Summary: In which Obi-Wan learns to make use of psychological warfare. Or the part where Sakura coaches him in the fine art of passive aggressive vengeance.

Notes: I would like to thank try the Carnivorous Muffin for inspiring me.

What Do You Mean It's Haunted?

Bruck Chun is and will always be a nuisance. However, the power of sending a grown man flying through the air close to the speed of sound had Obi-Wan's maturity getting a time-skip from 12 to 25 in a single day. So, instead of getting irritated as Chun's jeers, Obi-Wan simply gave the other boy a serene expression. Or something close to it anyway.

Except it wasn't Obi-Wan who was smiling Bruck. It was Sakura who's giving Bruck the sweet expression with barely concealed promises of pain and humiliation. She decided to basically hijack Obi-Wan's body and have a test drive. Her tenth test drive. That was definitely the reason why Obi-Wan did not test the power of punching on the unfortunate initiate.

"So Master Jinn took pity on little Oafy-Wan! Did you trip at his feet and he forgot to take you back to your mum, huh? Or he can't take the crazy back to his mum, huh?" Chun's groupie jeered and sneered in a childish cacophony. They cornered Obi-Wan, thinking that if Bant, Garen, and the others weren't there, no one would stop Obi-Wan from flinging himself to Chun and beat the living daylight out of the bully. Except they were probably going to have a Master or a Knight catch Obi-Wan to get him in trouble.

Obi-Wan was doing the ghostly equivalent of gritting his teeth. Floating rather uselessly close to his body. Sakura's (or Obi-Wan's) expression turned calculating for half a second, and Obi-Wan's curiosity suddenly piqued. She didn't usually hijack his body, and when she did, it was for a reason.

Obi-Wan would have screamed if he was in possession of his body. Well, he did scream, only Sakura was the one who heard it. She didn't show that she did, though.

Like now. Her (rather, his) expression was the same serene smile bordering on sickly sweet. Sakura's (Obi-Wan's) arms around Chun's shoulders in a very intimate and very romantic embrace. Romantic for a twelve year old anyway.

There was dead silence.

Then the silence went on.

And on.

And on.

"Uh… Kenobi?" Bruck was still in a state of shock, his ears tinted pink. He started to struggle, trying to disengage the hug. He tried pushing Sakura (Obi-Wan) off, but her inhuman strength carried over through the body surf. Well, Obi-Wan already had about ten percent of her inhuman strength, but still!

"Get off me Kenobi!" Chun all but screamed, panic on his voice. His friends were all too stunned to make a reaction. Even Obi-Wan (the floating spirit) was to stunned to make a reaction as well.

"Are you using Alderaanian coconut shampoo?" Sakura asked through Obi-Wan's voice, and then made a loud and exaggerated sniff. "It smells really good."

Bruck spluttered, too flustered to make a coherent response. Obi-Wan hid his face in his hands, ready to die from second hand embarrassment. Sakura then proceeded to nuzzle Chun's neck, and the other boy made an indignant sound. His struggles were futile.

Slowly, but surely, his groupie proceeded to abandon him to this… torture.

Obi-Wan wanted to die right then and there, but he'll probably be stuck with Sakura in that infernal ribbon.

"Kenobi! What if a Master sees us?" Chun tried shaking Sakura off, but to no avail.

"What? You make it sound like I'm a senator in an illicit and forbidden affair with a Jedi knight. This is just a hug between two prepubescent boys." Sakura sounded really hurt and heartbroken, but Obi-Wan knew better. "Besides, I've noticed that you've had a crush on me since forever. I forgive you for all the times you bullied me. Even if logically, I should hate your guts for forever, and that's what you'd feel like that you deserve for being a scaredy cat about your feelings."

Chun made a pained noise, and to Obi-Wan's horror, Chun also made an expression similar to a criminal caught guilty.

Oh no.

Oh fucking no.

ALL OF THE YEARS OF BULLYING FOR A STUPID CRUSH?

Sakura was giving Obi-Wan a Look. It was a look that said 'well, duh', it was a look Obi-Wan found himself being a frequent receiver of from the pink-haired ghost. It was the same look she gave him when he refused to believe her that the power of punching will convince Qui-Gon Jinn to take him as a Padawan Learner.

It took Obi-Wan exactly five minutes to understand what she was getting at.

This.

Was.

Blackmail material.

"Obi-Wan! Are you okay? We heard Bruck… is… bullying you?" Garen and Bant skidded into a halt, half horrified and half shocked.

"Shhhh…," shushed Sakura, making a vague gesture with Obi-Wan's shoulders. "We're having a Moment."

Bruck turned bright red, but he wasn't struggling anymore. In fact. He looked like he… liked it even. However, there was a Master rounding up the corner behind Sakura that everyone saw except for her.

Bruck then renewed his struggling. Sakura held on, bordering bone-crushing. Which had Chun turn desperate. In a sudden burst, he pushed Obi-Wan's body off using the Force. Sakura flew off to the wall made an 'oomph' sound, and her spirit actually flew out of his body. In a panic, Obi-Wan dove back inside, a little dizzy from the transition from a weightless ghost to a somewhat light kid.

Also, the Master began marching towards the two with a very stern expression. And that Master was Mace Windu.

"What is going on here?" he said with a disappointed expression. He looked very Unamused. "Care to explain why you thought to use the Force to harm Padawan Kenobi, Initiate Chun?"

"Protect Chun so he owes you!" Sakura all but screamed. Summoning calm and confidence Obi-Wan did not possess, and all his acting skills, he turned to Master Windu with an almost tearful expression.

"This is my fault Master Windu. I made Initiate Chun uncomfortable and ignored his personal space, he was just reacting." Obi-Wan gave himself ten pats on the back for his A acting. "I take responsibility for what happened. Initiate Chun said to go away multiple times and I ignored it."

Initiate Chun was holding his face in his hands, bright red and almost luminescent. It made a sharp contrast against his white hair.

"And what were you doing to invade his personal space, Padawan Kenobi?"

"I was giving him a hug." Obi-Wan's expression was carefully blank, his tone almost blithe but not quite disrespectful.

"Really?" Oh crap, Obi-Wan almost forgot that the Council had cameras everywhere. Well, it did not seem likely that Master Windu already reviewed the footage, but one can't be too sure with the council. What if they take Obi-Wan to the reeducation rooms? What if they discover that he knows that they know what he knows? What if his friends were the secret police and we're going to make their report later and they'd take Obi-Wan to a room full of rodents? Obi-Wan should have escaped while he still can.

Then Master Windu sighed in exasperation. "I'll be having Qui-Gon give you lessons in personal space. As for you Initiate Chun… I recommend meeting Master Dooku, he may give you a lesson or two in control. You can find him in the archives. If you hear Jocasta Nu laughing… don't approach until you see either one appear. You don't need to be scarred for life."

Bruck nodded and bolted as quickly as possible when Master Windu nodded back. He then turned to Obi-Wan.

The Padawan gave Windu the sweetest, most innocent expression. "Will Bruck get in trouble? I know we don't see eye to eye," Garen snorted, "and I do know that he may not be the most agreeable of people," Bant made a choking noise, "but I don't think that he deserves to be punished for reacting in a tight situation."

Mace Windu gave Obi-Wan Kenobi a Look. Drat, Obi-Wan had been had. Both of them know that Obi-Wan had ulterior motives, but Mace Windu had no proof that it was an elaborate plot to cause Bruck Chun immense distress from passive-aggressive psychological warfare. Still, Obi-Wan kept his expression innocent, while Sakura held his shoulders in a ghostly sign of support.

"Really, now?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure that this is not an elaborate passive-aggressive attack through the use of psychological warfare?"

"Absolutely. I mean, even if it was, I do know the council does not condone bullying and would you rather that I punched him instead?"

"Well, no. I'd rather like to think that we raised honourable Jedi hopefuls."

"Citizens of Oceania, you mean."

"Excuse me?"

"T'was nothing, Master Windu. I do believe that I have a lesson about personal space with Master Jinn, correct?"

"I suppose so."

"Very well then, see you in the next mission debriefing!" Obi-Wan wanted the council member cheerily, and then proceeded to drag Bant and Garen. Neither protested.

"That was close," Sakura breathed in relief, floating next to Obi-Wan.

"Damn right."

"Who are you talking to, Obi-Wan?"

"Sakura, the ghost who had been haunting me since Bant gave me that ribbon."

"Oh."

--

I also thank George Orwell.