Strength Through the Weakness

i do not own Criminal Minds. I do, however own up to this story :) enjoy.

Spencer looked around nervously. He was surrounded by profilers, yet he felt as if nobody really knew who he was. Surely at least SOMEBODY would have noticed that he had an anxiety disorder by now. Between his social anxiety/general awkwardness, and all the thumb twiddling and jumpiness he was sure there must be at least one team member who had caught on by now. Either they were all too busy profiling the rapists and serial killers to notice, or they already knew. Spencer didn't know which of those two realities would be worse.

If they didn't know, at least nobody looked at him as weak or childish. On the other hand...if they did know, then at least he would have someone to help talk him down from the panic attack he was about to have.

He looked around frantically. Everyone was busy looking for new cases or wrapping up minor ones. He felt on edge for no apparent reason. He was in a safe place filled with people who would take a bullet for him without hesitation. He wasn't working on any dangerous cases at the moment, and the only responsibilities he had for the day were filling out paperwork and making a few phone calls. But all he felt in this moment was crippling anxiety.

Sweat beaded on his forehead and his lungs began to burn. He felt like there wasn't enough air to sustain him. He tried taking a few deep breaths, which seemed to help at first...then they grew more shaky. He stood up and walked briskly to the break room, accidentally knocking the stack of papers off his desk on his way. He turned to pick them up, and noticed that he had captured the attention of a few of his team members. He needed to get away from them. He didn't want anyone to see him this way.

He left the pile of files scattered across the floor and hastily walked/jogged out into the nearest empty conference room. He slammed the door behind him, backed against the wall, and sank to the floor. He gasped for air as if there wasn't enough in the whole world to relieve the crushing feeling in his chest. Tears began to streak his flushed cheeks as he thought about the fact that he was all alone in this moment. It was too late to stop it...he was in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

Morgan and Hotch looked at each other as Reid stumbled away from the mess he had left on the floor. Hotch stood up and started to follow, but Morgan put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go."

Morgan had never seen Reid act so strange before. He did know, however, that Spencer's reaction to certain situations were different than the average person's. He was receptive to things that nobody else could notice. Like he had some sort of sixth sense. Being that Morgan was so attentive to Reid's talents, he also noticed when Reid got nervous while talking to a group of people... Or when he fidgeted with his hands and fingers while explaining what was on his mind. He saw the occasional tremor of his hand when he went to open a door or dial a telephone number. Maybe nobody else took the time to notice, but Morgan did.

So when he found Reid gasping on the floor of the empty conference room, he wasn't entirely shocked.

He stood in the doorway, taking in everything before his eyes. Reid had his back pressed against the wall, knees bent and hair plastered to his sweaty face. His button up shirt was completely soaked through with cold sweat, and his shoulders shook with violent force. His trembling hands moved to press up against his eyes as he let out a few semi-stifled sobs. Sobs that could only come between the short gulps of air he was trying so hard to force into his burning lungs. He didn't even notice the door open and softly close as Morgan made his way in.

Morgan slowly walked over to where Spencer was sitting. He crouched down so he was eye-level with him. By now Reid knew that someone was with him. Morgan reached out and gently placed his hands around his friend's wrists in attempt to move them away from his tear-streaked face. "Reid..." Morgan tried. No response except him letting Morgan move his hands away. His long hair untucked from behind his ears and dangled into his face. Morgan put a tentative hand on his younger partner's trembling shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "Spencer..."

Reid reached up to the collar of his shirt, desperately trying to rip away the tight material. "Can't breathe-I can't-bre-" gasping.

"Hey, shhhhh. Shhhh. Hang on kid, let me help you." Morgan proceeded to loosen Spencer's tie and unbotton the first few buttons on his shirt. "There you go. Just take it easy kid."

He watched helplessly as Spencer showed no signs of calming down anytime soon. His gasping heightened as excess oxygen continued filling his lungs. His face scrunched up even further and trembling hands moved once again back up to his eyes. Morgan heard him say something but couldn't make out what it was.

"Hey...what was that? You're okay kid." Reid sobbed harder. Doubling over in what looked like some kind of pain. "You're okay. Shhhhh." Morgan pushed Reid's hair away from his face and tucked it back behind his ear. All he could make out was something that sounded like 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'

"Spencer...? You have any meds on you that I can help you take?" Morgan figured if he had an anxiety disorder he would probably carry a prescription with him at all times. At least he was hoping so.

In between jumbled, menacing, panicking thoughts, Reid vaguely remembered the Xanax that he always kept in his pocket. He hadn't gotten to it in time to even consciously remember to take it or mention it. Normally he took it right when he noticed things starting to escalate. But today he had taken that slot of time to escape the stares of his teammates. All he could reply to Morgan with was a small nod yes. His shoulders continued to shake with sobs as he hunched over even further from the stress pains in his stomach.

Morgan patted around at Spencer's pockets, searching for a pill bottle. He found a small one in his right pocket, and read the side. He scanned the room and quickly got up and grabbed a water bottle from under the podium at the back of the room. He twisted open the cap of the container and shook a tablet out into his hand.

"Alright Reid here we go. Take this, it'll help you feel better okay?" Reid didn't move. Morgan sighed, and put a hand on the side of Spencer's head pulling his face into an upward position. "Here you go kid, open up." He placed the pill in Spencer's mouth and followed it by the bottle of water. "Just a small sip. There you go, good."

Morgan closed up the water bottle and put a hand on the back of Reid's neck, guiding him to lay flat against the wall. "Just take it easy buddy, deep breaths. You'll feel better in a few minutes."

After about 10 minutes, his breathing began to slow down, and his sobs turned to silent tears. He began to slump over, presumably from the meds kicking in. Morgan gently touched Spencer's arm, giving a squeeze of assurance. "That's it, you're alright kid."

Spencer lifted a semi-shaky hand up to his face and wiped the tears away. Morgan reached over to the desk next to them and grabbed a box of tissues, offering one to his friend. Reid accepted it and blew his nose. "Morgan..." he said barely louder than a whisper. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm a child."

"You got nothing to be sorry for, alright? These things just happen. Everyone has their own set of struggles. This just so happens to be yours." Morgan said firmly.

When Reid gave no response, Morgan sighed. "Come on pretty boy, let get you up."

Spencer nodded and gave a weak smile. He reached his hand to grasp onto Morgan's arm, and found that he could barely tighten his grip. "I'm so tired."

Morgan knew that it was only a matter of time before he would fall asleep from the meds. He helped his friend up, steadying him as he was still trembling slightly. "Easy kid...that's it, nice and easy." Morgan made sure Spencer was standing steadily on his own two feet before loosening the grip he had on his arm. "Let's get you home."

They walked out of the room and through the lobby. Morgan tried to make it look as though nothing was going on, just barely resting his hand on Spencer's back in case he stumbled. He wanted Reid to keep some privacy, but from the looks that Rossi and a few others were giving him implied that they knew exactly what had happened.

Morgan got Spencer home and situated before he left to go back to the BAU. Reid attempted thanking him through slurred speech as his eyes dropped and then closed from exhaustion. He didn't even get to finish his sentence before he was out like a light.

"You're welcome kid." Morgan just smiled and thought about how strong Reid was for living with an anxiety disorder and still doing his job efficiently. He didn't see weakness from this situation. All he saw was strength.

Strength through the weakness.

The End

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