"Every Mother's Prayer"
This is what the Lord says:
"A voice is heard in Ramah,
mourning and great weeping,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more."
This is what the Lord says:
"Restrain your voice from weeping
and your eyes from tears,
for your work will be rewarded,"
declares the Lord.
"They will return from the land of the enemy.
So there is hope for your descendants,"
declares the Lord.
"Your children will return to their own land.
~ Jeremiah 31:15-17, New International Version
Bae-Bae heard the noise first, and began barking and running in circles. When it became audible to human ears, Colleen Holt thought the noise was some ordinary aircraft passing by. But rather than fading away, it continued to grow louder, as if it were moving closer.
Colleen thought of the rumors that been circulating for the past few years, beginning with the failure of the Kerberos mission and multiplying exponentially after three Galaxy Garrison students went rogue. The Garrison officials refused to reveal the details of either event, except to present the astronauts and truants as scapegoats. Left to their own devices, some people speculated that aliens had made contact with the planet Earth, a theory Colleen tried not to consider as she waited for Katie to resume contact.
The ground vibrated beneath their feet, and the house shuddered with movement around them. Colleen might have attributed this phenomena to an earthquake, except for the constant droning noise still rising in volume.
She made her way to the light switch near the window, thinking to turn the indoor lights off and the outdoor lights on, in order to see what was out there. But then the shaking intensified, to a degree comparable with a spacecraft taking off or landing.
Colleen had no more doubt: something was outside.
She stayed low, holding on to the edge of the kitchen counter, wondering whether to hide or investigate. If it was local kids fooling around with with vehicles, Bae-Bae could probably scare them off; but if it was someone dangerous, she ought to call the police; and then there was the possibility that Colleen barely dared to hope for, that this had something to do with her family.
They heard movement outside, feet treading on the grass, crossing the vast back yard and coming up to the door. This was followed by a quick, insistent pounding—and then a voice they recognized, one that instantly brought her to her feet and set Bae-Bae off barking again.
"Mom! Are you home? It's Katie and Matt!"
The last word made Colleen stumble the last few steps to the door. She had been waiting to hear from Katie for months—but Matt? Could Katie really have found him, as she set out to do? Or was this a dream based on hope and imagination?
Colleen fumbled with the locks before finally wrenching the door open. For a moment she could only gape in wonder.
Her children looked almost identical in face and hair. The only differences were their heights and clothes: Matt was practically in rags, while Katie wore a clean, casual outfit that would have better suited a boy. Matt had his arm around Katie's shoulders, looking fatigued but hopeful. Katie supported his weight easily and looked up at her mother with an enormous smile, full of more pride and joy than any of the Holts had felt in a long time.
"Oh!" Colleen could barely frame her children's names; she almost collapsed with relief as she hugged them.
A full minute passed with hardly any words exchanged; words could not articulate such overwhelming emotion. All three of them were shaking with laughter or tears or a combination of the two. Colleen kissed her children's hair and faces. Bae-Bae ran around them and tried to jump up on Matt and Katie, who each extracted an arm to pet or hug her.
Finally Colleen caught enough breath and wits to ask, "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, just tired," Katie said, regaining her coherency. "Matt's got some minor injuries too, but he'll recover."
Hearing this made Colleen loosen her hold, but Matt held on to her. "I'm fine," he mumbled against her shirt. He sniffed and wiped his nose with his tattered sleeve. "I didn't think I'd see you again."
"I was afraid of that too," Colleen choked out. She pulled back just enough to see her children's faces while still holding them. They looked so much older than she remembered.
"I told you I'd find him," Katie said proudly. Colleen laughed and kissed her again, then Matt. She felt how thin his face had become, and wanted to ask what had happened, yet it didn't really matter now; they were home, she could take care of them, they would be safe.
Through her tears, Colleen could just make out another person approaching them out of the darkness. She couldn't stop herself from calling out, "Sam?" even though she knew if he were there, he would have come up right away with the children.
"Uh, no. Sorry." The figure stepped into the light spilling out of the door; it was a young man, who looked somewhat familiar to Colleen. The strangest thing about him was his right hand, which appeared to be some kind of metal prosthetic. Bae-Bae stood watching him, not aggressive, but not welcoming either.
Katie pulled away enough to turn halfway between her mother and the newcomer. "Mom, this is Shiro—you know, Takashi Shirogane. He helped me find Matt."
Of course: the pilot of the Kerberos Mission. He had been friends with Sam for years, and Colleen had seen his photograph on the television after the crew went missing.
"I hate to interrupt," Shiro said gently, "but we should probably move inside."
His tone brought back Colleen's habitual fear and caution, which the sight of her children had momentarily dispelled. "Are you in danger?"
The way the three young people hesitated was not reassuring. "Not necessarily," Shiro said after a moment. "But we've learned the hard way not to assume that we're completely safe."
Colleen took her eyes off of them long enough to glance around the backyard. Though the night was dark, the light coming from the house reflected off of something white that seemed to run in multiple directions in the vast back yard. It was unlike any kind of aircraft or spacecraft Colleen had ever seen. "Is that what brought you here?"
"Yeah."
"Well, let's get you inside." She started to pull her children in with her, but glanced over her shoulder at the other astronaut. "You too, Shiro, you're welcome here."
"Thank you." Shiro followed the Holts into their home.
"Is anyone else with you?" Colleen asked as she closed the door behind them. Her fingers were still clumsy as she tried to secure the locks.
"Actually, yeah." Katie reached past her and helpfully turned the bolts. "Shiro and I have been traveling with a whole crew."
Matt saw the disappointed look on their mother's face and murmured, "I think she was talking about Dad."
"Oh." Katie bowed her head sorrowfully. "No. We're still looking for him."
"Who is 'we'?" Colleen questioned.
"Some other people from the Galaxy Garrison—and a couple aliens we befriended. They're still in the ship, but they'd love to meet you, if you're okay with that."
Colleen took the revelation that extraterrestrial life existed in stride; it was more than believable considering all the strange events of the past few years. At the prospect of meeting some, all she said was, "Let's take care of you first."
They helped Matt over to the couch in the living room; he sank into it with a deep sigh, and had to wave off their concern. "It's just good to be back."
Colleen wanted to fetch whatever they needed—food, warm drinks, fresh clothes, blankets—but at the same time she did not want to leave Matt's side. Katie went to get them, since she knew where everything was. "It's so weird, being back!" she called out from the kitchen. She came back with a box of peanut butter cookies and held it out to Matt with a grin. "I almost forgot how good these taste!"
He munched on one, but looked uncomfortable as he chewed and swallowed. "I haven't had anything this sweet in … I don't think I can stomach it."
Bae-Bae seemed to have caught on to the humans' shift to a calmer mood. She climbed onto the couch and nestled her head on Matt's lap. Matt stroked her fur and murmured, "Hey Bae. Good to see you too."
"I don't know where to begin," Colleen said, looking between the three of them. "Where have you been all this time?"
"I guess we should start with what happened on Kerberos," Matt said.
"Yes—what happened?"
Shiro began the narrative. "We were abducted. By aliens. Well, a particular kind, the Galra. They've been conquering and enslaving other alien species. They had hundreds of us, a whole prison system, work camps, even a gladiatorial arena." He paused so Colleen could process and attempt to imagine what he described. "I know it sounds crazy."
But Colleen shook her head. "I believe you. After everything that's happened … all the cover stories and rumors … nothing seems impossible anymore." That was the kind of open-minded attitude that had sounded inspiring but was actually terrifying.
Matt took up the thread. "Dad and I got separated early on—the Galra sent him to a work camp, and were going to make me fight in their arena. … But Shiro acted like he really wanted to fight, so they sent him in instead of me. He saved my life." He looked gratefully at Shiro, who shrugged and gave him a smile that was more like a grimace. Matt turned back to his mother and said, "I didn't see him again until he and Katie and their friends found me."
Katie took this break to ask, "Would it be okay if I let the others in? The ones from Earth haven't had food like this in months."
Colleen did not see the need for anyone else to be there besides her family and their old friend; but, not wanting to deny them anything, she consented, "I suppose that's all right."
Shiro went out to the spacecraft, and returned shortly with an entourage of visitors. The Earth astronauts wore normal clothes and looked to be somewhere between between Shiro and Pidge's ages. Colleen had almost expected the aliens to have completely different body types, but the only odd things she could see were their regal-looking clothes, pointed ears, and boomerang-shaped markings on their cheeks.
Katie stood up to introduce everyone. "Mom, this is Lance, Hunk, and Keith—they all went to the Galaxy Garrison. And this is Princess Allura, and her adviser Coran … they're not from Earth."
The alien woman bowed slightly. "I hope we're not troubling you, Mrs. Holt," she said graciously. "We don't need much, just a safe place to hide for a short time. More than anything, Pidge just wanted to bring Matt back to you."
It took Colleen a moment to remember that Katie had been using an alias all this time. She smiled at the newcomers. "Thank you for bringing them here. Please make yourselves at home."
"Thanks!" more than one of the Earth teenagers said.
Shiro spoke to Katie in a low voice. "We don't have a lot of time."
Her adamant answer was, "We need at least a few hours to catch up."
Shiro consented, but he insisted that they take turns keeping watch over the house and the invisible castle ship while the others relaxed. Hunk took inventory of the castle-ship's supplies, and combined their own rations with Colleen's modest store of food to make enough meals and snacks for everyone. Coran and Allura curiously examined various pieces of Earth technology, whose uses Lance and Keith tried to demonstrate. They played with Bae-Bae, who turned to each of them in the hope of being petted and fed, but turned feisty when Coran tried to examine her (the aliens had never seen the species before).
The three Holts spent the entire night talking, and drank coffee (provided by Hunk) to stay awake. Occasionally Katie called over one of her companions and asked them to fill in part of the narrative that she could not remember or had not personally experienced. Shiro spent more time with them than anyone else, telling them what he remembered of his own captivity.
Considering how fantastic, dangerous, and traumatic their journeys had been, Colleen bore up reasonably well as she listened. She expressed surprise, shock, horror, and amazement, but never disbelief. More than anything, she seemed shaken, learning how much her children had suffered and risked. She could not bear imagining them in such physical, mental, and emotional pain, and she was hardly able to imagine them fighting in combat.
When they finally reached the end of their story, recounting how Team Voltron found Matt and catching up to the present moment, Katie said, "We have to go back and find Dad."
Just like that, everything shifted. Colleen had thought this was a sign of things returning to normal—surely that process would only move forward—but apparently Katie wanted to take two steps forward and one step back.
"You can't leave now!" Colleen exclaimed. "You just got here!" The others heard her raised voice, and stopped their activities to exchange uneasy glances, trying not to look like they were eavesdropping. "I thought you were here to stay."
Katie looked truly apologetic. "I'm sorry. I just came to bring Matt home," she clarified. "He needs to get better, and someone has to take care of him until then. We wouldn't be able to do that in a war zone."
"Katherine, you will not be entering a war zone!"
This response frustrated Katie. "Have you been listening to anything I've said all night? You know I've already been in several."
"Is that supposed to persuade me?"
"Well, yeah! It proves that I can survive them!"
"That doesn't mean it will happen every time!"
A few beats of silence followed this outburst, which no one could rightfully contradict. Keith reentered the house, expecting to switch guard duty, but the heavy atmosphere made him stop short, uncertain what was going on.
Princess Allura cleared her throat and gently extended a hand to get their attention. "Mrs. Holt, may I speak?"
Colleen responded coolly but civilly. "You may."
The young female alien's voice flowed smoothly but passionately, with the clarity of a practiced diplomat. "Coran and I come from Altea, a planet that no longer exists. Zarkon destroyed our solar system and killed all its inhabitants. He has done the same to countless other planets and peoples throughout the universe, and will continue to do so for as long as he can. The Voltron paladins make up the only force keeping Zarkon's expansion at bay. If Pidge stays, this team will be incomplete, unable to form Voltron. But if she continues to work alongside us, she will be protecting you, your son, and your entire planet."
Colleen straightened up, her fists tight in her lap. "I'm sorry for your loss. But let me ask you something. Are any of you parents?" As she had expected, all of the guests shook their heads. "Then you can't understand sense of responsibility that comes with parenting. It wouldn't be right for me to let my youngest child—and yes, she is still a child—leave to fight in a war."
This may have been the first time Colleen Holt refused to let a member of her family begin a new venture. The Holts had always encouraged their children to aspire for greatness, push against limitations, not be afraid of making mistakes. Even after Sam and Matt went missing trying to live out these ideals, Colleen had still wanted to believe that Katie was capable of reaching her goals. She had accepted and supported Katie's decision to change her identity and infiltrate the Galaxy Garrison. But she had thought that plan carried limited risks—expulsion, fines, legal action. She had never planned on Katie leaving the planet, let alone the solar system, and never imagined that any of her family would be caught up in a war. She had to draw the line where freedom and life would be at risk.
Everyone was quiet until Matt spoke up. "Mom, you haven't seen Katie in action. She's fierce. She can hold her own, and what she does with her lion and the rest of these guys is really impressive. If she wants to go, I think she should be allowed."
Katie smiled gratefully at him, then turned to her mother. "If there's any chance of finding Dad," she said, "I'm the best one to do it." That was a strategic card to play, touching on her mother's deepest desire and hoping it would outweigh her greatest fear.
Colleen's eyes filled with tears once again, but they were now prompted by fear and anxiety rather than joy and relief. Matt and Katie both reached out to comfort her, rubbing her back and squeezing her shoulder as she wiped her eyes. "Children aren't supposed to fight for their parents," she said thickly. "It should be the other way around."
"I don't think so," Coran said thoughtfully, stroking his yellow-orange mustache. He did not see the others' annoyed warning glances. "Once they reach a certain age, people can work with their parents as though they were equals; and when parents reach elderly age—"
"Coran," Allura cut him off. "That's enough."
"Mrs. Holt," Shiro said, "there are no guarantees in war, but I promise we'll look out for Katie and do our best to keep her safe."
"Hear, hear," Hunk approved.
"She'd do as much for us," Lance said with a lopsided smile.
"She has done as much for us," Keith acknowledged.
"Yeah, so it's only fair," Hunk agreed.
Colleen looked at Shiro's scarred face, then at her emaciated son, and finally at her battle-worn daughter. Katie's amber eyes were as intelligent as ever, but her brow had become creased with worry of a type and degree no teenager should know.
When she managed to speak, Colleen asked a question that made the others hold their breaths: "Will you contact us sometime?"
Katie's facial expression seemed to flicker between different emotions. She adjusted her glasses nervously. "Well … we haven't been able to find a reliable form of communication between planetary systems … but the next time I get a chance, I will."
"Please do." Colleen looked at Shiro, who had known and worked with all three of her immediate family members. "I'll hold you to that promise, Takashi." Then she turned to Katie and added sternly, "And you will not take any unnecessary risks."
Katie nodded vigorously and held up her right hand in an oath. "I promise. Paladin's honor."
"Then … I won't stop you from going."
"All right!" Lance cheered.
"Thanks, Mrs. Holt," Hunk said appreciatively.
"You won't regret this," Coran assured her.
The Holts barely heard these cheers; they only saw each other, a thousand warnings, reassurances, resignations, and thanksgivings passing between the three of them.
Everyone filed out to give the Holts privacy to say goodbye. Colleen shook hands with each of the paladins, who thanked her warmly for her generosity; she did not know if they meant her hospitality or her decision to let go of her youngest child. The aliens both kissed her hand, a gesture of honor that embarrassed her, but the gratitude in Allura's eyes said that she understood the sacrifice and love involved in the decision.
Shiro lingered and hugged Matt warmly, both of them appreciating how much easier it was to part ways this time. Colleen hesitated when Shiro extended his metal hand to her for a handshake, but she accepted it and, glancing back at Matt, murmured, "I didn't thank you earlier, for saving him."
"You don't have to," he said humbly.
"Yes, I do. I'm really grateful. And thank you for helping Katie as well."
Katie left last. She hugged Bae-Bae first, briefly but affectionately, and thanked hher for taking care of her Colleen. Then she sat on the couch to hug Matt. The two siblings held on to each other for a long moment, not wanting to part again after such a long and uncertain separation.
Matt spoke over her shoulder. "I'm proud of you, sis. Dad was right about you … exploring so far away and doing something the whole world will notice."
"I hope I'll be able to tell him that."
"You will." He smacked a kiss on her cheek and mussed her hair. "Go save the universe."
Colleen stood at the door, waiting for the moment that she did not want to arrive. Finally Katie left the living room and came up to her. She stood up straight in a way that made her seem humble but strong, almost like a soldier. "Thanks for letting me do this."
"Just … remember your promise. And if your father is upset that I let you go, tell him to blame you and your friends for convincing me."
Katie laughed. "I'll tell him. But I don't think he'll believe me until you confirm it."
Colleen pushed Katie's hair back, kissed her on both cheeks, then cupped them in her hands. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Mom." They hugged, and held each other almost long enough to start crying again. It was different from when they said goodbye at the start of the school year. At that time, they had expected to see each other on holidays. Now, they had no idea how long it would be before they saw each other again—or if that would ever happen.
It was Katie who pulled away first, gently taking her mother's hands off. She offered a watery smile. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye. Take care."
"You too."
Colleen watched as Katie followed the others into the ship. Shiro waited for her, and clapped his flesh hand on her shoulder as she boarded. They both waved as the ship's door closed.
As far as Colleen could tell, Katie was in good company. That was a good reason to hope that she would be safe.
To think that they might come back with her husband … dare she hope?
As Colleen watched the ship take off from the yard, she offered up a prayer, similar to ones she had thought or spoken daily for the past several months.
Please, let them be all right. Please, let her find him. Please, let them come home.