Outsiders

We've seen some change

But we're still outsiders

(The Outsiders/Frantz Ferdinand)

VI

Whipped Cream

Next morning, at seven o'clock, Pansy was already in the kitchen. Her baking decision had been made weeks ago. Two words – fairy cakes. They had been an essential part of her birthday celebrations for as long as she could remember, a true classic in her house. If she closed her eyes, the memories of those happy mornings when she had been awoken by the smell of vanilla filled her mind. Her mum had kept the tradition going even after Pansy had gone to Hogwarts, and although it hadn't been as nice as birthdays at home, a box of freshly-baked fairy cakes had been a welcome present right until the beginning of the war, when the world around her had exploded.

The memory of the Slytherin boys, always on the lookout for the pastry-box as her birthday approached, made Pansy smile, and then made her feel melancholic. They had all been so carefree then, so unaware of what lay ahead. She chuckled, recalling how Blaise would do her homework for a week in exchange for a few cakes. The poor guy's mother never sent him anything homemade. In the end, he'd been luckier than most of them, since he hadn't been thrown into Azkaban, thanks to his mother's connections, of course. Pansy would have happily given up all the pastries in the world to save herself from Azkaban. Alas, no one had ever offered. Apparently, it didn't work that way. Her eyes began to water as the memories engulfed her. In irritation, she decided to focus on the task at hand. It was her birthday, for Salazar's sake. It definitely wasn't the right time for such nonsense as melancholy musings.

In her school days, she'd had no clue (and, to be honest, no desire) how to make her favourite cakes. Her priorities had been finding a rich husband and making connections, not cooking and baking. Alas, life hadn't worked out as she had imagined. Oh, well, if nothing else, during her three months in the bakery she had learned tons of recipes, and luckily, one of them had been for fairy cakes.

A few days ago, on a shopping trip with Remus, she had bought all the necessary ingredients. So this morning, she had everything ready, and after she got the range going, she began the preparations. It wasn't the most complicated process she had learned, but as with most old recipes, the batter had to be mixed by hand. Somehow, magic wasn't useful for that kind of thing. Combining the ingredients in the bowl, she began to mix them, gradually increasing her speed. The sun was coming up, and the kitchen was filled with that special shimmering light of early morning. There was something peaceful in making the batter, and she began to hum a long-forgotten tune. That was how Remus found her. His 'Good morning' startled her, and she dropped the spatula, which, of course, flew out of her hand and fell down onto the floor, splashing the batter everywhere. Shite! she thought, feeling her cheeks grow hot. She hated it when she blushed. Slytherins were not supposed to blush, for Merlin's sake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Remus said, picking up the spatula.

"You didn't," she said, trying to clear away the mess created by the flying spatula. Of course, right at that moment, the wand decided to misbehave, probably because its real owner was so close. "Did I wake you up?" she asked, seeing that it was only seven-thirty. Bloody seven-thirty! On Sunday! Honestly, what's wrong with this wizard! she thought, and said, "Was I too loud?"

"No, no, no," He shook his head, still holding the spatula and obviously having no idea what to do with it. "It's just … the smell. I love the smell of vanilla." He slowly inhaled and closed his eyes.

Unable to look away from his face, Pansy saw his nostrils flare. Somehow, the sight of him there in his pyjamas, with his eyes closed and his nostrils flaring, made her body react in a variety of unexpected ways. She wouldn't say that it awakened the butterflies in her (just because she fucking loathed that saying) but, bloody hell, something definitely had begun to flutter somewhere. Her fingertips began to itch: she wanted to trace his jawline and his slightly-open mouth so badly, and the fact that he was still in his pyjamas didn't help. By the time he opened his eyes, she felt hot all over, and it wasn't because the range was blazing. Still, she couldn't help noticing that the colour of his eyes seemed different.

"Your eyes," she said. "They are more amber today."

He nodded. "It's getting closer to full moon," he explained, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"Oh." Not appreciating the sudden change of atmosphere, she turned to another subject. "Would you like to help?" she said brightly, and batted her eyelashes at him just in case.

Remus, obviously surprised, blinked a few times, shifted from one foot to another, and finally said, "Well … yes … of course."

"I'll clean this then." She took the spatula from his hand and washed it. "Here, you can continue mixing the batter while I get the tins ready," she ordered.

Remus readily took the spatula from her and, though still looking a bit perplexed, followed her orders. After a few particularly awkward moments, when they bumped into each other and blushed, they eventually found their rhythm and started to work in tandem, filling the tins. The awkwardness yielded to the cosy feeling of Sunday morning, and although every casual touch sent a wave of heat down Pansy's spine, she decided to ignore the sensation. At least for now.

When the first batch of cakes was in the oven, and they sat down to rest, Remus asked, " So, what kind of cakes are those?"

Pansy stifled the urge to roll her eyes. "Fairy cakes," she said, and noticing his complete lack of recognition, added, "Please don't tell me you've never tried them."

"Well, maybe I have," he said. "I just can't recall." The defiance in his eyes made him look younger than usual.

"Yeah, right." This time, she did roll her eyes. "I doubt anyone can forget fairy cakes after trying them."

Remus shrugged. "And may I ask what's the occasion?" he asked, focusing his gaze on her, and Pansy thought that there was a mischievous flicker in his eyes.

The question caught her off-guard, and she muttered, sounding extremely unconvincing even to herself, "Because …well, just because, and it's Sunday."

"Hmm, I see," he said, with a small impish smile.

She'd had no idea that he could smile like that. "What?" Pansy narrowed her eyes.

"Nothing," he said quickly. "Oh, and I think the cakes are ready." He pointed at the range.

"Oh shite!" She hurriedly removed the cakes from the oven, and put another batch inside.

The sweet scent filled the kitchen. "Mmm, they smell so good." Once again, he inhaled deeply, this time throwing his head back, leaving her with a view of his neck and collarbone. She could see several scars, but the only thing she could focus on was his pulse point. Oh, how she wanted to press her lips to that spot. Merlin, what was wrong with her today?

"All right, it's time to whip the cream," she muttered, forcing herself to stop staring at the wizard. She really couldn't explain what was going on with her.

"Whip the cream?" The news caught Remus' interest.

"Don't tell me that you don't know what that is?" Pansy said, arching her eyebrow.

"As a matter of fact, I do know what whipped cream is. Actually, I'm very partial to it."

"You are? Wait a minute … I know. You've got a sweet tooth, haven't you?"

Remus nodded. "Guilty as charged," he said, blushing faintly. "I do like sweets. They're the easiest way to instant gratification."

"Well, that makes two of us," she said. Somehow, the thought of a grown-up wizard with a soft spot for sweets seemed funny to her. "All right, since you said you were partial to it – you whip the cream, and I'll prepare the cakes for decoration."

He chuckled and saluted. "On it."

It transpired that he knew how to whip the cream, and Pansy caught herself on stealing glances at him and wondering where he had acquired that particular skill.

"Where did you learn that?" she said, watching the precise movements of his hands.

"I had a friend … many, many years ago. She taught me," he explained quietly.

Immediately regretting her question, she saw that his face had returned to its habitual pensive expression. Inwardly cursing herself for asking, Pansy frantically tried to find something to distract him. It was her birthday, and she wanted to have happy people around. Was that too much to ask?

"I think it's ready," she declared. "Let me taste it?"

He stopped and extended his arm, so that she could taste the whipped cream from the whisk. She licked it and hummed, "Mmm," closing her eyes for a bit of dramatic effect. When she opened them, Remus's gaze was locked on her lips.

"It's perfect. Try it," she said. Slowly dipping her index finger into the cream, she raised it to his face. She knew that she was playing a dangerous game, but she wanted to erase that sadness from his eyes. After a moment's hesitation, he leaned towards her, took her hand in his, and, bringing it closer to his lips, wrapped his mouth around the tip of her finger. The warmth of his lips and the intensity of his gaze made her almost forget how to breathe. Her heart was doing somersaults, and it felt both scary and wonderful. She didn't know how long they stood like that, staring at each other. But when she felt his tongue touching her finger, she gasped and reached for his face with her other hand, but stopped a half-inch before touching him. Remus leaned into her touch, and she caressed his unshaved cheek. The wizard closed his eyes, as his lips slid over her finger and down her palm.

"Remus," she whispered and stepped closer, at the same moment noticing that Teddy was in the doorway, eyeing them with a huge smile.

She hastily stepped back and exclaimed with a nervous laugh, "Teddy, good morning!"

Remus let go of her hand, spun around, and picked his son up, saying, "Good morning, mate."

Teddy giggled, looking at Pansy, at Remus, and then at Pansy again. Remus kissed his cheek and said, "You sneaked up on us, you little mouse."

Still giggling, Teddy nodded and then looked around. Noticing the bowl with whipped cream, he pointed at it. Remus shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea to try this before breakfast." Teddy frowned and pointed at the bowl again, this time more forcefully.

"Well, he probably just saw you tasting it, you know, and before breakfast, no less," Pansy quietly pointed out, arching her eyebrow at the wizard.

"Yes, probably." Remus cleared his throat. "Oh well, I guess it's only fair," he said and let the boy dip his fingers in the cream. "So, is it tasty?" Teddy, still licking his fingers, enthusiastically bobbed his head. Remus let him dip into the cream once again, and his whole face was covered in cream now. Pansy couldn't help snorting.

"I think someone will need to wash his face after this degustation, and I have an inkling it's going to happen sooner rather than later." She gazed at Remus. "What do you think?"

Remus opened his mouth trying to say something, but Teddy bent down, scooped another dollop of the cream, and tossed it into his father's mouth, spreading it all over Remus' face in the process.

Pansy began to laugh at Teddy's antics. He was one mischievous lad, and for a minute, Pansy wondered if he took after his father. She had never seen that side of her former Professor. Yet.

"I think we'll both need a good wash after this," Remus said, having managed to swallow the cream. "All right, mate, let's go clean up." He put Teddy on the floor and took his hand. "We'll be back." He smiled at Pansy and ran down the corridor with his son.

"All right. I'll wait for you." Pansy chuckled and began cutting out the tops of the cakes, all the while wondering what would have happened if Teddy hadn't shown up. Her imagination ran wild, drawing pictures of Remus holding her face in his hands, caressing her lips with his thumb, kissing her. Distracted by these fantasies, she almost burned the second batch of cakes. Thank Merlin, the sound of footsteps brought her musings to a stop, and she took the cakes out just as Remus and Teddy walked into the kitchen. She noticed that they had both changed into their regular clothes (though she did prefer Remus in his pyjamas), and that Teddy was carrying a big brown bag.

"What is it?" she asked, somehow feeling curious and nervous simultaneously.

Remus took the bag from Teddy and offered it to her. "Your birthday present. Happy Birthday!"

For a moment, Pansy couldn't speak. She just looked from the bag to Remus and Teddy and back again. "But … how?" she said at last.

Remus' face lit up with one of those smiles she couldn't handle, when the crinkles around his eyes appeared and all his face beamed with kindness. "It's a teacher thing."

"A teacher thing," she repeated after him and took the bag. "I … mm … I need a minute. I'll be right back," she whispered and ran to her room.

Once there, she carefully put the bag on her bed and sat down. She didn't want to cry. Really, the last thing she wanted to do on her birthday was crying, but her eyes had a different agenda. It was idiotic to weep over a birthday present, and yet here she was, doing just that. It was all Remus' fault, of course. He was the one who made her cry, making her feel sad and happy and so bloody confused. Merlin, it would have been so much easier if she'd hated him …

A knock on her door made her jump. "Are you all right?" Remus sounded worried.

"Yes, yes, I am. Just give me a second." She heard him draw in a sigh and walk away.

Wiping her tears and blowing her nose, she slowly inhaled the fragrant air. (It smelled of fairy cakes.) Then she opened the bag, and found a warm beige robe and chocolate-brown lace-up boots. Caressing the soft robe, she felt the tears threatening to start again, but drove them away by inhaling deeply.

He'd done it again. The bloody wizard had once again left her completely smitten. Even if that robe wasn't the most fashionable one, and the boots weren't the most expensive ones she had worn in her life, they were still her first present from a grown-up wizard. Ugh, who she was kidding? They were her first present from any wizard. Full stop. It had never come to it. The boys she had known at Hogwarts had been just that – boys. They had been mostly interested in sex. Well, to be fair, everyone had been mostly interested in sex at that time. Then the war had happened, and then – Azkaban.

Her hands shook while she unbuttoned her ugly grey robe, but she managed. The new robe fitted her perfectly and felt heavenly. Before throwing the old one in the bottom drawer of the dresser, she checked the pockets and found the receipt for her mother's ring. Merlin, she thought. So much had happened during the last month that she had almost forgotten about the ring. Carefully folding the receipt, she hid it in the new pocket. After putting on the boots, she looked at herself in the mirror and almost began crying again. She looked … normal. Only her hair still reminded her of Azkaban, but apart from that, she finally felt like a human being again.

This time, she didn't allow herself to cry. She'd had enough of that for one day, let alone her birthday. She forced herself to smile at her reflection and walked out the door, though her eyes were still watery and her throat felt scratchy. Remus and Teddy were sitting in the kitchen, patiently waiting for her, though she could see that Teddy's patience was connected to the number of treats around him.

When she came in, Remus stood up. "Did it fit all r-" He fell silent, while staring at her.

Leaning on the doorframe, because his gaze was suddenly too much for her, she quietly said, "Everything is perfect. Thank you."

Remus cleared his throat. "You look ... You look beautiful."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome," he said, still staring at her.

Teddy, who had just finished another cake, decided it was time to fill the cakes with the whipped cream, took a spoon, and was about to dip it, when Pansy caught his chubby arm, saying, "Oh no, mister, no messing with my fairy cakes." He began to laugh, making them laugh as well and scaring all awkwardness away from the kitchen.

About an hour later, the fairy cakes had been filled with raspberry jam and cream. The wings were put on top of them, and icing sugar was lightly dusted over … the whole kitchen, courtesy of Teddy, of course. But looking at his happy little face and his bright orange hair, Pansy decided that everything was absolutely worth it.

Their breakfast gradually turned into lunch. After that, they ran around the house, playing hide and seek with Teddy. While he had his nap, Remus insisted that she needed to rest and cooked the stew for dinner. Surprised, Pansy agreed and spent an hour reading, and then they had a nice meal. Around eight o'clock, Teddy went to bed and Remus stayed in his room for about an hour, reading to him. He then came out and said that Teddy was demanding to see her. When she entered, he was already half asleep. She knew that he wanted his song, and she began to sing, and of course, he was fast asleep even before she finished the first verse.

When she turned to leave the room, she found herself looking at Remus, who had stayed, it seemed, to listen to her song.

"You have a beautiful voice," he whispered.

She crossed the threshold and closed the door, leaving only about a foot between them.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you again for everything. This day … it was …"

"Magical," he whispered.

"Yes," she nodded, "thanks to you."

Remus began to shake his head, but before he could say anything, Pansy wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.