Chapter 8

Duo stands silently with Trowa and Cathy on either side of him as he listens to the steady rhythm of the priest reciting the Last Rites to lay Father Maxwell to rest. The irony is not lost on him.

Trowa still doesn't look completely well again. He'll be recovering for a while yet. The burns and bruises are fading slowly, but he also lost muscle mass while he wasn't eating for over a week. The constant nightmares that are plaguing him aren't helping either. While he can't remember exactly what happened during the time that he was possessed, Trowa dreams of being encased in a cold so deep that it freezes his soul, leaving him drifting and helpless.

Cathy's also joined their group of insomniacs. She's confessed to Duo that her nightmares mirror his, memories of the demon screaming and cursing them both. She dreams of her own touch killing her brother, and him dying as the demon laughs in her face.

Duo dreams of Trowa dying, of Cathy being thrown out of the window, of the demon crushing his throat, and of falling and falling and never coming to a stop. He dreams of Father Maxwell forgiving him for not saving his life, and those are the worst ones of all.

Now, Duo blinks back tears and leans slightly to the side, until his shoulder is braced against Trowa's. The service is almost over, and then Duo is going to be forced to endure friends of Father Maxwell coming up to him and offering him condolences. He feels tired just thinking about it, but as long as Trowa and Cathy stand on either side of him, he'll get through it.

He does, though it's hours later before he's finally free to leave, and he's only glad that Cathy drove because Duo's too emotionally numb to try himself. "Sorry that took so long," he says, leaning his head against the car window.

"Don't be silly," Cathy says. "It's good that he was beloved by so many people."

Duo nods, but doesn't say anything more. He knows that Cathy wouldn't have minded waiting even longer. She blames herself for Father Maxwell's death as much as Duo blames himself. Cathy believes that if she hadn't walked into that church and asked him for help, Father Maxwell would still be fine. Duo can't stop thinking that if he'd just insisted on Father Maxwell not being alone with that demon, maybe Duo could have saved him. Even Trowa feels guilty that Duo's father died trying to save him, and that he doesn't remember it happening at all, even though Cathy and Duo have both done their best to try and reassure Trowa that he's not to blame for anything that happened while he was possessed.

Duo barely notices that they're at his apartment building until the car stops moving. He wants to crawl into bed and never come back out again, but he can't. Cathy and Trowa wouldn't let him. He's not surprised that the first thing Cathy does when she enters his apartment is walk to the kitchen and start getting ready to cook something.

He winces, and hopes that she's baking. Cathy's decent when it comes to baking, but a horrible cook. Trowa catches his grimace and snorts under his breath. "I'll take care of it," he promises. "Go take a shower."

Since that's his second wish after sleeping forever, Duo nods and proceeds to take a long, hot shower. He does feel better after, and pulls on comfy sweats and Trowa's old sweatshirt after he dries off. To his relief, when he walks back towards the kitchen, he can smell brownies baking in the oven, and Trowa's apparently ordered Chinese takeout for all of them.

Duo's not sure if he's hungry, but he and Cathy are trying to make a point out of eating regularly so that Trowa follows their example. He's still much too thin, but he's slowly gaining back essential body mass. Duo takes an egg roll, nibbles an edge, and somehow doesn't come back up for air until he's eaten roughly a third of the food on the table.

Eventually, he leans back, full, and busies himself with twirling his chopsticks around in the air while Cathy and Trowa continue to eat their own food at a more normal pace. "I'm quitting the church," he announces into the quiet.

As he knew it would, that makes both of them stop. It's a topic that's come up more than once since everything that happened. Duo watches Cathy bite her lip out of the corner of his eye. "Maybe you shouldn't decide right now," she finally says.

Which is a fair point, but…

Duo sighs. "I don't think I'm going to change my mind," he admits. "I was already thinking it over before- before everything, and now…"

Now, as much as Duo wants to honor his father's memory, he's going to have to do it some other way than following in his footsteps. If there's anything this whole experience has taught Duo, it's that he just doesn't believe. Maybe he's not an atheist like Trowa, but Duo still doesn't want to devote his life to something he constantly questions the existence of.

And if there's a bitter voice in the back of his head pointing out that God's never done anything for him, so why should Duo do anything for an indifferent deity, well…

Duo keeps that thought quiet.

Cathy believes. Her faith is stronger than ever, but she doesn't push. She and Trowa share a look, and then continue eating. "Alright, then."

And that's the subject dropped. Duo manages to keep his relief internal. He was expecting Cathy to poke and prod a lot more than that, but Trowa must have talked to her about it sometime earlier. Duo's grateful for their acceptance. It makes him feel better about his decision.

After they're done eating, all three of them burrow themselves into the fort they've built in Duo's living room. Though no one's mentioned it, Cathy and Trowa haven't been back to their house since that day. Duo's pretty sure they're going to sell it, even though they both grew up there. There are just too many bad memories now.

Duo's fine with them both sleeping here with him, all three of them in a tangled pile on the floor. It's comforting to hear them close by, though Duo knows that it's not a healthy arrangement, and that eventually he's going to want to enjoy a separate room with Trowa when he's more recovered. Maybe they'll all move into a bigger apartment together later. For now, though, this is what all three of them want and need.

Duo's wrapped up in a blanket, Cathy on one side of him and Trowa on the other, and even though it's cold outside, it's warm in here. The three of them watch some silly sci-fi movie, and slowly, they all drift off to sleep.

In his dream, a voice whispers in Duo's ear.

"Orthon."

He shivers.