The Most:
Fear
They slept.
Around the dead remains of the campfire, they slept. The fading embers hounded him, buried in ashes, surrounded by darkness like the glaring eyes of a nightmare. Like the eyes of the dead. And unaware, they slept. It was a sight he was long accustomed to, their sleeping forms.
They looked to him like shadowed piles of cloth or grass in the moonlight, but he was far above them. The details were lost, even to his keen eyes. It was enough, though. Enough to notice if something were amiss. Enough to keep them safe…
But there is no one…his thoughts whispered in his mind, to keep them safe from me. Golden eyes, lit by the moon and stars, played across a sleeping body. The bitter smell of fear stemmed from her, strong even from his perch. A slight whimper and the restless shifting of cloth reached his white, tufted ears. Breath blew from his lips in a quiet sigh. She was dreaming again… he heard a gasp, a sharp intake of air and then the soft exhale as she sat up and breathed his name. It was barely audible, but it gave him a sense of… pride, he guessed.
She sat soundlessly, a living statue. And he was no longer alone in his sleeplessness.
"Inu-Yasha?"
His name again. A thin layer of fear lay over her like a translucent veil.
"I'm here." His voice came out softer than he had meant it, but she shed the veil at his response and he couldn't bring himself to mind. He thought maybe the strings of sleepless nights were finally catching up to him. That would explain that moment of weakness – one of many.
His ears twitched at the sound of movement below him. She stood, pulling her blankets with her, and settled at the base of his living perch. Watching her intently as she did this was something he couldn't help. Strangely enough, he could never help it any more. And even stranger, he found he didn't mind.
"I was afraid," she whispered. And it was not because of the cold that she shivered. "I was afraid it was real."
He nodded absently, a part of him knowing she would not see the movement. Dreams were a plague on him as well, though he would never go so far as to admit to fear of them. He might, however, admit to fear of their reality as Kagome had done – a wise choice of words. For what was there to fear in dreams, but the possibility that they may not be only a product of the ever-waking mind? In present or future?
"It wasn't real, Kagome. It probably never will be, whatever it was."
"I'm not so sure…" she spoke as if to herself, and he wasn't sure he was meant to hear.
They settled into silence, then; lost in their thoughts amidst the even breathing of their companions, walking labrynths of their own creation. Her eyes were glued to the dying embers, while his gaze rested over her still form. Shifting his gaze was all but impossible. As often or as hard as he tried to find interest in another view he found his eyes constantly straying back in her direction. Drawn to her power perhaps… perhaps.
"Inu-Yasha?" her voice rose from nothingness, a phoenix from the ashes of their campfire.
"What is it, wench?"
"What…" he watched as she paused to wet her lips. "What are you afraid of? What scares you the most?"
His response was one automated by the mix of his blood, kindled by the hatred of entire races, created by the ongoing fight for survival. He didn't need to think. An answer fled his mouth with all the speed of a dove in flight of its cage.
"Keh. Nothing scares me. I'm not weak."
Nothing? Really? Not even…he silenced those thoughts with a swift shake of his head. It was satisfying to banish them. The same type of satisfaction he derived from striking his enemies with the unmatched power of the Tetsusaiga and reveling in the pungent scent of blood rightfully spilt. But where were his enemies now?
"There's a difference, you know. Between being afraid and being a coward." She leaned her head back against the trunk of his resting place to face him, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. It was remarkably easy now, to keep his eyes from her. "Do you want to know what I fear the most?"
"It doesn't matter." As long as it isn't me, it doesn't. "It doesn't matter what you're afraid of because eventually you'll have to face it. And once you conquer one fear, another takes its place." He paused. "Besides, even if you tell me, I'm still not saying."
"Then… it's not true that nothing scares you."
OF course it wasn't true. As soon as those words passed his lips she would have known they were nothing but bravado. She always picked up on such things about him. Whether her perceptiveness was a gift or a curse had yet to be decided. Though… he had become accustomed to it, as with his nightly watch.
"There's nothing alive that doesn't feel fear," he spoke the words and knew them to be true, but they brought him little comfort. Fear was a base emotion. His father had undoubtedly felt it during his life span, just as that first wretched demon to steal the jewel had felt it… just before I tore him apart. Thoughts of that victory did not quell his inner turmoil.
"Kikyo." He was startled by the sound of the name, softly spoken as it was. Her gaze had left him, and he could watch her again. The ache in her moonlit eyes was a sight matched only in his nightmares. "I fear her most, of all things."
Kikyo… the name rang bell-like in his mind, a signal for the wash of memories of his life before the breaking of the Shikon jewel. Memories of days idly spent watching her, only halfway beneath the guise of stealing the jewel. That was a time long passed. A time buried beneath the darkness of his sleep of half a century, and his parting with the fallen priestess.
"It's not her that scares me, really. But… what she is capable of doing." He stared at the bowed head of shining raven locks, as dark as his own was pale. "I… I couldn't stand it, if she took you to Hell."
Kikyo… again the name rang, as bitter now as it had before been sweet. She was the cause of so many a waking night. Not just for him. He could have stood it, had he been the only one. He needed to protect the girl from the future, he had promised her he would… he had promised himself. The un-dead priestess was something to be feared now. Something to be protected against. Eventually, Kagome will conquer that fear…
Could he let that happen? All his debts aside, where would he place his loyalty when it came down to it? He could answer those questions as easily as he could say where the rest of the jewel shards were hidden. All he could really do was wait, and wonder. Helpless. No matter how strong he grew that was how he would remain.
"Myself." Again she was watching him, and again he avoided her gaze. "That is what I'm most afraid of." This was the truth. A thing he often wouldn't share with himself, much less another being… but she had a way of prying things out of him. Without really prying at all.
"What do you mean?" It was a prompt to continue.
"The perfect balance between strength and weakness. Tipping the scales either way is dangerous… I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you from our enemies… and I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you from myself."
"You've always protected us before." He could feel her gentle smile. "I trust you to protect us when we need it."
"What if I can't? Haven't you thought of that?"
"What makes you think you won't be able to?" There was no answer, to such a question as that. "You aren't weak, Inu-Yasha. You're the strongest person I've ever met, but more importantly, you're not alone - " she waved a hand towards the sleepers "- We all work together. You don't need to carry all the responsibility, we'll help you, even when you can't help yourself."
Maybe…
"You…" she suppressed a yawn as she spoke, he could hear it in her voice. "You don't need to be human, but you don't need to be a full-demon either. There's nothing wrong with the way you are now…"
Maybe she's right… Her eyes fell closed, long lashes paling her cheeks with their contrast. For a moment his gaze swept across her like the soft light of a harvest moon. Even if she doesn't understand…
He leaned back against the wood and for the first time in a long while he slept. And he did not dream.
A/N: Hmm… don't know where that one came from. Oh well, I might turn it into a series of one-shots, I might leave it as is… if I continue, I swear I'll have a confession in the last chapter! If I don't, this will be my first complete one-shot! Sooo… tell me what you think ok? Please Review!