Chapter 1: Night 1, Humble and Humorous Beginnings

A/N:I do not own the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and you better be glad I don't.

Okay, I have to create a main character for this story...ummmm. How about a basic male anime guy? You know, skinny body, wears black shoes, blue pants, a tucked in white button up shirt, basic face, basic head shape, and spiky black hair. Got that description in your head? Not the head between your legs gentlemen, I mean the head where your brain is located. Using the right head this time? Good. Let's a go!

Our story opens up with this basic anime character going down a rickety industrial elevator. But what's his backstory? Why did he choose this job? What's his real name? Who are his friends? Does he even have any friends? When is his birthday? None of this matters though because all we care about are the animatronics and Purple Guy.

So anyway, Mr. Basic is going down this elevator to start his new job and-

"Hey, I'm the only disembodied voice who can antagonize our basic character"

Well well well, looks like the comical Hand Unit wants to poke fun at our character. I'll let him do his job while I merely narrate. Ahem, while going down the elevator our character heard a slightly robotic voice say "Hey, I'm the only disembodied voice who can antagonize our basic character", which took him surprise.

"Um, hello? Is someone watching me?" the black haired man asked.

"Well technically there are two people watching you, me and the narrator. Unfortunately you can only hear my voice and not the narrator's, but I can hear him"

The prickly haired man stared up to the ceiling in confusion.

"Let me start over. Welcome, to the first day of your exciting new career. Whether you were approached at a job fair, read our ad in screws bolts and hair pins, or if this was the result of a dare, we welcome you"

"We?" our bland protagonist questioned.

"We, as in the owners of this establishment, possibly Mr. Afton A.K.A Purple Guy, Ennard, the narrator, and myself"

"Wait, Mr. Afton, Purple Guy, Ennard, the narrator, and you? Who-?"

"Moving on" Hand Unit oh so rudely interjected.

"I will be your personal guide to help you get started. I'm a model 5 of the Handy Man's Robotics Unit and Repair System, but you can call me Hand Unit"

"Can I call you Handy?"

"No"

"Hand Man?"

"No"

"Handy Manny?

"Stop, before I remotely disconnect the cable holding this elevator, and let you fall all the way down this shaft to an untimely death"

"Sorry Mr. Hand Unit" the raven haired man apologized in fear.

"Please, no formalities. Your new career promises challenge, intrigue, and endless janitorial opportunities"

A touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of...hey Hand Unit, can I please make fun of this character? It's getting really hard to come up with different names for him without mocking.

"Fine, but I get the last slice of pizza"

Deal. Anyway, a touchscreen keypad suddenly flipped up out of nowhere in front of Basic McBasic pants, thus scaring him. And I'm not going through the trouble of even explaining how this...goofy looking, kiddie dinosaur touchscreen keypad appeared...unless it's attached to our character's crotch.

"Please enter your name as seen above the keypad. This cannot be changed later, so please be careful"

Basic Bob did as he was told and tried to enter his name in the keypad. But due to some unexplained glitches the letters kept spazzing out, which caused our character to enter random letters.

"It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying type, and I will auto-correct it for you. One moment. Welcome, Eggs Benedict"

"Woah, you actually auto-corrected my my name right!" Our character now known as Eggs Benedict said ecstatically...wait, what?

"Your real name is Eggs Benedict?"

"Yeah, my parents didn't have good baby naming skills" Eggs explained, or should I say...eggsplained.

"You really had to say that pun?"

Well I would've said it earlier if somebody read Mr. Benedict's job application.

"You said hire a guy that looked like a basic anime character, and I did just that"

Yeah, but when you hire somebody you don't ONLY look at his or her profile picture. You also read through his or her application to see what their NAME is, see what they're good at, and run their name through the criminal database. Which means if you had found out Eggs' real name, then I could've come up with some eggscellent puns.

"Fine, fine. I accept full responsibility for not providing you with his name earlier"

The basic anime character of the day kept wondering who Hand Unit was talking to.

"I'm talking to the narrator, who YOU can't hear"

Mr. Perfect Benedict wondered if the Hand Unit was crazy.

"No, I'm not crazy"

Basic Boyd wondered if he was crazy for taking this job.

"No, you're not...actually I take that back. Yes, you are crazy for taking this job"

Egg salad wondered if he should leave his new job.

"Sigh"

Hand Unit started getting aggravated at how the narrator kept reading Egg Benedict's thoughts.

"Can you stop doing that?"

How else is the reader going to know what Mr. Bend a dick is thinking?

"I get that, but you don't have to read every little thought. It gets annoying, and boring after awhile. Then there's the fact that by doing this you'll drag out the story even longer"

...Fine.

*BUUZZZZ*

A buzzing sound that sounded like an old dryer going off made it's presence known in the elevator, and came to a stop when the elevator finished it's descent. Then a moment later, a little jingle starting playing for a few seconds, which Hand Unit cut off by saying "You can now open the elevator using that bright, red, and obvious button. Let's get to work"

Eggs did as he was prompted, and pressed the bright red obvious button to the right of the elevator door. The double elevator doors opened to reveal a wall with yellow caution tape on it, and just below it was an uncovered vent.

"Crawl through the vent in front of you to start your new, and wondrous job"

"You want me to crawl through THAT vent?" Rafanata (A type of omelette usually made with eggs, horseradish, and cheese) asked, skeptical of if Hand Unit was serious.

"Do you want to get paid?"

Eggs Benedict proceeded to crawl through the vent.

"That's what I thought"

After a few seconds of crawling, Hand Unit decided to pester our prisoner.

"Allow me to fill this somewhat frightening silence with some lighthearted banter. Due to the massive success, and even more so of the unfortunate closing of Freddy Fazbear Pizza. It was clear that the stage was set, no pun intended, for another contender in children's entertainment. Unlike most entertainment venues, our robotic entertainers are rented out for private parties during the day. And it's your job to get the robots back in proper working order, before the following morning"

Right after Hand Unit's supposed lighthearted banter, E.B entered the main hub of this establishment.

"What do you mean my "Supposed lighthearted banter"?"

Banter means the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. Nothing you said was teasing in the slightest, it was straight and to the point.

Hand Unit rolled his nonexistent eyes.

"You are now in the primary control module. It's actually a crawlspace between the two front showrooms. Now, if you could ever so kindly go back the way you came and go home, we'll gladly welcome you back tomorrow night"

"...What? But shouldn't I learn how to do my job?" Basic Bill inquired in confusion.

"Don't worry, you'll learn all of that tomorrow night"

"Then what was the point of me coming down here tonight?" Basic Bullet Bill (Super Mario) pressed further.

"To introduce the reader to you, me, and the narrator. Plus the real life video game Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location did the exact same thing with night 1. In said game night 2 was the same as night 1, except it wasn't a short tutorial, and had more action"

"Wha-? Okay that's it! I'm not leaving until you tell me who you are, who this quote unquote narrator is, who Mr. Afton A.K.A Purple Guy is, who Ennard is, tell me why I'm here, and tell me what Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location is!" Eggnog shouted, wanting to start a fluffy kerfuffle of a soufflé.

"Leave now or risk not getting paid"

Since Khai yat sai (A type of Thai omelette) needed the cash for some unexplained reason that I don't care about, he took his skinny butt back through the vent and up the elevator.

"That went better than eggspected" Hand Unit joked.

Your egg pun was pretty bad Hand Unit, but omelet that one slide :)

Hand Unit sucked his nonexistent teeth, and some how walked out of the story in a huff.

What's the matter Handy? Can't take a little yolk...get it? Yolk, Joke? #LOL this is gr8.

Later that night Mr. Benedict was watching a basic anime. One where the main character is a skinny black haired protagonist who had a normal life until some random event happened which thrusts him into a world of magic, and Harem where all the girls fall in love with him. Yeah, basic.

A/N:Hope you liked the story, and if you didn't, feel free to leave a hate comment. I'll make sure to make you even more angry. Because as an old internet troll once said "If you have haters, you must be doing something right". Seriously, look at how many people hate Teen Titans Go, now look at the ratings. That show is doing something right :)