Chapter 3-Probably Sexual

"If Thoughts Could Kill"

Probably sexual. Those words kept echoing through Lee's head as he tried to look away from her. What had possessed Amanda to say such a thing? Sure, she'd tried to cover it after the fact with a quick "Freud would say," when he'd given her a startled look. He'd never expected such a thing to come flying out of the mouth of someone who seemed so...good. What was the reason behind it? As he hid his face from her view with his hand, he couldn't help smiling a bit as he wondered if maybe it had come unbidden because she was just as attracted to him as he was to her. Was that it?

No, he shook his head firmly. If she were interested in him, then why would she have turned him down when he'd asked her to go for a drink with him last week? And why would she have been so adamant about not even spending the night in the same house with him for their cover? He'd tried his damndest, that was for sure, purposely taunting her with his open shirt and his "Get your mind out of the gutter." She may not have been willing to admit it, but he just knew her mind had been drifting to the same place his had. Why couldn't she just admit that she felt the same attraction he did?

Another thought struck him. Since she'd mentioned Freud, it occurred to him that it was a Freudian slip on her part. He'd read about that kind of thing when an unconscious feeling came bubbling to the surface unintentionally. At first, he'd thought she was just poking fun at his active social life, but now he found himself wondering if she'd been having sex dreams about him since they'd been discussing his dreams.

"Are you just going to give me the silent treatment now?" she questioned, breaking him out of his reverie.

In an attempt to mask his thoughts, he pasted on a stern look and replied gruffly, "Well, come on, Amanda. You're the one who's always after me to share more. I was trying to do that, to talk to you, tell you how I was feeling; you asked me about my dreams and then when I tried to explain them, you just made a joke about it."

"Oh, honestly, Lee, I was just trying to lighten the mood a little," she replied apologetically. "I really didn't mean anything by it."

"No?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly, a hint of mischief in his eyes, no longer keeping up the pretense of hurt feelings.

"No." She shook her head adamantly. She couldn't help being unnerved by the way he was looking at her so intently, his bedroom eyes alight with amusement. She flushed under his scrutiny and nervously stammered, "I-I-I d-don't know wh-what you thought I might have m-meant."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Oh, come on, Amanda. I've read some of your background info and you were married for ten years so I know you're not as naive as you pretend to be, especially when you just come up with a comment like that out of the blue."

The way he was looking at her sent a shiver up Amanda's spine. "Well, you know, I only meant since you seem to...um..." She hesitated as she tried to think of the right words without it sounding insulting. She took a deep breath in an attempt to regain her composure, pasted on a teasing smile and replied, "You...well, you date so much, so some of that kind of lifestyle is bound to creep into your dreams."

"Yes, I date, but just because I'm a single guy who dates a lot, that doesn't mean I'm some kind of sex fiend," he argued. "Besides, you're single too, so you can't honestly tell me that you don't have those kind of dreams from time to time."

"I-I-I-" she sputtered as her face turned bright red again.

"Aha!" He cheered triumphantly.

Her embarrassment soon turned to a scowl. "What aha? There's no 'aha' here."

"Then why are you blushing?"

She glanced around nervously at the people coming and going through the hospital courtyard and lowered her voice. "Because I...um...I really don't think this is something we should be talking about, especially here." Speaking in her normal voice again, she added, "Besides, you and I, we j-just work together."

"Funny, because where we were didn't seem to bother you when you made your crack a minute ago," he countered with a salacious grin.

"It...uh..." She let out a sigh when she couldn't think of a suitable explanation for her comment. What had she been thinking when she let that fly out of her mouth? You know damn well what you were thinking, an inner voice scolded her as images from the week before of Lee with his open shirt came unbidden to the forefront of her mind."You...uh...I mean, I...no, I mean, we should keep this on a strictly professional level."

He nodded in agreement but wasn't entirely convinced that she meant what she was saying. He decided to put that theory to the test. "Speaking of which, since you're supposed to be looking out for me, I could use a little help." He gestured to the crutch at his side. "The call of nature is calling pretty loudly."

She frowned. "You probably shouldn't have drunk so much coffee this morning," she lightly scolded him, but shuddered slightly at the thought of what he was asking. Did he expect her to help him while he was in the bathroom since he was having trouble standing on his own? As a regular hospital volunteer, she'd had no problem with such things before, but given the charged nature of their current conversation, this was completely different. With a deep breath, she shook off those nagging thoughts, smiled brightly and replied, "Of course, I'll help you." She quickly rose from her seat and reached for his arm to help him up.

After a moment's struggle, the two of them got him to his feet, crutch propped under one arm and his other wrapped around her for support. Amanda felt the same shiver travel up her spine at his nearness as they slowly made their way back to his room.

Once they arrived, she quickly locked the door with her free hand, knowing he'd need privacy to take care of his personal business and then led him into the tiny adjoining bathroom. She shuddered at the idea of what was to come, but knew it had to be done since he wasn't entirely mobile.

Upon entering the bathroom, Lee began to have second thoughts about this when he sensed her nervousness. "Are you...uh...are you sure you're okay with this? You seem, I don't know, on edge. I mean, if you're really a hospital volunteer, you must have done this a thousand times."

"Oh, I have," she assured him, sounding more confident than she felt. Just get it over with, she admonished herself. "I...uh...I just wasn't sure how much help you need here," she explained in a calmer tone.

"I-" Now, it was his turn to struggle with words. The truth was that while he'd intended this to be just a game, he really did have to pee now and he did need a bit of help since he was partially incapacitated by his busted knee. How was he going to manage everything, holding himself upright with the crutch to avoid putting any weight on his injured leg, while simultaneously taking care of business? He let out a deep sigh. "I know this is awkward, but I really do need help. If you could just...I don't know...at least let me lean on you so I could have both hands free, that would be a big help."

She nodded with a weak smile. "Sure. You can lean on me. I'm a lot stronger than I look."

He smiled back brightly, wrapped his arm more tightly around her and leaned the crutch against the handicapped rail. "Good."

Just as he was reaching for the drawstring on his pajama pants, Amanda piped up, "You know, you might try to do this sitting down instead. In my experience working here, some men find it easier than trying to do it standing up." She gestured to the rails on either side of the toilet. "That is what the rails are there for, after all."

"I-" He glanced at the miniscule room and as he thought of all the maneuvering it would take to get him turned around and into a seated position when his leg was strapped into a rigid brace, he shook his head. "Nah. I don't think that will work. Just think about how much effort it took both of us to get me into the chair outside and there's even less space in here."

"Right," she nodded. She had to agree with his logic despite the fact that it made her uncomfortable. "So, I guess you should...uh..." She gave a slight nod to his partially-undone PJ pants.

"Uh...yeah," he agreed.

Amanda stared into the mirror above the sink in an attempt to avert her eyes as she felt him shifting beside her and heard the telltale sounds of nature's call. When the sounds beside her stopped for a moment, she chanced a glance sideways, but flushed beet red again once she realized he wasn't quite finished straightening his clothing.

Amanda abruptly averted her eyes, but the movement was not lost on her companion, who dropped his voice into that low, flirtatious register and teased, "Like what you see?"

"Oh, honestly." She rolled her eyes as she risked looking back at him, being cautious to only look at his face and not cast her eyes downward. "It's not as if I've never seen the male anatomy before."

"I'm sure you have," he goaded her. "You are a mother, after all and I didn't think the stork brought your children."

"Listen, you've been up long enough," she hastily changed the subject. "And you're supposed to be staying off that knee, so we should really get you back to bed."

For Amanda, that turned out to be the completely wrong thing to say because Lee responded with a cheeky smirk, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, one little peek and now you can't wait to get me into bed, huh?"

"You know very well that's not what I meant," she chided him as she reached across him for his discarded crutch. "Here." She helped him tuck it firmly back under his arm. "Now, let's go."

She helped him hobble back to his bed, her arm still wrapped around him and the two of them together struggled to get him into it, but just when she thought he was ready to lie down, he lost his grip on the crutch sending it clattering to the floor and fell backward onto the bed, his grip on her causing her to fall with him with an "Oof," from her and a loud "Ouch!" from him when the fall jarred his injury.

"Are you okay," she asked as she tried to free herself from his grasp and make sure that she wasn't causing him further pain, but he still held her too tightly, so all she could do was shift just enough to ensure her weight was not on his bad side. She sighed in frustration and said, "I should move. I'm probably hurting you."

"No," he replied. "My bad leg hitting the bed rail is what did it."

"But still, I should-"

"Do you really want to?" he inquired bluntly as he ran a hand down her back to rest just above her bottom.

"I-" She faltered as she saw the hazy look in his eyes, her body tingling with anticipation.

That feeling only grew when Lee's tone changed again to one of sincerity mixed with his unspoken desire for her, "You know, I really should thank you for helping me."

"Well, I...uh..." She blew out a long breath as she struggled to regain her sanity. "That is one of the many responsibilities of a Bedside Bluebell."

Bedside blue balls is more like it, Lee couldn't help thinking as he reflected back on all the teasing that had led to this moment. By the dark look in her eyes that was a combination of anticipation and raw desire, he knew she could no longer deny what she felt for him. He just wondered if she'd have the nerve to act on it. One way to find out. He raised one hand to tug on the back of her head, his fingers catching in her makeshift bun as he lifted his head to hers.

As their lips met, Amanda let out a little sigh at the gentle pressure of his mouth on hers and melted into his embrace. She had to admit that the answer to his question about liking what she saw was a definite 'yes,' She was honestly longing for a better look than she'd gotten, but the part of her that believed they should keep their relationship professional had interfered. Now, there was no denying that it just wasn't possible to maintain a solely working partnership with the man who held her so closely, not when he made her feel things she hadn't felt in years, even though she had a boyfriend.

That thought stopped her cold as she thought of Dean and how she was betraying him just by being here in Lee's arms. She pulled back as the guilt washed over her.

"Amanda?" Lee gave her a questioning look.

"I c-can't d-do this," she sputtered. "I have a boyfriend."

Lee let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, he's obviously not getting the job done or you wouldn't have responded to me the way you did." Wide grin on his face, he nodded to the outline of her erect nipples poking through even the hospital smock she wore.

"Lee-ee," she drawled in warning tone. "That's not a very nice thing to say." While she believed what she'd said was true, she also had to admit, at least to herself that what Lee had said was true too. Even in bed, Dean had never made her feel the way that Lee could just with a simple look.

"Well, he's not, is he?"

"No," she confessed. "But-"

"But what?" he probed. "You're not married to him, are you? Hell, you're not even engaged."

"No," she snorted. "Not for his lack of trying."

"Then where's the problem? You've been seeing him for what, about a year? Since right after your divorce?"

"You really did read my background information, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did. Since Billy insisted on keeping you around, I wanted to get to know as much about you as I could."

"Hmmm..." Amanda wasn't sure whether to be touched by his efforts or creeped out. "But it doesn't matter how long I've been seeing him. What matters is that he is still my boyfriend."

"If you haven't made a serious commitment to the guy in all that time, do you really think you're going to?"

"Probably not," she acknowledged. "But my point is that he thinks I'm committed and in a way, I sort of am because I'm not seeing anyone else."

"If that's true, then what are you doing here with me? What were you doing kissing me?"

"You kissed me," she pointed out.

"You didn't stop me and you kissed me back. Why do you keep denying that you want this, want me? Just like you wanted me when we were sharing a house."

"Okay, yes, but-" She broke off when she couldn't come up with a reasonable argument. The slight bulge in his pajama pants that their heated kiss had caused wasn't helping either. She bit down on her lower lip as she thought deeply about her situation. On the one hand, she had a very nice man in her life who loved her, loved her boys and wanted to marry her, but she just didn't feel enough for him and Lee was right, he was most definitely not getting the job done. On the other hand, she had a man right in front of her who she did have feelings for and she was sure could get the job done, but then what? She'd already heard bits about his reputation with the ladies and how he couldn't keep a relationship together. But can you? her inner voice taunted her. You've already been divorced and you know you're not happy with Dean.

Her decision made, she ran a hand down Lee's face and leaned back in to brush a feather-light kiss across his lips to test the waters. Lee's response was instantaneous. He used the hand on her head to deepen the kiss while the hand still on her lower back drifted downward to squeeze her butt. She let out a low moan, all thoughts of Dean lost as she pressed against Lee's growing erection. Taking great care to avoid his injury, she shifted positions, planting her knees into the thin hospital mattress on either side of his hips.

With Amanda's movement, Lee was able to run his hand under her skirt to the silken panties she wore, delighted to find them dampened with her desire for him. He pushed the fabric aside, found the tender nub and the apex of her thighs and began stroking it. He felt himself growing harder as her moans of pleasure filled his mouth, their kisses growing more heated as passion consumed them both.

Amanda's tugged at his robe to reach inside it for the drawstring he'd only just re-tied and yanked on it to free him from the confines of his pajama pants.

Out of breath, Lee finally broke their kiss and cried out her name as her nimble fingers wrapped around him. "God, Amanda!"

She glanced down at his swollen member in her hand and couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. As if reading her mind, he gasped out through his ragged breathing, "You...did...like what...you saw...didn't you?"

"Oh, yes," she gasped as his touch became more urgent, driving her closer and closer to the edge. She shifted once more, this time just enough to ease herself onto him pushing him deep inside her.

They gasped in unison at the joining of their bodies and she added, "It feels even better than it looks."

"God, yes," he cried as they began to move together. It didn't matter that they'd only known one another for a couple of weeks. They rose and fell together in perfect rhythm as if they'd been doing this for years, each responding perfectly to the other's sighs, gasps and moans until Amanda finally cried out his name with her release, Lee soon following behind her and she collapsed onto his chest as they both panted and tried to catch their breath.

When her heart rate began to approach a more normal level, Amanda propped her head up on her hands and with a flirtatious smile inquired, "So, is this the kind of thing you were dreaming about that kept you from getting any restful sleep."

"No," he admitted as he returned her smile. "But it definitely will be now. I'll be dreaming of new ways to do this...with you."

"You mean...um..." Did she dare ask the burning question on her mind? "Does...um...that mean that you want to, you know, see me again? When it's not about work, I mean."

"On one condition," he replied with a more serious expression.

Amanda swallowed hard wondering what that condition would be? Given his reputation, she feared that he'd still want to see other women too. Apprehensively, she questioned, "What's the condition?"

"You have to ditch the wearisome weatherman."

"He's already a memory," Amanda assured her new lover.

"Just like that?"

"Well, you were right. He never did get the job done and it's for sure I never had those kind of dreams about him," she explained flirtatiously.

"So, are you saying you have had that kind of dream about me?"

"Maybe. Maybe more than one and if you behave yourself for the rest of the time you're in here, maybe I'll even tell you about one of them."

"That's blackmail," he groused good-naturedly.

"I like to think of it as a strong incentive to keep you on your best behavior."

"Or maybe you could tell me about one of them now if I promise to behave myself."

"Maybe not," she fired back as she extracted herself from his arms.

"Hey, where are you going?"

She indicated her disheveled appearance. "I should really go freshen up." She tapped her watch. "It's almost time for your next round of tests. If I'm going to keep looking after you, I can't have any of the hospital staff seeing me like this." She turned on her heel and sauntered toward the bathroom leaving him gaping in surprise after her.

"A-man-da!" he called after her in exasperation. Had she done that on purpose knowing full well that he couldn't easily chase after her? He glanced down at the floor forlornly at the crutch that was just a hair too far away for him to reach. He shook his head and despite his frustration, couldn't help chuckling at her ability to play the game as well as he did. Not one bit of the information in her background could have prepared him for that, but he was sure going to enjoy getting to know that side of her. He just hoped he could keep up.