A/N: So thanks once more for those reviews on the last chapter. Sadly, we are now at the end of part 1 of these character's journeys. I'll be returning to regular postings of their journeys in A New Beginning which will start posting on Monday 4th December, I hope you lovely readers can wait eight weeks. It's been an amazing journey writing AHK and I love you all for supporting me through each chapter I've posted. A New Beginning will explore all the untouched stuff I haven't yet wrapped up: the slow repair of E+D's relationship, E getting through her kidnapping ordeal, Jamie's appeal and Lydia getting closure on that plus a few new ideas I have in mind for these characters.
So, here's the last chapter to AHK. Just a reminder, this story is rated M for a reason :) I hope you enjoy it.
Chapter Thirty-Four
It had been three weeks since she had been rescued and the Wickhams had been arrested. With early May came some changes for the Bennet sisters. After spending the past three weeks on a limited contact with her loved ones and beginning counselling to help her come to terms with what had happened to her, Elizabeth felt glad to be back in the comforts of home and back in the outside world. In three weeks that had passed, the only contact she'd had was with her aunt, uncle and sisters to build up a good structure of support. Her family members had been included in some of her sessions with Dr. Richardson's team at QA to do their best to support her on the outside world but it wasn't real for her just yet. She still jumped at the unexpected sound of a door opening fast and with a bang. She didn't want to be surprised by a touch and the thought of planning to do things a week ahead of her didn't interest her. All Elizabeth knew was that her aunt was helping her to attend her appointments by marking them up on the kitchen calendar and not mentioning it until the night before the appointment. As far as work was concerned, she had been signed off from work by Dr. Richardson until the end of the school year and would be reviewed in the summer holidays to assess whether she was ready to return to work in September when the new school year started. Jane had managed to hire a temporary B&B manager in her absence so that she could stay in Portsmouth to be with her, Elizabeth knew that Jane was feeling worried about being so far out of the way in case something happened. Lydia was back at school but was reluctant to attend but Georgiana had knocked on the door with Kit the first day back after the Easter break and had dragged Lydia out of the way and promised Jane and Elizabeth to stay with her as much as she could where lessons allowed during the period of the school day.
Climbing down the stairs, she entered the living room and was greeted with a warm but protective look on her sister's face.
"Is there anything you want to do today?" Jane asked.
Elizabeth sat down on the sofa, shrugging her shoulders as she picked up the TV remote and began to flick mindlessly through the TV channels. At least if she had been able to go to work, she'd be able to concentrate on her work duties instead of trying to find things to do stuck at home.
"We could take Trip for a walk together if you want?" Jane suggested.
"Maybe later." Elizabeth replied quietly.
"Lizzy, some fresh air might do you some good-"
"Jane, I appreciate you're worried but I don't need you fussing over me."
Her sister nodded, getting up from the sofa as someone knocked on the door. Deciding to watch an old episode of Friends, Elizabeth took deep breaths to calm her pacing heart rate. Jane opened the front door, refusing to budge until Elizabeth stood behind her and smiled when she saw Will stood outside.
"I thought you'd be in London." Elizabeth said in surprise.
"Richard is taking care of things, I wanted to be around for you." Will replied, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.
"I'm sure you could get more out of the way if you worked with your cousin." Jane commented.
"Richard understands that I'm needed here."
"Are you?"
Elizabeth poked her sister in the ribs to which Jane threw Will a dirty look and went back into the house while Elizabeth closed the door behind her boyfriend and led him upstairs to her bedroom for some privacy.
"How are you feeling?" Will asked, perching on the edge of her bed.
She shrugged her shoulders as she closed the bedroom behind them.
"Not great. I feel lost." Elizabeth admitted quietly.
"Lost?"
Elizabeth nodded, sitting next to him on the bed.
"I can't go to work because Dr. Richardson wants me to work through everything that happened three weeks ago. Jane is hovering over me because she's too worried. I can't sleep without medication because every time I try, I have horrible nightmares. I just don't feel like me anymore."
Will reached over and took her hand in his while the other cupped her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes.
"I'm sorry that I haven't been able to help you through the past three weeks." He apologised.
"It isn't your fault, I was only allowed contact with my family and I didn't have my phone." Elizabeth said softly.
"I just feel like I should have been there. Jane wouldn't tell me how you were doing, I had to rely on news of you from Lydia telling Georgie or Charles passing on what Jane had confided in him. I hated asking them to sneak around like that but it drove me mad not knowing how you were." Will sighed.
"Don't feel bad. I would have done the same if it were the other way around. I just have a lot to get my head around right now and all these therapy sessions are going to drive me mad." Elizabeth said quietly.
"Can I take you to your next one? Do you want me to stay with you?" Will asked.
"I'd like that." Elizabeth smiled.
She could tell he was being hesitant with her, as if he were unsure of how to act around her. She imagined the last three weeks had been a nightmare for him as much as it had for her. The last three weeks had been about her slowly talking about her ordeal with Wickham, first giving her statement to the police and then having a therapy session with her sisters followed by a visit to Sarah to see how she was recovering after being shot by Shane.
"I wasn't sure whether you would still want to be with me," Will admitted quietly, "You don't know what it means to me that you want me to come with you…"
"Will…" Elizabeth said, unsure of what to say to him.
In truth, she hadn't really thought about the future of her relationship with Will. The past three weeks she had mainly talked about everything that had happened to her, how she felt about it, her fears, how her sisters had gone through the ordeal, how they felt. It had been a rough few weeks, a lot of times she had been exhausted from the amount of crying she, Jane and Lydia had shared together because they had once again found themselves discussing the hell that had been their life for the past two years. Lydia had admitted her fears on awaiting the appeal hearing date for Jamie's case and how she didn't feel like she was strong on her own to get through it without her and Jane. And Jane had told them both honestly how she felt like it was her fault for not being around as much, for not being there with them both every day, feeling unsure of what to do for the two of them as they were going to face a tough few months ahead of them and how she had left Elizabeth on her own with Will when she should have stayed outside but out of the way so they could talk. As it had turned out, all three sisters had learned that while they had thought they had moved on from everything that had occurred over the past two years; they hadn't fully worked through all their fears. And all three now shared the same question in their head: could they move on completely?
"I don't know what to do Lizzy. I'm scared of trying to do the right thing but having it turn out to be the wrong thing." Will mumbled.
"Will…"
"And I really wish I could have been there for you these past three weeks. I can't imagine what you must be going through and it's all my fault. If I had stayed with you…if I had gone to the police about Sarah's warnings…this could have been prevented…"
"I don't want to talk about it right now." Elizabeth interrupted.
Will blinked at her and nodded.
"If that's what you want…" he said uncertainly.
"I don't know what I want…" Elizabeth sniffed, feeling a tear roll down her cheek, "I wanted to help you…be with you…but then Wickham…he has a sick mind…I thought he was going to…"
Will wiped away the tears that were rolling freely down her cheeks and held her to him, humming a soothing tune to her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. She hated this. Being a mess and breaking down when she least unexpected it. Thinking she was fine one minute and then blubbing on Will's shoulder the next.
"Lizzy…we'll get you through this…no matter what or how long it takes…" Will whispered into her ear.
She nodded against his shoulder, sniffing as the tears continued. She let out a shuddered breath against him as he continued to hold her securely, making her feel safe in his arms.
"I just want to feel normal, for five minutes, forget that any of this ever happened." Elizabeth cried.
"I know, I do too." Will sighed.
"I thought I'd never see my sisters again, my aunt and uncle, you."
Pulling her to look at him, he cupped her face in his hands and used his thumbs to stroke away that tears that fell. He gave her a longing look as he gazed into her puffy green eyes.
"I would have stopped at nothing to get you out of there." Will whispered.
She let out a shuddered breath as she tried to calm herself down.
"Why didn't you just wait for the police?" Elizabeth asked, remembering that Jane had been annoyed that Will had rushed in without the police's permission or knowledge.
"I was impatient and I needed to get you back. Getting the police there would have taken too long. I didn't think rationally-"
"You could have been arrested!" Elizabeth interrupted.
"DC Harris let me go with a caution." Will said.
"You could have been hurt!"
"That didn't matter to me. All that matters to me is you. Wickham could have had the money, the company, whatever I had I would have handed over if it meant getting you back to me."
"I'm not the only one you have to think about Will. What if something had happened to you? How could I face Georgiana knowing you had been hurt? Why did you have to be so stupid?!" Elizabeth cried.
Will gazed into her eyes, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Because I love you. And the thought of losing you scared me to death." He said softly.
Her breath caught in her throat. Finally, he had said that he loved her out loud. And all it took was her being kidnapped for him to say it.
"I-I d-don't know what to say." Elizabeth muttered.
Will sighed heavily but maintained eye contact with her, as if not wanting to look away.
"I don't want to make this about me. But I saw Sarah in the hospital and told her that I didn't love her anymore and I needed to move on with my life, that I hated her for what she did to me and I wanted to move on with my life. With you. So, I'm saying, I love you. I'm sorry for pushing you away, for hurting you and having issues with our relationship. From now on, I'm going to be with you completely, be there for you every step of the way if you'll let me." He promised.
Hearing that he had been able to get some closure with Sarah was something that she had wanted him to be able to come to terms with, help him with and he'd been able to confront his ex-wife about what she had done. And here he was, sitting next to her and cupping her face, apologising for everything awkward that had happened between them over the last few weeks. He was asking if she would let him help her through this ordeal, through this nightmare and she still didn't know what her future was going to be like.
"Will, before this all happened with Wickham, we were in a very awkward place and it hurt. You hurt me. You questioned if you even knew me." Elizabeth muttered.
"I realise now that I was a prick. A complete prick. Someone who doesn't deserve you and I'm sorry. For all of it. And I wish I could take back the last few weeks and do things over. I wish I hadn't questioned our relationship, questioned the girl I should know by now, because if I hadn't have done all that then Wickham wouldn't have had the chance to get to you." Will said, his voice full of regret.
His eyes portrayed the guilt he felt over her being kidnapped and her heart broke to see that he had been suffering as much as the rest of her loved ones were. Everyone all felt some form of guilt or regret over her kidnapping.
"I wish you had dealt with your demons with Sarah a lot earlier than now." Elizabeth said, trying her best not to sound like she was blaming him.
"I do too. I should have listened to you when she put that note through the door and gone to the police about it. Things would be very different now if I hadn't brushed off your concern." Will sighed.
"I don't know where this leaves us." She said honestly.
Will looked hurt at her admission, making her feel like a complete arse for being honest with him. But she knew she had to be honest about her thoughts. She didn't know where she stood with him because of his earlier actions and while she appreciated his apology and reflection that he had been holding her at arms-length because of his hurt caused by Sarah, she didn't know if she could handle getting hurt like that again.
"I understand." Will muttered, his voice full of sadness but acceptance.
"Will, I love you. I do. But I'm a mess. I have a long road ahead of me if I'm going to get back to being myself instead."
"You can get through this, I know you can."
"But I don't."
"You've been through a nightmare, that's understandable. But Lizzy, isn't that the whole point of the long road to recovery? The journey is going to be bumpy, it's going to be hard and there will be times you want to give up but that's why you've got support from the people who love you. Ed, Maddie, Lydia, Jane. And me." Will stated.
She blinked. While he still looked hurt at her admission of not knowing where they were with each other, he wasn't giving up. He hadn't just gotten up, said goodbye and accepted what she had said. He was still sat with her, his eyes pleading for her to give him the chance to prove it to her that he wanted to be there with her through every step of getting through this nightmare.
"So, what are you saying? Dr. Richardson said that she imagines the next few months will be hard for me, given the fact I'm on sleeping pills, I cry at unexpected times because it the flashbacks and nightmares get to me just when I think I'm doing alright. Can you handle me being moody, emotional, needy? Because Dr. Richardson has already warned my family that is expected to happen." Elizabeth stated.
Will nodded.
"I can handle it. I can handle the therapy sessions and I'll gladly pick up the prescriptions you need for sleeping pills. I can handle sleepless nights if you have a nightmare or you can't sleep, I'll sit up with you for as long as you need me to. I'll handle mood changes and I'll listen for as long as you want me to if that's what you need me to do. I'll make you forget the best I can if you need to take your mind off it, I'll hold you if you need to cry or I'll cry with you if that's what I can do to make it better. And I'm not going to do all of it just because I feel guilty for my past actions. I'll do it because I want to help you through this, because I owe it to you and because I love you more than anything, Elizabeth Bennet." He promised.
She didn't know why she was crying again. She just knew that his declaration had touched her and that he meant every word he had just said by the way his brown eyes gazed into her eyes so warmly, so full of promise and hope that things would get better. Leaning forward so she was closer to him, their lips met. The kiss was slow, as if both was hesitant since it had been over three weeks since they had last kissed each other. One of Will's hands wove into her hair while the other wrapped around her waist and pulled her to him while Elizabeth's arms wove around his neck as she settled herself into his lap, her legs on either side of his as she straddled him.
"Lizzy…" he breathed against her lips, continuing to kiss her.
"Kiss me." She whispered.
Groaning his approval, he continued to kiss her, a little more heated this time as she dipped her tongue into his mouth and teased his tongue; needing to feel a little thrill. She needed this. To feel alive in his arms. To forget the numbness and the exhaustion and the fear she had been feeling for the past three weeks. As her mouth grew more fierce and insistent against his, her hands moved from his neck and to the buttons on his shirt and began to slowly undo the top one. Will pulled away from her, breathing heavily.
"We should stop." He panted.
"You want to stop?" Elizabeth asked quietly.
"Lizzy, I don't want to take advantage of you…" Will said.
"You aren't. I want this. I want to forget…I need to forget…just for a little while…I need you…I love you…Will please…." Elizabeth pleaded.
He groaned as his lips captured hers in another fiery kiss, her hands moving down his shirt, unbuttoning each button one by one until she could feel his broad chest underneath her fingertips. His hands remained on her back, stroking random patterns underneath her t-shirt until she moved them higher up her back until they met her bra clasp. Pulling away from her lips, he looked into her eyes questionably, as if asking her silently if this was what he really wanted.
"Yes, Will." She assured him in a whisper.
"This is what you want?" Will asked, "I can't stay in control if we push further…"
"Make love to me…" Elizabeth whispered quietly against his lips.
Nodding, Will's hands fumbled with her bra clasp, groaning when his hands moved to the front of her t-shirt and travelled underneath the bra to cup her breasts in both his hands. Elizabeth sighed in satisfaction as he massaged them, rolling his thumb over a nipple as his lips met hers again.
They were stopped from going any further by a loud knock on her bedroom door.
Will pulled away from her lips, moving his hands back to over her shirt instead of under.
"Not now…" Elizabeth groaned in dissatisfaction.
"Tell me about it." Will muttered.
She could feel his hard arousal in between her legs, grinning to herself she gently rocked her hips into his pelvis which caused Will to bite his lip to prevent a groan coming out.
Another knock at the door.
"What?" Elizabeth called out.
"Lizzy, we're taking Trip for a walk, do you want to come?" Jane asked loudly from the other side.
"No thanks! I'll stay here with Will." Elizabeth replied.
"Oh…he's staying, is he?"
She could hear the surprised and unapproving tone in her sister's voice which made her roll her eyes. Whenever Will's name had been mentioned over the past three weeks, her sister had a look of distaste on her face and whenever Jane had been forced to talk about him, she got the impression that her sister hated Will at the moment and blamed him for her kidnapping.
"Jane, I'll be fine here."
"Okay…call us if you need anything."
They both heard Jane's retreating footsteps down the stairs and seconds later the front door slammed to a close. The only sounds in the house was their breathing as they looked back at each other.
"So…where were we?" Will asked, a grin on his face forming.
Elizabeth returned his grin and pulled his lips back to her own.
ooOoo
Reaching that point of no return, Elizabeth collapsed on to her boyfriend's chest panting heavily. Will's heartbeat was pounding fast against her ear, joining in the same rhythm that her own was making. Their lovemaking had been incredible. She had missed being with him, moving with him, reaching that blissful point of completion with him. Right now, all she could recall was that he had been insistent that she be in control, keeping her on top of him, letting her set the pace she needed, touching her where she needed to be touched, telling her he loved her.
"Wow…" she managed to get out in breathless sigh.
Will chuckled, lifting her head to look at her.
"I've missed this." He said hoarsely.
"Me too." Elizabeth whispered.
Their lips met in a short lingering kiss as his hands wove into her hair and held her head in his hand.
"I love you, Lizzy."
Her eyes welled up in tears, she didn't want to cry but hearing him say those words to her so tenderly and without holding back meant so much to her that he was finally able to heal those old wounds and take a risk with her.
"I love you too."
Giving her another short kiss, Will frowned.
"What's the matter?" he asked softly.
"Just…thank you…for letting me have control over what just happened…being underneath you, it briefly brought back things Wickham said to me and it…"
He silenced her with a shushing sound and pressed his lips to her forehead and cradled her against his chest.
"I would have stopped if you wanted me to stop but you didn't want to, so I thought being on top and letting you see me underneath you, letting you take what you needed, letting you set the pace and having the control was what you needed." Will explained softly.
"I didn't want to stop. I needed this." Elizabeth mumbled.
"I'll do whatever I can to get you through this Lizzy. We'll get through this." Will promised.
"We still have a lot to talk about." She sighed.
Looking up at her as she lifted her head off his chest, he nodded.
"I know we do. Our relationship needs a lot of time, talking and repairing but we'll do it together if you still want to be with me."
"I do. But you were an arse and just because we've just had sex doesn't mean you aren't in the doghouse."
"I know. But I will make it up to you, become someone who deserves you."
"I want that more than anything, a new beginning, healing the hurt."
Will smiled, looking up at her through warm eyes.
"We'll figure it out together."
Nodding her agreement, he leaned up and captured her lips in another passionate kiss.