"You have got, to be kidding with me."
Detective Carlton Lassiter slightly raises his voice to his superior, Chief Karen Vick. 'Psychic' Consultant Shawn Spencer stands beside the man, watching as Lassiter's fists clench tighter, causing his knuckles to spread even whiter. Gus had been called away to a mandatory office retreat, this time somewhere in the opposite coast. McNab is out of work, with his wife and newborn daughter. Juliet is undercover, on a top-priority mission leaving Shawn under Lassiter's responsibility.
Now, the chief has just presented the two men with a lengthy undertaking. Six convicts a kidnapper, a con artist, a rapist, an arsonist, a burglar and a serial killer had escaped the Santa Barbara custody on the way to a trial in which they were undoubtedly guilty. Each has been spotted in a different city and the task is for two members of the Santa Barbara police to track them down (one-by-one) and send them into holding.
Shawn had been excited about the idea in a heartbeat. Carlton had cracked a smile, thinking about the excitement he could have over the next few weeks. However, there are two snags with the plan. One of them, the most obvious, is Carlton and Shawn will have to work together on the open road. The department is even giving them a budget.
The total budget cost is $1,800 over the course of what should take approximately twenty days. They are given a $1,000 budget for room costs, a $500 budget for food costs, and a $300 budget for gas costs since they will be taking Lassiter's car. A condition on Lassiter's side will be that he is out of a work suit. He is allowed to keep his actual identification, badge and cuffs in a side satchel; his gun and a license to carry said gun is allowed on his person. The second snag, which has surprised them both, is, they will be undercover as a couple.
"Detective Lassiter, I am not forcing the two of you to sleep together or instigate any ulterior motive. I am informing you that you will be undercover as boyfriends."
"You want this, thing to be my boyfriend?"
"Oh, sweetheart, don't you love me anymore?" Shawn gasps in a dramatic tone.
The chief bites her tongue to keep any comments to herself. Lassiter glares at the younger man and cracks his knuckles. Shawn flinches a little but doesn't move. Both can tell there is a hesitant look on the chief's face, as if there is something big she is holding back. Shawn's smile drops and Lassiter raises an eyebrow. She finally sighs.
"Well, you will need to sleep in the same bed. Though, I'm not saying 'sleep together', you understand. And, the kissing."
"I'm not kissing him." Lassiter answers steadfastly.
"Well, what are you going to say?" Shawn asks defiantly.
"That you're sick, you just puked, you're wasted, I'm sick, I'm going to puke, we can't stop when we get going," He rattles off a list of explanations.
"So we can't quit, huh?" Shawn raises an eyebrow.
"Uh-huh." The chief purses her lips. "And the hand-holding?"
"That's a big factor in this, isn't it?" Lassiter groans, massaging his temple.
"I'm afraid so, Detective. The one thing that links all these criminals together is their targets appear to be openly gay partners. If you two won't kiss, there will need to be handholding."
Lassiter breathes out a strong line and Shawn is standing nervously beside him. After a few moments of awkward silence, Lassiter drops the arm that had been massaging the pain. It hits Shawn's dangling arm, catching Spencer by surprise. He jumps a little upon contact, as if worried he would be hit. Instead, Lassiter's fingers intertwine with Shawn's and bring the connected hands up to show Chief Vick.
"Alright, I'm impressed. Here are your new identities." She hands one to each of them. "Please don't kill each other."