. Gosh, she missed this.

"Yeah, the rest of my life sounds really good."

"What about you? Tell me all of your dark secrets, Sailor."

"I haven't talked to anyone about this, but I thought I saw my dad."

"Really? How? When they almost drowned you?"

"No, not this time. After Lynn broke up with me. It hit me hard when everyone else could tell I'm still in love with you. I hated it no much how much I tried to hide, it was so easy for people to tell. Well, except for Lou, he still thought Lynn was good for me, but what does he know? He didn't even know us. You left, again, Lynn wasn't there anymore, I didn't know what to do, but I knew I was done with jumping at another woman. Needed to keep my dick in my pants, you know", Steve shook his head, making fun of himself, "I drove past Sans Souci State Recreational Park, and all of a sudden, just wanted to spend some time there. We spent so much time in that park during my childhood. Four of us, me, Mary, Doris, and my old man. That was where my dad first asked Doris out on a date."

Catherine smiled. When she first stationed in Hawaii, she wandered around, discovering the city and got lost. When Steve called to ask where she was, she just simply told him "a park full of plumeria flowers" and he instantly knew the place.

"I was trying to reach you, but no luck. Didn't want to go home, didn't want to hang out with the team either – I had another fight with Danny, I just needed to be alone, cleared my head. I had never felt so lonely like that. I can't explain, but seeing dad and talking to him that day... it felt so real", it was just like the day he thought he saw his dad on the street after his team solved the hookman case several years ago.

"What did you two talk about?", Catherine caressed his back in soothing circles.

"Dad told me to listen to my heart. Because only me would know what really makes me happy. He told me when Doris was dead, he thought his life was over. She was the love of his life. People surrounding us kept telling him to move on, but he didn't want to, never did. I asked if he knew Doris's alive, whether he's mad at her, he smiled and told me he's happy for her. Just happy that she's alive, doing what she loves doing, doing what she's good at. He has never blamed her for what happened. The least selfish man I know. Turned out he knew about Doris's CIA past, and he respected her decision. I didn't understand how he could forgive Doris, but when I experience the same thing with you, I totally get it."

Catherine looked at Steve, nodding to acknowledge her understanding and gratefulness.

"That was the first "advice" he gave me since I moved away. I don't even know if it's a dream or not... It just... feels so real...", Steve was still very confused thinking about that experience.

"There are a lot of things we can't explain, Steve. I guess that time was one of those. Don't try to understand it, just embrace it."

"Yeah", Steve pulled Catherine in for a quick kiss. Everything she said just tended to make his head clearer.

"Doris said you guys talked a lot when you worked together. You probably know my mom more than I do. Tell me everything about her", Steve demanded. Catherine was still the only one he could talk to about anything without the fear of being judged.

They had all the time in the world, well, at least for now – when Steve turned off his phone, so they wouldn't be interrupted. Catherine took her time filling Steve in everything Doris told her.

"While John spent the rest of his life trying to find out the killer, Doris also never moved on. She still kept your father's ring. She tried things out with Mick but couldn't take it to the next level. Do you know back then, she didn't want your dad to stay single forever, so she asked your Uncle Joe to convince your dad to find another woman, John didn't want to listen, and they didn't talk for a good year?"

All Steve could remember from his childhood was his parents were happily married. He realized there were a lot of things he didn't know about his dad.

"I didn't know that. I was probably already away when that happened. I didn't talk to my dad that often", it was always a regret for Steve that he didn't get a chance to know about his own parents.

"After everything that had happened, I realize Joe had a thing for my mother. Do you think she wants my permission for her to move on?", Steve brought up the question, it was a little hard not to notice the way his Uncle Joe White looked at his mother. Full of respect. Full of endearment.

It was uncomfortable for him at first, but if both of them have feelings for each other, then he would be willing to give them his blessing.

"I thought you didn't know."

"Of course I know. Reading people is my job."

"The first day you introduced me to your mother, Doris noticed the same thing", Catherine grinned thinking back about how Doris teased them, "unless it's apparent".

"Of course, CIA and everything. And she's my mother, mothers always know best."

Steve leaned in to seal her lips, enjoying the sweet taste of her lips. Even after so many years being together, every Catherine's kiss still turned him on. Every physical touch from her still did wonders to his body.

"That day, she asked me if I loved her son", Catherine pulled back a little, her hand still on his cheek, the twinkles were obvious in her eyes.

"Wow, Doris... I'm glad you didn't run away after that", Steve laughed, shaking his head, but couldn't help teasing her, "So... do... you... love... her... son?". Each word was accompanied by a kiss. His voice was full of emotions, his hands tightened against her waist.

"Yes, I did, I do, and I will always love him", she made her vow, flashing him the most beautiful smile, "I already told him more than 10 years ago, but he never knew."

"Such an idiot!", Steve thought back about her birthday present when he turned 30. Both of them burst into laughing.

Steve couldn't resist another kiss. A kiss on her forehead. On her eyes. On her nose. And his lips stayed longer on her lips. A slow, gentle kiss turned into a more passionate, heartfelt kiss.

Kissing her was his favourite thing to do. He still had butterflies in his stomach imagining himself kissing her for the rest of his life. He could feel his heart doing a little dance of its own.

For sure, she wasn't the first girl he kissed.

But she definitely was the kiss that mattered the most.

They couldn't wait to get home to have sex, they both were craving for each other's body, so they made love right there, at the back of Steve's blue truck.

After a satisfying sex and a promise for more, Steve drove them to the National Cemetery where John McGarrett was buried and spent the rest of their afternoon there. Catherine was the only girl he brought to this special place. Ellie was here to visit, but not with him. He was with Lynn the whole year last year, but every time she asked, he said he was busy and couldn't find the time to bring her to his dad's grave.

That was the first time Steve introduced Catherine to John McGarrett as his soon-to-be daughter-in-law.

He then called Doris to break the news. To tell her Catherine would be her daughter-in-law very, very soon. To tell her that he wanted her to come home. He wouldn't take no for an answer this time. After a long-stretched silence, he could hear the sniff from the other side of the call, and his mother eventually couldn't hide her very emotional state. She finally said "Yes". She was coming home.

He couldn't be any happier that he got another "Yes" from one of the most important women in his life.

He called Mary to let her know her family would be whole again, with their mother, with her new sister-in-law.

Holding Catherine's hands in his hands. Things had never felt more right in his life in that very moment.

The next morning.

McGarrett's residence.

"Good morning, Lieutenant."

"Well, good morning, Commander."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, I'm all ears."

"You are so, so beautiful, Mrs. McGarrett", he wanted to say so much more to compliment the sight for sore eyes before his eyes, but seemed to lose his verbal ability. Well, at least he could utter the whole sentence this time, instead of just triple "Wow". "So beautiful."

"Wow, you're definitely getting soft. And cliche. But I like this. Where do you think flattery will get you?", she playfully smacked his marvelous round ass.

"I'm thinking... one more time?"

With that, he dived in and spoiled her with all the sweet kisses.

They would never have to spend another day apart. They would be each other's gravity, keeping each other in check. For eternity.

P.S: When I wrote this chapter, I thought Sans Souci State Recreational Park was the location that Steve gave Catherine the flower back in season 2. But when I went to Hawaii earlier last month, I accidentally found out the location. It was a beach park close to Trump International Hotel, opposite DOD – just couldn't find the exact spot they filmed that scene. I don't know the name of this park though, so I will just keep Sans Souci State Recreational Park as I had written down.

Thank you soooo much for reading till the end ~~~ Mahalo!