Okay, all. Since the rest of my stories haven't gotten the greatest reception, here's something on a lighter note.

Hey. My name's Alton Karr, son of Apollo. I live at Camp Half-Blood, or, as we demigods call it, Camp.

I'm gonna be teaching you a bit about how to survive your first year as one of us. Gods know it's hard enough when the rest of the campers 'try' to help you, but once the monsters, Titans, Mr. D, and the Stolls are finished with you, you might just long for Asphodel. This is the complete and comprehensive guide to all things demigodly.

First of all: If you can read this, you must be a demigod. (AN: I, Jake Siaki, Champion of Nike, have copied the words over to a different format so mortals can read it. There's no chance, of course, that any of you will actually believe that any of it is true. Even after saying that. Or that.) Because the Mist has been used on all copies of this guide so only those with ichor in their veins can read it.

Secondly, to be a demigod, first of all, means one of the Ancient Greek gods or goddesses must be one of your parents. The other one, the one you know, was a mortal who the god fell in love with. And had you. (Note: To learn about how exactly you were born, this is not the book.)

So after you're finished with your self-denial, the next thing to know is this: your godly parent will claim you by the age of thirteen. If you're older than thirteen and don't know who your godly parent is, contact Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon, and he will speak to the Olympian council.

Claiming you works like this: a hologram of the god's symbol of power will appear above your head for a few seconds. Then you will be placed into the cabin corresponding with your godly parent. All the campers in the cabin are your half-siblings, don't bother getting a crush.

Until you're claimed, however, you will be placed in the Hermes cabin. The Hermes cabin takes in all unclaimed demigods, since Hermes is the god of travelers.

Okay. There're the basics. Now we can get on to the surviving part.

First of all: some ground rules.

1. Do not go into the Big House without reason.

2. Do not call Mr. D, who, by the way, is Dionysus, 'the Wine Dude'. Else he will turn you into fancy wine.

3. Do not, for any reason, go within fifty feet of the Ares cabin. Unless you're an Ares camper. Because they have live land mines planted in random places.

4. Try to avoid getting the Ares campers mad, unless you're one of them. Also try to avoid talking to them, touching their stuff, looking at them, and going near them.

5. If at any time, any god other than Mr. D approaches you, drop on one knee and keep your head respectfully bowed. Until they ask you to rise.

6. If you need assistance with homework or some such, don't ask the Athena campers for straight answers. They hate that.

7. Every night sacrifice some of your meal to the gods in one of the braziers.

8. Don't go into the forest alone.

Okay. If you can remember those rules, you're good.

Here are some more in depth instructions.

Olympus is in the Empire State Building, six hundredth floor. The security guard in the lobby will need some sort of proof that you're a demigod.

Your godly parent doesn't care about you. Get over it.

During training, just practice; don't try to beat someone up, else you'll end up looking stupid. On another note, during Capture the Flag: yes, those weapons are real, and yes, people do get hurt. But don't worry! In the last decade, only seven half-bloods have died from Capture the Flag! During the game, try to avoid the Ares campers. See Ground Rule 4.

Do not go up to any of the Seven and try to get them to use their powers. Because they're tired of it. However, Leo might be willing to help you with building something.

If you touch Maimer, you die. See Rule 4.

If you get a quest, first you will go to the Oracle. She lives in a cave, a really cool cave, and she hosts the spirit of the Oracle of Delphi. When she is spewing green smoke, don not panic, else you won't hear the prophecy. And she never repeats anything. You will usually be allowed to choose two companions to go with you on the quest. Choose wisely.

And that brings us to monster fighting! This is a guide to monster fighting, mostly from the experiences of Percy Jackson, Son of the Sea God.

Minotaur

The Minotaur is the son of ancient sorceress Pasiphae, (pa-sih-fy), and man from the neck down. His head is a bulls'.

Strengths: Super strength. He once picked up a limo and flung it at least a hundred feet in the air. And his sense of smell is incredible. Also, he (usually) wears strong Greek armor, so you have to be fast to get in a hit. (Unless you have the Achilles' Curse, which I do not recommend trying for.)

Weaknesses: Stupidity. He's also slow. Clumsy. Pretty uncoordinated. Also his sight and hearing are terrible.

How to bring him down: If he's mostly naked, you can use that to your advantage. Hitting him with something sharp is the accepted way to defeat monsters here at Camp. If he's armored; not much we can tell you. Percy made him charge against his own axe by irritating him, then tipping his dying body off a bridge. But then, he was invincible.

Fury

The Furies, or The Kindly Ones, are bat-winged, hag-bodied torturers of Hades. They're not evil, though; they serve Hades alone. Luckily, there are only three of them.

Strengths: They regenerate almost instantly, since Hades keeps them from going to Tartarus. They have super boiling hot fiery whips that they use to torture the heroes they don't like. And they can fly.

Weaknesses: They don't wear armor, so one good strike should kill them. If you get it in. And they charge at you recklessly, so if you can use their strength against them, you have a slight chance.

How to bring them down: Hit them with something sharp…? Avoid the whips by staying out of range. DON'T TOUCH THE WHIPS.

Chimæra

This is a powerful monster. Two heads, lion and goat, then a snake for a tail. Son of Echidna, mother of the worst monsters.

Strengths: Deadly poison from the snake. Fire from the lion and goat. Super fast. Super strong. Super tough. Can become bigger than a house. Strong in the Mist.

Weaknesses: None.

How to bring him down: Don't even try. Percy Jackson, most powerful demigod since Hercules, wasn't able to. He fell a few hundred feet, burning, into the Mississippi. Just run. Far. And Fast.

Okay, that concludes the first chapter of How to Survive Your First Week as a Demigod! Hope it helped!

Review this. I know people are reading; please. Twenty seconds of your day could give me five minutes of happiness. If you're an author, you understand how great it feels to get reviews. If you're not...you'll just have to take my word for it.