A/N: Shifts in POV are marked by a pagebreak and kamaoji.

(๑•́ ₃ •̀๑)

Reincarnation stories have always been my greatest guilty pleasure.

But even I had to admit that these sort of stories were fairly prone to being overly cheesy and unoriginal, often featuring overpowered protagonists who got their way in life without any sort of struggle. Such a narrative would not be complete without the surplus of excessively attractive men and women who'd cheaply profess their love for the protagonist for no other reason than that they were the central character. These main characters usually achieved a 'good end' regardless of circumstance just because.

It was a very self-indulgent sort of fiction that critics mocked and abhorred.

But I was unrepentantly in love with it. Every nasty and self-serving bit of it.

You see, I like stories that fell under this genre because the protagonists made decisions that I found myself easily sympathizing with. Perhaps it was the inherent genre savviness that came along with being an isekai protagonist, or the vague feeling of power over having an insight on people's fate or maybe it was the harem of good-looking characters. Regardless, I felt inclined to believe that self-insert protagonists made considerably rational choices, more so than canon protags who just had this irritating tendency to make choices out of friendship and affections that just borderlined on the stupid.

Case in point, the otome game I was playing right now.

The heroine in it was very pretty. Her charm stat was through the roof and nearly every man of marriageable age in the game found her pretty. But what she excelled at in charm, she sorely lacked in the intelligence department.

Putting it kindly, let's just say that she had a strange predilection for bad life decisions. So much so that I would often find myself with a violent urge to hurl my handheld console into the bin within five minutes of playing the game. The scenario of the game had such inconsistent writing that I could only blame myself for its purchase.

I should have paid more attention to the 2 star rating it had on Amazon.

Damn it. This was divine retribution for being easily swayed by pretty faces.

The art was great, don't get me wrong, but the scenario was just an absolute train wreck and the game was littered with bugs. I had to reset my game thrice within the last hour because my save file kept on disappearing.

I nervously glanced at the Vita tucked in between my hands, hoping that I could at least finish this chapter before it bugged out. It was the second to the last chapter of the megane character's route and he was a breath away from finally revealing his feelings to the heroine.

"No! If I can't be with you until the end, then you must accompany me until de-de-de-de-"

And then the game reset to the main menu.

I sucked in a deep breath.

Then two.

Finally having reached my breaking point, I ejected the game cartridge and tossed it at my desk.

I just couldn't do it anymore, I'm not strong enough! This was too much!

After finishing two routes with repetitive scenes and seemingly random developments (the protagonist had amnesia at least twice), I felt that I deserved a breather. A brief respite from this tortuous heartache that this shitty game gave me. I wanted to indulge in one of the few pleasures of life that never betrayed.

Basically, I wanted to take a bath.

With an eager grin, I skipped to the bathroom, discarding my clothes as I went—perks of living alone without my mother to nag me. At the next moment, I slowly lowered myself into the tub, savoring the feeling of the warm water caressing my skin. A moan escaped my lips as I leaned back against the tub, inhaling a lungful of the aromatic scent of the bath bomb that tinged the water a lovely shade of pink.

This was exactly what I needed after a long day of playing games.

Unfortunately life rarely ever went my way and so my time in paradise was rudely interrupted by the loud screeching of my phone. I opted to ignore it but it rang for a couple more times, vibrating itself to the edge of the counter. It teetered dangerously to the side and though I felt reluctant to leave the comforting embrace of my bubbly water, I rose anyway.

I had a sinking feeling that it was Nishikino-sensei. He was one of the few people in my contacts list with an unparalleled persistence. Besides, he would flay me alive if he ever found out that I purposely ignored his call.

But before I could even pick up my phone, a violent tremor jerked me back into the depths of the waters. Soapy water blurred my vision but the deafening roar of an explosion was unmistakable.

I frantically scrambled for purchase, my hands finally finding the edge of the tub.

What.

The.

Hell?!

Was one of the local children playing with fireworks again? Or was it my neighbor? That surly man did have a penchant for experimenting with various dangerous chemicals despite my many warnings.

Either way, screw them for ruining my precious bath time!

Fuming, I got out of the tub, angrily grabbing my towel along the way in order to give the person who disrupted my precious time some admonishment. With the towel firmly secured around my body, I moved to unlock the bathroom door.

I swear, I was going to give them such a tongue lashing that—

My complaints quickly died down my throat.

I swallowed nervously.

This was clearly not my apartment. Rather, I don't think I was even in Tokyo anymore.

Upon opening my door, what greeted me was an alleyway of sorts with trash littering the mud-caked pavement instead of my room littered with books. The smell of burnt rubber invaded my nose and I cringed in disgust at the pungent scent.

How the hell did I get here in the first place? Was I dreaming? Did I fall asleep in the bath again?

A speck of dust got into my eye and I tried to scrub it away. But when I withdrew my hand, I found a smudge of black coated across my hand. I frowned, then trailed my gaze above the dully painted buildings that hung above the alley. A black heavy smoke permeated the night sky. Gray bits of debris and dust floated in the air like snow.

I shivered, tugging my towel a little closer to my body.

Right.

After a brief assessment of my situation, I can only come to the conclusion that I have been isekai'd.

Though a bit unorthodox, I must have slipped on a bar of soap, died, then reincarnated into a fictional world. A god would soon appear before my eyes and give me cheat-like abilities after which I would develop a scandalous relationship with a far too attractive man (or men).

Ha. Ha. I jest of course, as if such outlandish things that only happened in manga or light novels would happen to me!

Of course, the only logical conclusion was that I was currently hallucinating. I must be suffering some form of minor substance poisoning as a result of the several cleaning liquids I had stored under the bathroom sink. Luckily for me however, my reasoning was still intact which meant all I had to do was patiently wait it out.

...I think.

I've never had a hallucination while being under the influence of—well, anything really. I was more or less a regular upstanding citizen who committed no law breaking.

But I suppose there was a first time for everything.

Yay for reckless college hobbies!

After coming upon a decision, I decided to return to my bathroom. It was a safe space. It offered a sense of familiarity as I waited for this strange hallucination to pass. No sense in wandering about and getting myself injured. Who knows what kind of sharp object I might ram myself into?

But I had barely taken a step when a soft groan resounded in what I had previously assumed was an empty alley.

What.

Was I getting auditory hallucinations in addition to visual hallucinations as well?

Goddamnit.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a dark lump twitch from the corner.

I ignored it, taking another step forward.

It groaned louder.

Wow. How very convenient.

And okay, fine, I have to admit that at the time I had a momentary lapse in judgment. Hallucination or not, I shouldn't have gone near that suspicious lump and I sure as hell shouldn't have helped that suspicious lump. In my defense however, I had an unfortunate sense of decency to help people.

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

With that heavy thought in mind, I inched closer and closer to the lump, carefully planting my bare feet on the smoother parts of the pavement. The alley was damp and stank of last week's garbage. I did my best to ignore these and pressed on.

To my surprise however, the previously unidentified lump was actually a human being lying prone. Pieces of rubble covered them, with burns and cuts littered across their entire body. I winced as I observed the debris digging painfully into some of the fresh injuries. The air stank of soot and blood.

I began to feel a little faint.

This was a very strange hallucination to have. And I wasn't enjoying any part of it so far.

Tentatively, I used my toe to poke at the person's shoulder. And to no one's surprise, they didn't even respond. At all.

Feeling a little bold—in more ways than one, ha—I nudged them again, this time turning them to lay on their back. And—oh.

Oh.

I take my earlier statement back. I was beginning to see the appeal of this little mishap.

It's a man! A highly attractive man! With dark inky hair that framed a well-proportioned face with a pair of eyes, a single nose and...um...lips…

...Okay, clearly I had no talent for waxing poetics about how handsome this person was.

Putting my inability for creativity with words aside, this guy was smoking hot.

I grimaced. Perhaps the latter compliment was a little ill-timed.

Another weak groan came from the man and I scrambled to his side, uncaring of the rubble that jabbed into my kneecaps. "Hey, hey, are you okay?!" My first aid training kicked into gear as I calmly assessed his body. Aside from several superficial wounds, there didn't seem to be any life threatening injuries. "Sir!" I shook him back and forth again but he just remained still in my arms like a rag doll.

A very attractive rag doll, a not so helpful part of my mind supplied.

Priorities!

Anyways.

I cursed under my breath as I tightened my towel closer to my body. Even under distress, I still felt like I needed to maintain what little I could of my dignity. It wouldn't do good to randomly flash myself in all my naked glory to a stranger as soon as he awoke. As much as I was proud of my body, I don't think that'd be something he would want to wake up to. In fact, it might even send him into a state of shock.

Once I was sure that I wasn't in danger of being sued for public indecency, I leaned my ear against his mouth and felt momentarily relieved as I felt ragged puffs of breath tickle my ear until it went to an abrupt halt.

Shit. This man needed resuscitation and fast.

For a brief period, I forgot about how this was all a hallucination. I was so caught up in the moment that I failed to consider the future repercussion of my actions and immediately prepared to resuscitate him. I rhythmically pumped my hands against his chest that was soon followed by my mouth clumsily crashing against his to provide air.

A little disclaimer. I have never performed CPR on an actual, living, breathing, human being. I was certified and trained for it yes, but my training was limited to making out with creepy lifeless dolls.

As irresponsible as it seemed, this was better than no attempt at resuscitation.

And so there I was in the middle of nowhere, trying to be a good Samaritan, with my face scrunched in concentration as I pushed against the man's chest and alternated with smashing my mouth against his.

Internally, however, I was screaming. One misstep and I could be sued by hallucinatory lawyers.

Then, the man let out a weak cough and I nearly wept in relief. Oh thank god. It looks like all those training classes weren't all for naught. Nishikino-sensei would kill me if he found out that his student couldn't even do basic resuscitation techniques. But before I could even revel on my own competence, the man spoke in a low murmur.

"Drunk on pain, I taste the kiss of death." His eyes appreciatively trailed across my form, before finally meeting my own.

The corner of his lips tugged into a smile.

Had this been an isekai story, this would be the moment I fall in love. This would be the moment where I would blush prettily and begin a tumultuous relationship with the main lead. There would be a love triangle (or two, or five) along the way, but I would ultimately end up with the first guy. Because we all know that the first guy wins amirite?

But this was reality, and well, that ogling was truthfully rather creepy. Handsome man or not, a pervert was still a cause for concern.

I crossed my arms in front of my ample assets. "Hey. Eyes up, sir. My face is here."

"Ah. Where are my manners? Forgive me. I didn't realize that the Goddess of Death would take offense." He diplomatically replied, making no move to get up from his position on my lap. He even had the audacity to shift his neck into a more comfortable angle!

The nerve!

"Pretty sure that the Goddess of Death doesn't parade around in nothing but a bath towel." I grunted, moving the man to lay back on the pavement once more. Without waiting for a response, I ripped the hem of my already short towel as an impromptu rag to clean his wounds. I was showing quite a scandalous amount of leg but human life took precedence over my own modesty.

A pervert he may be, but even perverts needed their wounds treated.

Putting on a false air of indifference and professionalism, I began to clear his wounds of pebbles. There was barely a trace of discomfort on his distressingly handsome face and he looked more entertained than anything.

Feeling a bit irate, I bit out. "Sir, you need medical assistance. Do you have a cell phone we can use to call an ambulance?"

"And what use would a phone be for Death?" The calm smile never left his face as his eyes followed every movement I did.

I physically couldn't roll my eyes back any further. This guy needed to chill with the mysterious guy persona. "I'm not a Goddess of Death. I'm just a concerned citizen who happened to pass by."

"Ah. A pity. My time has not come then." An unreadable look crossed his features, erasing the earlier playful amusement that seemed to fill his gaze.

With grace and ease unexpected from a man who looked like he'd had a rough tumble down several flights of stairs, he rose to his full but buckled at the last moment. I was quick to catch him in my arms before he could fall face-first into the ground. One of his arms came to loop around my bare shoulders as his body pressed against mine.

I had to fight back the blush that threatened to erupt on my cheeks.

Oh gods. I was in a strange alley, nearly (this distinction was very important) naked, with a beautiful man too close for comfort.

And I was also hallucinating.

"Hey, be a little more careful! You're in no condition to be up and about!" In an attempt to fight back my embarrassment, I chided him, pointedly looking at the alley as I ignored his pretty eyes.

God damn it. Everything about him is pretty!

He chuckled—his mouth was right next to my ear, Jesus Christ—and I swear, I nearly dropped him then and there because this situation was so not good for my poor little inexperienced heart! But I swiftly squashed down my own feeling of shame and I slid my arm under his shoulder to support him a little better.

"Back pocket." He suddenly said.

"Huh?" I made the mistake of looking at his face and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot. His eyes were really very nice to look at.

"My phone is in my back pocket." He clarified. "I would get it myself but I've got my hands a little occupied right now." He paused for a bit, then. "Enjoying the view?"

My jaw dropped at his insinuation—not that it wasn't untrue—but I quickly snapped my mouth shut to spare myself of any further humiliation. I was not as thirsty as he implied I was! "I—You—I am not!" I don't think I was very convincing just then as his lips slanted into an amused sort of smile and I felt the tips of my ear go hot.

I didn't think it was possible to dislike someone I've barely met this much.

Grunting in annoyance, I complied with his request in an attempt to busy myself, not so gently shoving the bloodied rag I used to tend to his wounds onto his hands. He remained silent as I blindly groped around in his pocket, careful to not touch any part of his derriere—even if it looked nice (The pervert even chuckled at my discomfort!). As soon as I finally fished his phone out of his pocket, I typed in the emergency hotline—only to have it plucked away from my hand.

Ignoring my spluttering, the man deftly dialed in another number before hitting the call button.

"Mm. I'm alive. Though a little worse for wear at the moment." A pause. "We got it? That's good. Send Machi to my location."

Without even pausing to say goodbye, he hid the phone in his back pocket.

"I thought you couldn't get your phone yourself?" I frowned.

"Hm, did I say that?"

I shot him a wary glance.

"My comrades will arrive soon, miss. Your duty as a concerned citizen, while appreciated, ends here." He flashed me another smile that was meant to look amiable and charming. But now that I was a little less flustered by his attention, I realized belatedly that his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

What a strange man.

"Right," I nodded, pulling away from him once I was certain he wasn't at risk for falling any further.

A few seconds passed with neither of us speaking as we awkwardly stared at each other. Perhaps half-heartedly expecting the other to make the first move and withdraw from the situation.

Well.

This was embarrassing.

"Um," I began uncertainly, inching my way to my bathroom door. "I have some first aid supplies that we can use while waiting for your friends."

I turned on my heel to make my way back to the safety of my safe space. But a warm calloused hand firmly gripped my wrist before I could even take one step. "Miss," The odd stranger looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds, as if debating something. A beat later, then. "Here, a little something as thanks." He slipped something cold and round into my hands, making me jump in surprise.

Brows furrowed in contemplation and very much cold from the biting wind I may add, I rolled the peculiar item in my hand. It was a small pearl-shaped gem that glinted purple in the night. "What is this?" I asked, dumbly.

"A little token of appreciation for having saved my life." He replied, shrugging his shoulders. He was still smiling. "I have no use for it. Use it as you see fit."

"A simple thank you would do wonders, you know," I replied tartly, pushing the trinket back into his pale hands.

But he did not take it and simply took a step back, chuckling. "Show it to the right people and you will be set for life."

"Right," I deadpanned. "Okay then."

I tentatively shuffled backwards, eyeing him with thinly veiled suspicion. I got the feeling that there was more to him than he let on. And not exactly the good kind. "Well. I should probably go get that first aid kit before any of your injuries get infected."

Not bothering to hear his response, I dashed back to my bathroom, tossing the strange purple gem by the laundry hamper for safekeeping. After I was sure that it wouldn't roll off into oblivion, I dug through my medicine cabinet before finally unearthing the kit I needed. "A-ha!"

With a triumphant grin, I kicked the door open only to have the sight of my messy room greet me.

"Oh."

(￣꒳￣)

"How interesting, " Kuroro murmured to himself as he watched the concerned citizen disappear into nothingness. She had said something about picking up a first aid kit to treat him but as soon as she reached the end of the alley—she disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Curious. Some kind of nen perhaps?

With his interest piqued, Kuroro stared at the blood-soaked rag she unceremoniously left with him. He ran a thumb across the scrap of fabric and found that it was a lot softer than it looked and had the underlying scent of—bananas?

Curiouser and curiouser.

It did not escape his notice that she had ripped it off (without any sort of hesitation, he noted) of what minimal clothing she had. It was uncharacteristically kind of anyone from Meteor City.

He wondered if she worked at one of the nearby hospitals.

It would perhaps be interesting if he were to track her down one day, if only to return the scrap of cloth.

One day.

Hello guys! This is my first oc story for HxH. I hope you enjoyed the story so far and I would love to hear feedback as it motivates me to write more! This fic was inspired by the many reincarnation light novel , manga and fanfics I've read! It's not really going to be serious and is more of a parody than anything . Ahaha. It will be romance but I'm not sure who I want our protagonist to end up with just yet but I'll be tagging the possible candidates . For now though, I'll be focusing more on story building and funny shenanigans.

The protagonist's name isn't gonna be revealed until the next chapter but her name is Hazuki Taniyama and she's around college age if you were interested.

EDIT1: 08/13/17

EDIT 2: 04/31/2020

This fic is so dated lmao, the vita is a dead console for otome games.

Please review!