Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but the story is mine. (woo-hoo) I am praying no one sues me!! If their are any spells and unless I tell you different, I will have obtained them from thecharmedworld.com, so they aren't mine either!
AN: Ok, sorry, it's been a little while. I have been SO busy (debate...) Starring, I hope you enjoy this, cuz it's for you! Oh, this is the last chapter of this story, and soon I will start the next story. ONLY if you review and tell me if you want the next one, though!
It is amazing the way life has a way of putting itself back together. I know that we still have a way to go, but we are all getting better. Phoebe is doing so well, and so am I. Once I finally drug myself out of the hole I was in and started looking at the people around me, I realised that I had to keep going, regardless of what has happened. It took me a while, but I am coping. I still feel the sharp pain, but it isn't a constant unbearable hurt like it had been before. For short periods of the day, I am able to forget that my life is a living Hell. When I do remember, though, whirlwind emotions carry me back into the black hole I was in. For my sisters, I make an effort to smile and go on living and breathing.
Paige has been remarkable with Phoebe, so loving and sensitive. It seems as though she understands where Phoebe is and knows how to slowly bring her back into the real world. It's a lot of work, but she's actually started responding with more than a few words when we talk to her. Yesterday, in fact, she smiled. It only lasted a second, but it was progress. Prue cried when she saw Phoebe's brilliant smile, and Paige hugged her so hard she could barely breathe. Unfortunately, I missed it, but I'm determined not to miss it again.
Leo is trying to deal with the loss he feels, and he is beginning to be comfortable around me again. I can still see the accusations in his eyes, and it nearly kills me. He pretends not to blame me, but I know that deep inside he truly does. I blame myself, and he has a right to the feeling. I wish he would talk to me about it, so that we could get past the invisible barrier between us. He avoids the topic like the plague, and I'm not too eager to bring it up either. I want it to just disappear, but that is too much to expect. So, I'll just walk on egg shells when he is around until we can get past this.
Lucky for us, we've been able to heal without the hassle of demonic attacks. I hope it continues because none of us, with the exception of Prue, are ready for that just yet. Prue is always the exception to the rule, that is how she likes it. She has been spending hours studying the book of shadows. "I have been away so long, I need to refresh my memory," is her answer when I ask about it. I don't think it is possible for my oldest sister to FORGET anything! She is so business-oriented. I suppose that is a good thing, we need that around. I missed that about her. I have realised that there are countless things that I longed for since she has been back. Like the way her eyes snap when she gets angry, or the way she likes to check on us while we sleep. I even enjoy her nagging, it was missing for too long.
I will always have an ache in my heart when I think about the child I should have. She would have been a beautiful gift, and an enhancement to our lives. I have wanted so badly to be a mother, but it seems as though that is too much for me to wish for. Maybe I wouldn't be such a great mother, like I first felt. I long to hold her in my arms, but she is gone forever. I never got to hear the sweet laughter of a child, or hear the word 'mommy'. I won't get to watch her grow up, she was taken from me before I even saw her face. I may get over some things, but this is impossible to overcome. No one should ever have to suffer the loss of a child. A baby should be a reason for joy and celebration, never this soul wrenching agony.
AN: Ok, sorry, it's been a little while. I have been SO busy (debate...) Starring, I hope you enjoy this, cuz it's for you! Oh, this is the last chapter of this story, and soon I will start the next story. ONLY if you review and tell me if you want the next one, though!
It is amazing the way life has a way of putting itself back together. I know that we still have a way to go, but we are all getting better. Phoebe is doing so well, and so am I. Once I finally drug myself out of the hole I was in and started looking at the people around me, I realised that I had to keep going, regardless of what has happened. It took me a while, but I am coping. I still feel the sharp pain, but it isn't a constant unbearable hurt like it had been before. For short periods of the day, I am able to forget that my life is a living Hell. When I do remember, though, whirlwind emotions carry me back into the black hole I was in. For my sisters, I make an effort to smile and go on living and breathing.
Paige has been remarkable with Phoebe, so loving and sensitive. It seems as though she understands where Phoebe is and knows how to slowly bring her back into the real world. It's a lot of work, but she's actually started responding with more than a few words when we talk to her. Yesterday, in fact, she smiled. It only lasted a second, but it was progress. Prue cried when she saw Phoebe's brilliant smile, and Paige hugged her so hard she could barely breathe. Unfortunately, I missed it, but I'm determined not to miss it again.
Leo is trying to deal with the loss he feels, and he is beginning to be comfortable around me again. I can still see the accusations in his eyes, and it nearly kills me. He pretends not to blame me, but I know that deep inside he truly does. I blame myself, and he has a right to the feeling. I wish he would talk to me about it, so that we could get past the invisible barrier between us. He avoids the topic like the plague, and I'm not too eager to bring it up either. I want it to just disappear, but that is too much to expect. So, I'll just walk on egg shells when he is around until we can get past this.
Lucky for us, we've been able to heal without the hassle of demonic attacks. I hope it continues because none of us, with the exception of Prue, are ready for that just yet. Prue is always the exception to the rule, that is how she likes it. She has been spending hours studying the book of shadows. "I have been away so long, I need to refresh my memory," is her answer when I ask about it. I don't think it is possible for my oldest sister to FORGET anything! She is so business-oriented. I suppose that is a good thing, we need that around. I missed that about her. I have realised that there are countless things that I longed for since she has been back. Like the way her eyes snap when she gets angry, or the way she likes to check on us while we sleep. I even enjoy her nagging, it was missing for too long.
I will always have an ache in my heart when I think about the child I should have. She would have been a beautiful gift, and an enhancement to our lives. I have wanted so badly to be a mother, but it seems as though that is too much for me to wish for. Maybe I wouldn't be such a great mother, like I first felt. I long to hold her in my arms, but she is gone forever. I never got to hear the sweet laughter of a child, or hear the word 'mommy'. I won't get to watch her grow up, she was taken from me before I even saw her face. I may get over some things, but this is impossible to overcome. No one should ever have to suffer the loss of a child. A baby should be a reason for joy and celebration, never this soul wrenching agony.