"You," Sasori finally manages to say something, although he's practically purple in the face from the effort.

Deidara clears his throat again, not sure how to respond to that. He feels awkward too, being back here at Sasori's place. Things are different now, it's as though they were put in an alternate universe, placed in some other dimension of time and space. Deidara is in his police uniform, right arm still in a sling as it heals from his gunshot wound. His blonde hair is tied in a half ponytail up on his head, the way he likes it, not in those ridiculous piggy tails that Naruko prefers. For the first time since they've known each other, Deidara is standing here in front of Sasori as himself, and not under the pretext of a college aged girl. It's refreshing, in a sense, for Deidara to realize this.

On that same note, however, Sasori is clearly unenthused with the fact that Deidara is his probation officer. Deidara expected this reaction, but seeing Sasori enraged like this still makes his heartbeat race and his face flush. He's trying his best to stay composed, and not fall to the ground and beg for forgiveness. He knows this isn't fair to Sasori…and maybe it's cruel…but he requested for this, pleaded with Tsunade to become Sasori's probation officer.

It was about 5 weeks ago, when Deidara was still in the hospital, that he requested to transfer divisions. Tsunade understood and in fact, she wasn't surprised at all, "I figured as much," she said, "besides, with that arm of yours, you'll have to do something less risky for a while anyways while it heals. I have the perfect assignment for you too."

"Really?" Deidara had perked up in his hospital bed, eager to hear her news.

"The trials for everyone involved in this case will be coming up within the week. Due to the circumstances, the members who were blackmailed will most likely be let off the hook easy. They'll get a month or two of jail time, and then probation. We're already low staff on probation officers, and there will be at least 7 felons all in need of a probation officer in a month or so. What do you say?" Tsunade had offered.

Deidara's heart jumped to his throat and his hands became sweaty, "C-Can I be Sasori's probation officer?"

"The one you were pretending to be in a relationship with for this case? I don't think that's appropriate."

"Please Tsunade! You know me, I'm professional, that won't matter!" Deidara asked with wide puppy-dog eyes.

"I know it's alright with you, but what about for him? Don't you think it would be a little cruel for him to see the man he thought was a woman for the past few months as his probation officer?" Tsunade brought up a good point, and Deidara seriously considered this for a moment.

But in the end, he was selfish. He had to know how Sasori felt about him, had to continue watching over him, and making sure he was alright. He knew he might kick himself after making the decision, but he did it anyway. He was a fool, a fool who fell for a cute redheaded art nerd in school. And he couldn't let it go. "He'll be fine Tsunade, I promise un. He'll have time to get over things in jail anyways."

She had raised an eyebrow up at him, "Why are you so eager to be his probation officer? Don't tell me you fell for him?"

"No," Deidara waved his hands in front of his face, forcing that notion out of her mind, "I just…want to see this one through, you know? And since I already know him, it will be easy to tell if he's violating his probation. I think he might be more comfortable if it's me. These guys aren't real criminals here, remember? They were blackmailed hm. They're all gonna be scared going in to jail and then terrified by the thought of a cop checking in on their every move."

Tsunade thought this over for a while, mulling it in her strategic brain before finally saying, "Alright, you got me there. I'll give you Sasori. And while I'm at it, you'll probably take on a few others from this case as well, you brought up a good point about them being scared about the whole ordeal. I think that's a good observation."

"Thank you un!" Deidara nearly cried tears of happiness at his new assignment.

He was released from the hospital a few days later, and he heard that Sasori's trial had already passed, and that Sasori was in a jail for a month before his probation. He was crestfallen to know that he had missed an opportunity to speak with Sasori before he went to jail. He knew Sasori probably harbored some spiteful thoughts towards him, and he wanted to make up for that. The only way he knew how to do that was to write him a letter.

Deidara spent nearly a whole day writing that letter. It explained everything to Sasori – how regretful he was to have hurt him, how sorry he was, and most importantly, that his feelings weren't a lie. He snuck the letter to one of the security guards that worked at the jail house, someone he trusted would get it to Sasori.

After that, all he had to do was wait. He waited a month, training and learning the ropes of probation in that time. He allowed his arm to heal as best as it could. He poured himself into his work, trying to help pass the time quickly.

And now he stands here, feeling totally unprepared under Sasori's glare.

"Well, come on in," Sasori finally says, voice laced with ice.

Deidara steps through the threshold cautiously, struck with déjà vu of the last time he was here. "Right," Deidara says. His voice sounds faint and hollow, so he tries again, "Sasori. I do need to do my job, but…I'd like to talk with you as well. Did you read my letter?"

"No. I tore it up," Sasori says harshly. His arms are crossed, and he looks absolutely pissed.

Deidara's heart thrums uncomfortably. He ripped it up? Deidara spent so long writing out that thoughtful letter, and this guy didn't even bother to read it? His aghast look of surprise must have betrayed him, because Sasori added in, "Don't give me that look. You're the one in the wrong here. You're the one who lied to me. I have no desire to talk about it further, just do your inspection and leave me be please."

Deidara clutches his chest. It physically hurts, hearing these words from Sasori. It's a stab straight through his heart. But somehow, he deserves this. It's true – he did lie. And apparently, he hurt Sasori a lot more than he had thought.

Deidara walks around the home glumly, hands shaking slightly as he looks the place over and checks for anything suspicious. Of course, there's nothing. Sasori's place is as clean as a whistle. Sasori watches him with narrowed, distrusting eyes as he scopes the place out.

Deidara finds his way back to the door when he's finished, and he pauses and looks back at Sasori. "I really am sorry," he says, "I wish you had read the letter…"

"It's too late for all that," Sasori says curtly.

Deidara gulps, trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat. "I – I"

"You were doing your job. I get it. You were undercover. I understand. You don't have to feel so guilty over me," Sasori says briskly, stepping forward in an attempt to shoo Deidara out of his home.

But that wasn't what Deidara was going to say. What he wanted to say was "I really do like you. I did fall for you Sasori." Well, something along those lines. But the words got caught in his throat. He isn't sure if this is the right time to confess his true feelings. If Sasori ripped up his letter, then he obviously doesn't want to hear Deidara's apologies or his thoughts…he's still angry, too angry to listen and forgive him.

Perhaps Deidara doesn't deserve forgiveness. Whatever the two of them had is surely over now anyways. But he was searching for closure, at the very least. There's so much he wants to tell Sasori, so much he wants to do to make up for his lies…but he's still stuck, rooted on the spot like a toy soldier, hand outstretched towards the door and his eyes plastered on those sad, spiteful eyes of Sasori. Those brown eyes don't trust Deidara, not one bit.

So Deidara nods and then hands Sasori a list of regulations. It details his curfew hours as well as areas he's allowed in, and what times. He goes over it in a rush and then leaves. Cold sweat forms over Deidara's brow as he walks back to the car. By the time he sits in the car seat, he's panting for breath, and clutching his chest again.

That was surely difficult. A lot more challenging than he had anticipated. Perhaps Tsunade was right, Sasori is reluctant to have Deidara as his probation officer…and since Deidara still has feelings for Sasori, things will only get stickier from here…oh boy, what had he gotten himself into?

….

"Jeez, I haven't seen you like this in a long time," Tenten says, rubbing Deidara on his back.

After his shift that day, Deidara went out for a drink with Tenten. He's now two drinks in, but still feeling as horrible as he did when he left Sasori's home earlier that day.

"I'm a terrible person Tenten," Deidara groans and takes another long gulp of his beer.

"You are not. You were doing your job," Tenten says comfortingly, "you never knew you would fall for him. You can't help your feelings."

"I don't want them," Deidara complains.

"You don't want your feelings?" Tenten asks with a raised eyebrow. Deidara nods and takes another sip. Tenten starts laughing at him. "Oh Deidara, try to cheer up. He just needs some time. He's still getting over the shock of it all."

"I put him in jail," Deidara says.

"Yeah, you did your job. This isn't all your fault, he's the one that was involved with selling drugs, and there's no denying that's illegal. He can't just put all the blame towards you," Tenten says.

Deidara groans and leans his head on the table, still feeling down. Tenten continues, "You shielded him from a bullet, I'm not sure what else he wants from you."

Deidara lifts his head up a little, "Yeah…but he still doesn't know that I really like him un…he ripped up the letter I sent him in jail…I thought he had read it, and that we could have a conversation about everything…I looked like an idiot at his place un."

"So tell him how you feel," Tenten says, as if it's that simple.

"I can't just confess my feelings to him like that un. It's complicated," Deidara says.

"It's only complicated if you make it so," Tenten says, "you guys just need to sit down and talk through everything. I'm sure he has a lot he wants to say to you too."

"He said he doesn't want to talk un," Deidara reminds her.

"He was surprised to see you as his probation officer. He wasn't prepared for that. I'm sure he'll want to discuss things next time," Tenten tells him.

/

"I don't ever want to talk to him," Sasori grumbles.

Itachi rolls his eyes at him, "Sure you do. You still like him, don't you?" They are sitting on a bench on campus, both arrived early before their summer classes started so they could catch up.

"I – I don't know," Sasori admits. His feelings are very muddled these days. Sometimes he wishes he could go back to holding Deidara's hand and taking him out on exciting dates…but then he remembers that it was Naruko he was taking out…or so he thought. Then this feeling of pure hatred rises up within him, and he wants nothing more than to smack Deidara in the face. It's all very confusing.

"All I know is, I can't stand to listen to him. I don't want to listen to some apology that he gives me out of pity," Sasori says.

"Are you that scared?"

"Scared? Of what?" Sasori turns to look at Itachi, wearing a puzzled expression.

"Are you scared to know what his true feelings towards you are? If he doesn't like you, then that would be devastating, wouldn't it? But if he does…that would be troublesome as well. Am I right?" Itachi asks.

Sasori turns his face away. Damn Itachi! How can he see into people's thoughts so clearly? "I just don't want to ever see him again! My life would be better without him! Why couldn't I get officer Kakashi as my probation officer like you?"

Itachi shrugs, "He's alright. Kinda lazy."

"I'd rather have a lazy officer than Deidara…I'd rather have anyone else," Sasori complains. He groans again, desperate to change topics of conversation, "Anyways, how's Sasuke doing?"

"Good. He's glad that the real Naruko is living with him again, the two are as happy as can be. Sasuke and I had a good long talk about everything, and he understands now why I was so distant before. Things are falling back into place with our family, although it'll take some time before things are back to the way they were before," Itachi says.

Sasori sighs, "I wish it could be that easy with my family. My parents can't stand to talk to me, they haven't called or visited me once."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Itachi says, "have you tried calling them?"

"No…I wouldn't know what to say," Sasori admits. He's been thinking about it for a while now, but every time he picks up the phone, he just can't bring himself to do it. He's afraid to hear the sound of disappointment in his parents' voices.

"Your problems won't ever get resolved if you don't do anything about it. You need to talk to your parents, and you need to talk to Deidara as well," Itachi tells him.

Sasori puts his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, "Argh. Can we just talk about something else please?" He's sick and tired of hearing about what he should or shouldn't do in this situation. He wishes it would all just go away. He isn't ready to face any of it yet.

"Actually," Itachi lets the matter slide, and changes the subject much to Sasori's relief, "there's something I want to confide in you."

"Oh yeah?"

"I wasn't sure if I should tell Kakashi or not, but I got a note slipped under my door this morning. It said 'I'm coming for you.'" Itachi says in a hushed voice. His tone has changed, he sounds worried behind his façade of cool calmness.

"Huh? Why didn't you tell the police yet?" Sasori asks.

"It could be an empty threat. I don't know. But my gut tells me that Madara is mad…" Itachi says.

"But Madara is in prison, a sentence of like 30 years I heard," Sasori says.

"Yeah, but he has people on the outside. He has his connections, and his ways. Just be wary, ok? Have you gotten anything like that?" Itachi asks.

"No, I haven't," Sasori says.

"Hm," Itachi considers this, as if he's a detective doing an investigation.

"That's really something you should inform the cops about," Sasori says again.

"Nah," Itachi brushes it off, "I'm already on probation, I don't want the police to take up all my free time." Sasori is about to protest again when Itachi gets up, "Anyways, I don't want to be late for class. I'll see you later Sasori. Stay out of trouble."

"Same goes to you," Sasori says, crossing his arms. He's feeling sour again; He can't get Deidara off his mind, and thinking about Deidara puts him in a bad mood.

/

Deidara sighs as he heads back home after a long day at work. It's been a week since his first visit with Sasori, so inevitably, he's had to visit him again. This time, Sasori barely said a word to him. He was practically a statue – standing still in the corner, glaring at Deidara as he did a fast scope of the place. Sasori didn't even say a goodbye.

Deidara wonders if this is how it's going to be from now on – awkward, furtive glances at each other with distrusting eyes as they ignore the elephant in the room. It's probably really unhealthy, this situation that Deidara's gotten himself and Sasori into. In hindsight, he probably should've listened to Tsunade. But he was blinded by his affections for Sasori, so blinded that he didn't even consider how Sasori would feel through all of this.

Everything inside him seems to sink low as he thinks about everything. He has to make things right, one way or another. The next time he goes to Sasori's, he's going to talk to him about it all. He resolves to tell Sasori his true feelings, and also to tell him how sorry he is for all that he's done. He needs to come clean, and let the chips fall.

Deidara finally reaches his home and steps inside, feeling thoroughly exhausted. He is shocked to see a letter at the threshold, as though someone had slipped it under the door. He picks it up, reading the few simple words: "I'm coming for you."

"Hm," Deidara ponders out loud. He crumples it up and throws it in the trash. The neighborhood kids across the street often like to prank others, this must be one of their silly jokes. He doesn't find it amusing, it only adds to his irritation.

Perhaps a nice bath will calm his nerves. Baths always seem to help Deidara cool down when he's frustrated or sad.

Stripping off his police uniform is one of the best feelings for Deidara. His gun and gear weighs down on his hips, so it feels good to peel off the layers and step into the nice warm waters of the bath. He sighs audibly and lets the hot steam engulf him as he begins to relax. He leans his head back and closes his eyes.

The only problem, is that he constantly sees Sasori when his eyes are closed.

Dammit! That smug redhead had on a sharp outfit today, and he looked absolutely gorgeous. With his button up shirt and khaki pants, he was more clean cut than Deidara has ever seen him. Deidara had been itching to ask him why he was dressed like that, but the atmosphere was too tense and awkward for such a conversation. And then there was the smell – the subtle, yet exotic scent of his cologne that permeated the air. It made Deidara's mouth water the instant he stepped inside Sasori's place. There was something primitive about that smell, something that made him want to bury his head in Sasori's neck and ravish him with kisses and –

"Ah!" Deidara cries out, astonished by what he's thinking. He needs to stop this line of sinful thoughts right now!

But dammit all to hell. He's at ease in his bath, thinking these dirty thoughts about Sasori…so of course he's as hard as a rock right now. It's been a long time since he's gotten off…and now that he thinks on it, he's probably been sexually repressed for quite some time.

All those tender kisses from Sasori when he was undercover…and those two absolutely perfect dates…and that one time Sasori licked ice cream off his face…The images play fast in his mind, like a turbulent sea of pleasurable pictures.

Before Deidara knows what he's doing, he's palming himself furiously under the waters, stroking his long length and dreaming of Sasori. He grunts to himself – it isn't enough. He needs more stimulation.

Deidara hops out of the bath and covers himself with a towel, creating a rather large tent in front. He rushes into his bedroom to search for what he needs to help assuage his sexual tension. It's been so long, but he still knows where it is – he pulls out an old shoebox from under his bed, and blows off some dust from the lid.

Inside the shoebox is an assortment of sexual toys and goodies – three different bottles of lubricant, a few condoms, and the object of his desire: a dildo. Thank heavens he lives alone.

Deidara takes out the dildo and applies a generous amount of lube on it, as it has been a while. With his fingers all lubed up, he slides one in his hole carefully, leaning his body over the bed and sighing. He curses himself for doing this, but his body can't take it any longer. He needs a release, fast.

Once he's stretched himself nice and good with one finger, he inserts a second. All the while, he keeps his eyes shut, thinking about that damned sexy Sasori. He imagines that Sasori is doing this to him, with his pale, slender fingers and his ever present smirk. He imagines Sasori behind him, preparing himself to enter Deidara, one hand on Deidara's ass and the other on his own member.

Deidara is moaning quietly into his bed sheets, biting his bottom lip. He finally inserts the dildo, going slow at first. There's a familiar pinch, and then his body becomes accustomed to it again. He rocks his hips back, picking up the pace. He thinks about Sasori's dick, and wonders if it's as big as his dildo…or is it even bigger?

He blushes just thinking about it, and his hand is shaking as he moves the dildo in and out. He can hear the unpleasant squishing noises as he takes the dildo in fully, to the fake plastic balls. His other hand is now busy on his length again, stroking in rhythm with the penetration.

He soon reaches his climax, his imagination riddled with dirty thoughts of Sasori. Sweat clings to his brow, and he's panting so fast he can barely catch his breath. He wishes Sasori could really be here, doing this to him. Although there's now a rather sizeable glob of cum on the sheets, Deidara still doesn't feel satisfied. His desire for Sasori is one that can't be quenched by masturbation alone…damn that redhead! Why!

Sasori may feel like he's being punished with Deidara as his probation officer, but what he fails to realize is that this is a form of punishment to Deidara too. Deidara has to see him every week and hide his desires once more…it's going to a long, hard year.