Keith exited his room with a yawn, starting towards the dining room for breakfast. He'd normally be much more alert in the mornings, but lately he'd been a bit restless and struggled to sleep. No one else complained of similar troubles, and so Keith hadn't mentioned it to anyone, not usually one to show signs of weakness. He liked to deal with his problems on his own, and he'd gotten pretty good at it while living in his little shack. But sleepness nights were not on the list of things he could solve quickly, and that didn't seem like it was going to change anytime soon.

He entered the dining room to find Hunk already eating, something unusual since Keith was normally one of the first ones awake. Hunk simply waved to him as he passed, and Keith returned the gesture, happy that Hunk hadn't questioned him. It appeared the larger paladin had prepared his own meal, as it looked a lot tastier than what Coran might have made. He was going to ask Hunk if there was any more, but upon sighting him, Coran had quickly disappeared and returned with one of his normal multicolored globs of nutrients, and Keith couldn't turn the man down.

Pidge passed through the dining room moments later, some strange looking device in her hand. She grabbed a handful of Hunk's food and left again, probably to tinker around some more. She'd become increasingly reclusive in the past couple of days, but Keith thought nothing of it. He too went through phases where he was antisocial for a period of time, but it never lasted. Humans are social creatures by nature, and even people who isolate themselves in the middle of nowhere craved some sort of interaction eventually.

Shiro entered moments later, smiling at his comrades. Keith marveled at his leader's ability to light up a room with a single look. He was strong, caring, and (Keith would never admit this aloud) attractive. Shiro accepted Coran's mystery dish and sat down next to Keith. He seemed to scan the room and think for a moment, his smile fading to a confused expression.

"Where's Pidge?"

"Somewhere with a bunch of gadgets and a handful of my food." Hunk sounded very displeased.

"Does she still seem distant to you guys?" Shiro was always concerned.

"I don't know. I don't understand women." Hunk shoved another mound of food in his mouth.

"She's probably just thinking too hard. I think we should just give her space." Keith joined the conversation if only to have an excuse not to finish Coran's food.

Shiro didn't look convinced, but Hunk made a grunt of agreement as he continued to gorge himself. Keith wasn't entirely sure why Shiro felt inclined to look after Pidge the way he did. There is a fine line between a leader and a father figure, and Pidge already has a father. It wasn't just Pidge that he acted this way with either; Shiro took it upon himself to look after all his fellow paladins in a sometimes annoyingly parental manner. Keith wondered where the desire to take care of others came from.

"Are you alright? You still look a little sleepy."

Exhibit A.

"I'm fine."

"You'd say you were fine even if you were on fire." Keith almost jumped at this, not realizing that Lance had entered the room. Hunk chuckled at the statement, and Keith refused to look in Lance's direction. Regardless if he would admit it or not, he was too tired to deal with anyone's antics.

"Goodmorning, Lance." Keith couldn't help the sound of disdain that seeped into his voice.

"Morning." He took a swig of Hunk's drink, who at this point had given up on keeping any of his food to himself, "Are we still on for later?"

"I'll meet you in the training room after lunch."

"Cool. Don't forget to bring your A-game."

Keith didn't respond, making his way out of the dining room. He probably should have been heading back to his room for some rest, but of course, the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He instead elected to take his lion out to fly. Allura had told them they could practice flying as long as they stayed close to the castle/ship and were always alert if she called them back in an emergency. Keith found it easier to organize his thoughts when he was flying or training, so he often filled his free time with improving his skills in both piloting and combat.

Besides his recent troubles with sleep, Keith had other thoughts plaguing his mind. One such thought was his current standing with Lance, which although had been rocky at the start and still occasionally unsteady, could be considered a friendship. Allura and Coran both stressed that they all must work as a team, so an improved relationship with Lance should have been good for everyone. And it was. Their arguments became friendly banter and hateful name calling became playful teasing, and the entire dynamic of the group was that much stronger.

But Keith knew it wasn't going to last. He was certain of it. And the only person he had to blame was himself. He'd let himself get too comfortable. Dropped his guard down just a tensy bit, and in slithered a vicious beast that made a nest in his mind. He found himself craving more time with Lance, to abolish the platonic relationship and engage in something more romantic, more passionate. Of course, with Lance's constant flirtatious behavior towards Allura (and even any random alien girl with the slightest bit of charm), it was very clear that Lance did not desire the same thing Keith did.

He had to eradicate these thoughts. Did he think they were impure? No. Was he ashamed of them? Not in the slightest. Did he fear being rejected and shunned? Nope. He could handle it. Keith understood and accepted himself, and made no effort to change. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't matter if he had feelings for a guy who would never like him back. He could distance himself from the situation and get over it. But he shared a home with Lance, so avoidance was impossible. Keith had hoped the feelings would still die out anyway, but those hopes were the only things that faded.

Keith couldn't do it. He knew what the results would be if he just let the feelings fester. He'd begin to subconsciously resent Allura, something that seemed impossible. She was sweet, but commanding, and treated everyone with respect. But she was also a beautiful female, and the object of Lance's affection. Keith felt himself growing more and more bitter with every bad line or gesture Lance threw her way. It wasn't her fault, but he couldn't shake away the prickles of envy.

Try as he might, he'd only come up with one solution to his dilemma, and it wasn't one he'd choose if he had other options. He could think of nothing else, and didn't dare ask anyone for advice. He hadn't felt so attracted to Lance until they'd become more friendly, so he'd come to the conclusion that things could go back to normal if they no longer were on good terms. The team might suffer from that, but not as much as the alternative. Keith knew he couldn't just be outright mean to Lance, and he didn't think he could if he wanted too. So he'd come up with a different method.

Lance had told him about being "neck and neck" while back at the academy. While Keith wasn't so sure if this was true, it was clear that Lance considered himself a worthy opponent. This was the key to solve all his problems. If he constantly proved himself superior to Lance, be it while sparring or on the battlefield, Lance would break off the friendship. It helped slightly that Lance was a bit immature at times, so he'd be more likely to get upset at being bested or "one-upped". Hopefully his constant failure would be enough to drive a wedge between them, thus allowing Keith to return to his existence without pining after his fellow paladin.

Keith brought his lion back into its bay, and headed for his room. As predicted, flying had helped him organize his thoughts. However, he couldn't fool himself. His "plan" was, to put it nicely, ridiculous. If he'd explained it to someone aloud they'd probably think he was insane. The most practical solution to his problem was communication, but, as previously stated, Keith liked to do things alone. So, he went back to his room and removed his helmet and uniform, and dressed appropriately for training. Delusional plan to get Lance to hate me, begin.

Instead of going to the dining room for lunch, Keith decided to head to the castle's main control room. He had a few questions about the abilities and limits of the training room, and hoped to find Coran for some answers. The male Altean was elsewhere, and instead the room was occupied by Allura and Shiro, engaged in a hushed discussion. They went quiet when Keith entered, but seemed to relax when they realized it was him.

"Keith, I'm glad you're here. We're worried about Pidge." Keith approached them, thanking his lucky stars he hadn't walked in on something intimate happening between them. Although that would have been awkward, sometimes Keith wished Allura would fall madly in love with Shiro, leaving Lance all freed up. That still wouldn't make him interested in me, but at least he'd stop flirting with her.

Allura looked more concerned of the two, and Keith wondered if she picked up on something the rest of them had missed. "She's spending all her time alone, and she doesn't even look at me when I try to talk to her. I'm worried she may be….hiding something from us. I thought she'd feel comfortable opening up to me..." Allura was clearly taking this to heart, and Keith didn't know what to say to that.

Shiro didn't either, simply placing a hand on her shoulder and turning his attention back to Keith. "I know you said to give her space, but I'm not so sure this is the time for that. She's got a lot on her mind….we just don't know how to talk about it with her. Sometimes she'll come to me; my involvement with her family makes it easier I guess. But not this time, and this is the most she's ever secluded herself."

"Maybe she's just working really hard on another one of her upgrades." Keith tried to be optimistic. The other two didn't seem to buy into it. What were they so worried about? Sometimes people hit a rough patch, but it passes, even if you don't deal with it. It'll come back every now and then, but you get through it. What's the big deal?

And then Keith figured it out. Inner turmoil doesn't just affect you, but everyone around you, especially the people who care about you the most. The bigger the toll it takes on you, the worse it is for them too. You might be strong enough to take it; you've gotten used to it as it comes and goes. But the people around you don't understand, and every second they watch you struggle burns them to the core, because if you don't tell them what's wrong, you are extending your own helplessness onto them.

And if Keith didn't stop suffocating his feelings and trying to dispose of them, the next conversation like this would be about him.

Thank you for reading

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