I think most people are looking at their relationship overall for this theme, rather than at any specific moment. But I've already written a quick thing about that which I haven't posted here, but you can find on my writing tumblr at crywonder dot tumblr dot com. It's called 'Reactionary'. Check that out if you're interested!

This was inspired by a conversation with N-I-N-T. I wasn't sure whether to rate it M or T since it's mostly the dialogue that's explicit, and nothing sexual actually happens, but the sexual references are pretty heavy. It's nothing that you haven't heard in high school though, so I decided to go with the T. Enjoy :)

Delia maintained a calm exterior despite the sudden avalanche of emotions – mostly negative – that she was experiencing inside. She was vaguely aware of the wide smile on her face looking entirely fake but she was much more focused on stopping herself from actually screaming, so she thought she was doing pretty well, all things considered.

"I thought you were getting home tomorrow," her son offered weakly, holding a throw pillow flush against his bare chest. Behind him, his girlfriend cringed and pressed her face into the back of his shoulder. Delia couldn't see much of her right now, but she'd enough just seconds ago to know her upper half was bare too.

"I thought you'd get lonely, so I decided to cut my trip short. Clearly I didn't have to worry!" She bent over to pick up the suitcase and handbag she'd dropped on the tiled floor. "I'll give you two a few minutes to get yourselves organised."

She didn't drop the façade until she'd shut herself in her room. There, she crumpled. She threw her bags and herself on her bad and placed a hand on her chest to still her fast-beating heart. She'd fought every instinct of her body to yell at Ash immediately, and the adrenaline was still rushing through her body.

She thought she'd already taught him to keep his hands to himself and to abstain from any kind of sexual activity until he was over twenty-five and married. She'd given both of them the talk right after they got together, too. Although she wasn't sure how she could expect it from him if she'd never followed that rule herself. She remembered all too well what it was like to be young and in love …

But she was still worried about him. About both of them. It wasn't just that Misty could get pregnant – it was the STDs. Not that Misty would've got any herself, but she shared a swimming pool with her sisters and Arceus knew what they were doing with their spare time … Delia didn't like making those kinds of judgements about people because of her own past, but she couldn't help it. Despite her best efforts, things had gone beyond her control. Ash was too old now for her to check for rashes or drag him to the doctor for a check-up, so even if he had contracted something she may never know. And judging by what she'd seen when she entered the house, that was definitely not the first time Ash and/or Misty had …

That boy was going to give her a heart attack.

She decided she'd had enough time to calm down and her son and his partner (and future daughter-in-law if she had her way) had had enough time to make themselves presentable. She forced the smile back on her face and made her way downstairs, but not before searching through an old bookshelf for a particular set of books and gathering a few other things.

"Alright," she announced, before the two young adults were even in sight. She trusted that they were going to be fully clothed and sitting on opposite ends of her couch, or all hell would be loose.

(Her couch. They were going to have sex on her couch. They were going to press and stress and potentially stain her lovely vintage couch that she and Ash's father had spent their hard-earned dollars on back when she was still pregnant with the boy and worked hard to maintain and keep pristine clean.)

Thankfully they had the same idea, and they were indeed fully clothed and sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Their clothes were rumpled and the cushions were on the ground, but she supposed she couldn't have everything.

"I think we're due for a conversation," Delia started, taking a seat on the single person sofa opposite and placing the books on the coffee table in front of them. Ash took one look at them and groaned.

"Aw, mom, not the picture books!"

"Now, now, Ash," Delia waggled her finger, "I didn't use the picture books last time because you complained so much, but clearly just speaking to you wasn't enough …"

"Mrs Ketchum," Misty tried weakly, "I mean no disrespect, but don't you think we're a little too old for this?"

Delia leaned back and placed her hands on her hips. "Definitely not."

"I mean," Misty started again, exasperated, "You already covered everything. And this was mandatory learning at school." She gestured at the boy sitting next to her. "Ash went to school twice."

"I actually paid attention the second time," Ash muttered.

"I'm not here to tell you how babies are made, dear," Delia said, raising a hand to silence them before they could complain any more. "I just want to make sure you're both being safe."

They swapped a look. Clearly this was not something that either of them had been anticipating. Delia didn't know what idea of her Ash had planted into Misty's head, but frankly she was a little insulted – she'd put up with all of his antics for over two decades and made several changes to her own life just to suit his. There were so many unthinkable things that Ash had forced her to accept; what was this in the scale of it all?

Misty finally spoke up. "I'm using birth control."

"Is that all?"

"Isn't that enough?" Ash asked. "Misty's always been good with taking her medicine, and …"

He trailed off, no doubt confused by Delia leaning forward and pulling out one of the larger books sitting at the bottom. She flicked through the pages and set the book down before either of them had the opportunity to process anything, and pointed to the series of photographs sitting on the page.

"Herpes. Painful blisters and sores around the genital area. And you can keep getting sores for months." She watched with satisfaction as both of them winced, Ash deflating back into his corner of the couch. "There is no cure."

Ash visibly gulped. She hoped that didn't mean he had herpes.

She flipped to the next page. "Genital warts, the most common kind of sexually transmitted disease." This time there was also a photo of a dying man in his bed. "Caused by the Human Papillomavirus, or HPV. In worse cases, it can lead to cancer. And there's no cure for cancer."

The next page had a biological diagram, which had both their expressions relaxing. And that wouldn't do. "Gonorrhoea. No main symptoms except for a thick, yellowy-white discharge oozing from your penis or your vagina. Sometimes there's a burning sensation when you urinate. Sometimes you urinate blood. It spreads very easily around your body through your blood stream."

Misty had a fist pressed to her lips. They both looked deeply uncomfortable, which was exactly what Delia intended for. It was time to deliver the big blow. She flashed them a wide smile.

"Now, for my personal favourite!" Delia exclaimed, thumbing the side of the book until it opened at a dog-eared page, "Pubic lice! Also known as krabby, which I think is a misnomer, because they're actually bug-types that settle in your pubic hair and suck your blood. And they breed and lay eggs in your hair, and when the eggs hatch, the larvae feed on your blood too." Delia placed a finger on her lips, "I'm not sure what their actual name is, I'd have to ask Professor Oak for that …"

"Okay, mom, that's enough!" Ash reached forward and slammed the book shut. He'd moved much closer to Misty, who was white as a sheet and had both arms around his neck.

"But I haven't even told you about the three strains of Hepatitis yet!"

"We get it." He threw an arm around Misty's waist – the poor girl looked mortified. Maybe Delia had gone too far. "Abstinence is the best policy, and we won't have sex till we get married. Okay?"

"Oh no, that's not what I'm saying at all!"

Ash was stunned into silence, and Misty took the opportunity to ask, "It's not?"

"No, no." Delia rested her hands on her thighs. "You know, most of these problems would just be solved if Ash wore a condom."

Ash hid his face in his hands. "Arceus, mom!"

"Actually, your mother has a point," Misty said, nodding. "And I've been saying this all along. Extra protection is never a bad thing."

Ash mumbled something into his palms, and Delia craned her neck forward. "What was that?"

There was a long pause, until Ash finally spoke up: "It's like wearing rubber boots in the shower."

Misty rolled her eyes and Delia could only shake her head in disappointment. She'd hoped – wished – that his years travelling in harsh conditions meant he didn't fuss over little things like this.

"Would you like me to go over Hepatitis and HIV?"

"No!" the couple yelped, Ash even leaping forward to move the book out of the way.

"Good." Delia reached for a large candlestick on a side table and pulled a small packet out of her pocket. "Then we can make a start on how to use a condom."

Ash hissed, covering his face once again. Misty shifted in her seat. "Can I be excused?" she asked, slowly rising from her seat. "Pikachu's been awfully quiet up in Ash's room, and – "

"Sit down," Delia ordered, and Misty sat down immediately. Again, she wondered what stories Ash had told his friends about her. She'd address that at a later date. "You'll need to know how to put it on him, too."

Ash let out a noise that sounded more strangled pokémon than human. Delia ignored it and ripped the packet open. "You have to be very careful you don't rip the condom when you open the packet, because it's a lot thinner than you'd expect. They make it that way so that it doesn't feel like wearing rubber boots in the shower, which you'd know, Ash, if you'd ever tried it. And Misty, dear, if you're allergic to latex, there are other options available."

Both of them watched on with pained expressions as Delia took the care to demonstrate exactly how to put a condom on a penis so it works most efficiently – they just had no appreciation for effort and life experience! It was the first thing Delia had taught herself as soon as she found out she was pregnant, because heaven knows Ash's father didn't have a clue.

It was another hour before Delia's entire lecture was complete, and she agreed to compromise by making Ash and Misty's favourite Pallet noodle special: no carrots and no peppers for the redhead. Now that all of that was out of the way, she could focus on other things, and cooking helped take her mind off of today's fiasco. It didn't bother her that she'd had to work so soon after her nice trip to the Seafoam Islands – she'd already had enough stress in the short time she'd been home.

Cooking wasn't enough to distract from the conversation happening in the living room, however. The young couple weren't being as quiet as they thought.

"You really need to move out of home," she could hear Misty say. No doubt they were sitting on other ends of the couch again.

"I didn't think she was going to do that," Ash complained.

"She won't again if you moved up to the Indigo Plateau. Where you work."

She did have a point. Delia had seen more today than she'd ever wanted to see in her lifetime.

But she was still going to make sure Ash's new house was stocked with condoms. Just in case.