Joe O'Toole: A Time to Heal

"Son, I'm fine. Go. Have fun." With these words, Joe O'Toole ushered his son, Oliver, out the door.

Joe returned to the front room of Oliver's house, and sat down in the leather wingback chair. On the table by the chair was a cup of hot tea, a book on Rocky Mountain Parks, his new cell phone, and a small piece of paper with the phone numbers for Shane McInerny and Montaldo's. He didn't have the heart to tell his suddenly protective son that he already had Shane's number in his contacts, and that Montaldo's number was easily available on his phone.

When Joe was discharged from the hospital he had every intention of going home – to his home. Oliver insisted otherwise. He knew that his dad was still feeling a bit weak, was still taking strong antibiotics, and was still experiencing the pain of badly bruised ribs. "But really, Oliver," Joe exclaimed, "this isn't necessary." Joe finally capitulated when Oliver explained the alternative. Either Joe comes to his house and Oliver keeps the date with Shane or Oliver goes home with Joe and misses his date with Shane.

The last thing Joe wanted was to be the cause of Oliver's date delayed a second time. Oliver O'Toole was supposed to take Shane McInerny to Montaldo's for their first official date, when instead he went camping with his dad – at Shane's initiative. When Shane called Joe about the camping trip, she wasn't fully forthcoming. She let Joe assume that it was a mutual decision between Oliver and her and that she was just the messenger. Never assume anything, right?

Joe took a sip of the hot tea and thought about the first time he met Shane. He was looking for his lost son, and she was looking for a lost birthday card. She was gracious and warm. She had no idea the burden Joe was carrying. He had barely slept the previous night, tossing and turning, as he struggled to find the right words that he would need to say.

Then standing in the hallway outside the DLO, he caught a glimpse of Oliver – the shocked face, the anger and rejection in his eyes – and Joe felt pain of rejection all over again. As he had so many times before, Joe O'Toole put up a strong front. He took this jab calmly and with dignity. It just made the kindness of this stranger, in that moment, all the more memorable.

Much of the reconciliation that occurred between father and son took place at Shane's initiative. She was the reason Oliver called and agreed to meet him at the park that fateful day a year ago; and she was the reason Oliver agreed to go camping this past weekend. She not only initiated Oliver's going but also provided and packed his camping gear, and covered for him at work. Oliver betrayed a bit of his own affection for Shane as he recounted these events to his dad the night before they left for El Dorado Canyon.

Ultimately Joe liked Shane, not for what she had done for his relationship with his son, but for what she was doing for Oliver – bringing him back to hope – to life. The two of them clicked together. Joe understood the importance of being in sync with your mate - wanting the same things from life, valuing the same things, sharing an unspoken understanding. Right now Shane was a date and not a mate. But guarding your heart from the "un-sync-able" is crucial. That lesson was learned the hard way by father and son.

Joe also wanted someone for Oliver who would love his son singularly. Joe could see that Shane adored Oliver. Joe saw it in her eyes – the way she looked at him with love and respect. He saw it in her actions - her support and her selflessness.

His own wife's eyes were always looking somewhere else, to someone else. Whether your wife leaves for another place, such as Paris, or another man, such as Harvey Schmitz, the result is heartbreak. To have your own heart broken is bad. To have your child's heart broken is worse. Oliver had known too much heartbreak. No loving Father wants that for his son.

When Oliver's mom left Joe for another man and for another life – Joe put his personal life on hold. A part of him hoped she might return. Maybe she just needed time to grow up, to mature, to come to her senses. She would come home and say that she was sorry and had been foolish. The three of them would be a happy family. But that thought was usually fleeting. Then she became ill and was gone forever. There is finality to death that cannot be denied – not on this side of eternity.

Neither with their divorce nor with her death did Joe open himself to another woman. He certainly had opportunities. He was a good man and a good-looking man. Women at work, at the grocery store, flirted with him. He wasn't blind to it. After Oliver left, he once took a very nice lady he met through a mutual friend to dinner. He felt full before they even brought the main course. He didn't have the stomach for it. Oliver was reason enough to get up in the morning; hoping to reconcile with his son was reason enough to keep going.

The last fight with his wife had been over Oliver. His wife may not love him, do the right thing by him, but he insisted that Oliver be loved. It was one thing for her to slip off to meet another man and betray their marriage; it was unconscionable to neglect Oliver – just a little boy - in order to do so. Motherhood was a demand that she had no intentions or the ability to fulfill. Somehow it wasn't in her heart to be the mother which Oliver, which any child, deserved. You cannot give to others that which you do not possess within yourself. To Joe, that was the greatest tragedy.

Some men may view a wife's child by another man as the embodiment of that betrayal. Not Joe O'Toole. To Joe, Oliver was the one unexplainable gift that God had given him in the midst of this train wreck of a marriage. He embraced that gift physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Joe was Oliver's parent in every sense of the word. Joe loved unconditionally, guided patiently, protected sacrificially.

Joe had deeply missed his son during their long years apart – wondered how he was doing; what would it take to reconcile; when or if he would ever learn the truth about the past; and what would be the fallout from that truth. But now he was sitting in his son's house, at his son's insistence – waiting for him to come home from a date.

Joe chuckled to himself just thinking about how many times Oliver had retied his tie before leaving the house that night. He sat drinking tea, reliving moments he and Oliver had shared in just the past year – a lunch at the Mail Box Grille, the Dudley dilemma, a television commercial together. He especially considered his son's devotion to him on that mountain when he became so ill. Sitting there at rest, Joe closed his eyes and thought about how much peace comes with reconciliation.

Before he knew it the ringing of his cell phone wakened him. He must have dozed off to sleep. His cell phone revealed it was Shane's number. Joe answered with a quizzical hello. "Dad, this is Oliver. I just wanted to make sure that you were doing well. Did you know that pay phones aren't functional anymore?"

Joe stifled his laughter and assured Oliver that he was fine. After the call, Joe stretched and checked his bandages. The doctor said he was healing nicely. Truer words were never spoken. To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven– a time to heal. This was Joe's time to heal – to heal the breach with his son, and to be healed by the love that was reciprocated. No medicine could have made him feel as well.