PRESENT

"Mama! Mama!", a little voice cried out hysterically, sobs increasing with volume each second. Kotoko's eyes sleepily blinked open. The sheer exhaustion she felt after working a twelve hour shift at the hospital was almost enough to overcome the urge to bolt out of bed and see what all the fuss was about. She wanted nothing more than to burrow back into the warmth of her bed and cover her ears with a pillow to block out the noise, but that wasn't an option unless she wanted a four year old pounding his fists against her door and screaming even louder. Throwing the covers back, she sat up and allowed her socked feet to hit floor. She stretched a little bit and shook her shoulders to wake herself up a bit.

Knowing Haru, this might take a while.

With a heavy sigh, she trudged out of her own bedroom and into the room directly across the hall. Haru was wide awake and clutching his beloved stuffed panda to his chest. His little eyes were filled with tears. Upon seeing his mother, he launched himself out of his bed and grabbed onto her legs for dear life.

"Mama, help me!", he cried. "They're here. The monsters are here, under my bed!"

With fondness, Kotoko ruffled the boy's messy locks and held him close with her arm. "Haru-kun.", she cooed. "We talked about this. There aren't any monsters under your bed.", she gently explained. "We checked with the flashlight before you went to bed. Do you remember?"

The boy nodded with a small sniffle. "Can we check again? Uncle Kin-Chan always checks twice when he watches me.", he pleaded looking up at her with eyes so painfully familiar that it brought an ache to her chest.

"Irie-kun", she mouthed soundlessly, her mind traveling to a faraway place.

A place where she wasn't alone in her tiny place, soothing a scared little boy all by herself. A place where a large hand comes to rest at the small of her back and a flashing light is waved across Haru's face, causing him break into a fit of giggles. A place where Haru grabs the large hand and pulls his exasperated father over to the bed to look for nonexistent monsters. A place where Naoki's rare, but beautiful smile was flashed just for her and she watches happily from afar as the two diligently check every crack and corner of the bed and the room.

She is brought back by an insistent hand tugging at her shirt. Blinking, she finds herself facing her darling little boy once again. The only thing that's kept her going this far. The one who helped her finally grow up and mature into the independent person she is today.

"Of course we can.", she replied with a small smile; hugging him close. "Where should we look first?"

In the end, Kotoko ends up picking up Haru in her arms and carrying him back to her bed after he wakes up again for the second time that night. She tucks him into her bed and rubs his back until he's fast asleep and snoring softly. Finally able to relax, she drifts off to sleep herself.

In her dreams, she's taken back to that night. The night of the graduation party when Naoki had first kissed her on the stairwell in a fit of uncharacteristic jealousy. When he'd grabbed her hand afterwards and ran with her all the way home...

PAST

When they came in through the back entrance, Kotoko nearly fell to the ground. Naoki reached out to grab her by the waist and haul her up. She let out a loud squeak and they could hear Naoki's mother rustling about in response to the noise. Naoki pressed her up against the wall and clamped a hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. Soon, they could hear Noriko's retreating footsteps. Taking her hand in his again, Kotoko followed as she was led upstairs. To her surprise, Naoki led them straight to her room.

Kotoko let out a deep breath at the realization that they were alone in her room. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before, but it felt different this time. Like there was a thickness in the air that made it difficult to breathe.

They stared at one another for what seemed like forever. Kotoko felt like screaming. She waited for Naoki to say something. Anything.

Suddenly, he moved towards her. His hands were gentle as he slowly lifted up the bottom of her shirt. Kotoko was too stunned to do more than lift her arms as he pulled it off. She trembled as the cool air hit her skin. Naoki's gaze never left hers as he removed his own shirt and blazer before falling to his knees and tugging on her skirt. The soft material fell around her feet and she stepped out of it, left standing in only her underwear.

She felt self conscious, being exposed like this. She knew she probably wasn't much to look at. Not in comparison to Naoki. He was perfection in every way. Her nerves brought her arms up over her chest in a vain attempt to hide herself. As if reading her thoughts, Naoki gently pried her arms apart. Kotoko leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You are... lovely.", he told her. He leaned over to kiss her softly.

Kotoko suddenly felt as light as a feather. Could this be true? Could Naoki really think she's beautiful? It was so unlike him. Kotoko can't remember him ever paying her, or anyone for that matter, a compliment. His words had stolen her senses away.

That's why when she was led to her bed and completely undressed behind her sheer bed curtains, she barely registered it. The reality of what was happening didn't hit her until she felt Naoki's bare skin against hers and his palm pressing against her thigh to shift her legs apart. Was she ready for this? She gave way without even thinking about it, sighing in relief when he was comfortably rested on top of her and kissing her neck. With every press of his lips, he was taking her apart piece by piece.

It was wrong. She never saw herself going this far with someone she wasn't even dating. Someone who didn't even like her, but she was. He may not have loved her back, but she loved him more than anything. That would have to be enough.

"Are you ready?", he whispered in her ear. Kotoko bit her lip and nodded. When she looked into his eyes, she saw something new there. Affection, desperation, and lust as he slowly pushed inside. The pain slammed into her and she gasped loudly, moving to try and get away from the burning, tearing sensation of losing her innocence. Naoki stilled his movements and framed her face with his right palm. "

"Relax Kotoko. Breathe.", he commanded. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He had never called her by her first name. Something about it left her feeling slightly breathless. She knew it was better to just get it over and done with so she pulled him closer and buried her face in his shoulder as a gesture to continue.

She braced herself as she felt him sliding in until there was none of him left. His hips began moving in a gentle thrusting motion. The pain was still there, but it was quickly being replaced with something else. Kotoko felt her heart swell with pleasure and an incomprehensible love for her Irie-Kun. It was an incredible feeling that she never wanted to end.

And when she felt his fingers tangling in her hair and his pleasured groans vibrating against her skin, she knew there was no where else she'd rather be.

After their time together, Naoki had simply apologized for his forwardness, dressed himself, and walked out of her room without a second glance. She cried herself to sleep that night and most nights after then.

It was clear that he was avoiding her. He didn't answer when she spoke and he rarely shared eye contact with her. Naoki had completely frozen her from his life. Somehow, it was much worse than it had ever been before she gave him that letter. Before, they weren't close and she just loved him from afar. Now, living in his house, hearing him move around at night before bed, staring at him across the dining table knowing what they had shared...it was too much for her heart to handle. It hurt too much.

Naoki didn't love her. Whatever happened that night to make him take her to bed was a fluke. A mistake. Maybe he used her as an outlet for stress. Maybe he just couldn't handle not being someone's first choice and lost it when she said she would find someone else.

Although it killed her inside, she finally understood.

There was no happy ending with Naoki Irie.

Only heartbreak.

Just as he told her that night when they were alone. 'Even a genius can turn into a beast.'

She was still in school for the summer and although the prospect of going to college was right within her grasp, she felt hollow and distant from it all. Especially since she hadn't been feeling well for the past couple of weeks. Her notorious appetite was all but gone and she's found herself running to the bathroom to empty her stomach more than a few times. Jinko and Satomi were standing outside the bathroom stall while she was ill to make sure she was okay.

"Do you think Kotoko's pregnant?", she heard Jinko whisper to Satomi.

Satomi must have slapped Jinko in the arm because she yelped in surprise and pain.

"That's impossible. Kotoko's still-", Satomi whispered, looking around to make sure no one was coming in. "A virgin. She would have told us if she wasn't, right?"

Jinko hummed in agreement. "Right, right. She definitely would have told us...but just in case she didn't. Maybe we should ask?"

The mere thought that she could possibly be pregnant pulled out another wave of nausea from her and she retched into the toilet; causing her friends to immediately cease their conversation.

"Oh no. No, no, no! It can't be!", she thought to herself. It was true that they hadn't used any protection that night. In her mind, she tried to run through the last time she had her period. Kotoko had never been good at remembering dates, but she knew it had been a while. She'd been so caught up with the situation with Naoki that she hadn't even thought about it.

She berated herself for not noticing before now. She really was an idiot like everyone said.

Her hands found themselves drifting down to her stomach and she slumped against the stall on the floor. It was almost like she could feel the new life growing inside of her. A fresh wave of tears came running down her face. It was shameful. Having a baby with someone she wasn't even dating.

What would her father say? What would Naoki's parents say? Would they force them to marry? Kotoko didn't want that. For years, her dream had been to marry Naoki and have a family. But she didn't want it to happen this way. She didn't want a loveless marriage.

She wanted Naoki to marry her because he needed her. Because he couldn't be without her. The kind of love her own parents had. So strong that even twelve years after her death, her father had never even looked at another woman because she was it for him.

She quietly told Satomi and Jinko to go to class and that she would be headed home to rest. They muttered in agreement and reluctantly left her to her own devices. Kotoko didn't even try to wipe her tears as she walked aimlessly to the Irie residence. Wanted to give herself an opportunity to think and clean herself up a bit before going home and facing Naoki's mother, she took the long way around.

On her way, she happened to look up and spot Kin-Chan sitting alone at a table in the cafe window. No matter how big of a pest he was, Kin-Chan was always able to make her laugh and right now, that's exactly what she needed. Crossing the street, she went straight into the cafe and sat down at the table with him.

He looked up when he saw her and she gave him a watery smile. "Hi Kin-Chan."
He sat up in surprise and looked at her. "Kotoko, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"
"Shouldn't you be in class with me?", she shot back with wide eyes.

Kinnosuke just shook his head and folded his arms in front of him. "There's no point in going to class. I've missed too much already. I won't even graduate now."

Kotoko sat in silence, just listening to him vent. "You know, I came here all by myself to get a better life. Make my family proud. All I've done is fail. I have no job, no prospects. My father is demanding I go back to Osaka and work there. I don't blame him. I'm a disappointment.", he told her.

Kotoko couldn't stop the hysterical laughter from bubbling to the surface. She laughed so hard that the tears came back. It wasn't intended to be cruel, but the similarity of their situations was almost ironic. They were in the same boat. She felt like a horrible daughter, a failure, and an embarrassment to her father as well.

"Hey!", he exclaimed; offended. He sat back against the booth with his arms folded in front of him. "Some friend you are. How could I be in love with such an evil woman? Evil, yet so beautiful. What have I done to deserve this?", Kinnosuke muttered to himself.

After she had calmed down and wiped her tears, she laid her head on Kin-Chan's shoulder; relieved that he didn't pull away or shrug her off. She had to remember that he wasn't Naoki. He actually cared about her.

"I'm pregnant.", she whispered.
"WHAT!?", Kin-Chan yelled, jumping up so quickly it made her head spin. "Who's the father? Who dared touch my future wife? I'll kill him!", he vowed.

Kotoko waved her arms in the air, looking around nervously at the attention they gained from the other customers as she tried to shush him. "Shhhh. Be quiet, Kin Chan!", she pleaded.

Kinnosuke looked at her carefully for a moment before sitting down again. He glared at everyone who was staring at them and watched as they quickly returned to their meals and their own business. "Are you sure Kotoko? You're really pregnant?"

She nodded slowly. She hadn't seen a doctor yet, but the morning sickness and lack of a cycle pretty much confirmed things for her.

"It was Irie, wasn't it?", he asked after a while. It wasn't even a question. They both knew that if Kotoko had given herself to someone, that person would be Naoki and only him.
She nodded again. "Yes."
Kinnosuke angrily slammed his fist on the table. "I knew it!", he hissed. "Has he proposed to you yet? Irie needs to face his responsibilities! Like a man. If he doesn't, I'll make sure he never walks again."

"He doesn't know about the baby. I haven't told him.", Kotoko admitted.

"Why the hell not?!", Kinnosuke asked, raising his voice.

"I can't tell him Kin-Chan. He'll hate me more than he already does. I don't- I don't even know if I can go back home. What will I tell my father? How can I face his family knowing what I've done? That I've ruined their son's life?", she cried, falling into her friend's arms.

He sat up and held her roughly by the arms. "Listen to me Kotoko. This is not your fault. If anything, it's his. What kind of idiot doesn't use protection? And Irie calls us dumb.", he scoffed, spitting out Naoki's surname like it was a curse. "That rich bastard has enough money. He should take responsibility for you. You're his now whether he likes it or not."

"What if I don't want to be his?"
Kinnosuke gaped in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? You've been talking about Naoki Irie since the first day I met you. Now, you're carrying his baby and you don't want to marry him? Oi, women.", he said shaking his head.

"I know you probably don't understand and maybe I'm naive like everyone says, but I want Irie-kun to love me back. I can't continue on like this, loving someone who doesn't care anything about me. I don't want to be his last resort. I want to be his first choice." Kotoko buried her face in her hands; helpless to stop the tears from spilling over.

"I understand a lot more than you think.", Kinnosuke told her with a sad expression. They say in silence for a while before Kin-Chan spoke.

"I have an idea!", he said suddenly; bending down in front of Kotoko. "Come back to Osaka with me.", he pleaded. "You can stay with me and my family until we get you on your feet. We don't have a mansion like the Irie family, but we have enough space. You can have my room."

Kotoko's eyes widened comically. "What? I can't just leave and run away. What about my father? He'll never let me go without an explanation."
The older boy looked on thoughtfully. "Tell him...tell him you don't want to go to college anymore. Tell him you're going to find work and figure out what you want to do with your life. Tell him you need a change of scenery. Whatever you have to."

"Even if Naoki doesn't love me, I can't take care of a baby by myself. I don't know how."
"You're not by yourself, you have me. I will help you.", Kinnosuke promised. "You sell yourself short Kotoko. We might not be the smartest people out there, but we can love this baby. Together."

He was looking at her so earnestly and with so much faith and love that it hurt her to have to tell him the truth. Especially when he was offering everything she wanted. Just from the wrong person. "Kin-Chan...", she began."You're a good friend. One of my best friends.", she amended. "But I just don't see you...in that way and-"

Kinnosuke interrupted her with a small laugh. "I know you don't. I've always known. It still doesn't change how I feel about you. I think that one day I might be able to get over you just like one day you might be able to get over Naoki Irie. In the meantime, I'm... okay with what we are. I meant it when I said I love you Kotoko. I want to be whatever you need. Even if that's just your best friend and an uncle to the cutest baby in history.", he said poking her stomach.

"I don't know Kin-Chan. I think- I need time to think about this."

Kotoko knew she wasn't smart. She caused a lot of trouble and made a lot of mistakes. She was clumsy and wouldn't be any good as a server or anything that required manual labor which was almost all that was out there for those who didn't go to college. How would she feed herself, let alone a baby?

"Whatever you decide, I support you. But you have to make a choice soon. I'm leaving this Saturday."

"Saturday?", she repeated with shock. "That's in three days." Three days wasn't nearly enough time to make a big decision like this.

Kinnosuke folded his arms with a heavy sigh."My father arranged it. He doesn't think I should waste any more money on rent if I can help it. My lease is up in about a week anyway."

Kotoko was devastated. What was she going to do without Kin-Chan? He was just as much a part of her life as Irie-kun was.

He took her hands in his and looked directly into her eyes. "Look Kotoko, I know you need some time. The train leaves at six that morning. I'll wait for you as long as I can.", he said pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before leaving her alone at the table to think.