TITLE: No Looking Back

AUTHOR: Jillian

FEEDBACK: Of course! My e-mail is [email protected] if you wanna send me something nice. Or mean. Whatever, it's all good. Oh, and review me here at the fabulous fanfiction.net, my second home.

RATING: PG-13 for "adult themes." You know, *raises eyebrow* the good stuff.

SPOILERS: Eh, everything up to X-Cops. Special things to remember are Millennium, Triangle, um, yeah, shippy episodes.

TIMEFRAME: Takes place after the case they go on in X-Cops. Which is mid season seven, in the winter.

ARCHIVE: If you'd like, you can archive it when I'm done posting it all. Please let me know, so I can go look at it. : )

DISCLAIMER: I don't won them, and I never ever will. But, since Chris and the guys at 1013 and FOX don't let them have any fun, I took em on a little field trip to go skiing. No copyright infringement intended. Suing me will be pointless, because I have nothing.

SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully spend a long weekend skiing in Vermont, where they end up confronting their feelings for each other. There's no case involved, just a vacation, some angst, and romance. Please read!

AUTHORS NOTES: Okay, ever since I went skiing up at Killington in 2001, I've been looking for a fanfics to write that takes place up there. So, I decided to write this. The descriptions are pretty accurate, as I was just there in December 2002. I had lots of fun, and if you're looking for a good ski resort, stay at Killington, more particularly at Pico. It's lots of fun. If you get a ski instructor named Doug, however, run. Run very fast. He's a weirdo. There's a character based on him later on, named after him. I'll give you more funny details on that in a later authors notes. Oh, and um, this story wasn't going to be chaptered, but it's a ploy to get more reviews. So review! And enjoy ;-) Oh, and the story switches POV's.

* * * * *

I walked into the office, seeing Mulder sitting behind his desk. He was on the phone with someone, and I listened in to his conversation. "Uh huh, okay, great. Sure. Thanks a lot. I'll see you tonight then." He hung up.

"Mornin', Scully." He said.

"Who was that?" I asked, snippily. I didn't realized how jealous the words sounded until they came out of my mouth. Not that I had a right to be jealous...

"Byers." He said.

"Oh." I replied. "What did he have to say?" I asked, the jealousy in my voice turning to curiosity.

"Scully, have you ever gone skiing?" Mulder asked.

"No, I haven't. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, Byers and the guys rented this big condo in Vermont for President's Day Weekend. They were going to go skiing, the place is right on the slopes, but they can't go. They're going to some Computer Convention in Manhattan."

"And..." I encouraged.

"And, they have nobody to take the condo. So, he offered it to me. I said I'd take it. I was wondering if you'd like to go with me... It's a big place, two bedrooms, big bathroom... Access to a pool and gym, and all paid lift tickets. We even get a free lesson." He grinned.

"I don't know... I've never gone skiing before." I hesitated. Why am I hesitating? A non-business weekend with Mulder... I should be jumping at the chance. Inside, I'm afraid of what I really want.

"I have, once. It was a long time ago, my whole family was still together... It's not hard. You'll have a lesson, and I'll teach you."

Well, this could be fun.

"Okay, I guess I could go." I replied simply. It was about a week until President's Day Weekend, and I knew the Bureau would be happy to have us out of here for a while.

"Great. We'll rent skis up there... Just pack lots of warm clothes. We can take off work Friday and Monday. We'll leave here Thursday night, the Gunmen had the condo that night too. I guess we'll drive, being that Vermont doesn't have any airports near the skiing area... Or any airports at all, really. It's a whole bunch of nothing." He grinned.

I nodded, and pondered this situation. I was going to live in a condo with Mulder for four days. Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night. Four days. I was nervous. I was actually nervous! This is silly. It's just Mulder. Yeah, just my partner. Just my best friend. Just the man I'm in love with. Oops. Did that slip out? I keep trying to not admit it to myself, but it's true. I know I love Mulder. There's nothing I can do about it now. I tried for a *long* time to make myself not love him, but it's impossible. Beyond being impossible to stop loving him, it's infuriating *to* love him. One minute he's ditching me, the next he's taking me out to play baseball. We kissed on New Year's Eve, and that was only a little over a month ago. We actually kissed! I mean, it wasn't a *real* kiss, but it was a *kiss*. Not really a friendship kiss. This weekend could be when my feelings for Mulder come out... He told me he loved me, but there's a difference between loving someone and being *in* love with them. Was he *in* love with me?

I didn't realize I was staring aimlessly until he made a face at me. It was one of those 'what's so interesting?' faces. I quickly looked towards the file in my lap. It was Tuesday. I had two days until I got to spend a long weekend with Mulder at a ski resort. What would it be like to live with him? I'd gotten a brief taste when we went undercover in California. He was a typical guy: messy, annoying, funny, fun to be around... He was everything all rolled into one incredibly attractive package. A package I wanted to tear open.

Of course, we were just friends. Best friends, yes, but nothing more. We hung out like friends, we went to grab a burger and a beer at Casey's Bar and Grill like friends, he looked out for me like a friend... Mulder was always there for me when I needed him. When I was battling cancer, when I lost Emily, and more recently when Donnie Pfaster paid me a surprise visit. I was ashamed at how afraid I was, but Mulder never made me feel like a less of an Agent for being afraid of Pfaster. I hate being afraid of anybody, and I usually wasn't--but Pfaster was an exception. Of course, after it all, who was there to give me a place to sleep and help me clean my apartment in the morning? Mulder. My best friend. Friends. Just friends, right?

Then what the Hell was that kiss about? It's still fresh in my memory. It was so perfect. The ball dropped, everyone was waiting for the world to end (despite the fact that the *real* millennium was still a year away..) and he leans in to kiss me. Meanwhile, the television is showing hundreds of people scream and cheer and clap; it's almost as if they were clapping for us. I felt so wonderful, so utterly happy. He wished me a happy New Year and we walked off together, his arm around me. Not to mention the "I love you," thing. What was I thinking? "Oh, brother." There you go, the man I love tells me he loves me, and I say "Oh, brother." Smooth, Dana, smooth. Of course, there was the almost-kiss in the hallway, when I thought I was transferring to Salt Lake City. New Years was different, though. It was the first time there was any romantic contact of any kind when Mulder *didn't* think I was leaving, sick, or dying.

I shake myself out of my daydreaming when I realize I've been staring at the file for five minutes and haven't read a thing. It was paperwork for our last case, when the COPS crew had followed us around. It seemed like things got stranger and stranger for Mulder and I. This daydreaming was insane, it wasn't like me. I'm more controlled than that, I never daydream about *anybody*. Why was Mulder the exception to that rule? Why didn't I have the courage to tell him I loved him? Why was it all of a sudden mattering? Because I was about to spend a long period of time alone with him, not on a case? That must be it. I tried not to think about it, but I knew it would take effort.

What would take more effort, however, would be not dying of suspense between that moment and Thursday evening.

* * * * *

I'm sitting in the car with woman who is more important to me than anyone in the world. I'm going to be in this car with her for about nine hours. The woman beside me in this car is Dana Katherine Scully. Dana Scully agreed to spend a non-business related weekend with me. There really is a God.

Actually, I don't know why I'm so surprised. I knew she'd come with me. I don't mean to sound pompous, but I know Scully and I are best friends. I love her, I'm in love with her, and I love being with her. My intentions this weekend are nothing but honorable, and they always were. Don't get me wrong, there hasn't been a day in years that I haven't wanted my intentions to be dishonorable. I could never disrespect Scully, I would have to wait until I was sure she wouldn't be offended. She never actually told me she loved me, so who was I to assume she did? What if I told her I was in love with her and she didn't feel the same way? Things would be awkward and I'd lose my best friend. I'd lose my everything.

Of course, we kissed on New Year's Eve not too long ago. It was a kiss, the fireworks kind of kiss. I mean, it wasn't a passionate kiss, but it wasn't a friend kiss. Our lips lingered together for a long time... It was amazing. It was powerful, and it was just a New Years kiss on the lips. I can barely imagine how powerful a *real* kiss with Scully would be... How amazingly powerful making love to her would be...

I realize I haven't said anything in a while. We're exiting DC now. It's a Thursday, and it's noon. We cut out of work early, being the rebels that we are. We should be in Vermont by nine o'clock at night if we don't get lost. I look over at her briefly, before looking back to the road. She looks happy, content, just sitting there. I look again and catch her looking at me. She smiles faintly and looks back ahead of her.

"So did you pack a lot of warm clothes?" I ask. Smooth Mulder. I sound like a mother. Next thing you know I'll yell at her to zipper up her coat and wear her scarf.

"Yes, I did. I even found a ski jacket at my Mom's house. Missy was into skiing for a while after college. It's hers... I couldn't find her skis, though. We're renting up there, right?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"I've never gone skiing... I'll bet you twenty bucks I land on my ass within twenty minutes of putting the damn things on." Scully smiled.

"C'mon, Scully, I'm sure you'll be good at skiing. If you have enough balance to run in those heels everyday, you should be able to handle skis just fine." I smile back.

I love to see Scully smile. I keep looking at her, because the smile lingered on her face. She looks beautiful, as always. She's wearing jeans, something kind of rare for me to see. She has on this blue, turtleneck sweater that brings out her eyes. We've been spending a lot of time together lately, as friends, just hanging out. I love spending time with her. Now that so many of my questions were answered, and I put my search for Samantha at rest, I can direct most of my attention elsewhere. What better place to direct that attention than right at Scully?

* * * * * *

Mulder and I switched places driving a while back. I'd been driving about four hours, when I reached Vermont. Mulder had fallen asleep beside me, and a little while after reaching Vermont, I woke him up. I wasn't really sure where I was going, and I needed him to navigate for me while I drove.

"Mulder," I said, trying to rouse him. "Get up."

"Mm," He murmured, opening his eyes. "Yeah, Scully?"

"I need you to help navigate to the mountain area." I said.

"Sure." He replied.

So, about forty-five minutes later, we pulled into a parking lot. The ski resort, Killington, had seven peaks. Six were all connected, and the seventh was a few miles down the road. That's where we were staying. It was a smaller mountain called Pico, but our lift tickets would work anywhere at the Killington resort. The condo was right off the slopes at Pico, and we had lessons scheduled for the morning.

"You head inside, Scully. Make sure the heat is on in the condo and I'll take in the stuff." Mulder said.

"Let me take something in." I protest, not wanting him to carry in all of my stuff.

"Scully, I got it, really. It's no big deal." He smiled.

"Okay." I shrug. "Which condo is ours?" Ours. I never thought I'd ask Mulder 'Which condo is ours?' It sounds like we're a couple...

"F-7." He says, pulling me out of my daydreaming.

"Okay." I say.

I walk to the condo, admiring the surroundings. There's about a foot of snow on the ground, but the parking lot is plowed. There mountain peaks are visible, but none of the lifts are running since it's night time. It's a lot colder in Vermont than it was in DC, and I shove my hands in my coat pocket to keep warm. I'm suddenly very glad I packed a lot of warm clothing. I reach the condo, and fumble with the key Mulder had handed me. When I open it, I'm happy to find that the heat is on.

I realized then that I was very happy to be in a condo and not a cabin. Cabins, and snowstorms in general, bring back memories of my ex-boyfriend, Jack Willis. Don't get me wrong, I cared about Jack, and I really thought I loved him. I didn't realize then that I was just craving an authority figure, and my instructor at Quantico fit that description perfectly. I must say, I was happy to see him again, which was so long ago... Long before I knew how much I loved Mulder. When whatever happened to Jack happened, I didn't want to believe it. No matter how long it had been, I had cared about Jack. On our vacation, Jack and I did no skiing. He had other things on his mind... Things I was wishing Mulder would have on his.

I take off my coat and shoes, kicking the snow off of them. I walk inside the condo, admiring it. The first thing you see from where I've walked in is the laundry room. That takes you to a hallway. On the right is a bedroom, and then the hallway opens up on the left for the kitchen. It's not a big kitchen, but big enough. It has all the typical kitchen appliances, and there's a round wooden table to eat at. From there, it opens into a big living room with a pullout couch and a fireplace. On the right of the living room, there's a door leading into a bedroom bigger than the first one. At the far end of the house in the living room, there are sliding glass doors. They lead to a patio facing the ski slopes, and you can ski from the patio to the lift. The view is lovely, and you can see the entire mountain. I was looking out as I heard Mulder enter.

"It's a beautiful place, Mulder," I said, turning to see him. The condo isn't as beautiful as he is, though. He takes off his black leather jacket, and underneath he's wearing a black ribbed turtleneck. I always thought men in turtlenecks were sexy, but *Mulder* in a ribbed turtleneck... That's beyond sexy. It clings to his form, showing off how in shape he is. With that, the black jeans, and the jacket, he is definitely tall, dark, and handsome.

"Yeah, Scully, it is. Nice view." He nodded towards the sliding glass doors.

I help him with the luggage. He insists I take the larger bedroom, so I do. Besides the luggage, there is a bag of groceries. I'm surprised Mulder packed groceries, but very impressed. I open up the bag on the kitchen table and take out the contents. Hot chocolate mix. Marshmallows. Two bottles of wine. A six pack of beer. A can of coffee, and a box of tea bags. Milk. I took out the other assorted items along with it.

"At least there's something nutritious in here," I say quietly, to myself, as I take out the milk.

Mulder walked back out of his bedroom, and over to the table.

"You hungry, Scully?" He asked.

"Yeah, actually, I am." I said, not realizing it until he asked me.

"You want to order in something?" He asked.

"Sure, um, how about Chinese?" I ask.

"Sounds good to me." He said. He looked around the condo and found a pamphlet with all the area restaurants menus. He found a nearby Chinese food place and called them up.

I sit down on the couch, and after he hangs up the phone he joins me. Casually, he flips on the television, channel surfing. After a while, he finds the science fiction channel. They're showing some B-Movie about aliens.

"Oh yeah. Nothing like a movie with poor acting and special effects to end a long day of driving." Mulder smiled.

"See, now I would think you'd hate this stuff. It gives us a bad name." I said.

"Actually, I hardly ever watch alien movies anymore. It's no fun once you've seen 'em for real." He grins.

I watch as the couple on screen pulls up to a cliff in their car. The guy looks at the girl, a young blonde with bright blue eyes. He's trying to kiss her, but she keeps telling him she isn't sure about this.

"This is *so* cliché." I smile. "She's going to listen to this guy, and start making out with him in the back-seat. Then, the aliens will come. They always wait until the couple starts making out to show up."

"Well then, maybe if we want proof of the existence of extraterrestrials, instead of chasing them around, we should just make out in my car down at Lover's Lane and wait for them to come to us." He teases, laughing quietly. I smile, trying desperately to think of a witty comeback.

"If only it were that simple." I said, without really thinking. What the Hell compelled me to say that? I should have said something like 'You wish, Mulder.' Or something witty. He doesn't say anything back, just looks at me.

"Maybe it should be." He finally says.

The knock at the door disrupts the moment.

* * * * * *

What was I thinking? 'Maybe it should be?' What would I have done if the Chinese food didn't arrive right then? Would I brushed the stray strand of hair from her face and kissed her? Would I have chickened out and mumbled something about the movie? Well, needless to say, the Chinese food did arrive just then. I pay the delivery boy and bring it inside. She smiles at me, as if nothing happened.

"Smells good." She said.

"Yeah," I replied, taking out the food. She walks over to me, and arranges her food on a plate. I look over at the wine. Chinese food, wine, and a crappy alien movie. A winning combination!

"Wine?" I ask, pouring myself a glass.

"Yeah, please." She replied.

We sit down at the table and eat the food, making small talk about our last case. The entire time, I find myself staring at her as she eats. Watching her, looking contentedly at her eyes or her hair or her lips. Soon enough she's clearing the plates, leaving the wine glasses on the table.

"Okay, Mulder, so maybe the gay couple was funny, but the COPS crew was annoying." She says, referring to our last case.

"C'mon, Steve and Edie made up for all of that. You should have seen your face when they started talking about their problems in the bedroom." I smiled.

"I was just afraid you weren't going to be able to hold in the laughter any longer." She said. "I could see it in your face, that you just wanted to laugh but you knew you couldn't."

"Oh, and you didn't want to laugh when they started crying?"

"Mulder! They were *crying*!" She said, in mock anger. "It's terrible to laugh at somebody else's misfortunes."

"Tell me you didn't want to laugh." I said again.

"Okay, so we're terrible people. Big deal." She smiles, walking back to the table.

I fill both of our glasses back up to the top with wine. I take mine and head back to the couch, and Scully follows me. It's almost eleven o'clock now, and I'm growing tired. The movie is ending, and the kids have been returned from their adventure, rambling about bright white lights and tests.

"Mulder," She begins. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Don't thank me." I said, smiling. "It's not like I have any other friends. Besides, I wanted to spend time with you." I said. Is this going to lead to another awkward moment?

"Yeah, I wanted to spend time with you, too." She said taking another sip of wine. I do the same.

"Well, I hope it's fun." I said.

"It's already fun." She said.

"Yeah, you're right." I replied.

"So, you still remember how to ski?" She asked.

"Um, not really. We'll take lessons together." I said. "Maybe I'll remember everything, maybe I won't."

"You know what?" She asked. "Ever since Antarctica, when we were freezing out in the snow, I've hated the cold. Hated it. Hypothermia is *not* fun." She smiled.

"It's more fun than an alien virus, though." I teased.

"Yeah, you're right about that."

"So you came out in the cold anyway?" I ask.

"What are friends for, Mulder?" She asked, finishing her glass of wine. I had absent-mindedly finished mine too.

"That, was some good wine." Scully said. "I'm tired, Mulder." She smiles at me, and spends a while just looking at me. Finally, she gets up and heads towards the bedroom.

"'Night, Mulder. I'm glad you convinced me to come out in the snow." With a smile that I couldn't read, the enigmatic Agent Scully left the room.

When I could speak again, I called out a "Good night, Scully." to her.

I turn my head to the snow falling outside the window. I can't wait until she's awake again.

* * * * * *

Much more to come, I promise!
-Jillian