More Vicbourne indulgence, this time with added smut. My adoration of Lord Melbourne as played by Rufus Sewell continues and so this happened. I wouldn't call it a slow burn, but it's certainly a 'wait until the next chapter' burn. The best kind. ;-) And then I'd advise not reading if you're offended by the thought of past members of the royal family having sex with their Prime Ministers. And, yeah, it's historically inaccurate but yada yada yada. We need this, so I'm giving it to you. And I don't exactly rewrite history, I just add some extra fun bits.

Thanks to the amazing Daisy Goodwin for writing these characters in such an inspirational way, to Jenna Coleman and Rufus Sewell for being perfectly perfect, and to Mammoth Screen for fuelling my fantasy.

Enjoy.

It was with an intoxicating feeling of bewildered certainty that Victoria found herself, three weeks before her marriage, standing before the doors of Brocket Hall one evening at ten o'clock.

Once she had settled on her extraordinary course of action, she had not once changed her mind, but now that she was here, the momentousness of the occasion made her reel, not so much with doubt but excitement.

She stood for a moment, quite still, as the noise of the carriage faded down the driveway, and stared up at the house. It was mostly dark but one or two rooms were still lit, and that was enough.

The carriage was Lady Portman's. Her most discreet and understanding Lady had allowed Victoria the use of her carriage and, masked behind a veil and speaking not a word, the young Queen had been conveyed to Brocket Hall, the country residence of her Prime Minister.

She mounted the steps to the door and rang. She heard her own heart thumping as loudly as the bell rang within and she forced herself to settle. Nothing would deter her now.

A footman answered and reacted with surprise but not recognition. She supposed it was unusual to have a lady calling at this time of night, but it was clear he could not see what lady.

'Good evening,' she said, and then hesitated, although she had rehearsed this in her mind time and time again. Summoning her resolve, she continued, 'Lord Melbourne is expecting me.' He was not, but she wished to be brought to him with no questions.

'Your name, Madam?'

'I do not wish to be announced. Please bring me to him. I assure you he will not refuse me.'

'Madam …'

She sighed in frustration. 'It is cold. The Prime Minister will not be pleased to hear you have allowed a lady to freeze on his doorstep. My brother serves with him and will convey his displeasure if you do not allow me in now.'

The footman eyed her with suspicion, clearly reluctant, but Victoria's authoritative tone was one men rarely questioned – even those who doubted her morals and profession, she guessed – even when disguised, and, pursing his lips, the man at last opened the door and stepped aside for her.

She swept through into the hallway. The footman took her cloak but she kept her bonnet and veil on. 'Thank you, that will be all. Through there?' She indicated the one room from which light emerged. The man nodded then retreated with her cloak.

Victoria stood tall and, once certain the footman was gone, removed her bonnet and veil. Then, with a deep breath to steady herself, she walked into the room and closed the door quietly behind her.

He was sitting at his desk, his back turned, intensely focused on some papers. He had not noticed her. Even the sound of the door closing did not disturb his concentration.

Victoria studied him for a while, and that feeling of intense contentment returned. This man brought her calmness like nobody else. Calmness of mind, certainly, that whatever was to be was the right way. But under it, her body also awakened. Her skin tingled in that way it had when she looked upon his tall form, her belly started that familiar little dance as she studied his broad back and thick hair. She could only admit that she had also felt those things with Albert recently, but never had that diminished her ferocious devotion and response to this man.

The scene was very similar to that time she had called on him at Dover House. He was in a similar state of dress now, jacket off, shirt sleeves rolled up, waistcoat unbuttoned. She indulged herself with the memory for a moment but forced it away when remembering what she was now here for. The more she looked at the man before her, the more certain she became.

She gave a cough.

Melbourne turned and, just as he had that other time, leapt from his chair in surprise. 'Your Majesty!'

She smiled across at him apologetically. 'Forgive me, Lord M, for the unexpected intrusion. Your footman let me in unannounced as I did not wish to cause a disturbance.'

'What is the matter, Ma'am? A crisis? Has somebody died?'

'No … no, nothing like that.'

He took a single pace forward then seemed to think better of it. Instead he furrowed his brows in query. 'Why then, Ma'am, are you here?'

She caught her breath before stating, 'I have a matter to discuss with you.'

He blinked once in bewilderment. 'Now?'

'Yes. It is not a crisis … but most urgent nonetheless.'

'I see. It must be, I suppose, if you deem it necessary to visit me here … at this hour.' His words came slowly as he tried to fathom her unexpected appearance. He stood, studying her curiously, waiting for her to speak, but her mind was blank. She was halted by the reminder of how perfectly wonderful he was.

Melbourne glanced around rapidly, looking beyond her as if he would find answers in his own drawing room, before his mouth tensed in realisation. 'Are you … alone, Ma'am?'

She hesitated. 'Yes. I am.'

He let the information sink in then clasped his hands before him in that way he had, as if awaiting her next interjection but at the same time forestalling it. 'I see.' There was a moment's silence before he continued. 'This is becoming something of a habit, Ma'am.'

'What is?'

'Calling on me unannounced … and alone.'

'And, of course, incognito,' she added with a hint of tease, showing him the bonnet and veil before placing it on a table close by.

'Ah, yes.'

She stood, unsure for once how to proceed. He was simply standing watching her as he normally did, his eyes knowing and wise, the hinted-at smile playing on his lips.

She drew in a breath. 'You must be wondering why exactly I am here.'

'Indeed. But I trust you will tell me when you see fit.'

'You are not cross with me?'

His brows knitted slightly but he still eyed her levelly. 'Cross with you, Ma'am?'

'I have sent the carriage away.'

His head lifted and she heard the surprised intake of breath which he could not entirely suppress. 'Sent it away?'

'Yes. It was Lady Portman's. Nobody knows I have left the palace.'

His eyes darted to the side then back to her, the only sign of his mind's workings. 'Except Lady Portman, presumably?'

'Yes … only her.'

His brows did that little quizzical furrow again. Melbourne dropped his head and pursed his lips. 'Your partner in crime …'

'Why do you say that?'

'Emma has colluded in your mischief before.' He allowed himself a slight smirk.

'Mischief?' She liked hearing him describe her this way. 'Do you think me mischievous, Lord M?'

'At times … Your Majesty.'

'I think you like my mischief.'

His smirk deepened. 'And does Emma know where exactly you have come?'

'No, but she will cover for me … as is necessary.'

'I see.' His face lost its humour for a moment but then he seemed to remember himself and glanced down at his apparel. 'I must apologise for my state of dress, Ma'am. I was considering retiring for the night.'

She studied him. He was without coat or cravat. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and his waistcoat hung open. She tried not to stare at the flash of skin at his chest but, at the same time, she saw no reason why she should not.

'And what else would you normally do before retiring?'

He looked across at her curiously, his mind clearly still grappling with the strange situation they found themselves in. Then he held his hands out to the sides and raised his eyebrows in self-query. 'Perhaps … have another brandy.'

'You should do so then.'

The corner of his mouth lifted. 'And why not?'

In the candlelight his eyes shone like never before and that ache inside her grew almost unbearable. He turned suddenly and paced to a side table on which stood a decanter and some glasses. He poured himself a considerable amount of brandy before turning to look back at her. 'I am forgetting my manners. Would you care for some, Ma'am?'

She hated brandy. 'Yes, perhaps a little.'

He barely hesitated in reaching for another glass. He poured slightly more than what she would consider a little. Melbourne turned and held the glass out to her. She took it boldly. He eyed her steadily before raising the glass to her.

'To your forthcoming marriage, Ma'am, and your great happiness.'

'Happiness … I will most certainly drink to that.' In her heightened state she drank in rather more than she bargained for and it caught in her throat, causing her to cough loudly.

Melbourne approached and asked in concern, 'Are you alright, Ma'am?'

She laughed up at him through her coughs. 'Yes … yes, I … I will be well in a moment.'

He let his smirk turn into a chuckle and put a hand on her shoulder to help her. That seemed to stop her coughing immediately. He did not remove his hand and she grew acutely aware of the warmth and pressure of each of his fingers resting on her.

Victoria gave a sudden involuntary shiver due to the rush of feeling coursing through her and dropped her head in embarrassment.

'Are you cold, Ma'am?'

'No. Not cold.'

Their eyes met again. His face exuded such calm intelligence she could look nowhere but at him. He said gently, 'Come … sit down.'

He guided her to a chaise and she lowered herself onto it. He sat himself on the other end and took a considerable drink of brandy. She took another sip, this time managing not to splutter.

'The preparations for my wedding are moving very fast. The music has been selected and the order of service finalised. It will be a most splendid occasion.'

'I do not doubt it, Ma'am.'

'I write to Albert every day.'

She waited for him to respond and eyed him out of the corner of her eye. No response was forthcoming.

'I miss him terribly. I love him terribly,' she continued.

There was another silence. It told her all she needed. What a curious thing it was, jealousy, and one that now gave her boldness. In light of her intentions, his discomfort could be used wisely and carefully.

At length he spoke, his voice as even and measured as ever. 'I am pleased to hear it, Ma'am, although this is not a surprise to me.'

'No?'

'I have seen you together. Your affection for each other is undeniable.'

'Yes, he loves me too, very much.' She hated what she was doing, but at the same time derived a perverse pleasure from it, as what she was to do next would be all the more worthwhile.

His face flickered briefly. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

'Do you think that is enough?'

'Love? For most, yes. And for you … I hope so above all else.' He looked at her so intensely she wondered if she would pass out. How could she ever neglect this man and her feelings for him, feelings which endured no matter what?

'Lord M …' she murmured, almost unheard.

'Yes, Ma'am?'

'You have not asked me properly why I am here.'

'No.'

'Do you not wish to know?'

His eyes cast over her face before lingering on her mouth, watching for the answer to emerge. 'Of course.'

'You see … I have been thinking...'

'I am glad to hear it, Ma'am.'

'With Albert away, despite missing him, it has given me a sense of what matters, of what must be treasured.'

He was silent but looked at her with eyes which were both full of encouragement and remorse. He waited for her to continue.

'I have felt time slipping from me recently, the future rushing headlong towards me.'

'That is perhaps how it should be, Ma'am.'

'I know … but I have things in my past which I feel will help with my future … and the future of others. When one has such extraordinary events to anticipate, one thinks hard on it all - why we marry, why we love … how we love.'

'And what conclusions have you come to, Ma'am?'

'I have realised that I love very deeply.'

'The Prince is a very fortunate man.'

'Yes. I love him deeply.'

He fell silent again momentarily and his eyes grew dimmer, and now she hated seeing it. 'Your Majesty … I am not sure why you are telling me –'

'But he is not the only one,' she interrupted abruptly.

He looked back at her but said nothing.

'William … I have found that even though the strength of my feelings for Albert is very great – and I have no regret in admitting that to you – I find that I cannot forget the strength of my feelings … for you.'

He tore his eyes from her and sat staring straight ahead, tension capturing him.

'I have found that … it is possible to love two men,' she whispered.

Melbourne stood up suddenly and stared anywhere but at her. His next words were insistent. 'You really must leave, Ma'am.'

'William … I ask you … do you not think one can love two people?'

He turned his head a little in her direction but could not look directly at her. 'I do … but one cannot marry two people.'

'Is marriage essential for love?'

'If love is to survive and thrive within our society as it is, yes.'

'But … I am not yet married and so … love can as yet be explored without that constraint.'

He took a pace away and ran his fingers through his hair then turned back abruptly and said with undisguised sharpness, 'Your Majesty … I am not sure I understand why exactly you are here.'

She stood quickly and stepped towards him. 'But you do, William. Why else would I come to you at night alone? I do not do these things lightly.'

His eyes closed tight in agonised torment. 'Are you … suggesting …? Are you thinking …?'

'Before I marry him, before I start down that path, I need to know. I cannot open that book until I have closed this one. I want to know.'

He frowned as the reality of her intentions sank in. 'Want to know … what?'

'What could have been.'

His bottom lip quivered for an instant before he set it straight again. 'But it could not have been. I told you that time you came here before, on the avenue. I told you why.'

She spoke plainly. 'You were lying to me. You know it, as do I. You were not mated for life. Your marriage was not a happy one, you told me yourself, and I know you well enough to know that you would not have forced yourself into a lifetime of misery for someone who behaved so irrationally, who betrayed you, but then who ultimately freed you from commitment through her death.'

His face creased in sorrow and her words hung heavy around them for some time. A carriage clock chimed the quarter hour.

'Yes … you are right,' he eventually conceded, softly but honestly. 'But … I had to say that, do you not see? I had to …'

'To what?'

He stared into her, his eyes dull with pain. 'I had to push you away.'

'And you succeeded.' She stepped closer into him, so close they were nearly touching, and looked up openly at him. 'You broke my heart. But more than that…'

'What?'

'I believe you broke your own heart too.' She stepped closer, her eyes searching out his truth. 'And I am here to mend it.'

He stared at her open face as it gazed up at him and he murmured, 'Victoria.'

'Call me by my name again,' she whispered.

'Victoria … this cannot be.'

'But it can. Some things must be, this is one. Never have I trusted another, never have I felt such communion and comfort with another, not even Albert. My life with him will be wondrous and full of love, and you know that, but I have become the person I am for him due to what you have given me. You have made me the woman I am … and you must now complete that.'

'Please … Ma'am …' He was wrestling with the gravest demons. 'I ask you to leave.'

'I will not.'

He closed his eyes but did not move away from her. 'I cannot do this. I cannot do this to you.'

'By denying me, by denying yourself, you are destroying us both.'

'Please, Victoria, stop this.'

'I love you still and I want you still … and I believe you feel the same. For this one night, let us be that for each other.'

She placed her tiny hands on his shirt, just inside the waistcoat, and felt the swell of his chest under her fingertips. It enthralled her. Her breath came faster in time with his. She raised her eyes to his again and he locked into her. And he began to lower his head to hers, slowly, so slowly she thought she would die; he drew closer, his eyes darting between her eyes and her lips.

But then, as if the weight of mortality pressed down on him, he threw his head back, his neck strained, and he took a step backwards. 'I will not do this to you! I hope that above all else I remain a gentleman!'

She was not deterred. 'Then be that gentleman and give me what I – what we – desire above all else!'

He turned to her with heated passion and said indignantly, 'You understand so little!'

'No! I understand too much, perhaps. I understand that if we do not take this moment now and make it ours, William, then we will both regret it for the rest of our lives.'

He shook his head and let out a ruefully pained laugh. 'I am in awe of your emotional certainty.'

'Use it! Take it.' She rushed over to him and took his hands in hers. 'Do you not feel what I feel and want what I want? I have sat beside you for so long now, my desire almost beyond my control. I never knew it could be like that, I never knew that life could be so vivid and glorious.'

'You feel that with your fiancé, you have told me and I have seen it. Soon you will have that with your husband.'

She noticed he could not say Albert's name and it touched her beyond anything. 'Yes, I do not deny that … but I am not with Albert now. I am with you. I have chosen tonight to be with you, William.'

'No.'

She was becoming desperate. She had come thus far, she could not stop now. She searched his face. 'Why do this to yourself? Do you not desire me?'

'What?' he said, his face contorting.

'Perhaps you do not, perhaps you do not feel it as I do.'

And he took hold of her suddenly by the arms and pulled her into him. Instantly the breath was knocked from her, partly through the force of their bodies colliding, partly through the heated longing that struck them both. He held her hard around the waist, tightly against him.

'You doubt that? Do you not feel that? Do you not feel my desire for you?'

She nodded. Something was pressing hard against her waist, something that she knew was not his fob watch.

He continued, his smooth, measured voice more heated, deeper than she had ever heard it. 'You speak of sitting beside me … Do you know how often I have forced back my longings, averted my eyes for fear I would do something rash if I looked on your beauty for too long, suppressed my yearnings, retired to my house and dreamt, imagined … my nights consumed with fevered dreams and fantasies.'

'I am not a fantasy, William. I am here.'

Again, his beautiful eyes fixed on her face and she was sure he would kiss her. She yearned for it and the hardness of him only spurred her on. She lifted her head to his, willing him to her. But then, with supreme restraint, he tore his head up and pushed back from her.

'I will do what is right!' he practically roared.

Her heart plummeted in agonised disappointment. 'Yes! You will! This is right. It is right for me, and what is more, it is right for you. William, why deny yourself happiness? This is my decision, my intent. Your conscience is clear. You have not manipulated or taken advantage of me at any turn. I have come to you because I want this moment, this one moment, to carry with me forever more, and for you to carry with you. I will marry Albert and I will love him and we will grow old together, but I want something to hold onto, to remember, and for you to have the same. I want you and I love you and I will never stop loving you. Let me show you that for this one night.'

'But there are obstacles, obstacles which are insurmountable.' He grappled with order, pacing around and wringing his hands. His loss of decorum was utterly beguiling. She had never seen him like this and it only made her adore him even more.

'Such as?'

He threw an arm out in desperation. 'Have you considered the possible consequences? What if you become with child?'

'I am no fool. My body's inconveniences are predictable and regular. My course finished only two days ago. I understand this to be the right time to avoid such things, am I not right?'

He closed his eyes at her intimate account of the situation.

'Well?' she pressed.

He muttered, his cheeks pink, 'Yes, that is … that is correct. But … you are so young. So perfect.' He looked at her in remorse. 'I am afraid to break that.'

'You are the only one who should.'

Melbourne shook his head. 'I will damn us both to hell.'

Stinging tears assaulted her. 'No, William. Hell is not having you. Hell is never knowing what could have been.'

He clenched his fists and hurled out his anguish. 'This is insane! It is madness! You are the Queen, I am your Prime Minister! You are to be married to a man who is right and good and proper for you, a man who I know you love! That man is not me!

'I love you too! Let me show you before it truly becomes too late!'

He was pacing, trying to block out her continued pleas. His words came fast and loud, as if he were convincing himself as much as her. 'You must leave. I shall send for my carriage and you will return to the palace now. We will say that there was a constitutional issue that was upsetting you so you came out to seek my counsel and now-'

'Stop! Stop tormenting yourself and me!'

He stood, his eyes wild, his agony clear, but again he repeated his refusal. 'You will go, Victoria! You will leave now. I cannot and will not do this to you!'

She had lost the fight. She stared at him a final time, tears pouring from her eyes, her breath coming in desperate heaves. She had done all she could and it had destroyed her. She spoke through her sobs. 'Then … you consign us both to a future of regret and remorse. I would not have that. I would not wish it on either of us. I would give myself to you for this night wholly and willingly before I commit myself to another. I desire you and you desire me, I know it. I believe you love me and I know I love you. I will always love you. But … you have made your decision, I see that.' She gave him one last look, her blue eyes locked into the knowing depth of his, and she saw the torment seared into them. 'Goodbye, Lord Melbourne. I wish you every happiness in your future, but I hold out little hope for it.'

Her limbs aching with regret, she turned and walked towards the door.

He reached her before she could grasp the handle. With sudden, long strides, he was at her. He took hold of her arm and pulled her around so that she landed against him with an exhaled cry of shock and wonder. His hands gripped her hard, not allowing her any escape, but she did not seek it. Immediately, she melted into him, immediately their bodies worked for each other, immediately she curled her arms around his neck and clung to him. He dropped his head and his lips crashed onto hers.

It's about to get very, very hot at Brocket Hall. Hold on. Any thoughts, as ever, very happily received. LL x