Title: A Sort of Homecoming

Author: Diana Forester( [email protected] )

Rating: PG 13

Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine

Spoilers: Endgame

Category: J/C

Author's Note: My thanks to Melanie and Brianna Thomas for their betas; the mistakes are mine. With apologies to U2.

Summery: How do you change the meaning of a memory?

The trip had been remarkably uneventful – easy, even. As the Captain steered her craft smoothly into orbit over the devastated planet, she marvelled again at what had brought her here, to this backwater on this of all days. A man. She was looking for a man. One whose path had diverged from hers fifteen months ago. One she hoped to reconnect with here, on the planet of his birth, and now, on the tenth anniversary of his home's destruction. She had no way of knowing for sure that he'd be here, but her instincts about him told her he wouldn't be able to stay away, wouldn't be able to ignore the ghosts of his past. Well I'm one more ghost he'll have to contend with, she thought ruefully.

Their parting had come as a surprise to them both; neither had planned or wanted it, but it had happened just the same. Their ship had landed, returned from its legendary journey, amid a flurry of excitement and interest not only from their family and superiors, but also from the new services. The causeway had extended from the ship to admit a storm of light and sound. It was on that cusp that the path she'd imagined her life taking had veered sharply. A moment's oscillation between her home on the now foreign planet and the home she'd created on that heartbreakingly familiar ship had left her lost and cut adrift. As she tried to incorporate the excess of perceptual shifts her homecoming required, she was caught in a moment of weakness when the full power and presence of the turmoil below hit her. She desperately needed to find something to hold onto, something or someone to lend her strength, if only for a moment.

In the past, she would have found it in her first officer, however, having recently learned of his relationship with her former protégée, she felt separated from him in as never felt. In that same moment, she'd seen a man moving toward her. Like an apparition, her former fiancée had walked past the reporters, past the Admirals and Ambassadors, to her. He clutched a small bouquet of flowers in his hand and wore a weak smile, as if he were afraid to face her. She took one look at him and wrapped her arms around his neck clinging to him as a way of finding some sort of order amidst the chaos.

"Mark." The word was whispered happily into his ear.

"Kathryn."

She could feel the heat he poured into her name. Confused, she held him at arm's length, trying to reconcile the passion with the abandonment she'd felt upon hearing of his marriage mid-way though her journey.

"Your wife…" she trailed off.

"We divorced."

Sorrow at her friend's misfortune. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

Now she understood the desire that blanketed him, and felt it move to cover her, too. She reached up and pulled his mouth to hers, ignoring the reporters, the Admirals and Ambassadors.

The next day the news nets all held headlines about her reunion with Mark. A picture of their embrace was plastered below. And she couldn't have cared less, delighted, as she was to find her oldest friend and lover unattached again. He had told her the story eventually, after their hunger had been sated. His marriage had weathered the rediscovery of Voyager, but other tensions had crept in. The final blow came while She, an architect, had attended a conference on Risa. At the introductory lecture She'd met an old flame from high school; their separation as a result of his parents' move to Bajor twenty-five years earlier had done nothing to dim their passion. Mark had received a message from Her while She was still on Risa, informing him that their rocky marriage was now to be dissolved permanently. The irony of the situation was not lost on Mark; he with his betrothed on the other side of the galaxy was dumped for a long lost boy-next-door. Fortunately, after finding himself at loose ends for two months, Voyager had returned. His gamble on a trip to San Francisco and a cheap bouquet had paid off in spades, reuniting two friends who had become lovers in an explosion of lust; fuelled by the abandonment they'd both so recently experienced.

Kathryn had still been with Mark when she'd caught a small note at the bottom of one of the news nets about the upcoming ninth anniversary of Dorvan V's destruction. Looking at it, she thought about Chakotay seriously for the first time in two months. She wondered where he was, how things had fared between him and Seven. She knew they'd left the planet together a few weeks after their arrival, but during her leave, she'd been consumed wholly with Mark. He'd come in then, as she was reading about Dorvan. Sporting nothing but a smile and holding a cup of coffee for her, she'd once again let thoughts of her former first officer be subsumed under the old feelings she shared with Mark.

She and Mark had picked up exactly where they'd left off in their relationship. He'd even proposed to her again, on the hills overlooking San Francisco Bay, the same way he had the first time. They set their wedding for the next May, exactly seven years after they'd originally planned it. The wedding, however, never got past the planning stages. Six months into their new relationship, they both finally admitted that while they'd started from where they'd left off, where they'd left off was now seven years in their past. They parted amicably, each understanding that their relationship best belonged in history.

Kathryn finished her leave and fled to Vulcan, taking a position at the Federation Embassy to escape the crushing media on Earth. On Vulcan, her time with Tuvok made her nostalgic for life on Voyager. She looked up her old crew. She laughed with delight at the video of Miral's first steps, congratulated Harry on his promotion to Lieutenant, and added a letter of recommendation to Ichib's Academy file. Over the months she managed to find every one of her former crew, save two.

Chakotay and Seven of Nine seemed to have disappeared once they'd left Earth; she could find no trace of them in any database. They'd told no one where they were going. As time wore on, she became increasingly determined to find them, to find him. If nothing else, she needed closure for the most incredibly passionate friendship she'd ever known. Finally, she remembered Dorvan, and realized this would be the tenth anniversary of its destruction.

Without hesitation she'd carefully squared away her affairs on Vulcan and booked passage to Deep Space Nine. Once there, she marched straight to the station commander's office. Expecting a fight over her request, she'd instead found Colonel Kira, a sometimes Starfleet Commander and perpetual bender of rules. When she'd asked for a runabout, instead of denying her outright, Kira had asked why. Why would one of the most celebrated Captains in Starfleet history want to borrow a runabout? Unprepared for such a straightforward question, Janeway had tried to use her celebrity to bluster past the junior officer.

Kira smiled inwardly. Janeway thought she could use her fame to push her way into a runabout. Silly. After working with Benjamin Sisko, the emissary of the prophets, Kira was prepared for any celebrity, no matter what quadrant they'd been stuck in. So Kira repeated the same question: Why? At a loss, Janeway had answered truthfully; she needed the ship to go to a former Maquis world. And what did she hope to find there? She hoped to find her best friend, a man who might be the love of her life. And Kira had given her the ship.

So now she sat at the helm of an old Starfleet runabout watching a barren planet spin gently before her, hoping desperately to find the one man who she thought might help her find meaning for her life. After scanning Dorvan and confirming that it was completely devoid of any life, she'd set the ship for autopilot and gone to catch a nap. It was still two days before the terrible anniversary, and she thought it might do to be well rested when she faced Chakotay again.

*

A beep from the computer woke Janeway a few hours later. Years onboard starships had conditioned her to become fully awake in moments. Less than 30 seconds later, she was once again at the helm of the small ship. A quick look at the console before her revealed the source of the computer's clamour: a ship was approaching. Directing the runabout's sensors to the new vessel, she determined it was a small civilian craft with one human male onboard. A hint of a smile played over her features as she reached for the communications' control.

Her counterpart beat her to it, engaging his hail before she could activate her own. Moving her finger a fraction, she accepted the incoming transmission and turned to face the small side viewscreen.

"Soaring Eagle to Starfleet runabout – Kathryn!" Shock was written all over Chakotay's face as he recognized the runabout's pilot.

Kathryn smiled at his shock. "Chakotay."

Still surprised, Chakotay sputtered, "What are you doing here?"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "I came to find you."

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"I know what tomorrow is," she said softly.

Chakotay looked down, composing his thoughts before answering, "So you've found me. Why don't we meet on the surface? I'll send you the coordinates."

*

She materialized on a rolling plain, lifeless and silent. Turning around she tried to absorb her surroundings. Off in the distance, she could make out a higher granite precipice. Water poured through a narrow fissure, sparkling in the early morning sun light. Even at this distance she could hear the water's roar as it fell onto the rocks below. On the treeless landscape there was no sound to mask its power. Squinting against the sun, she searched the area, wondering what was keeping Chakotay.

The whine of a transporter drew her attention. Turning to her left she caught sight of a pile of equipment materializing before the sound ended, leaving only eerie silence in its wake. Thrice more piles of gear appeared before a final light shower coalesced into her former first officer.

"Chakotay."

"Kathryn."

Neither moved as each stared openly at the other, evaluating. They were similarly dressed, wearing light-coloured, breathable pants and shirt. A sturdy pair of boots completed the ensembles. His hair had grown, loosing its characteristic spike to hang over his forehead partly obscuring his tattoo. Her hair had grown too, tied sensibly in a long braid. Both wore wide-brimmed hats to deflect the already burning sun.

Chakotay cleared his throat. "Well, I'd better get to work."

"Would you like some help?"

No smile, just a nod. "Sure."

"What are we doing?"

"We're planting, trying to reintroduce life."

"How do we start?"

Chakotay leaned over to one of the piles of equipment, picking up a set of cloth bags. Wordlessly he slung the pack over her shoulders, attaching the belt at the waist. Next, he reached for one of the heavy burlap sacks. Cutting it with the knife at his waist, he poured the contents into the two pouches.

"Scatter the seeds onto the land. When you're halfway through, plant a flag and come back." He slid a set of red flags into a loop on the outside of one bag, and a water bottle onto the other. Surveying the land quickly, he gestured toward the precipice. "Why don't you go east, and I'll go west."

She nodded, and started on her way, digging her hands into the seeds, tossing them in all directions as she moved.

*

When she reached the halfway point of her seeds, she planted a flag, moved fifteen feet to her right and turned back to camp, sowing all the way. Chakotay's longer stride carried him through his section faster, so he'd already started on his second line by the time she reached camp. Without a word she tore open another sack, refilling her bags. After another minute to replenish her water flask, she headed back out onto the grey plain.

It started to rain in the afternoon, a gentle, steady downpour that soaked her in minutes. It was refreshing at first, after the oppressive heat and humidity of the morning. She was used to hot weather, her time on Vulcan having already presented that challenge. It was the cloying dampness that had bothered her at first, plastering her clothes to her body. The deluge of the afternoon cooled her hot skin, washing away the sweat that poured from her body. Eventually though, the extra weight of the water became its own burden, slowing her progress and exacerbating the bags' chafe.

She spent the entire day walking the sterile field, throwing seeds onto the increasingly muddy plain in what seemed more and more a futile gesture. What hope did they have, these two humans, with their handfuls of seeds, against the destruction that had been wrought against the innocence of Dorvan? She saw Chakotay as she turned back to their 'camp' again. He'd stripped to the waist in response to the rain and heat. Looking at the muscles play under his bronzed back, she wondered at the strength of him, what moved him forward in the face of this impossible task? Looking at the growing ring of red flags, she could only see the endless land beyond, still covered in grey dust. This world would take millennia to flourish, and would never recover. An entire ecosystem had been lost.

With a sigh and a heavy heart, Janeway turned back toward camp for the last time. The rain had stopped an hour earlier, leaving the moisture to steam upward with the departing heat. Now she could see the sun setting in the distance, lighting up the lingering clouds in a splash of reds and oranges. The distant figure of Chakotay, already done with his part of the work was milling around in the fading light. A small light went on, and as she approached, she could see the red glow of a heating element. The smell of food cooking travelled easily to her, unimpeded by other scents. She could feel her mouth watering as she cast her last handfuls, emptying the bags.

"How are you feeling?" They were the first words she'd heard all day, and though quiet, they seemed unnaturally loud in the stillness enveloping them.

"Tired. And hungry."

Chakotay smiled slightly and handed her a plate. "Here. This ought to help with the hunger part."

Accepting the plate, Janeway sank onto the tarp, not even bothering to take off her pack before she dug gratefully into the rice. It was a few moments before she realized Chakotay hadn't started his own meal, but was instead staring at her.

Swallowing her mouthful of rice, she managed to mutter, "This is excellent."

Chakotay burst out laughing.

Indignant, she scowled at him. "What?"

Picking up his own plate at last, he responded, "Kathryn, in seven years together, I have never seen you attack a meal with such purpose before."

"Maybe because it usually had leola root in it. Seriously though, this is wonderful, did you make it?"

Chakotay downed his own portion before replying, "Sadly, no, I can't take credit for it. Nadie made it."

"Who's Nadie?" Kathryn's eyebrow arched in curiosity; last she'd heard he'd been with Seven.

"My neighbour. She thinks I need a wife."

Kathryn smiled. "If she's cooking for you, she just might be interested in the position."

Chakotay grimaced. "I don't think her husband would approve. Besides, she's a little out of my league."

"Give yourself credit, Chakotay. You're an attractive man with a lot to offer."

He leaned close, a smile tugging at his mouth. "Kathryn, Nadie's 85."

Kathryn's jaw dropped, and then was quickly snapped back up as a peel of laughter over took her. "Yes, I guess she is a little out of your league. Maybe she's got a nice daughter? Or granddaughter?"

Chakotay's eyes fell. "They were here when the Cardassians came."

Seeing the pain in his eyes, she reached instinctively for his hand. "I'm sorry."

Grasping her hand, he looked into her eyes, smiling sadly. "Thanks."

Trying to forestall the creeping melancholy, she changed the subject. "So what exactly is your plan here? What's Dorvan's status?"

Recognizing the rescue, Chakotay shook off his own sadness. "As of a month ago, the survivors of Dorvan took possession again. The Cardassians abandoned their claim on it as a concession after the Dominion War. We finally got through the red tape, and the Federation council has designated it for our use. They even sent a Starship out to make sure there weren't any repercussions from the metagenic weapons."

"What took them so long? The war ended two years ago."

"A number of things. It took a while to find all the survivors, and there was talk of keeping the world sterile as an experiment. All in all, two years isn't too bad. We really couldn't have done much before that anyway.

"Now though, the plan is to get life back here as quickly as possible. That's what we've been doing; this is the first test to see what non-native plants will take to Dorvan best. Every handful of seed has over 50 species in it. Plants designed to grow quickly and hold onto the topsoil, as well as nitrogen fixers, and a few varieties of tree we're hoping will take root. This forest is going to take thousands of years to re-grow, but my people are committed to this planet."

"It sounds like you've found something to invest your life in Chakotay."

Chakotay smiled secretively. "Your right, I have. And it's wonderful." A curious expression crossed his face. "What about you, Kathryn? Have you and Mark finalized anything? You know if there's a wedding, it doesn't matter where I am, I'll be there - "

Wincing Kathryn held up a hand. "There's not going to be a wedding."

"You haven't already - "

"NO! No. We…um…broke things off. I guess we aren't the people we were seven years ago."

This time Chakotay took her hand. "I'm sorry."

A shrug. "How about you and Seven?"

"Another sacrifice to the Gods of change. She didn't last two weeks in our new colony on Boranous. Couldn't handle all the spiritualism. She went to Vulcan to find some logic last I heard."

"Vulcan, eh? I'm surprised I didn't see her. That's where I've been for the past few months."

"She's sequestered herself at the Science Academy."

Kathryn opened her mouth to respond, but the patter of rain interrupted her. "I guess we'd better get under cover."

"Give me a hand with the tent?" Chakotay gestured toward one of the bags still packed.

"Of course." Kathryn moved to help him, finally taking off her seed bags. "Oww."

"Sore, huh? I'll give you a backrub once we're set up."

"Deal."

In a matter of moments the tent had taken shape. A large peaked fly sat high atop a smaller floor. "Chakotay, where are the walls?"

Chakotay smiled at her. "What do we need walls for? They just keep the heat in, besides, the fly's big enough to keep out anything but a monsoon."

"I guess you're right. Now what about that backrub?"

"How could I forget? Lie down, let's see what I can do for you." He knelt beside her, waiting for her to get comfortable before placing his hands on her shoulders. He hadn't even put pressure on her back when he felt her tense. Gingerly he peered at what little of her shoulders he could see through the neck of her shirt. "Kathryn, I don't think a massage is what you need right now. Was your pack rubbing?"

"A little, I guess. Why?"

"You have welts on your shoulders. You don't happen to have a dermal regenerator, do you?"

"It's on the runabout."

"Okay, I've got something else. Hold on a second." He returned a minute later, glass jar in hand. "Take off your shirt."

Kathryn's jaw dropped.

"If you want me to treat those burns, you're going to have to take off your shirt."

She tried to keep the look of scepticism firmly in place, but the pain was sneaking through. "Turn around." Once sure he'd averted his eyes, Kathryn stripped off both her shirt and the tank top under it, laying her naked chest against the soft cotton blanket covering the tent floor. "Okay, I'm ready."

Chakotay turned around and gasped.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing." It wasn't nothing; large lesions extended down her shoulders, connecting with equally raw skin at her waist. Opening the jar, Chakotay dipped his fingers into the thick salve.

"What is that stuff? It smells like a tree."

"Nadie made it. She says it's to sooth sore muscles and heal wounds." Gingerly he applied the grey slime to one of the marks on her shoulder. Her sudden drawn breath made him pause. "Am I hurting you?"

"No. It's a bit cold, though."

Gently, he rubbed it into her shoulder. "Sorry."

"Don't be. It feels good, actually."

He moved over to her other shoulder, smothering the angry skin in healing balm. Next he moved to her waist, covering the tracks there too. "Okay, all done." He reached for her shirt, but could feel its dampness. "You're not putting a wet shirt back on. Let me give you one of mine." He rummaged through his pack, pulling out a soft cotton pullover. "Here, put this on."

Kathryn eyed it doubtfully, but she had no desire to put her own wet garment back on. "Alright." Waiting for him to turn his eyes once again, she slipped it on.

"Give me a hand with the sleeves?"

Turning back to face her, Chakotay laughed. The sleeves were hanging down covering her hands. Taking one then the other, he rolled the shirt back, giving her use of her hands once more.

"Okay Chakotay, time for me to return the favour."

"It's alright Kathryn, my shoulders are okay."

"I believe Nadie said something about soothing muscles? Lie down, Mister."

Prostrating himself, Chakotay muttered, "You're not my commanding officer anymore, you know."

"I'd forgotten; you're a civilian." This revelation didn't stop her from straddling his back and getting comfortable.

"It's not a dirty word, you know."

Kathryn dipped her fingers into the jar, rubbing her hands together to warm the salve before applying them to his shoulders. "I know Chakotay, I guess I just never imagined you settling down."

"Eventually everyone has to retire. Besides, settling down doesn't mean slowing down. What did you think? That I'd stay in Starfleet once we got back?"

"The thought had crossed my mind."

"Kathryn, after serving with you on Voyager, anything they could have offered would have been a step down. We got back from the Delta Quadrant. How can you top that?"

Her answer was small; he had to strain to catch it. "You can't."

He waited a moment, enjoying the back rub before speaking again. "Are you still happy in Starfleet?"

She sighed, pausing a moment in her ministrations. "I thought I was. But Vulcan was a place to run to, to get away from Earth, and from Mark more than anything else. It hasn't captured my attention the way my other assignments have."

"That might not be a bad thing. It gives you a chance to be something other than single-minded Captain Janeway."

She pondered that for a moment, moving her hands in slow circles over his back. "I don't know Chakotay. I've lost the passion for my job."

"You've been going non-stop since I met you. Maybe all you need is a break."

"Are you suggesting I take a vacation?"

Chakotay shrugged beneath her. "It's not such a terrible idea. At the least it would give you a chance to think over some things."

She still wasn't sold on the idea. "But where would I go?"

"Risa?"

Snort.

"Alpha Centuri?"

"Too close to home."

"What about Bajor? It's still considered a backwater by a lot of people."

"I'm sure Colonel Kira would love to hear that."

"What?" Chakotay wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.

"Nothing, next."

"Well, what about coming back to Boranous with me? It's a beautiful planet, lots of lakes and forests. And I'm sure I could convince Nadie to cook for you."

"Hmm. Not a bad idea. At least there I could pick your brain about what to do with my life. I don't get that on Vulcan."

"No, but there you can pick Tuvok's brain."

"Not anymore. He's gone back to teaching at the academy."

"So? Boranous then?"

"Alright. Deal." Decision made, she turned her attention to the man sprawled beneath her. She really looked at his back for the first time. Tight muscles stretched under his dark skin. As she looked closer, she saw several scars, reminders of a life well lived. She touched each one in turn; worshiping the tracks life had left on this man.

"Kathryn, why didn't you ever do this for me before? Your hands are wonderful."

She chuckled as she remembered the backrub he'd given her on New Earth. "I think we got distracted before I could repay the favour last time."

"Yeah I guess we did." Somehow the gentle patter of the rain, and the feel of her hands, and the lifelessness of Dorvan, and their separation, and a thousand other tiny and incalculable things combined to loosen his tongue. "I was getting distracted earlier. Your back is gorgeous. Scrapes and all."

Rendered speechless by his simple, yet beautiful comment, Kathryn's lips, too, were loosened. Leaning down, she pressed her mouth just below his neck.

In that moment the very air around them seemed to change. What had begun as an evening of reminiscence between two friends, melancholy and sombre in tone, had suddenly become personal and intense. The heat that had moved off with the rain returned, leaving both panting for breath. Or perhaps it was the heat their two bodies were generating, now leading them in directions that were more than friendly.

Chakotay rolled over, forcing Kathryn to hold herself on her hands and knees to avoid being unsettled. As soon as he was stable, he pulled her hips down, seating her on his stomach this time. Kathryn, for her part didn't miss a beat; she dipped her fingers back into the jar and started massaging his chest.

"I love you, you know."

His confession did nothing to slow her work, though it did prompt a small smile. "And I love you."

Sighing, he grasped tight to her thighs in lieu of her hands. "You know I followed you everywhere when we were on Voyager, and I'll follow you anywhere now."

Gently, she shook her head. "I'm tired, Chakotay. I don't want to lead anymore. But wherever you go, I'll follow. It's your turn."

Struck by her submission, he couldn't help but question: "And if I lead to Boranous?"

She shrugged, drawing deep circles on his body. "I'll go with you."

"And if I ask you to leave Starfleet?"

"They'll have my resignation tomorrow."

Awed by this new commitment, he whispered, "and if I go to Nadie and tell her I've found a wife?"

"Then I'll be happy the rest of my days."

"And if I want to lead you to my bed tonight?"

Finally she stilled her hands, using them to lower herself onto his chest. When her face hovered above his, she broke out into a grin, sparks dancing in her eyes. "Show me the way."

*

Later, as they lay together, bodies coiled, souls entwined, Chakotay whispered lazily into her ear, "So you'll marry me, right?"

Her response: a smile and a slow, negative shake of her head, followed by, "I just did."

A smile crept into his lips and eyes. "You're right, we just did." And he pulled her closer, submitting to slumber.

*

Dawn came, her light falling upon the two sleeping forms. Kathryn stirred, not used to the natural rhythms of a planet anymore. Her wiggling woke Chakotay, who once again pulled her to him. "Hi."

"'Morning."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Wonderfully," she purred before burying her head against his chest. A moment later, "Chakotay, you smell like a tree."

Grinning he returned the favour, taking a deep breath from her sternum. "Funny, so do you."

She laughed at him, at the tickle of his hot breath upon her, throwing her head back. It was then that she saw what lay around them. "Chakotay…"

The tone of her voice sobered him in an instant, drawing his gaze from her flesh out into the world. What had previously been a dead, grey plain, now held a thin carpet of green. She shivered, and he sat her on his lap, and wrapped a blanket around them both. All the while her gaze never wavered, fixated on the new life before them.

"You know who we feel like right now, Chakotay?"

"Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden?"

She chuckled at his answer. "No, their problem was they never figured out anything useful to do with their nakedness. I, on the other hand, have plenty of ideas about what to do with yours."

Chakotay nuzzled her neck in response. "Okay, so who do we remind you of?"

"Zeus and Hera. On the day she seduced him on the top of Gargarus and their potency caused flowers to bloom under them."

Chakotay looked out on the fruits of their labours. "Um…potent, eh?"

"Very potent."

"And you do make a beautiful Goddess…"

"And you a wonderful God. But we do have things to do today."

"Like?"

"I believe I have a letter of resignation to write."

"Mmm…yes, I guess you do. And we should plan some sort of reception or something to celebrate our new marriage."

"And I have to take the runabout back to Deep Space Nine."

"Then let's get moving. I can't wait to take you home to Nadie."

"Let's go home, Chakotay."

End