Epilogue

Jaime walks into the darkened house and winds his way to the bar through the dim moonlight shining through the huge windows in the living room.

"Do you suddenly have an aversion to lights?" an amused voice says and Jaime pauses in pouring his drink, squinting against the sudden brightness as a switch is flicked on.

He raises an eyebrow as the speaker, a man, a dwarf with motley coloured hair, mismatched eyes and a grin as familiar as his own, walks into the room.

"I remember what I saw the last time I was here, Tyrion," Jaime says lightly, "and I've only recently been able to bleach it somewhat from my memories."

Tyrion laughs and climbs up on to the bar stool. "Poor innocent boy," he mocks. "Someday I really will have to take you to some of the finer brothels and introduce you to more women than—"

"Don't," Jaime says sharply, and Tyrion has the grace to look chagrined.

"Sorry," Tyrion mutters and takes a sip from the glass Jaime places in front of him. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I'm getting out," Jaime says flatly.

Tyrion sputters on his drink and laughs. "What? One failure and you think you're no good anymore? Has the Golden Boy lost his shine?"

"It's not the loss of the hilt," Jaime sighs. "I just...I don't want to do this anymore. I want a real life."

"You'll be bored in a week."

"Mayhaps. But I would like to find out if I would be bored in a week. If I am, then I'm sure I could always come back."

Tyrion shrugs. "Depends on what you've done for that week and what secrets you've shared."

Jaime's smile is sharp and cold. "I know better than that." He stares off into space then shrugs. "I know better than most."

Tyrion considers him thoughtfully and nods. "True. If anyone knows our father's punishments—"

"He's not our father."

"—it's you." Tyrion sips his drink again and says, "But that's not the only reason you've come here."

"No. I want to recover the sword hilt. I...promised it would be returned. I'd like to keep my word."

Tyrion's eyebrows almost disappear into his hairline. "You promised?" he says flatly and Jaime gives him a sheepish shrug. Tyrion shakes his head. "Let me guess: you want me to track it down to whichever hidden vault it will soon call home, is that it?"

Jaime nods. "Once you find it, I'll retrieve it." He smiles, this time more fondly. "I would not put your life at any more risk than it will be simply trying to find the thing."

Tyrion sighs. "You know if he finds out, he'll never give you another assignment."

Jaime shrugs. "I told you: it's time for me to retire anyway."

"You can't retire," Tyrion scoffs, "you're his favorite. His heir."

Jaime's smile is bleak. "He has you. He has her."

"Her? She's been out for years and you know it." Tyrion shakes his head. "Or you would know it if you ever spoke her name."

"Don't," Jaime says, pleading, and even after all these years the yearning twists deep.

Tyrion shakes his head. "You're an idiot," he says but his tone is fond. "She was never worthy of you."

Jaime's smile is bleak. "We can't choose who we love."

Tyrion sighs. "No," he says sadly, "we can't. I'll see what I can do, but you know how Father works."

"He's not our father."

"Thankfully, or you and her would have been illegal! Regardless, you know how he works."

Jaime nods. "Do your best."

Tyrion's smile is fond. "For you, anything." Then he frowns. "What are you going to do while I'm worming my way through Father's labyrinth to find the sword hilt?"

Jaime's eyes turn thoughtful. "I think I have something that might keep me entertained." His sudden grin is brilliant. "At least for a week."

*/*/*/*/*

Brienne jumps as a wadded piece of paper bounces off the desk in front of her. She blinks startled blue eyes at Bronna, who's standing in the doorway with an exasperated scowl on her face.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes," Bronna snaps as she strolls inside. "We haven't had a single case since Jaime left—"

"He is not Jaime Lannister!"

"I don't care! We have no cases and you've been moping around for a week now—"

"I am not moping!"

"You are so moping!" Bronna puts her hands on her hips. "You're a detective, Brienne. If it's bothering you so much, go find him!"

"Find who?" Jaime asks cheerfully, poking his head round Brienne's office door.

The look on Bronna's face as she screeches and spins round is almost worth Brienne's own startled yelp as she jumps back in her chair.

"How did—?" Bronna gasps, one hand clutching her chest.

"I've been in my office all morning," Jaime says although his green eyes are watchful as he looks at Brienne. "For such a prestigious firm, we seem to have a paucity of cases." He grins. "Perhaps it's a good thing I've decided to come out of seclusion and take the business in hand."

He watches with interest as Brienne's face flushes and she slowly pushes herself to her feet, a murderous gleam in her eyes.

"You," she sputters, "you—you—you—you—"

"Yes, yes, we can discuss things on the way."

"Way? Where?" Brienne demands.

"Didn't I tell you? I've agreed to an exclusive interview with Lysa Arryn of WBO, announcing my return to public life. I've just finished confirming the appointment." He raises one golden eyebrow as he waggles his cell phone. "This interview should get people knocking down the door again…but you may want to prep me on the way to the studio."

Brienne growls and says, "I may want to hide your body instead!"

"Temper, temper! Is that any way to talk to your boss?" Jaime says with a wicked grin as Brienne stomps past him. He oofs as she elbows his ribs before he winks at Bronna and follows Brienne out the door.

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A/N: Yes, this fic takes place in in the same universe as A Dance with Ice and Fire. It wasn't intentional (I had that epilogue written almost as soon as I'd started that fic), but when this modern AU plot bunny was foisted on me, I couldn't resist. ;P