Indignities

Just some of the embarrassing and annoying things Canada has to deal with in his day-to-day life.

FACE Family.

Notes:

Hello to any readers bored enough to read this! I'm still fairly new to Fanfiction, but I wrote this a while ago but was too shy to make an account and post it. I love Hetalia. Particularly Canada. Hope you enjoy reading this.

It wasn't that big of a deal.

Really, it wasn't, at all.

"Hey bro! Mattie, Mattie!"

It was normal for your brother to give you a nickname, well not really a nickname, sort of a shortened variant of 'Matthew' but with an 'I' added. There was no problem, none at all.

"Mattie!"

"Yes Alfred?" Matthew turned to the American nation patiently. Of all the days for Alfred to actually notice him, it had to be on the day of a G8 meeting. Why was that bad? Well...

When Alfred actually remembered his brother's existence, he tended to stick to him like a leech and talk his ear off, this was fine when Matthew was in his Ottawa home, baking maple cookies that Alfred devoured in a disgustingly short amount of time, but in a meeting it was extremely disrespectful. The last time they had a World Meeting his brother had tossed him a paper plane with a rather violent caricature of Francis and Arthur beating each other. Needless to say, when Matthew had burst into laughter at the drawings, Arthur, who had been giving a presentation at the time, was not impressed and gave Matthew an hour long lecture that made him miss his flight back to Canada. "Why are you so late bro? Everyone's waiting for you!"

"Late?" Matthew checked his watch. "I'm not...mon dieu."

How did that happen? I'm always in the conference room extra early!

"But how can I be late when no one else is here yet?" Alfred scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"I must have forgotten to send you the memo; we changed the place and time of the meeting." Matthew's finger twitched with the desire to throttle his elder twin.

Calm down Matthew...it's a mistake anyone can make.

"Oh, that's okay."

"I didn't apologize."

Calm...stay calm...

"Anyways, come on bro! Everyone's waiting for you!" Alfred yanked his brother out of his usual seat.

"They noticed I was gone?" Happiness bubbled in Matthew's chest.

"Yeah, I just started my speech and when I went to ask my sidekick to back me up we realized you weren't with us! AHAHAHA!" Happiness was replaced by instant irritation.

Calm Matthew...calm...at least he remembered to ask for your approval before he tries to put some new unreasonable policy in place...

Alfred babbled the entire walk to the other conference room, burgers...superheroes...the usual. "And then I brought their new album! It's awesome bro!"

"I like that album as well." Matthew agreed.

"Serious bro? I thought you were more into Canadian singers...you know, Justin Bieber." The throttling urge was so powerful this time Matthew had to dig his fingers into his pant legs to resist.

Calm...Justin Bieber? I hate Justin Bieber!

Matthew had said this multiple times to other nations, most of them didn't hear him, but he really wanted to let them know he thought Bieber was an unholy creation just like they did. Excluding Liechtenstein, who seemed to have developed a slight Bieber fever, much to Switzerland's apparent horror. "The hero has returned!" Alfred kicked open the large double doors. This conference room was a lot smaller than the other, but it did have air conditioner and heating, which was most likely why they had decided to use it. "With his trusty sidekick in tow! Well, as trusty as Canada can be! AHAHAHA!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Matthew turned to his brother with a soft glare.

"Only that you're a totally unreliable little wuss! You withdrew from Afghanistan!"

"You are also withdrawing from Afghanistan." Matthew reminded through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, but you didn't even participate in World War II!"

"Yes I did! I joined before you did!"

"Really?" Alfred tilted his head to the side dumbly. "You mustn't have done anything memorable! AHAHAHA!"

"You-"

"May ve begin this meeting?" Ludwig coughed as the atmosphere in the room became increasingly tense.

"Sure thing!" Alfred slid into his seat at the head of the table. "Sit beside me bro! My right hand man!"

Calm...calm...he doesn't mean I'm his assistant...

"Hey bro, can you go get me a coffee? Looking for you wore the hero out." Matthew gaped in disbelief. Alfred widened his cornflower blue eyes. "Please bro? I got tired looking for you!" Matthew knew it was a tactical guilt trip, but it was working! Even though the other conference room was only a few hallways down, and that was where Alfred would have directly headed, and his brother still had the energy to jig his leg while he was sitting, it was still working!

"Sure thing Al," Matthew smiled tightly. "I'll be back with it soon." Matthew began speedily heading in the opposite direction.

"And bro?" Matthew paused, and thinned his lips.

"Yes Al?"

"The hero likes three sugars and cream."

It took Matthew at least twenty minutes to get Alfred's coffee; he had gone into the kitchenette area to prepare it for him, before he realized that there was none of the half cream half milk that Alfred took in his coffee.

So being the considerate brother he was, he had wandered aimlessly in the halls to see if he could find an employee that could help him out. Finally, he had caught the attention of a friendly brunette who had directed him to the reception area. "So you want cream?" The receptionist said dully. "Please hold," She spoke into the phone she was cradling on her shoulder. "I don't think we have any in stock at the moment. Sorry."

This is a conference room! How can you not have coffee creamer!? Nations live on coffee in meetings!

That was what Matthew would have snapped if he were less polite. So instead he nodded understandingly. "Sorry to have bothered you with this."

I guess I'll just have to head to the nearest Cafe and get him a coffee.

So now he was walking back through the halls, holding a steaming coffee and feeling glad that the entire ordeal was over. "Sorry I took so long!" Matthew frantically apologized when he re-entered the conference room. "There was no cream and I had to..." No one noticed he was back, so Matthew's shoulders slumped and he skulked over to Alfred. "Here you go Alfred."

"What took you so long bro?" Alfred snatched the coffee without a thank you. Matthew sat down and pulled his laptop out. He was just booting it up when Alfred spluttered, his coffee spraying all over Matthew's dearly loved, and brand new, computer. At first Matthew thought it might be okay, it was just some boiling hot coffee! But, expensive laptops tended to be a little more sensitive, and it switched off immediately.

Damn it!

"What the hell bro?" Alfred was frowning grumpily at him. "Why didn't you put cream in this?"

"I did." Matthew had personally watched the coffee vendor pour it in.

"Whipped cream on top?" Matthew froze.

"No, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me you wanted that. You only said cream."

"Well duh bro, I meant both creams!" Alfred rolled his eyes. "You're so stupid sometimes."

Ungrateful...idiotic...I'd like to...

Matthew tried to berate his mutinous brain.

Calm...I really should have asked him to specify what he wanted.

"I'm sorry Alfred, it won't happen again."

Because I won't be fetching you any coffee you bullying asshole...calm...calm.

Matthew sighed in relief when his computer restarted without any problems. It was Kiku's turn to speak, and Matthew immediately began typing down the more important highlights of the speech. "Bro...bro...bro..." Matthew tried to ignore the mantra, but then Alfred began poking his cheek.

"What can I do for you Alfred?"

"Do you think you can copy down some notes for me as well? I forgot to charge my laptop last night."

"I'll give you a copy of mine." Matthew told him quickly. "Now please, I really have to catch up on what's been said, can you be quiet?" There was blissful silence from Alfred for the rest of Kiku's timed eight minute speech. But then, Ivan stood up, and Alfred's face twisted into a sneer.

Why did I have to sit by Alfred?

There was a reason Matthew was usually relieved to be sat away from Alfred, and that was because of how worked up he became when someone he didn't like, or bickered with, started to speak.

I only have to deal with this for eight minutes...

Eight extremely long minutes...As Ivan began his speech Alfred began snorting at periodic times and muttering numerous insults under his breath, most consisting of: 'Creepy commie' 'Damn red' and 'Unheroic bastard.'

Calm...calm...

Matthew breathed another sigh of relief when Ivan's turn was over. He was relaxed. Until..."Next to speak, England, Arthur Kirkland."

The insults then changed to 'Black Sheep' 'Jerky limey' and 'Eyebrows'. At that point, Matthew was questioning why he even got out of bed that morning. "And now it is time for a thirty minute recess, we will reconvene at two o'clock sharp." Ludwig said authoritatively. The group of nations then filtered into the lunch area, which only opened when the nations went on break. It had used to be open all of the time, but when Feliciano made a habit of skipping out of going to the meeting to instead eat pasta, Ludwig had had the place sealed up until recess.

"Excuse me." Matthew tapped Kiku on the shoulder. The Japanese nation was accepting a packed bento from one of the employees.

"Hai, America-San?"

"Actually I'm Canada, America's brother. I was hoping you could give me a copy of notes from the earlier speeches. I had to get Alfred coffee and missed out on France and Italy's speeches."

"That will be fine, Canada-San. You did not miss much with Feliciano however." Kiku gave a slight bow. "I will send my notes to your email address."

"Thank you." Matthew waved cheerily as Kiku went to join Ludwig and Feliciano's table. Matthew had his own table, in the farthest corner of the room.

I wish I had Kumawhatshisname with me.

He had left the adorable polar bear in his hotel room with a sizable amount of seal blubber to keep him occupied. Kumajirou had infiltrated the kitchenette at the last G8 summit and caused havoc. "MATTIE!" Alfred hailed him over enthusiastically. He was lingering in the doorway. Matthew considered snubbing him, but that would have been rude.

"Yes Alfred?" Matthew inquired as he went to his brother.

"I want some Mickey D's! I don't like the expensive stuff they serve here!"

"Well, the closest McDonalds is just a few blocks down. You should be able to find it easily enough."

"I need you to come with me."

"Come again?"

"Are you deaf or just stupid?" Alfred sniggered. "I need my bro to come with me! It's unheroic for the hero to go for lunch by himself!"

"You want me to come with you?" Matthew was surprised, but very pleased at the thoughtfulness.

"Yeah, it's just Francis said he and Arthur were going on a 'romantic lunch date' or something and Kiku is sitting with Ludwig and Feliciano and there is NO WAY I would ever hang out with the commie." Alfred sent a glower towards Ivan, who was munching on some sort of Russian food.

"That's very nice of you Alfred."

To use me as a last resort! You stupid...calm...calm...

"So let's go bro!"

Matthew watched in revulsion as Alfred consumed six burgers in the time span of six minutes, sipping from a giant chocolate milkshake every now and again. Matthew himself didn't mind fast food (he however didn't eat it every day like his brother) but there was no way he could eat the fries in front of him after seeing the chewed up mush inside Alfred's mouth. "You gonna eat that bro?"

"No," Matthew pushed them over to him. "They're all yours."

"Thanks bro! You'll pay the bill, right?"

"Hey bro," Alfred ran over and pushed himself between Francis and Matthew. The two were conversing in French, having a catch up since Francis hadn't spoken to him in the better half of a year. "What're you doing?"

"Just chatting," Matthew told him. "Comment était- déjeuner avec Arthur?"

"Bro, I didn't know you could speak French!" Matthew twitched at the interruption.

"Yes, I do speak French fluently, Alfred. I have since I was a colony."

"I didn't know that! But yours sounds kind of different!"

"Yes, it's Canadian French. So it's a little different."

"So it's gibberish!?"

"No." Matthew said slowly. "It's French, just with some changes. The language has evolved over time."

"AHAHAHA! You talk in gibberish!"

"It's Canadian French."

The day was ending. Matthew had lasted without making an attempt on his brother's life.

This is what meditation gets you. I didn't blow up once today, despite how annoying he was.

Matthew was quite proud of himself. The conference was over, and the nations were only lingering to talk amongst themselves casually, mostly about sports.

I better get back to Kumawhatshisname. He's probably hungry again.

Out of politeness rather than a want to say a farewell, Matthew walked over to Alfred once he had finished saying unheard goodbyes to Francis and Arthur. Alfred and Ivan were facing off, each spitting out Ice Hockey advice to each other. "I'm going to leave now, Alfred. Thanks for inviting me to lunch."

"That's the hero's job bro! Hey, the commie and I-"Ivan glared so hard Matthew thought Alfred's face might melt off. "-Were just talking about Ice Hockey. I thought, since it snows a lot at your place, why don't you start learning to play? You can form a team, and I'll even get some of my top coaches to teach all the rules and stuff to you! Isn't that real heroic off me?" Matthew felt numb for a moment, completely numb, before fury started mounting. Matthew began taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself, and Ivan even backed away, at least he remembered how seriously Matthew took ice hockey. "You okay bro?" Alfred asked in slight concern. "Oh I see! You're so excited at my offer that you're hyperventilating! I guess this a lot for you to handle, don't worry, one day you might even be able to beat me."

"Beat you...?" Matthew was shuddering, trying to cling to self restraint. "Yes...beat you...that sounds like a good idea."

"It will take a while for you to get that good though."

"Beat you..."

"It's taking you a while to get over your excitement, huh? Maybe you should sit down to handle this." Matthew closed his eyes.

Calm...calm...calm...calm...

Matthew opened them; he was in control once more. "I think I'm going to leave now Alfred." He said tersely.

"Okay! See you later Mattie!"

That was it. "MY NAME IS NOT MATTIE! IT'S MATTHEW, MATTHEW YOU STUPID JUNK-FOOD OBSESSED MORON!" Everything went quiet and Alfred stepped back in shock.

"Bro...I always call you Mattie!"

"AND I DON'T LIKE IT! IT SOUNDS STUPID! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START TAKING ME SERIOUSLY?"

"I do take you seriously!"

"NO YOU DON'T! I SPENT THE BETTER HALF OF MY DAY BENDING OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU! I GOT YOU COFFEE, AND I HAD TO RUN AROUND TRYING TO GET YOUR CREAMER ONLY FOR YOU TO SPIT IT ALL OVER MY LAPTOP! THEN, I HAD TO TAKE NOTES FOR YOU! BECAUSE YOU'RE INEPT AND CAN'T CONCENTRATE LONG ENOUGH TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF! THEN YOU USE ME AS A LAST RESORT FOR LUNCH, MAKE ME PAY THE BILL AND THEN YOU CALL MY CANADIAN FRENCH GIBBERISH! NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME I SHOULD START PLAYING ICE HOCKEY WHEN IT IS ONE OF MY NATIONAL PASTIMES! MY TEAM IS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD AND THEY HAVE EVEN BEATEN YOURS BEFORE! AND YOU KEEP CALLING ME MATTIE! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU, YOU IDIOTIC, FAT, NARCISSISTIC, SELFISH, UNGRATEFUL, HOSER!" Matthew panted wildly once he had finished his rant.

Oops.

Alfred was staring at him with watery eyes and a wobbling lower lip. Matthew felt like the worst excuse of a nation ever. Before Matthew could say a word, he fled from the room. Matthew flushed under the nations stares. Ivan began to clap and giggle madly. "Comrade Canada is funny, Da? You become one with Mother Russia!" Matthew groaned in response. Arthur shot him a stern look before striding out of the room in search of Alfred. Matthew groaned again.

"Mon Matthieu..." Francis rushed over and pulled him into a hug. "Mon poor little bebe, 'as Alfred been picking on you again?"

"Just a tad," Matthew leant into the embrace. "I just exploded at him, did you see his face? I'm horrible!" Francis shook his head, tutting.

"Mon Matthieu is not 'orrible, 'e is very sweet. Which eez why you got so angry! If 'e does something you don't like, you must tell 'im straight away, instead of bottling it all up."

"I just don't want to start an argument or hurt his feelings."

"I know mon bebe..."

"I better go find him." Matthew pulled back. "Arthur is going to be furious with me for yelling like that."

"Arthur knows what Alfred is like, 'e is just a little frustrated at ze moment. 'E won't be angry with you for long."

He'll forget me before he has the chance to stop being angry.

So Matthew set off to find his brother, feeling queasy and like a terrible monster.

Matthew didn't need to look far to find him. Matthew knew Alfred was a comfort eater (it was a miracle he remained so fit) so he knew he would be inside the same McDonalds they had ate in that day.

He was sitting towards the back, surrounded by numerous burgers, Arthur was across from him, nose crinkled and face perturbed. When Matthew walked over Alfred avoided his eyes. Arthur pointed a finger at the chair besides him, a silent command for: 'Sit.' "H-h-hey." Matthew stuttered lamely. Arthur inclined his head. Alfred neither said, nor did anything that indicated Matthew was now sitting with them.

"Nice of you to finally join us lad, I knew you'd be coming, but it did take a while. Did you stop to abuse a child wearing an American Hockey Jersey?"

Ouch.

"No, I was just speaking with Papa." Arthur quirked a brow, Matthew only ever called Francis 'Papa' when he was stressed.

"Well. Don't you have something to say to Alfred?" Arthur looked at him sternly. Matthew nodded.

"Yes, I'm sorry for shouting at you like that Alfred." Alfred said nothing.

"And you, Alfred?" No response. Arthur promptly tossed his cup of water at the American. "Listen to me when I'm talking, you bloody Yankee! Your brother just apologized and I know he wouldn't have yelled at you without justification so you had better say sorry in return for whatever you did or so help me I will try to invoke a tax on fast food in my country!" Alfred pouted. "Do it now! I'm losing my patience!"

"I'm sorry." Alfred said simply. Arthur scowled. Alfred shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry," He started again, this time looking Matthew in the eye. "I mistreated you all day and I should have paid more attention to your feelings instead of my stomach and my misconceptions. Happy?" Matthew shrunk back in fear at the irritated tone.

"Finally," Arthur muttered, standing back up. "I'm going to collect my things from the conference room and then tonight we are going out for dinner as a family. I don't care what plans you have, cancel them. If you don't I'll hunt you down and force my scones down your throats." Matthew and Alfred shuddered at the threat. "I haven't the foggiest why you don't like them." He said to himself. "Good day." With that, he left.

"I am sorry." Alfred said after long several silences. "I was a jerk to you today."

"I'm used to it." Matthew grinned reassuringly. "I shouldn't have blown up like that."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have. You should just speak up when I annoy you bro, don't keep it all inside and then hulk out on me."

"Hulk out?"

"Yeah, haven't you seen The Avengers?" Matthew blinked. "You haven't!? Seriously bro we are so watching that tonight!"

"We have to go to dinner..."

"Afterwards we can have a movie marathon at my place! I have this stack of new horrors to watch as well!"

"I don't think-"

"What, are you scared? I'm the hero! I'll protect my little brother Mattie!"

"I wish you wouldn't-"

"Tough. I'm not apologising for calling you that. I've called you that my whole life." Alfred proclaimed stubbornly. "You're my little brother, I can call you whatever I want." Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Just don't get so scared you piss your pants." Matthew smirked. "Alfie."

Notes:

A somewhat abrupt ending. I might continue this as a series one day., if anyone likes it. I hope you enjoyed this.(Please) Review if you would like, but no pressure. See ya.

PS: The French I used was sloppily translated in Google translate and says: 'How was lunch with Arthur?'