Yoyoyoyoyoyo I'm back. To be honest, I don't know why because I have so much shit going on haha. This is a story I've been working on for a while, and am just now getting around to posting. Enjoy and thank you.

*It also revolves around the maternity and medical world which I admittedly know nothing about. I tried to google my way through this story, so try not to roll your eyes too much, haha.

Dr. Fitzgerald Grant was finally off of work. His twelve hour shift was weighing on him as he walked down the hallway of the maternity ward. He waved goodbye to a couple of his colleagues who had the night shift.

"Where is my husband." He stopped at the sound of a woman's strained voice in panic. His instincts guided him as he turned the other corner to see a woman being restrained on a stretcher. She had a gash on her forehead with blood dripping down her face. She was pregnant—somewhere in her eighth month—but it was hard for him to tell because of her size. She was fighting the multiple doctors and nurses restraining her to the stretcher.

"Ma'am, ma'am, for the safety of your child, we are going to have to ask you to calm down."

"Where is he? Is he dead? I need to see him." She kicked, wailing in pain. Fitz winced at the sound coming from her small frame. Her eyes locked with his as she let a bloody scream out of her core. He couldn't stop himself from running over to a nurse who was a part of the team pushing the stretcher down the hall.

"What is going on? How can I help?"

"Car crash, she's eight and half months, she has a broken foot and internal bleeding. The baby needs to come out now, and we need to see if there is any surgery to be done."

"Her husband?"

"ER. He was in the crash too."

Fitz nodded, jogging over to the stretcher. He took the woman's hand who was clenched in a fist at her side. If her eyes had hands they would have been the sharpest knives.

"Hello, what is your name?"

"Olivia." She said through gritted teeth.

"Hi, Olivia. My name is Dr. Grant. Your husband is being cared for by some of the best doctors in the country. You don't need to worry about him right now. Right now, I'm going to make sure that you are healthy and that your baby is safe. Okay? Do you think you can calm down for me?"

Her hand was squeezing his so hard that he thought it might bruise. She just nodded, tears streaming down her face. He saw panic set in.

"Great, everything is going to be okay." They wheeled her into an operating room. Dr. Cyrus Beene, who worked alongside Fitz walked in and took over the case. He gained her information from a nurse and began examining the situation.

"My good friend Dr. Beene is going to be your doctor. He is the best at his job."

"Fitz, what are you doing here?"

"I saw she needed help, so…"

"Nevermind." Cyrus was in high alert mode. He had to save not only the life of the woman, but also her baby.

"Mrs. Pope, you are going to have your baby right now. We are going to perform a cesarean section on you. The baby's heart rate is normal, and we have no indication of any threatening harm done. However, we need to remove the baby to make sure you are healthy."

"I want my husband here."

"I'm sorry but your husband can't be here right now. They are operating on him downstairs."

"Operating?" Her eyes widened and her grip on Fitz's hand strengthened. "Why are they operating on him, what is wrong?" She swatted a nurse who was trying to clean up the gash on her forehead.

"Everything is going to be fine. Please, do you trust me?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. Her bottom lip was trembling and he could tell that shock was setting in. She nodded the slightest bit of affirmation.

"Here." He took the bandage from the nurse. "Can I clean your face?"

She nodded again, and he carefully wiped her face and applied the bandage. He talked to her in low, calm tone about what they were going to do in the operation. He told her of the risks and percentages until her face was clean and bandaged.

"Okay, Olivia, we are now going to put you under some heavy anesthesia. You are going to feel groggy, and I don't want you to fight it."

"Now? You are… Right now? I want Jake—I… I want him to be with me. We have to wait?"

"I'm sorry, but every second we wait, the risks increase, Olivia—"

"No." Olivia pushed away and tried to fight him. The pain in her foot caused her to wince in pain. "I'm going to wait."

"Everything will be okay. You said you trusted me, remember?"

A nurse secured her wrists in restraints and they inserted the IV. The needle piercing her skin didn't even faze her compared to the rest of the pain she was feeling.

"You can leave. We have it covered." Cyrus motioned for Fitz to get out of the way, but Fitz didn't move. Olivia's hand was still gripping his with surprising strength.

Cyrus's voice snapped. "Dr. Grant."

"Sorry," Fitz physically unclenched her hand and backed away with his hands up in surrender. The woman's eyes connected with his in a panic as the anesthesia took over. He watched her eyelids droop and finally shut. Cyrus gave him a deadly look, so he knew he had to leave the room. He walked to his car parked in the parking garage.

He was tired and his fourteen hour shift was weighing on him as he struggled to stay awake on his drive home. Yet, the woman named Olivia stayed on his mind. He had to be back at the hospital at eight the next day, giving him four hours of sleep, so he tried to push all thoughts from his head and focus on getting some sleep.

/

"Good morning, Dr. Grant." Amanda, a doctor finishing her residency and assigned to follow Fitz around greeted him cheerfully.

"Woah, there. It's too early for that." He smiled kindly. Amanda ran through his schedule for the day and the latest developments over the night that he missed. "Hey, Dr. Beene received a patient last night. She was in a bad car crash. African American woman about eight months pregnant. Could you find out what room she is in?"

"Sure."

"Thanks. I believe her name is Olivia."

"I'll get right on it."

"Thanks, Amanda." Fitz knew that Dr. Amanda Tanner had a crush on him, and sometimes he used that to his advantage. He was a tall, handsome, divorced man and she was pleasantly attractive as well. He just had no interest in dating any of his co-workers. She came back within minutes.

"She's in room 841. Olivia Ballard."

"How'd she look?"

"She wasn't awake. Head bandaged, foot in a cast. Looked like a pretty bad crash."

"Her baby?"

"If you want, I can get her file…"

"No, that's not necessary. Thanks for looking into it for me."

"Anytime."

"Excuse me, I'm going to make my rounds." Fitz checked up on the patients he left the night before. As he finished checking up on everyone, he walked on to room 841. She was asleep, with the trauma from the previous night absent from her face. Out of habit, he went over to check her IV and EKG. He turned to her when he heard some rustling. Her wrists were still restrained, but she protested against them. Eventually her eyes fluttered open. She was fighting the wear off of the drugs.

"Good morning, Mrs. Ballard. How do you feel?"

"Water." She croaked, and he poured her a glass. He realized her wrists were restrained so he helped her drink it. As she soother her burning throat, panic set across her face. She looked down at her stomach and her foot and tried to move her restrained hands. "Where is… Jake, my baby… How did…"

"If I untie you, will you try to punch me like last night?"

"No."

Fitz unbuckled her wrists and she reached to feel her stomach.

"Ow, fuck." She mumbled as she felt where the surgery was done.

"I don't know the condition of your husband or child. I'm sorry, but I just walked in to check on you. Give me a minute, and I'll be right back." He patted her hand and left the room. Dr. Beene was walking down the hallway, towards her room.

"Grant. What were you doing in there?"

"I was just checking up on her."

"She is not your patient."

"I know that…" He had a respectable relationship with Dr. Beene, but the esteemed doctor was a stickler for rules and had little compassion or room for error for his co-workers. "Can I take her off of your hands?"

"Why?"

"You saw how panicked she was last night. I think she needs someone she feels like she can trust."

Dr. Beene looked at him long and hard, trying to figure out why he would be so insistent on a random patient. "Sure."

"Do you have her file? What do I need to know?"

"She was in a three car accident last night. According to the police report, the driver of the car ran a red light. A semi-truck hit the driver's side, and a sedan hit the front tire of the car on the passenger side. The driver of the car was Jake Ballard. He died early this morning, the doctors couldn't save him. Olivia suffered two fractures in her navicular and ankle. She also had a bad gash on her forehead form the windshield glass and a minor concussion. She also suffered some intense bruising along her chest from the seatbelt."

"The baby?"

"Two weeks early, but healthy. 5.7 pounds. We are pumping her with nutrients and running tests."

"It's a girl?"

"Here are the files. The front desk will have everything else." Cyrus went on to his next patient. Fitz skimmed the files before returning to Olivia. She was sitting up, watching the door intently.

"What room is my husband in?"

Fitz pulled up a chair next to her bed. "I'm sorry, but he did not survive the accident. He passed at 3:00 this morning."

Olivia let out a choked sob as the air was sucked out of her lungs. "Jake—"

"I'm sorry." He took her hand in his, even though it was crossing some kind of line in the doctor patient dynamic. "You have a beautiful, healthy baby girl."

She stared down at her lap like she didn't hear him. Her face went blank and she went silent.

"Mrs. Ballard." He gently squeezed her hand. "Would you like to see your baby?"

She didn't respond. She was zoned out, with her brow crinkled. She removed her hand from his and clasped hers together in her lap. He patted her shoulder and went to the corded phone by the door.

"Are you done testing Olivia Ballard's baby? Can I have a nurse bring her to room 841? Thank you."

Moments later, a nurse appeared with a baby swaddled in a pink blanket. Fitz thanked her and took the baby.

"Someone wants to meet you." Fitz smiled warmly as he placed the baby in her arms. "Here, hold her up like this." He positioned her arms to support the baby.

Olivia looked down at her baby, but made no comforting show towards the sleeping baby. She just looked at her with the same blank, dead eyes. Fitz frowned at her with the baby. She was still in shock from the news of her husband's death.

"I'll go give her back to a nurse." He took the baby back. "If you want to see her, just press that button by your bed for a nurse. Your husband was your only emergency contact. Do you have any family in town?"

"No." She whispered.

"Any friends? Anybody we can contact?"

"Harrison Wright, my co-worker."

"Write down his number and I'll have a nurse put a call through to him."

She wrote his number down and he left her to herself.

/

Olivia knew her team would be there in ten minutes tops. They were no doubt looking for her. She had so many things change in the last twenty four hours, and they were the one constant. Soon, Abbey Whelan, Quinn Perkins, and Harrison Wright were walking through the door.

"Liv, what happened? Where is Jake?" Abbey was immediately at her side. "Where is your baby? Where is Jake?"

"Jake is dead." She said with a flat tone.

Everyone fell silent. Abbey put a hand on her shoulder.

"Liv…"

"The baby is okay. It's a girl." She looked at them. "Where is Huck?"

"He's still working on the senator's security system."

"Good. Quinn, go back to the office and get make a list of everybody who could benefit from the weapons contract in his committee. Foreign governments, special interest groups, private individuals, anyone. Abbey, I need you to find out where Jake's body is. I'm going to have to stay here for a couple of days. Handle funeral preparations. I also need a copy of the police report. Also, run by my apartment and grab the overnight bag from the back of my closet."

"Of course." Abbey hesitated. "Liv…"

"Go."

"Okay." Abbey and Quinn left.

"Liv." Harrison walked over to stand by her bed. He took her hand in his. "What can I do?"

Olivia sighed sinking back into her bed. She looked up at the ceiling in silence.

"Do you want me to get your baby? Can I meet her?"

Olivia didn't respond. She heard Harrison leave the room and return a couple of moments later with a nurse and the baby.

"Olivia, the nurse said we could have the baby stay in here now. All of her tests are good. She was a tiny little sucker, but they are working on getting her weight up." The nurse set up the baby's bed next to her, and Harrison pulled up a chair. "Do you want to hold her?"

"No, I'm tired." Olivia whispered. She wasn't herself. Harrison could see that she was a shell at the moment. It was like he was looking at a ghost.

"Do you mind if I hold her?" He tried to keep his tone optimistic. "I want to introduce myself to our newest gladiator." She nodded slightly. "Then you just go to sleep and get some rest. I'll take care of her."

Harrison pulled the little girl into his arms. "Hey, you. Your mommy hasn't given you a name yet, so I'm going to call you little gladiator. Because that is what you are. A gladiator. Except they don't make suits in your size, so I guess that you are a gladiator in a diaper. Don't worry. You'll grow out of it." He continued in his baby voice. "My name is Harrison. That is a lot of syllables, but you are smart like your momma, so you'll get it. I don't know how to gladiate a diaper change, but I'll get it eventually too. I'm actually glad that you are here. Everyone in this town is a bloody Redskins fan. I know, it is tragic. But don't worry. Uncle Harrison is going to raise you right. There is nothing more American than the red white and blue New York Giants…"

Olivia drifted off to sleep with Harrison rocking the baby in the corner of the room and talking nonsense to her.

/

"How is she?" Abbey said a little too loudly.

"Shhh." Harrison pointed to the baby in his lap. He put her in her the crib next to Olivia's bed, and they walked out of the room. "This is scary."

"What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know. She hasn't said more than five words after you guys left. She is withdrawing. I've never seen her like this… She won't even name the baby."

"Why not?"

"I don't know! She won't tell me."

"How much longer does she have to stay here?"

"I talked to her nurse. She has two fractured bones in her foot, a gash on her forehead and some bruising. They had to do a c-section, so she has a scar from that. They have to hold her for three more days, but might extend that due to her injuries."

"This is not good… Has she eaten?"

"Yeah, I made her eat some Gettysburger and take a bath. The nurses changed the sheets… What did you find out about the crash?"

"Jake ran a red light and a semi hit his side head on. A second car hit the tire by Olivia's feet. Jake's at the morgue right now. I identified him and I'm working on the funeral. I've got to go back to the office. I just came by to drop off her bag. Keep me updated. Let me know when she wakes up."

"I will."

/

It was an unusually busy day for Fitz. He got so caught up and pulled away by deliveries that he didn't have a chance to see Olivia until the end of his shift. When he entered the room, Olivia was asleep. She was freshly showered and her bandage had been changed. He noticed how pretty she was now that the post-birth had been washed off. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun and her eyes were closed in deep peace. She had a perfect symmetry with her features and a strong facial structure. Her lips were plump and complimentary of her large doe eyes. There was a handsome black man dressed in a sharp suit holding the baby in the corner of the room.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Grant." He whispered.

"Harrison Wright." He nodded. "I'm her friend."

"How long has she been asleep?"

"A couple of hours."

"Has she named the baby yet?"

"No." Harrison looked back at Olivia, rocking the baby softly. "Can I talk to you in the hallway for a second?"

"Of course." Fitz walked outside and Harrison followed with the baby in his arms.

"I'm worried about her mental state. She seems—detached. I don't know if it is some kind of PTSD or… Is there some kind of therapy or something you can do for her?"

"I suspected the same thing. I can introduce a therapist to her, but it is up to her whether or not she will cooperate. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I think it is important for her to have friends around her so that she does not feel alone and has some type of normal. But don't overwhelm her."

"Have you seen women post-birth like this before?"

"Post-partem is more common than most people believe. But I think that Olivia's situation is unique. She has to deal with the loss of her husband along with this new responsibility. My advice is just to be with her and make sure she doesn't feel alone."

"Thanks, Doctor." Harrison nodded.

"I'm going to wake her and check her vitals." Fitz reentered her room and gently woke her. "Hello, Olivia. How are you feeling?"

She nodded, acknowledging his presence, but didn't respond.

"Mind if I check a few things?"

She nodded again, so he began his checkup. In the meantime, her daughter woke up, wailing. Harrison tried his best to rock her back to sleep, but she persisted. Her screams only grew in intensity. Olivia's eyes widened with fear.

"No need to worry." Fitz went and took the baby from Harrison. "She's just a little hungry. Do you plan on breast feeding or bottle feeding?"

"Breast feeding."

Harrison immediately felt uncomfortable discussing his employer's breasts. "I'll go find you something to eat that is a little healthier than Gettysburger and a little more digestible than the cardboard the cafeteria here makes."

Once Harrison left, Olivia turned to Dr. Grant. He held her daughter in his arms and was waiting for her to get in position.

"If you would rather I get a female nurse, I…"

"No, I just…I don't know what to do."

"Oh. Here, untie your gown and I'll show you how to do it."

She untied the string at her neck and pulled her gown down to expose her breasts. He placed the baby in her arms and positioned the baby's head. He guided Olivia in teasing the baby's mouth with her nipple. She immediately latched her mouth onto Olivia's nipple. Olivia gasped.

"It hurts, if you haven't figured that out yet. You will get used to it over time. The good news is that she had no problems with latching. It means that she knows you are her mother and has no development problems with identifying you." He smiled as he observed the baby's feeding. "Great. You are doing it perfectly. Have you thought of a name yet?"

"No."

"I don't want to rush you, but you need a name before you can fill out paper work, get her a social security number, place her under your health insurance, etc… Did your husband and you discuss it?"

"We thought it was going to be a boy." She said somberly. He saw the raw desertion in her eyes, so he didn't push it.

Amanda knocked on the door. "Dr. Grant, I'm heading out. Dr. Chambers just arrived. He'll take over."

"Of course. Thank you Amanda, I'll see you tomorrow." He turned back to Olivia. "I know that you have had a lot of traumatic things happen to you in a very short period of time. I want you to know that it is okay to ask for help. We have a team of highly qualified therapists who would love to help you through it. We also have support groups if you want."

Olivia was silent, looking at her hands.

"Mrs. Ballard…"

"I don't need a shrink." She said shortly.

"It doesn't make you broken to ask for help. You have a little girl to think about right now. She needs you to be at your best. Do you want to think of a name? Did you think of any with your husband?"

"We thought it was going to be a boy." She whispered. "I had this… Feeling," Finally the tears came to her eyes. She brought a hand to her mouth as she tried to swallow her sobs. The baby disconnected her mouth and began to wail. Fitz quickly helped her move her to the other nipple.

"Hey, it's okay." He patted her back softly. Her expressing emotion like this was progress. "Do you want to name her after anyone? Are there any names you find pretty? We can brainstorm. You can throw options out and we can come to an answer." Fitz grabbed a notepad out of his pocket and pulled out a pen.

Olivia was silent again, fidgeting with her gown. He feared that she was retreating again.

"Olivia…" He wasn't supposed to call patients by their first name, but she flinched at the name Ballard. "Why don't you throw out some names?"

No response.

"Okay, well I'll let you think about it. I'll see you later." He patted her hand and rose to leave. He thought he almost made progress with her, but they hit a brick wall. He considered calling in for a therapist to visit her, but that was something she would have to ask for.

After he left, Olivia tied her gown back and laid the baby across her lap. She wanted to name her so badly, but every time she tried to think of a name she became overwhelmed. The images of Jake as the car hit his side were coming back to her, and she just wanted to shut down. What kind of mother couldn't name her child? Those thoughts just added to her anxiety.

Eventually, Harrison came back with a sandwich from a deli outside of the hospital. She wasn't hungry, but she forced herself to eat for the sake of keeping her health up. Harrison was happy to hold the baby for a while, which helped take some of the stress off of her mind.

/

Olivia breast fed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day. Her nipples were raw and aching, but she was determined to make it work. Harrison was kind enough to leave every time the baby got hungry, allowing her to feed in privacy. Just as she was tying her gown back, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." She called out.

Dr. Grant entered with a clipboard in hand. "Hi, I need to check some things on the baby."

Olivia handed her daughter over to him and watched as he unwrapped her from her swaddling and toughed a stethoscope to her back. Expectantly, the baby started to wail at the cold object and shift in comfort. Fitz noticed how Olivia flinched and drew back reactively.

"It's okay. I would be more concerned if she didn't make a sound." He tried to comfort her. Being around newborns all day for the last decade and a half, he was never fazed by the piercing noise of their cries.

Olivia relaxed a little bit, but still seemed on edge.

"Here." Fitz wrapped her back up and set her in Olivia's arms. "Put her cheek against your chest like this. Skin on skin contact is the best comfort. It might seem too early, but she is already memorizing your scent and touch."

Olivia took a deep breath, seeming to calm herself over it. All day she had been thinking over the name. Anytime she thought of it, Jake's last moments came to her mind. She had to train her mind like a muscle to rewind further. Think about the times you had with him. She forced herself to think back so far that she fixated on when they met.

/

She was in a coffee shop in Alexandria, Virginia, and it wasn't her greatest day.

Although she was sure that Edison had better. Edison, the New York junior senator that she had been dating for two years proposed to her a mere hour ago. He invited her over to surprise her with a home cooked meal.

"Why are you doing all of this on a Tuesday afternoon?" She asked, slightly miffed by why he would be cooking chicken parma in the middle of the week, when he didn't really cook to begin with.

"I just thought it would be a nice surprise." He kissed her on the lips as he poured her a glass of wine. "And I know you can't refuse a glass of wine, no matter how early it is."

"Touche." She smiled. She liked Edison. He was a nice distraction from the stress of law school and the taking the BAR in two months.

As they set the table and sat down to eat, Olivia couldn't help but notice something different about him. He was staring at her more intensely and kissing her more frequently. When they finished, Olivia got up to clear their plates, but he took her hand, telling her to sit.

"There is something I want to tell you."

"Okay?"

"When I first met you, you were pretty young. I was worried that you would think of me as too old for you. But you gave me a chance, and we found this connection. I knew you were the one when you debated Nixon's political genius for the entire two hour drive back from our first date. And I know it now, as you are sitting across from me."

"Edison—"

"No, let me finish. You might still seem young. But I think you are also ready for this, because I love you and I know you love me." Edison got out of his chair and kneeled next to the table. She didn't even notice him reach into his pocket and pull out a velvet box. "Olivia Carolyn Pope, will you marry me?"

Her mouth fell open and she just stared at the ring he was now displaying.

"I know this seems soon, but I believe in us."

"I…"

"Am speechless?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Say yes, Liv."

Olivia looked at his warm brown eyes and to the ring then back to his eyes. "I can't."

"You can't?"

"I'm sorry." Olivia felt herself get nauseous. She didn't know that this was where he was heading. "But I'm only 23."

"You are about to be 24."

"That isn't the point. I'm too young for this."

"Well, I am 32, and I feel like we are ready for this."

"Edison…"

"Do you love me?"

"What?"

"I'm asking you to take a leap into your love for me. Do you love me?"

Olivia hesitated as she tossed those words through her mind. Did she love him? She didn't really know what love was, but what she felt for him wasn't necessarily bad.

"I—I don't know."

Edison sighed, flicking the ring shut and sitting back down in his seat.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"I can't marry you."

"I shouldn't have asked you so soon, I just thought…"

"Listen to me, now, Edison." Olivia stood up, her voice soft, "I'm realizing now that I am not as far deep into this as you are. I don't think I ever will be, which is worrisome because I really like you. I think you are an amazing man, which is why I have to walk away now. You deserve someone different, and if I were to stick around and wait some deeper feelings to arise, then I would be wasting both of our time."

"So… you are breaking up with me?" He rose as well, with his hands out in confusion.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Wow, this was awkward on her part. She awkwardly patted his shoulder, then went to his bedroom and retrieved all of her things that she had left there.

As she drove home, she expected to feel sad. Shouldn't she? She just broke up with the longest boyfriend she had ever had. A successful, handsome, sweet man. But she just felt relief. She felt like she was tunneling her life into something she wasn't and was now free.

She pulled into a café for a cup of coffee. Even though she only had one glass of wine, she needed caffeine to pull her head back down to her shoulders. The line was obnoxiously long. She was second in line behind a guy who was taking forever to choose his pastry. Out of nowhere, his elbow jutted out, knocking her cell phone.

"Shit, I am so sorry." He turned around as Olivia bent down to pick it up. "I didn't crack it, did I? I would hate to short-circuit your life."

Olivia looked into some beautifully pale green eyes. "I think I will survive." She said with a smile.

But that is where she met him.

In a coffee shop in Alexandria, Virginia.

/

"I, uh…" Dr. Grant pulled her from her daydream. "I know you said you didn't want to see a therapist, but I still want to leave these with you." He placed a pack of pamphlets by her bedside.

Olivia seemed to ignore him, looking intently at the baby across her chest.

"I understand your apprehension about seeing a therapist, but you need to talk to someone. Harrison, even. Hell, I'm here to talk to you about anything you need." He knew he was crossing a line, but he wanted to make her better. It was weird how protective he suddenly felt about this stranger before him. He watched her closely, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement, but he got nothing. As he rose to leave, she spoke.

"I don't know how to do this. I can't—I can't raise a child by myself." She whispered.

"I believe that you can." Fitz said honestly, sitting back down. "I don't think that anybody is prepared to be a mother. It is a learning process."

Olivia connected her eyes to his. "I just… Don't know what to do with her. What if I fuck up? I don't know how to raise a baby. It is unfair for her to have me as a mother—"

Olivia was becoming hysterical as she became overwhelmed. Fitz tried to calm her by rubbing a hand along her back. "Olivia, is it okay if I call you Olivia?" She nodded with a sniffle. He grabbed a tissue and handed it to her. "Olivia, when they brought you here last night, you were a mess. They had seven doctors trying to restrain all five feet four inches of you. If you could put one ounce of that strength and resilience into your daughter, I think she will turn out just fine."

Olivia smiled for the first time in twenty four hours. He watched her closely, ecstatic that there was some amusement across her face. She lifted her eyes to him for a prolonged moment of eye contact. "You don't have to stay here with me. You must have a busy schedule. I don't want to keep you."

"I'm here for as long as you need me."

"Are there… Classes on how to be a mother?" She asked, then quickly backtracked. "That sounds ridiculous. I didn't mean it like that."

"There are. I can get you the information on them. We have resources on everything you could ever want to know. All the way up to day care and toddlerhood."

"I would like that." Olivia smiled genuinely, and his heart soared because he knew it was because of himself.

"If you need anything, Dr. Chambers will be here. You know how to call a nurse."

"Thank you." Olivia smiled as he left. A couple minutes later, Harrison came in with Abbey bearing food from a local grocery store.

"Hey, Liv, how are you feeling?" Abbey asked cautiously. She didn't seem as frightened or dissociative as earlier.

"I'm fine." She dismissed. Everybody knew that she was lying but nobody pushed it.

"Your car is totaled, and I have some insurance paperwork for you to fill out when you feel up to it." Olivia held her hands out for the forms, which Abbey handed over. "Your phone was shattered on the floorboard, so Huck transferred your files over to a new one." She set the new phone on the bedside table and looked at Olivia with her lips pressed together. "May I?" She looked at the baby in her lap.

Olivia nodded, passing the baby over to Abbey.

"Oh, my god. She is gorgeous. She has your lips."

"Thank you." Olivia said slowly. "Her name is Alexandria."

"Hi, Alexandria." Abbey cooed.

"Where are we on the Senator's security system?"

"Huck tracked it to a foreign IP address. Quinn is trying to match it to her list. We should have an answer soon."

"Good. Where are we on the funeral?"

"It is set for Friday. He will be buried in Arlington because of his service in the Marines. The pentagon has personally seen that all costs are covered. I imagine that many people will show up." She cleared her throat. "He had injuries to his face, so we can't do an open casket. But if you want, we can have a closed casket visitation."

"No." Olivia shook her head. "I don't want a visitation."

"Okay. I'll imagine that you will have some visitors here tomorrow. His obituary was published in the Post."

"No visitors. Only you guys, Quinn and Huck."

"I assumed that much. I told the front desk."

"Thank you." Olivia sighed, taking a bite of food and signing her name on the form in front of her. "Harrison, get me the paperwork for Alexandria. I need to get her social and birth certificate."

"What is her full name?"

"Alexandria Ballard Pope."

"So she's taking your last name."

"Yes."

"Are you keeping his last name?"

"What?"

"Are you Olivia Ballard? Or Olivia Pope again?" Abbey asked cautiously.

"I… I don't know."

/

Fitz knew that he was late. He knew that his ex-wife would be livid at him for slipping in the back door of the auditorium twenty minutes late. His daughter Karen was in the school's play of West Side Story. She was Maria. He slipped into the crowded gym with a bouquet of daisies. He watched the high school students dance and sing around her daughter. She definitely got her voice from her mother. After the show was over, he found her with his ex-wife, Mellie, and his son Jerry.

"Dad!" She grinned as he pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, Karen. You were incredible." He handed her the flowers.

"Thanks." She took the flowers and turned to her mother. "Dad, can I go to Ansley's house? Everybody is going to be there."

"Who is Ansley?"

"She played Anita."

"How will you be getting home?"

"I'll get a ride there and uber home." She saw her dad was hesitant. "Please. I made an A on my book report for British Lit."

"That doesn't change anything. Be home by eleven." He gave in with a chuckle. "And if you are one minute late…"

"I know, I know. I love you Mom. Love you dad." She kissed their cheeks and pranced away.

Mellie gave him a look that let him know he wasn't about to enjoy the conversation.

"Jerry, go pull the car around. I parked on the last row." Fitz held out his keys to their oldest child, who was smart enough to know that the conversation that was about to transpire between his mother and father was not one that he wanted to be there for.

"I drove. I'll meet you at your house." He turned to his mom. "Bye, mom."

"Bye, honey. I'll see you Monday." She smiled until he was out of ears reach.

"You were late." Mellie's tone dropped to its lower octave that she only used when she was furious.

"I'm sorry. I got held up at work. I—"

"Need to do better." Mellie snapped.

"I don't see Andrew here."

"Karen isn't his daughter." Mellie scoffed. "I need you to make sure Jerry has all of his applications submitted. He is dragging his feet on Harvard and the deadline is next week. He still thinks that going to Virginia Tech will make his girlfriend want to marry him or something."

"Virginia Tech is a great school."

"Fitz."

"Okay. Got it."

"And Karen got asked to Prom."

"Prom? It's January. She's a sophomore."

"She got asked by a junior. Be sensitive around it."

"Anything else?"

"Try harder." She let her voice simmer for a second before adopting her deadly smile. "Have them back Sunday night."

"Goodbye Mellie."

/

TWO DAYS LATER

"I'm going for a walk." Olivia insisted.

"Liv, your foot is in a cast. You can't just…"

"Find me a wheel chair then." She fired back. She was beginning to act like her old stubborn self again. Abbey and Harrison noticed a distinct change in the last couple of days. She was communicating. She was holding her baby. She was slowly gaining life back to her eyes.

"Fine."

Ten minutes later, they were helping her into a wheel chair. When she lowered her foot off of its raised position a rush of blood and pain surged through it, causing her to gasp.

"Liv…"

"I'm fine. Shit happens." She muttered as she pulled her knit hat over her bandage, trying not to wince at the pain.

"It's freezing outside."

"Then you should put on your coat." She tucked a second blanket around herself and positioned Alex in her arms. It was her first time wearing real clothes, and even though she was wearing sweatpants a size too big and a hoodie, it was a welcome change.

"Ready?" Olivia nodded as Abbey pushed the wheelchair towards the door. Dr. Grant entered with a clipboard in his hand.

"Good evening, Mrs. Ballard. Where are you going?"

"For a walk."

"You really should keep your foot elevated."

"Told you." Abbey smirked as she backed her up towards the bed. "Abbey Whelan." She extended her hand towards Fitz.

"Dr. Grant." He accepted her hand. "I need to do some basic checkups again.

"So I can't go for a walk?"

"You shouldn't be out in the cold. Especially with Alex. She is very vulnerable right now."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Can we at least roll around the hallways?"

"I wouldn't recommend it."

"This place is seeming more like a mental institution." Olivia muttered, more of to herself.

"If you answer some questions for me, I might change my mind." Fitz held a stethoscope to her back. "On a scale of one to ten, how much pain has your foot been giving you?"

"Zero."

Abbey cleared her throat as her way of calling bullshit.

"Fine, three."

"Your head?"

"Two."

"Your abdomen?"

"Four."

"Has Alexandria had any problems nursing?"

"No."

"How many times a day have you fed her?"

Olivia sighed. "I don't know, twelve?"

"Fifteen." Abbey piped in.

"Fifteen." Olivia confirmed.

"Great. She is hungry."

"Can I go now?"

"Nope." He smiled patronizingly. "Almost done. How is your sleep schedule?"

"Nonexistent."

"Your appetite?"

"Normal."

"Would you like to leave here tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good. You will be discharged at three tomorrow. I'll have a nurse bring you the paperwork."

"Three won't work. I need to be out of here by noon."

"I'm sorry, but protocol is—"

"I have a funeral to attend." Olivia snapped, leaving Fitz dumbfounded.

"Oh. I'm sure we can make an arrangement."

"Can I go, now?"

Fitz bent down to her wheelchair and extended the leg prop. He carefully lifted her foot, which still made her wince and exhale as he set it in the holster.

"Go up to the top floor. There is a greenhouse that we use for therapy. Tell them I sent you." He looked around at her room which was now littered with expensive looking floral arrangements. "Although, it seems you are giving it a run for its money."

"Thank you."

"And one more thing…" He scribbled on his clipboard. "Tell me how much your foot actually hurts."

"Five." Olivia muttered as Abbey rolled her out of the room.

"You didn't tell me that you had such a hot doctor." Abbey gushed as she rolled Olivia to the elevator.

"What?"

"Dr. Grant. That man belongs in GQ, not James Madison. And he wasn't wearing a wedding ring…"

"He's alright." Olivia dismissed like she didn't feel some kind of attraction to him. She noticed how handsome he was the morning after the crash when he woke her up. There was something so approachable about him. She would be lying if she said he wasn't extremely helpful to her. He was patient and gentle, giving her space at the right times.

As they rolled onto the green house floor, Alex became agitated. She started wailing, her face turning red.

"Shhh. Shhh." Olivia rubbed her back. "I just fed you. What do you want?" She unzipped her hoodie and laid Alex against her bare skin. She rubbed her back, humming lowly. Alex cried for an uncomfortable minute before tiring herself out against Olivia's skin.

"You are good at this."

"I have no idea what I am doing."

"From this angle, I'd beg to differ."

"I need to find a nanny. I can't do this by myself. I need someone trustworthy. Discreet. Someone I can feel comfortable coming around the office and not endangering our client's privacy."

"I'll make a list and set up interviews."

"Thank you." Olivia smiled. "And thank you for arranging the funeral. I know that you guys aren't my personal assistants."

"You would do the same. Over a cliff."

"Over a cliff." She repeated. They wandered around the greenhouse for a couple of minutes until a reeking scent wafted to her nose. "Okay, she needs a diaper change. Roll me back to my room."

"Aye aye, captain."

When Olivia got back to the room, she had a nurse come and walk her through it again, so she didn't mess anything up.

"You guys can go home. Get some rest. I'm going to try the same." Olivia demanded to Quinn, Harrison, and Abbey. Huck had dropped by earlier with a cup of coffee, but he wasn't one for hanging around, so she sent him back to the office with new tasks to complete. He bought her a cup of coffee every time she was in a bad place, but doing work was his way of helping.

They left, leaving Olivia to herself. She rolled onto her side, looking at her baby. She was in her onesie, wriggling her legs. She watched her from her bed for a couple minutes, before realizing that she wasn't getting any sleep. She pulled her out of her crib and laid her against her chest.

"Hi there." She whispered, taking her tiny wrist between her fingers and waving it. "You are going to have to get over this whole no sleeping thing, because I'm going to have to eventually." She heard the door open. "I told you guys to go home." She said, without sitting up, knowing that it was a member of her team coming back to check up on her.

"I didn't get the memo." Dr. Grant's deep voice chuckled.

"Oh." Olivia sat up. "Sorry, I thought you were one of my friends."

"Not so lucky."

"It is late. What are you doing here?"

"I've got the night shift."

"Must be boring."

"You'd be surprised how many babies want to meet the world at 3am." He pulled a chair next to her bed. "May I hold Alexandria for a second? I need to check some things out." She handed her daughter over, and watched him undress her and check different things about her. "She is a very easy-natured child. Most babies would be wailing by now from my cold hands."

"Unlike her mother." Olivia joked, "I'm sorry about having the attitude earlier."

"I've dealt with mothers with way shorter patience than you, believe me." He smiled putting Alexandria's clothes back on. "Want me to show you an exercise to do with her."

"Yes."

"Here, hold her up like this." He positioned Alex so that Olivia was holding her up at eye level. "She needs to become more familiar with your facial features. Babies prefer faces more than any other visual stimulation. Just move her from side to side. Do her eyes follow you?"

"No." Olivia's face fell.

"It's okay. It would be rare if she did this early. But keep doing this. Over the next week or so, she will start to develop to be able to follow you with her eyes."

Emotion clouded Olivia's face, but she took a deep breath and hid it. Yet, Fitz noticed her defensive reaction.

"How are you?"

"Pain in my foot has gone down to a three, whether you want to believe it or not. My headache has deepened, but I think that has something to do with the lack of sleep…"

"No, I don't mean your injuries. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"I don't think so."

"You aren't a shrink."

"You won't see a shrink to begin with, so that is an invalid point." He put Alex back in her arms. "You can talk to me."

Olivia looked him dead in the eyes, challenging him. Finally, she spoke. "I don't know if I should keep my late husband's name, or go back to my maiden name."

"People do both, neither is a wrong choice."

"But is it selfish? Betrayal? I feel like I'm wiping him from my slate by this, but I want my daughter to have the same name as me. I don't want her to wonder why her mother has a different last name."

"He is living on through her. She will wear the Ballard name with pride and dignity." He smoothed out Alexandria's hair with his hand. "It isn't selfish. You need to think about yourself now."

Olivia didn't even notice the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I didn't want children. I told Jake that from the start, but he convinced me. He said that we were a team. I… Believed him. I loved him so much that I wanted to give him what he wanted. He was like a brother or best friend to me. We were a team. We worked together so well, we thought it would be stupid not to get married. This daughter was like a gift to him, because he wanted children so bad. He told me that she was going to be a boy, because everybody in his family was a boy, and it had to be true."

Fitz reached for a tissue, urging her to go on.

"He said that he would be here by my side, but now he isn't and I'm here with this tiny human who is my responsibility. I feel like I'm supposed to love her more. Like there is some connection that just isn't there. I don't know how to cope with it. I don't know how to make myself love her more. And I know that it is awful to even say these things out loud."

Fitz ran a hand along her back. He knew it was inappropriate, but he needed to comfort her further than words. "It will come. You need to properly grieve for your husband. You need to let that heal and the love and connection with your daughter will grow."

Olivia turned her head to look at Fitz. She didn't realize that they were so close together. His hand stilled against her back. Olivia didn't think as she connected her lips to his. She brushed her lips against his, waiting for a reaction. He didn't pull away, but he didn't respond. At first. Right when regret set over Olivia, she tried to pull back, but his hand hooked under her chin, pulling her back to him. He kissed her lips back ever so gently. Olivia pulled back when she felt Alexandria wiggle in her lap.

"I, uh…" Fitz stammered as he leaned away from her. "Should go."

"Yeah." Olivia blushed awkwardly, not letting her eyes leave her daughter.

"If you need anything, you know how to call a nurse." He left her to be alone with her daughter and get some sleep.

He turned the corner to his office. It was late enough for him to catch some sleep before a patient or delivery woke him up. He saw Amanda leaving his office.

"Hey, did you need me?"

"Yeah, I was just looking for you."

"I was finishing my checkups. What do you need?"

"I need your RSVP for the Spring Fundraiser benefiting Mental Health Research."

"When is it?"

"Did you get the email? It's the third Thursday in March."

"That's far in advance. But sure. Put me down."

"And a plus one?" Amanda tapped her pen against her clipboard.

"For now, I'll be going alone."

"That makes two of us." She said. He knew that she was expecting him to say something back, but he was too tired. He hung his white lab coat up on a hook behind his desk. "You've been spending a lot of time with that mother that was in the car wreck."

"She has had a hard time adjusting to being a mother." He said dismissively.

"Well, did you see all of the flowers in her room? One of them was from the President. I saw the seal on the card. Apparently her husband was some high level military guy at the Pentagon. I saw his obituary in the paper—"

"Is there anything else you need from me?" Fitz asked, with his patience at a low, and all he could think about was how Olivia's lips felt against his. He had no tolerance for gossip, especially about his patients. "I'm going to get some shut eye."

"No, that is all. I'll wake you if we need you."

/

Olivia was applying foundation to her face. It felt useless. She had circles under her eyes and she looked five years older than she did a week ago. Nonetheless, she applied her makeup impeccably, trying to salvage what was left of her face. Abbey finished straightening her hair.

"Hat or no hat?"

"No hat." She gingerly touched the bandage on her forehead. She required a skin colored bandage so it wouldn't draw any more attention.

"It's not that bad." Abbey patted her shoulder.

"Ready?" Harrison asked, rocking the baby in his arms. He was dressed in a black suit. Olivia herself was wearing a black long sleeved dress with a full skirt extending to her knees. She wore a heel on her left foot, just for show, because her left foot was in a cast.

She nodded in response. "We have to wait for the doctor to come and release me."

Harrison checked his watch. "Well, he has about thirty minutes to do so."

Olivia fidgeted with her sleeve. "He'll be here." She had barely slept the night before. She couldn't tell if it was the fact that she was burying her husband of three years or if it was because she had kissed her doctor before his body hit the ground. She was so embarrassed from it all. She initiated the kiss. He must have thought of her as some unstable emotional wreck.

He walked in the room, greeting her team present. "Ready to get out of here?"

"Yes." She said meekly.

He saw that they had to clear the air. "Can I speak to Mrs. Ballard alone?"

"Guys," Olivia nodded, asking them to clear the room. When they left, Olivia turned to him. "I want to apologize for last night. I put you in a compromising position ethically and professionally."

"I understand. I am not exactly blame free, here." God, why does she look so beautiful in that dress? "So why don't we just…"

"Forget it ever happened?" Olivia laughed in embarrassment.

"Yes. That is probably what is best."

"Consider it forgotten." Olivia smiled kindly. "Do you have some papers for me to sign for my release?"

"Ah, yes. Just fill the highlighted sections. Shouldn't take longer than five minutes. I'll have a nurse bring your wheelchair around."

"Okay." Olivia took the papers from him. "And can I just say thank you? You were so helpful with all of this." She motioned towards her bed and casted foot.

"That's my job." He smiled, making his exit.

"Wait…" Olivia's voice halted him at the door "Do you have a pen?"

He pulled a pen from his coat pocket. "Of course."

/

"She's doing okay." Abbey whispered.

"I don't trust it." Harrison sighed. "It's a façade."

"Well, I just hope that the façade holds for one more hour."

Olivia was sitting in her wheelchair with Alexandria asleep in her arms. The high level figures that were acquaintances of Olivia and Jake greeted her. Some came up and spoke to her, offering words of condolence and comfort. The rest just stood to the side and wondered how she was so well composed in the face of such tragedy.

"Woah." Abbey nudged Harrison to look over for his shoulder. A motorcaded rolled up to the burial site. Men in dark suits stepped out of the car and opened the door. "The President."

Harrison raised his eyebrows. "I knew they knew each other, but I didn't think…"

"Jake served with the President back in the 90s, and Liv worked or his campaign. But I thought the flowers were just formality."

The President and First Lady walked over to Olivia. They paid their condolences, and stood behind her as the ceremony began. Arlington began the ceremony for a veteran. Olivia seemed zoned out the entire time. Abbey watched her closely, waiting for some type of reaction or emotion to be displayed. The guards handed her the folded flag from his grave, but she was still emotionless.

The guards prepared to lower his casket into the ground, and Olivia finally snapped out of her trance.

"Wait." She called out to the guards. Everybody watched in silence as wheeled herself out to the casket. With shaky legs, she precariously balanced herself on her one good leg and put her hands on the casket to support herself. Harrison stepped towards her to help, but Huck put his hand on his arm, telling him to let her have her moment.

Nobody heard or knew what Olivia said with her head bowed towards the casket. She had one hand clutching the flag and the other clasped against the dark wood like a prayer. Everybody just stood there watching her. After what seemed like forever, she collapsed against the casket, her shoulders heaving with sobs.

"I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what to do." She whispered against the casket with her fists balled in angst. Harrison and Huck were at her side in a second, guiding her back to her chair. Her choked sobs echoed through the hallowed cemetery as she clutched the flag to her chest and they lowered the body of Jake Ballard into the ground.

So, there is the incredibly long pilot chapter. I'll have the second one up soon. Please review! Your comments motivate me to write more!