A/N: Here's the next chapter. I dunno, I don't think I'll continue this past chapter 3, which pretty much has the entirety of the chunin exams in it.

Chapter 2: In Which There Are Sexy Missing Nin

"Oh my gawd..." Naruto groaned. "We've been walking for hours." Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Naruto, we haven't even left Konoha yet." The blond groaned again.

"Gaaaaawd."

"Sasuke, if you carry me, I swear, I'll get my new dad to teach you a jutsu."

"Sasuke, don't listen to him."

"Sakura, if you-"

"No."

"Geeeeeeeeeeeeezuuuuuuusss." Naruto groaned, lagging a bit behind his team. "It's been hours!" Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Naruto, it's been fifteen minutes."

"Fuuuuuck..."

Naruto wheezed as he fell to the ground, making the team come to a halt. "I've never walked for this long before!" Sakura frowned.

"How have you never walked longer than twenty minutes before?" Naruto glared up at her through his sweat-drenched bangs.

"Sakura, I've never had to walk anywhere before. I had servants do it for me."

In the end, Kakashi ended up carrying Naruto piggy-back style after the blond almost passed out after another ten minutes of walking.

"Oh my, a puddle, on this hot as fuck day?" Naruto mumbled, staring at the puddle over Kakashi's shoulder. "How suspicious. Oi, Kakashi, lemme down." Kakashi dropped the blond, who landed with a harsh thud on his back. "Ow! Dick, you didn't have to drop me!" Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Naruto, puddle, suspicious?" He gestured to the puddle. Naruto groaned and shakily stood.

"Fuck, my limbs are all hurting, what is this? This is horrible! How do you put up with this?!"

"It's natural, that just means you've had a good workout."

"Ugh, exercise!" Naruto whined and flopped back onto the ground, hands digging through his backpack. "Geez, I need a drink... look, a harmless piece of paper!" He pulled out a slim piece of paper, spiked his chakra into it, and flung it into the puddle. He then got out a canteen full of water and chugged down half of it. "Ah, that hit the spot!" He grinned, and then the puddle exploded, sending water and blood everywhere. Naruto leaned back and looked at the destruction. "Oh no, was that paper not harmless? My bad."

Naruto whistled appreciatively, and, turning to bump shoulders with Sakura and gesturing to Zabuza, said,

"Dayum, he sexy!"

"This is the most intense thing I've ever seen!" Naruto shouted, happily rocking on his heels as he watched Zabuza and Kakashi stare at each other from atop the lake. "Look at them just stare at each other!" Zabuza's gaze flickered to Naruto, who squealed, "Oh my god! Sakura! Sexy-man looked at me!" Sakura palmed her face, as did Sasuke.

"Aw! You killed sexy-man!" Naruto whined as the hunter-nin leaped from the trees. The hunter-nin looked at him, and then at Kakashi, and then turned back to Naruto.

"I'm sorry…?"

Naruto's eyes widened as Kakashi talked. After the older man finished he squealed loudly and hugged Sasuke to his chest, spinning the two of them around happily.

"OH EM GEE! Sexy-man is alive! YAAAAASSSSS!"

Naruto glared at the two thugs blocking his way out of Tazuna's house. Of course, the one day his sensei indulged his need to sleep in was the day that sexy missing-nin attacked the bridge. And these two stupid assholes were blocking his way.

"Hey brat! Prepare to die!" One of them shouted and Naruto scowled.

"Geez, talk about cliché. How about I don't?" He said, before about hundred of him came rushing from all over at the thugs. The battle was over in seconds, and the thugs were knocked out and tied up tightly. Naruto huffed. "If I get to the bridge and sexy-man is already gone, I'm coming back to kill you!" He growled before leaping off into the trees.

"SEXY-MAN!" Naruto squealed happily as he touched down on the bridge. Zabuza groaned and glared at Kakashi.

"I thought you said he was still sleeping!" Kakashi shrugged.

"Usually he still is."

"...and that's why you should come to Konoha with us." Zabuza stared at the blond boy.

"You didn't even give a reason. You just said 'and that's why you should come to Konoha with us.'" Naruto frowned.

"I didn't? Oh." He shrugged. "What's the downside?" Zabuza opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't come up with a reason other than 'I'm a missing-nin.' After a moment of silence, Naruto grinned. "So it's decided then!"

"Oh. My. God." Naruto breathed out, staring at the recently unmasked Haku. "You're gorgeous." Haku blushed a bit.

"Thank you."

"Honey, I'd thank you all night long." Haku blinked.

"Wait, what?"

"LEFT! RIGHT! DUCK!" Naruto shouted, unhelpfully. Zabuza felt his brow twitch as he slashed through another thug hired by Gato. "GO SEXY-MAN GO!" Zabuza growled and slammed the side of his blade into an oncoming group of thugs. "YOU DID IT!" Zabuza turned to the grinning blond boy.

"SHUT THE HELL UP BRAT!"

"You should totes magotes name it 'The Amazingly Awesome Naruto Bridge'!" Naruto said, a day after Tazuna finished his bridge. He, his team, his sensei, and his new sexy ass friends stood before the group of Wave villagers, about to head home to Konoha. Tazuna shook his head.

"Nah, that sounds too..."

"Awesome?"

"Yeah, sure. I was thinking we name it after the guy who cut Gato's head off." He turned to Zabuza. "Do you mind if we call it the 'Great Zabuza Bridge'?" Zabuza blinked.

"Well..." His eyes flicked to the side. "how about the 'Haku Bridge'." Tazuna nodded happily.

"That's even better!" He turned to the villagers. "May I present, the Haku Bridge!"

Minato's brow twitched as he stared into his son's pleading eyes. After another minute of staring, he sighed and ran a hand down his face.

"Alright, alright! They can stay."

"YEAH!" Naruto fistpumped as Minato filled out a few forms. The elder blond then handed two Konoha forehead protectors to Zabuza.

"Please, don't destroy any property or kill any citizens. You're now officially Konoha ninja."

"I'm home and I brought the sexiness!" Naruto announced as he, Zabuza, Haku, and Kakashi walked into his family home. Kushina poked her head out from the kitchen and smiled.

"Oh, Naruto, Kakashi, you're just in time! Obito and Rin have already arrived. Everyone's in the dining room." She then returned to the kitchen to finish making food. Zabuza and Haku shared a look and shrugged.

"-and then, Kaka-dude here was like 'RAIKIRI BITCH!' and sexy-man was all like 'imma cut you with my blade motherfucker' and Haku-babe was just chillin' and killin' with ice. And then we came home." Everyone stared silently at Naruto, who had jut finished explaining their latest mission. After a moment, Obito began giggling. Kushina smacked him on the back of his head.

"And what is so funny about my son almost dying?" Obito giggled again.

"I-It-" He sucked in a calming breath. "Kaka-dude and Haku-babe! He called a notorious missing-nin sexy-man the entire time!" Obito laughed, and Rin quietly giggled in her seat. Minato let out a chuckle.

"It was kind of a funny story, Kushina." Kushina laughed a bit.

"Yeah, I guess." At that, Menma piped up with,

"Mom, what's a motherfucker?" Kushina's brow twitched. Naruto wisely left through the dining room window.

"NARUTO!"