Chapter 22

For a while, all Raphael could hear was the blood rushing in his ears and the rapid tapping of his feet on the ground. Sharp and shaky gasps were coming from his chest. He wasn't even quite sure where he was running, so long as it was away. Away from home, away from his brothers. As far as he could get. There was no way he could go back or even stay close, he had to keep them safe. From...

From him? That didn't make sense, he wasn't dangerous. He would never hurt his brothers, not like he just did—

Maybe it was the voice in his head that was dangerous. Maybe he was going insane. For now, until he figured it out, it was safer for his remaining brothers for him to be as far away as possible.

So all he did was run. As long as his body would let him, Raphael ran. He wasn't sure when he left the sewers, but when he came back into focus, he realized he was leaping across sunlit rooftops, and nearly at the far end of the city. Everything was a blur. He didn't know how long he had been running or where he had passed, but suddenly he was here, on some random rooftop far from home. Where the hell had he gone? Digging his heels into the concrete to stop his tracks, Raph gasped as his foot twisted and sent him face first into the rooftop. Well... he was stopped at least. Raph trembled as he tried to push himself up and catch his breath. Filling his chest with air seemed impossible. He felt like he was suffocating. He was breathing, sure, faster and faster, but his chest felt like it was tightening around him and his lungs were burning. Common sense told him he was hyperventilating. Anxiety and fear told him he was dying.

Like Donnie.

Hadn't he stopped crying on the way? Lifting a hand to his cheek, Raph hiccupped as he brought it away wet, and everything crashed back into place. His grief and his fear - of himself. Of this new monster. Of his family. What would they say? What would happen when they found him?

They would. They would find him. Raphael knew that in his heart. There was only so long he could hide. He was raised as a ninja, sure, but so were his brothers. So was Splinter. There would be no hiding from them unless he left the city, but he had no way to do that. He couldn't exactly steal a vehicle and drive off. He wouldn't even know where to go, so for now, he would have to hide in the city. Changing places every so often, never staying in one area for too long. But… it was only a matter of time.

They would find him.

Maybe he deserved whatever they did to him. Maybe it would be easier to just go back now. Accept it. Take whatever they gave, their grief and anger. Tell them what happened, tell them about this voice that was controlling him and making him hurt his brothers. Tell them about the nightmares. It probably wouldn't make them feel better about what happened and it definitely wouldn't earn their forgiveness, but… perhaps it would lessen the pain he got from them.

Unless they just kill me.

Raph didn't stop shaking as he sat up and pushed himself to his feet, rubbing his arms. A chill had gone down his spine at that thought. Surely they wouldn't kill him in return. Splinter's teachings went against the whole 'eye for an eye' thing.

Maybe their grief would be too much. They might not give me a chance.

So basically he was staying here. Until he figured this out. Raph winced as he looked around, managing to finally steady his breath to heavy pants instead of panicked ones. First thing on the list: figure out a place to sleep. He couldn't stay out here on the rooftop, not in plain daylight. Even if he was way up here, people could be looking out windows or come out onto the rooftop.

Good thing about New York: plenty of apartment buildings. Better thing about New York: plenty of empty apartments.

His first instinct was to go to Casey's or April's but that wasn't much of an option here. They wouldn't hesitate to call Leo, and once they heard, they probably wouldn't let him close anyway. So finding an empty apartment it was.

Didn't think I'd ever be doing this like an actual human. Raph didn't want to start running again, but there wasn't much other choice. He wasn't going to get across rooftops by walking. Taking in the buildings around him and choosing whichever apartment complex looked the most run-down, the turtle sighed and began to head for it. The less people around, the better. And heck, if they were crazies, then nobody would believe them if they saw him.

I'll fit right in.

It took a bit of window-peeking before he found an empty room. It was hard to wedge the window open, especially since he was clinging to the side of the building like freakin' Spider-Man, trying to hold on for dear life. But at least there weren't any major locks on it – there was no fire escape on this side, so nobody was probably expecting anyone to break in. Which was good for him. Raph grunted as he finally managed to flip the lock and shove the window open, slipping inside as fast as he could and closing the window behind him.

Well, it was warm, at least. Not as warm as a heated place, but it wasn't as cold as outside. There wasn't much in here at all. Grubby brown carpet that had a few questionable stains, some pale green wallpaper. There was a fridge and oven in the kitchen area, and plenty of empty space, but one separate room. Must be a single bedroom place. Raph poked his head into the bathroom and winced at the grime on the walls, but he didn't go in. After this morning, showering was far off.

Though he needed to get the blood off.

Trudging over to the sink, Raph turned the tap, prepared to have nothing but a bit of air come from it. Instead, a cool stream of water ran into the sink, and it was almost reassuring. He could stay here. There was water. He'd find food. He had shelter.

Yeah, this would be fine for the time being.

The water was pleasantly cold when he put his hands under it, and Raph rubbed at them until the blood from his brother washed away into the drain. He could still feel it. The warmth, the stickiness, and the way it dried. It didn't feel good. Stomach churning, Raph turned the water off and went back into the main area of the apartment, looking around as he swallowed. It was so empty. Lonely. No noise besides the distant traffic below and the occasional yell or crash from another apartment. He wasn't used to this.

You're going to have to if you're going to stay alive.

Raph stumbled as his hand lashed out to grab the wall, the other clasping at his head. The voice was back. Talking again. He knew that voice. He'd heard it somewhere before; before the fight, before his nightmares, before everything. It was on the tip of his tongue, he knew it. He'd met it before.

Who are you?

Close the blinds. You don't want any unwelcome guests peeking in at you. I can't make use of you if you're in some scientific laboratory getting torn apart.

A sudden rush of fury to his chest made Raph growl at nothing, but he shifted to the window, pulling the blinds shut. Whoever this was. Whatever this was. It made him do that. It made him attack Donnie, it had taken control and made him drive his sai through his head. This was—

My fault? Please. The only reason I was able to do that was because you already have the temper of an active volcano. You're so unstable that it's far too easy to take control of you. This is really your own fault.

I'll kill you.

Well, that wasn't what he was expecting to say, but that's what he felt. Raph trembled, not with shock, but with anger this time. He clenched his claws into his fists and grit his teeth, struggling to keep himself from yelling. This thing made him kill his brother. This thing was now at the top of his 'take down' list.

Forget Shredder. Forget Fishface and Rahzar and Kraang.

This guy was the first one to go down.

I'm going to find out who you are. And I am going to tear you limb from—

Yes, yes, limb from limb. I've heard it all before. This isn't the first time I've been threatened and it won't be the last. All threats aside, you aren't going to find out until I decide it so. You can't keep anyone safe from me, and you already have proof of that. I doubt you have the energy to go searching for a random voice in your head at the present moment. So why don't you settle down and behave for a while?

Raph felt his hands relax as he glared at the wall, the anger fading like the tide of it had been pulled down a drainpipe. He didn't have the energy for this. He was exhausted, inside and out. He needed to rest for a while before taking on any massive search mission for a body-less voice inside of his head. After he was rested, then he could start.

Vengeance went against everything Splinter taught him, but at this point, that was far from the best thing he'd done in the last few hours. At least it would give him some sort of purpose while he was alone. He could hunt this guy down. Hunt him down without mercy and once he was taken care of, then he could go home without being scared for his brothers.

Yeah. That was a decent plan.

You do that.

Raph scowled but didn't bother to reply, instead trudging over to the empty bedroom and sitting down in the corner. He'd go find some secondhand blankets or something tomorrow. Maybe a gross old mattress if he could find one. Didn't have any idea on how he was gonna get it through the window, but it would be a start. He'd have to keep everything light. Easy to move, so he could switch safe houses often. Didn't want his brothers finding him before he found this guy.

He could start in the morning. For now… for now he needed to sleep.