We're The Same

Description: Requiem aftermath. Lex & Lana sort through their issues to get the much needed closure and maybe to start over. The TRUTH about the PREGNANCY is REVEALED. /rated M for language/

It was true what they said, she thought – some things never changed. There she was, in the cemetery at midnight. She was supposed to leave the city right after absorbing all the kryptonite into her suit, but she couldn't just yet. She still felt like there was something keeping her in Metropolis and now that the funeral happened, she decided to finally stop lying to herself and just admit it. It had to be now and it didn't even matter anymore since it was too late. Clark was right when saying that their life together was a dream, that their having powers and protecting the city together was impossible. It was a fairytale, not reality. She'd never... It was still so hard to admit, but she'd never really loved Clark. There, she finally did it. She wouldn't tell him that now, though. There was really no point in hurting him more. The ugly truth was that she'd thought as though she should love him just because he'd always been so good and so caring. He would never hurt her. Only then again, if he didn't really have the power to truly hurt her, it should mean that he never was the one, right? Lana had always tried to be the good girl, the one everyone expected her to be. Everybody had always seen her as sweet and untainted. There had been only one person who'd seen through that facade and noticed the woman she'd really been all that time. It was the person she felt towards the most. It was the person who'd also hurt her the most but made her the happiest both in body and soul. And now he was dead.

How could she still love him after everything he'd done to her? After all the lies, the... the pregnancy thing. The truth was that in the end she could forgive him everything but this. No man should ever mess with a woman's mind like that. A child, an entirely new human being growing inside her was sacred and with that one terrible lie Lex had destroyed their whole relationship. She couldn't forgive him for that, but she still loved him. She finally admitted it. She'd felt that love when her heart had broken into million pieces as she'd witnessed the van's explosion. She'd wanted to stop Clark from killing Lex and she'd explained herself when telling him that he couldn't make that one final step, that he would regret it forever. The truth, yet, was that she just couldn't handle a world without Lex in it. If she couldn't love him, she hated him, but how close were those two emotions? In the end, she and Lex were both twisted and broken and worth each other.

She'd had to wait an entire day until she could finally approach the tombstone that had been put there in the morning. She didn't want anyone to see her. She didn't want reporters to ask her questions. She wouldn't be able to deal with them. She also didn't want to hurt Clark. What would he think of her if he saw her there crying? If he saw her pictures in the paper with a headline: Grieving Luthor widow? She knew reporters, she'd been Lex's wife long enough to see how that worked. They would turn it all around, write about how she loved Lex after all, how she mourned his death, how they didn't get their happy ending. Only maybe this one time those wouldn't even be lies. Maybe this time it would be all true.

She realized that she started to cry when she felt wetness on her cheeks. She wiped those tears away, but they kept on flowing so at some point she just gave up.

She finally stopped right next to Lex's tombstone and her knees buckled underneath her. In that very moment she couldn't lie to herself about anything anymore. She didn't care that Lex had separated her from Clark forever. She didn't care that he'd hurt her and faked her pregnancy to keep her by his side. Maybe in his own twisted way he'd really loved her. He just hadn't known how to show it. He'd been afraid that she would leave him. He'd always been so insecure about Clark.

''Oh, damn you, Clark!" Lana suddenly spat out. ''And damn you, Lionel!" After all, Lex wouldn't have done any of it if only the Luthor senior had raised him well. All Lex had ever wanted was to just be loved and he'd spent his entire life believing that he wasn't worthy of it, that love was weakness and all that really mattered was power. Even if it also meant power over his wife.

Lana shook her head and reached for a tissue. If only Lex had opened up to her completely, if only he'd trusted her enough, if only he'd stopped being so afraid and so stubborn. But he hadn't done any of those things. He'd come close once to reaching that honesty point with her, but everything Lana had said, everything that had been put out into the open, Zod had heard. And even though at the beginning of that transformation it was still Lex, afterwards he didn't remember what he'd said to her. Then the trust was fragile until it broke completely because she was ready to kill him in order to kill Zod, because Clark got between them and because she was scared of how much she'd actually changed. She was scared she would become dark and evil herself.

In the end, Lex had done her a favor when making sure she would never come near Clark again. She still didn't like the way he'd gone about it, but thanks to him she realized that it didn't hurt so bad. That the world didn't end. Quite the contrary, actually. She was finally free of Clark and she no longer felt guilty that she loved the bad guy instead of the good one. The farewell she'd shared with Clark was painful, but it was more about her realizing how many years she'd wasted trying to make something work that clearly never would. They should've seen the signs. Also, it pained her that Clark had been so hurt because he didn't deserve the pain, that was all. That was all the love that had been there – or maybe hadn't, after all.

''And I still love you, you son of a bitch!" Lana suddenly screamed at the grave, glad that she'd chosen such a late hour for a visit. ''Why weren't you just fucking honest with me?!"

''That's nice to hear, actually," a familiar voice said and she jumped to her feet, completely startled. ''You look like you've seen a ghost," Lex Luthor added when standing idly right next to his own grave.

Lana's face paled completely and she shook her head. ''No, you're not real. It's so close to Smallville... I must be hallucinating."

"I don't remember meteor rocks being blamed for that particular condition," Lex spoke and moved closer. She instinctively made a step back, tears drying out on her cheeks.

''So... so, you're... real?" she gasped and he nodded.

''But... how... The van..."

''I never was in the van," he told her when sticking his hands into the pockets of his pants. Even now, he was dressed all businesslike.

''I don't... I don't understand... You orchestrated the whole fucking thing?!" she raised her voice. ''You faked your own death?! And for what? To make sure that Clark and I will never be together again?" She actually took a swing and was about to hit him when he made a step back.

''Careful there! You know that now such a slap could actually kill me. You're powerful, Lana."

''You son of a bitch!" she screamed, choosing to strike the tombstone instead.

''And what did you do that for? I actually liked it. Not every day someone can experience his own funeral and see his own grave."

''That's because you need to be dead for that!"

''Lana..."

''No! Don't! I actually grieved for you! And you did it again! You manipulated me and lied to me!" The tears were back and streaming down her face now.

''Now, now, do you really think I would do something in such a poor taste as loading your suit with kryptonite? Believe me, the real pleasure would be seeing you figuring it all out on your own."

''Figuring what out?" she asked, not understanding a thing from what he was saying.

''That you and Clark were never meant to be," he explained calmly. ''You did just curse him, didn't you?"

''This doesn't make any sense..."

''Yes, it does. It wasn't me. You see... after what happened in the Arctic, my health was in a very poor condition. I barely survived and I needed something in order to heal."

''And what that could possibly be?" Lana asked in exasperation.

''Clones." That one word immediately made everything so much clearer to her. ''And you know that this is not a lie. You saw it with your own eyes. You even used one."

She remembered the clone she'd planted in her car before it blew up. And then she noticed something passing through Lex's face as he mentioned that. Was it pain? Regret? She didn't know and quite frankly, didn't care. He'd deserved all the pain she'd inflicted on him back then.

''An old version of my clone got out of control," Lex continued. ''The newest were brain dead, so there was no danger of them impersonating me."

''Of course they were," Lana murmured under her breath.

''Anyway," Lex continued, "it was him who planted the kryptonite bomb on the top of the Daily Planet. When the van he was in blew up, it was only convenient for me. I could start a new life away from Metropolis."

''But you came back to visit your own grave," Lana pointed out.

''Not quite," he said. ''I came back for you and from what I've just witnessed, it's clear to me that you still love me as strongly as I love you." His expression grew tender and Lana's heart softened at the hope she saw in his eyes. The shock of seeing him alive and well wore off and she could feel her heart beating happily, reaching out to him. Only she couldn't listen to it.

''Lana, there's nothing keeping you here," Lex tried again in the same soft as velvet voice. ''Definitely not Clark."

''This isn't about Clark anymore, Lex," she then said. ''This is about you and me. There's a lot I can forgive, looking at where you're coming from, how you were raised, but there's one thing I will never be able to forgive and it doesn't matter what I feel. I just... can't."

He bit his lip and then nodded. ''I thought I would have to tell you the truth," he said. ''I have to do it because I can't stay away from you, Lana. I can't live without you. My life just doesn't have any sense without you in it."

''Well, you should've thought of that before you made me believe I was pregnant."

''But you were pregnant. That was never a lie."

''I'm sorry, what?" She clearly didn't follow. ''Lex, I wasn't. The doctor on call told me so."

''Only because he didn't know any better."

Lana shook her head. ''What? You don't make any sense! The pregnancy was the thing that eventually drove us apart! We could've worked through other issues, but not this one!" It didn't make any sense. He was lying to her again. He had to be lying!

''I never told you the truth because I'd rather you hated me than yourself," Lex told her.

"Lex, you're still not making any sense!"

"I underestimated you," he continued. "I admit that now. I should've told you the whole truth as soon as I found out myself. I should've done it when I found you in China, but... I couldn't extinguish that light in your eyes, Lana. I just couldn't. I didn't want you to go dark like I had. I'm sorry."

''Lex, still, what are you..."

''I'll tell you," he assured her. "I'll tell you the whole truth and I will never lie to you again, I promise. Just come with me to my car. We can't stay out in the open for much longer."

''Like I'll go anywhere with..."

''You have powers now, don't you? I am not going to hurt you ever again, but if you're still afraid of that, then you know that I simply can't anymore."

''Maybe that's not what I'm worried about," she admitted sadly.

''Well... yeah," he confirmed. ''But we both know that if you don't come with me, you'll be wondering about it for the rest of your life and I guarantee you that once I disappear, you'll never find me."

Lana hesitated just for a moment, but she knew that eventually she would listen, so to stop wasting time, she just said, ''After you."

When they got into Lex's car, there was silence for a moment as though he didn't know where to start.

''I'm waiting," Lana said in frustration. She was really sick of being this close to him, of smelling the usual expensive cologne of his, of seeing his chest raising and falling as he was breathing and not being able to touch him. She'd rather he just started talking.

''Remember that time when I was shot during Christmas eve?" he asked.

''Yeah, but what does it have to...?" she started when he cut in.

''I had a near death experience then and I saw my mother just like you saw your parents when you were experimenting with those drugs on campus."

Lana winced as that wasn't her favorite memory. In fact, it was the lowest she'd ever been and she was ashamed of it.

''Only mine seemed even more real..." Lex continued. ''My mother showed me a possible future for me. The best one according to her, the one full of pure love - and maybe she was right because ever since then I did nothing but kept hurting people, hurting... you," he confessed when looking into her eyes. She could actually see honesty there, a very rare thing with Lex, especially since after their engagement. ''I didn't choose that version because I was the one hurting the most."

''Lex, what do you mean?"

''We were together, Lana," he said. ''Happy, in love. We were family. We had a son, Alex, and a daughter on the way. Only we weren't rich because I cut all the ties with my father."

''Lex, I never cared about your money," she assured him, still not understanding where he was going with that.

''I know, but when you gave birth to our daughter, you lost too much blood and there were complications. I needed money to transport you to Metropolis, to get you the best surgeon, but..." Lex's voice actually broke at the painful memory, ''but my father refused to give me money when I came to ask him for help and you... you died, leaving me all alone with two little kids."

Lana didn't know what to say to that. She understood Lex, though. He didn't believe he could be a good father all on his own. He was too afraid of becoming his own. He was too afraid of the history repeating itself, but still, somehow it did.

''When you got pregnant, I was so scared, Lana,'' he admitted then. ''I couldn't lose you. Who was I to say that even with all the money and the connections you would survive giving birth? I knew that something bad was going to happen because I didn't choose the life my mother wanted for me. I couldn't take that chance. I just couldn't."

''Wait... so you made sure I lost the baby?" she suddenly asked, no understanding how this was any better. He was breaking her heart all over again and she just couldn't handle it.

''No!" he denied. ''Of course not! I wouldn't do that!"

'So what the fuck did you do, Lex?!" she screamed. ''Just tell me because I'm sick of this! I'm sick of all the lies! I need to know what happened to our baby!"

It hurt so much when she said it like that, when she addressed it as their baby. Lex almost lost it right then and there.

''I transported the embryo into a clone of yours that I made," he finally explained.

For a moment there Lana was speechless, processing that information. She still had trouble comprehending it all.

''I didn't want to tell you right away in case something went wrong, Lana. I'm so sorry. You did keep telling me that you could feel that something was wrong. I had to save both you and the baby. I couldn't lose any of you! And if it came to choosing, Lana..." his voice broke and she could see tears in his eyes when he looked at her. ''I know you would choose the baby and I would choose you and I won't apologize for that. I can't live without you in this world, without you being happy somewhere, anywhere, even if it's not with me. I... I would tell you the truth as soon as the pregnancy went well. I was going to tell you everything. I was going to tell you about my vision, about my fears, my insecurities... but I could feel you slipping away. You regretted ever marrying me and I knew right then that you only agreed to become my wife because you were pregnant. It hurt. It hurt too damn much."

''It wasn't that I didn't love you," she suddenly said, both feeling sorry for him and hating him for making all those decisions for her. ''The problem was that I did love you, Lex and I hated myself for it. I found proof of how you were lying to me, how you kept me in the dark. I get that you didn't want me to see you for who you really were, but I already did see you whole when I fell for you! It was the lies and you not trusting me, not trusting my love for you that broke us, that created that gap between us."

He only nodded with glassy eyes, his face slightly winced as though he was trying to stop showing her all those emotions he had and failing to do so.

''I know that now. But you didn't know it then. You were still hung up on Clark," he pointed out bitterly.

''Because I was afraid of the real me, of the person I was with you," she told him. ''And you started lying to me and it only convinced me more that I shouldn't be with you... But I want to know the rest of the story. What happened to the baby? Didn't it work?" She braced herself for the worst.

''Oh, I never found out. The clone was stolen. When my scientists retrieved the embryo from you, the medicine you were given, the procedure they performed while you were unconscious and before you woke up in the hospital... it made it look like you were never pregnant and that was what the doctor eventually told you, wasn't it? Nothing I could say or do would prove to you that I wasn't crazy and that I was telling you the truth."

When he finished, Lana just sat there with her eyes opened widely, looking into the distance, but not really seeing anything.

''Lana?" Lex prompted.

''But it's still not everything, is it?" she then asked him when shifting her eyes to his face again. ''This isn't the truth you were protecting me from, is it?"

''No, it is not," Lex admitted sadly.

''Tell me," she demanded. ''I need you to say it, Lex." Her voice grew hard and he thought that maybe he hadn't gotten her enough credit, after all. They'd both screwed up. Both destroyed what they'd had. And if someone was strong enough to handle the truth, it was Lana. She'd never been that fragile and delicate girl everyone in Smallville had painted her to be. He should've known it sooner. After everything they'd done together... After all that courage she'd showed him both in everyday life and bed...

''The person who stole the pregnant clone was you, Lana," Lex told her in a voice that didn't disclose any emotions as though he knew it was exactly what she needed. ''And you blew it up. You didn't know it, Lana, but you killed your own unborn child."

She didn't say anything just yet, she kept on staring at him, kept on trying to borrow some of his strength for herself. He was right. This did change everything. She didn't have to hate him anymore. She knew she shouldn't hate herself either. She might realize it now, but she wouldn't have before. It was a tragic accident. They were always perfect for each other, but somewhere along the way they'd lost that honesty because they were afraid. Lex had started to hide his dark side from her and she had started to hide her own from Clark... It all created a vicious circle and it was high time Lana stopped looking at the world in black and white because things were never that simple. Sometimes bad people changed and good people did bad things. It all lay in human nature and all they had to do was to accept it and just do their best.

When she realized it, something broke inside her once and for all.

''Is that why you so easily handed me over the Prometheus suit?" she suddenly asked as she realized that he was actually physically capable of stopping her.

''It was always meant for you, Lana," he told her and somehow, out of nowhere and after everything they'd both done to each other and been through, she felt a wave of strong, untainted love for this broken man. She was broken, too, after all. Even if invincible. ''I don't ever want to lose you," he told her when cupping her face and looking into her eyes. ''And if you let me, I'll put on my own suit. I made two for the two of us, but I am willing not to go through with this if you're afraid I could get out of control when sharing your strength. I just... I don't ever want either of us to lose the other. Life is terribly fragile and it's a miracle we're still alive."

She was finally ready to let it all go and to lean on him because she was sure he would be the exact support she needed, that this time they would do things differently. This time they'd learnt from painful experience.

Lana's hand grabbed Lex's arm and his hiss told her that the pressure was more than enough. ''I'm sorry," she apologized before she burst out crying for good and let him take her into his arms, let him embrace her, take at least a little of her pain away.

''It's ok," he said when drawing soothing circles on her back. ''You didn't break anything."

She laughed at that, but then crying won out again. ''I'm so sorry, Lex," she repeated when wetting his shirt with her tears.

''I am sorry, too. So, so sorry." He just held her for a while and then she felt him placing a kiss on her hair. ''You know, in the end we're the same," he told her and she couldn't agree more. ''We belong together." With that she agreed as well.

''We always did, didn't we?" she asked. ''From the moment we met." She remembered how he'd come over to the barn, how he'd challenged her later with the Talon... Even though it wasn't the first time she'd seen him, it was the first time they'd met, the first time they'd talked. And they'd clicked instantly.

She could see it clearly now. In fact, she'd never seen clearer in her entire life. They were meant to be simply because they knew, understood and accepted each other. And because there had always been that undeniable chemistry and passion between them. Lana yearned to have Lex again. He was the only man who made her see the stars, who could take her both to heaven and hell when making love to hell or fucking her. She never loved nor would love anyone like she did love him and she was finally brave enough to admit it and be proud of it instead of ashamed.

''So, where are we going now?" she simply asked.

THE END

THE END