Naruto would wonder, later, when he wasn't so caught up in events of his own life, if all stories somehow boiled down to how his parents managed to make their relationship work. Because it seemed like every time Naruto needed advice or somebody else thought he needed advice he ended up hearing about it.

Even when it was the last thing he ever wanted to talk about.

The fourth time he ended up hearing about his parents love lives went back to just having heard about his parents love lives from Kakashi-nii.

Naruto, after Kakshi-nii's casual yet somehow explosive reveal of the dangers of Uchiha Shisui, had spent about a week completely panicking and trying to decide between confronting Shisui as soon as possible and punching him in the face telling him to stay away from his sister and actually doing reconnaissance.

Unfortunately, Naruto chose the sensible shinobi approach of spying on the enemy and gossiping with everyone who knew him, and he didn't like what he heard or saw.

For one thing, Uchiha Shisui was one of those guys that everyone had heard about, and was basically considered one of the best ninja to come out of the Uchiha clan for decades (possibly since the clan's existence depending on who you talked to) along with Sasuke's older brother Itachi.

So, if Naruto tried to punch him in the face like he did Sasuke-bastard then Naruto would probably die.

Especially since Shisui wasn't just a jonin, but was also in ANBU, which according to Kushina-kaa was where Lee-kaa learned to become a horrifically terrifying one-man destroyer of civilizations.

But this wasn't even the worst part.

He had good hair, Uchiha as a rule had terrible hair. Lee-kaa said you could pretty much judge the attractiveness of an Uchiha not based on their face or body (because these were somehow always almost perfect) but on the attractiveness of their hair (case in point, Sasuke for an Uchiha was downright hideous with his infamous duck-butt hair).

But not Shisui, his hair was almost like Lee-kaa's or Hari's, softer more defined dark curls that framed his face and somehow inconceivably managed to look good.

He also had a sense of humor, not that snarky biting insulting of everyone that Sasuke tried to pass off as humor (or Itachi's weird flat statements that were apparently trying to be jokes but didn't come close to anything funny at all), but an actual legitimate funny sense of humor. And this lead to the further horrifying fact that he had a personality period, a personality that wasn't arrogant terse monosyllabic grunting bastard, which according to Obito-nii was obscenely rare in the Uchiha family tree.

The only good sign out of any of this was that he was way too old for Hari and was already surrounded by fangirls his own age and a girls few years younger and older. He was swimming in attention and didn't really have any need to think about little girls in the academy and what they might think about him. If Hari wasn't the hokage's daughter, clan heir to the English family clans, and in Sasuke's class then Naruto would bet five bowls of ramen that he wouldn't even know who Hari was.

It'd actually be crazy creepy if he paid any attention to Hari right now.

And that had calmed him down for a little bit, he'd breathed a huge sigh of relief, thanked the gods that Shisui wasn't closer in age to them (because even Itachi was a little too close in age to them for comfort), and walked home with a giant grin on his face for defeating the enemy after his sister's virtue.

(Well, except for Sasuke, but Naruto could totally handle Sasuke the grouchy bastard.)

Of course, that was until he walked into his house to find not only Lee-kaa casually playing shogi against a blank faced Uchiha Itachi (a sight that was growing steadily more common since she'd taken Itachi as an apprentice) but also Hari sitting on the couch next to a rather grumpy looking Sasuke-bastard (not that Sasuke ever didn't look grumpy), Hari staring straight ahead into space with a really weird almost panicked look on her face along with a slight blush, and also none other than that same guy that Naruto had been following around for the past week.

Uchiha Shisui, lounged on Naruto's couch with that easy carefree grin on his face, hands behind his head as he watched the shogi match, in casual civilian clothing with the Uchiha fan embroidered on his dark blue sleeves, having the absolute nerve to look like he belonged there.

"Maa maa, little cousin, you're getting your ass handed to you today," Shisui remarked, grinning when Itachi threw a baleful glare in his direction (well, baleful for Itachi, it was really hard to tell what that guy was thinking when all of his expressions pretty much looked the same.)

"Shisui, I'd appreciate a lack of commentary, true shogi takes concentration and discipline," Lee-kaa commented as she placed down a piece, causing Itachi to pale dramatically as he read the board and his dwindling possible moves, "And who knows? Itachi may one day have to bargain for his own soul with the Shinigami in a chess match. It pays to be good at this sort of thing and it's hard to be good at this sort of thing if the peanut gallery starts jabbering."

"Of course, Eru-sama, I'll be quiet as a mouse," Shisui assured her with a cheerful expression that neither Lee-kaa nor Itachi seemed inclined to trust.

Except it was at this point that Naruto pointed at the intruder and blurted, "What's he doing here?!"

They all blinked, turned their attention to Naruto.

"Oh, hello Naruto, welcome back, how was… outside?" Lee-kaa said before motioning to the board, "Itachi said that he might be able to beat me today, which was a blatant lie and overestimation of his meager shogi abilities… Also, he's my apprentice, and that means we have to do things like have tea all the time and play shogi and talk about life."

"No, not him," Naruto said motioning to Itachi briefly before waving his hands at the couch, "Him!"

"Uh, Naruto I'm… dating… Sasuke," Hari said slowly, her eyes stuck on Shisui and then to Sasuke, her blush deepening as she struggled to get the words out, "I… Uh… Don't you remember?"

"I don't care about Sasuke-bastard!"

"That's a first," Sasuke remarked in his usual biting and dismissive tone.

"Shut up, bastard!" Naruto automatically retorted before pointing straight at Shisui, "Him, why's he here!"

"Oh, you're talking about me," Shisui said in realization, as if he hadn't realized Naruto had been pointing at him the entire time, and he offered a smile with those too perfect straight teeth that didn't even have the decency to be even slightly crooked, "Right, well, Itachi invited me along and I thought I should come and see the match since I had the time and rarely get a chance to hang out with my baby cousin Sasuke while he's on his adorable little dates. That, and, Naruto-kun, you've been stalking me for about a week and it's been getting kind of weird, so I thought I'd stop by and embarrass you in front of your terrifying mother."

Naruto stopped, panicked as he tried to figure out just when he'd been caught, flushed, and then blurted, "I haven't been stalking you!"

Shisui just gave him a look, a look that Naruto was so very familiar with because Hari gave him one just like it all the time, the look that questioned his intelligence completely and asked if he wasn't joking with them and trying to mess with their heads.

"Really, believe it!"

"Well, I would believe it, except that I've caught you doing it like five times now and it's getting super weird, Naruto-kun," Shisui-said before adding with a somewhat dubious look, "Really, I'm too old for you… And I also don't swing in that direction."

"I know you're too old!" Naruto shouted back, because that was the whole point, that was Shisui's saving grace, and then swiftly Naruto added with just as much emphasis, "And I don't swing in that direction either, believe it!"

Lee-kaa's face grew paler and a look of irritated apprehension dawned there, "Naruto, is this your way of telling me it's time for the sex talk? Because I'll be honest, I was kind of going to pawn that off onto Minato or Jiraiya-sensei's porn books…"

Shisui scratched at the back of his head and mulled this over, "Well, Naruto-kun, I'd like to believe it but I have a lot of experience with people following me around, boys and girls, and I'm having a hard time coming up with any other explanation."

"Believe it, Shisui! The only reason I'm doing this is because Kakashi-nii said that Hari…"

Suddenly, moving way faster than she should have been capable of (unless dad had taught Hari the hiraishin when Naruto wasn't looking, which totally wouldn't be fair since dad had promised to teach them both at the same time, or she'd managed to inherit Lee-kaa's teleportation blood limit), Hari was standing right next to him and grabbing his shoulder in a grip way too tight to be friendly.

Except Hari was all smiles, terrifying cheerful smiles that meant that Naruto was probably not going to walk away from this without some serious injuries, "Naruto, what are you doing dragging someone respectable like Kakashi-nii into this? Don't you know any better?"

Hari then looked straight at Shisui, her face turning bright red, and she rambled (which was so weird because Hari never rambled, always said things at her own measured pace, and it was always Naruto who blurted anything out), "Um, sorry everyone, Sasuke, but Naruto and I need to go talk outside, right now, because… um… I'm worried about him stalking Shisui-san!"

Hari then sprinted out of the house, dragging Naruto behind, and kept sprinting across the entire village until they reached just outside of the Senju compound, and then she came to a sudden stop and kicked him in the face.

"Hey, what was that for?!" Naruto cried out as he rubbed at his nose and the blood already starting to ooze out of it.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?!" Hari said, launching a fist at his face leaving Naruto only a moment to scramble backwards out of the way. And he'd always known that Hari was fast, that she was crazy fast, but somehow even in academy spars she'd never felt quite this fast (although it had been a while, since Iruka-sensei mostly paired her up with Sasuke these days).

"Me? What the hell are you doing?! First you date Sasuke-bastard and now you like Shisui-bastard!" Naruto cried out as he dodged another kick and threw his own leg out at her causing her to have to move to block it.

"Who told you?" Hari's face grew bright red, even brighter red than when she'd been inside the house sitting right next to Shisui, and then she paused and her eyes narrowed, "Wait, Kakashi-nii, goddammit Kakashi…"

"Hey, don't blame him, Hari! You're the one who's going around liking someone like…"

"And what's wrong with Shisui!" Hari cried out and it looked like she was forcing herself to say these words, like she really didn't want to but couldn't help it and hated every moment of it, "He's really smart, he's funny, he's a brilliant shinobi, he's… pretty, and he's nice to everyone and…"

"And super old for you!" Naruto said with a biting grin, "Almost as old as Obito-nii, Kakashi-nii, and Rin-nee, way too old for someone like…"

"So he's older than us!" Hari interjected as she swiped out at Naruto's legs, causing him to lose balance and stumble for a bit, "I know that! And I know it won't work right now and the best thing I can hope for is for him to see me as Hari-hime or maybe even a younger sister but if he likes me, if I'm there and he likes me right now, even if it's not in the way I like him then… Then in a couple years I won't be so young anymore, so if I can just be around for that long, if I can just wait and be patient then…"

Naruto didn't let her finish, launched himself at her and threw her to the ground while she was distracted, and let himself be distracted by the fighting. Because even though it sounded ridiculous, waiting for someone like that, biding your time like that, the age difference really wasn't that huge. It just seemed gross because he and Hari were still in the academy, but if Hari and he were sixteen instead, and Shisui was in his early twenties, then that wasn't…

It wasn't even worth thinking about as Hari kicked up at him and flipped them, punching Naruto in his already swelling face.

They probably would have kept fighting for a while, because Naruto didn't give up and neither did Hari, not ever, even if it was against each other, so Naruto supposed it was a good thing that Senju Tobirama, the nidaime, picked them both up by their collars out of nowhere, glared at each of them, and said, "I should have known it'd have something to do with Lee,"

"Oh, hello nidaime-sama, uh… How are you?" Naruto asked, but the man didn't seem remotely interested, instead he continued to hold them by their collars and walked them all the way inside the compound and then into a room with a low tea table and his brother the shodaime inside sipping tea with a miniature water dragon and a smiling plant on the table.

Naruto then screamed as he found himself thrown into the room at Senju Hashirama's feet, "Hashiarama, you take care of the Uzumaki one while I talk to the Eru one."

"Huh?" Hashirama said before blinking down and looking at Naruto, "Oh, it's Naruto-kun, um, Tobi, why am I…"

But Tobirama was already gone dragging a wide-eyed Hari with him into some other room leaving a rather awkward Naruto and shodaime behind.

"Well, alright then, oh, Naruto, what happened to your face?"

"Uh, Hari…" Naruto said in embarrassment as he poked at his sore face, at least his nose had stopped bleeding, "I, uh, kind of made her mad."

"Oh, I make my brother mad all the time," the shodaime said to which the water dragon and tree both nodded sagely in agreement (which, Naruto just wasn't even going to ask), "Although, Hari-chan usually seems so even tempered, what did you do that made her so mad?"

"Well, Hari likes Uchiha Shisui and I confronted her about it and…"

And he stopped, paused, because now that he thought about it Naruto wasn't sure what he'd wanted out of that confrontation. Ideally for Hari to have never liked Shisui in the first place, or stop liking him, but that really wasn't going to happen and he'd known that. Or, he would if he'd stopped to think about it.

So what had he thought would happen by confronting her about it?

"Oh, I see," the shodaime said before asking, "Would you like some tea?"

Naruto nodded and Hashirama poured and handed him a cup all while musing, "You know, strange as this may sound, this actually reminds me of a fight I got into with your mother, Kushina, years ago."

Naruto almost spit out his tea, "You and mom had a fight?"

Because that would be a story for the ages, Kushina-kaa was a badass but even more badass than her was the shodaime hokage. A fight between them would have been one of those legendary fights that could level a small village and people would have paid to see or even read about in the generations afterwards.

It'd be on par with dad's famous battle in Iwa where he became the Yellow Flash, some of Lee-kaa's more notorious battles in the third war, or even the shodaime's legendary battle with Uchiha Madara.

"A pretty nasty one too," Hashirama said, rubbing at the back of his head in embarrassment, "I sort of got a little too emotionally invested in that one… Coincidentally, it was almost on the exact same subject that your fight with Hari apparently was."

"Huh, you guys fought about Uchiha Shisui?"

That was pretty weird considering Naruto didn't think Shisui would have been born then, or he would have been super young or something, probably still in the academy.

"No, no, we fought about your other mother, Eru Lee, and whether or not Kushina had any right to deny me nieces and nephews."

Naruto had that familiar sinking feeling in his stomach that had started feeling like a forewarning to a story about his parents and their love lives long before Naruto and Hari were even born.

And sure enough, Hashirama started talking with a nostalgic look in his eye completely unconcerned by Naruto's look of complete apprehension, "You see, it all started around the time of that infamous incident where your father had drunk sex with both Uzumaki Kushina and Eru Lee, and my brother started to become very close friends with Lee…"

"Hashirama, and, for god's sake don't take too long with this question, but which of these do you think looks better, red or blue?"

Hashirama looked up from the scroll he'd been staring at for far too long in the kitchen, blinked, and then refocused on the sight of his little brother Tobi, half-dressed, holding up a blue yukata and a red yukata with a rather impatient look on his face. Which, Tobirama had never had any patience, oh he did for inventing, for jutsus, for strategy and games of shogi, but he wasted all his patience on that so barely had time for anything else.

No, what was very strange about all of this was that Tobi was asking for Hashirama's advice on clothes, when he said Hashirama had the worst fashion sense in the world, and more he was having trouble deciding what to wear.

Tobirama usually didn't care about that sort of thing, he dressed for practicality, or what was most easily available in his closet. That wasn't to say he ever looked bad but he took no real joy in his appearance either, he dressed as the occasion demanded, but otherwise never truly went out of his way to have a definitive style. Not like Hashirama, simplicity and efficiency, those belonged to Tobirama.

So, to hear his little brother, who never wasted more than ten seconds on anything, asking Hashirama for advice on outfits, was frankly baffling.

But it also wasn't an opportunity Hashirama was going to waste.

Hashirama grinned feeling all the hopes and dreams of bonding with his only living brother cementing themselves into reality, "Little brother, I'm so glad you asked…"

Tobi's eyes widened and he quickly interjected, "Don't you dare get carried away!"

"…for my opinion and are finally appreciating all the time I've spent dedicated to fashion!" Hashirama finished as if Tobi hadn't interrupted in the first place.

"Brother, the only reason I am asking you, I repeat the only reason, is because you are the only other person here and I am on a tight schedule!"

Hashirama grinned and ushered his little brother out of the kitchen and back into the hallway, "Nonsense, besides, both are just so… you, not that that's anything bad, but we should look at the rest of your closet and see what else is in there."

"There is nothing else in my closet!" Tobirama snapped as he was ushered down the hallway, "You have only two choices, Hashirama, red or blue, so goddammit just pick one!"

"But they're so boring…"

"And all of your outfits make me wonder if you're color blind!" Tobirama snapped.

"Well, if you thought that you wouldn't be asking for my advice, would you?" Hashirama pointed out with a cheery grin.

"No, I'm asking you because… I can't decide… And this is important…" Tobirama seemed oddly flustered, not too flustered, but then Tobirama was never flustered at all. Even as a little boy, years younger than Hashirama, he'd always been so self-possessed and so serious.

Tobi had always been aware of the nature of the world they lived in.

Hashirama couldn't ever remember a time when Tobi had been red-faced and stammering with mortification. Sure, he'd do second hand embarrassment, but that was usually more of a cutting irritated thing than Hashirama's displays of momentary regret, and his shame and regrets were far deeper than any red-faced stuttering would allow.

"Important?" Hashirama questioned, "Why, are you doing anything?"

And Tobi, his pale cheeks turned slightly pink, and he said, "It's not important what I'm doing I just… I need to know which color looks better."

"But you just said…"

"It's not important for you to know!" Tobirama spat before Hashirama could get any further.

And before Hashirama could do anything Tobirama disappeared from his grip, teleporting back into his room, and emerging suddenly wearing the blue yukata and rushing towards the door, stating without even looking at Hashirama, "I'm going to be out for lunch and maybe dinner, please don't wait for me."

And then he slammed the door in Hashirama's face.

Now, Hashirama could give him the privacy he wanted and be a respectful older brother, or he could take advantage of the fact that he happened to not be on a mission that day and follow his older brother and find out just what was so important that it demanded Tobi the grump to care about things like the color of his shirt.

It didn't take much thought to go with the second option.

"Pretty sure that's not how it works, Tobirama,"

"Oh, what would you know about things working, Lee? It's not as if you've ever paid attention to the mechanics of any jutsu or seal."

Hashirama's brother, oddly enough, wasn't found inside of the library or the hokage tower talking to Hiruzen, but instead at the local ramen stand sharing a meal with none other than little Eru Lee. Of course, Eru Lee wasn't so little anymore, looking at her now Hashirama realized just how much she'd grown and that instead of being an adolescent she was a young woman.

Hashirama had married Mito younger than Lee was now.

More, watching as she and Tobi bickered with each other, she was a beautiful young woman. It'd been there when she was younger, but had been easy to push away seeing her usual antics, but now her bright red hair of soft curls, her white wide smile, and her brilliantly green eyes weren't so easily ignored.

"Hey, that's not true, I pay attention to all sorts of things… Sometimes… When it's important…" Lee said trailing off with a grimace, which appeared to be her way of admitting that she had no desire to join research and development anytime soon.

"Of course you do, in the meantime, I do this for a living, and I can tell you that if one were to build a fuinjutsu network to stabilize the boundaries between worlds, then you would have this seal right here to stabilize your connection to the world you come from…"

Lee interrupted even as she at her ramen and tapped on the scribblings that Tobirama had laid out in front of her, "Except that seems like it would play hell with trying to find the place you're going to. Your chakra is from here, that should be enough of a magnet to draw you back whenever you leave. It's trying to specify a place that should be taking up most of the seal."

"Yes, I'm aware of this problem, which is why this design is ungodly in size…" Tobirama sighed, ran a hand over his face, and said, "And I can't believe that you manage to do this without any fuinjutsu."

Lee nodded in sympathy, "Yes, Minato says the same thing all the time. I hear it's very frustrating."

"Unbelievably," Tobi groused before sighing and then giving Lee a rather penetrating if thoughtful look, "By the way, how is that going with you and Namikaze… and Uzumaki,"

Now it was Lee's turn to sigh and drag a hand through her hair, "Honestly, still a little bizarre. I mean, it's better, Minato's less likely to run off to the woods at every opportunity. But there's this weird unspoken thought of whether I should move in or not or if it's still too soon, and where we should go for dates, and who has priority for sex and things, and… Well, honestly, it'd be much better if they just had a set of rules written down somewhere that I could follow."

"Lee, honestly, I think it will always be a little bizarre."

And Tobi smiled at her, a soft smile that he only really gave to Hashirama, Tsunade, or his students, and only every once in a while, often years in between one smile like that and another. It was the smile without anything barbed in it, true affection inside of it.

"You're probably right, but like I said, it's already better than ground zero," Lee agreed, with a smile of her own.

"Ground zero being…"

"Oh, you know, Kushina's whole, let's get everyone super drunk on sake and then have sex with Lee in front of Minato thing." Lee said before adding, "The fallout of which was Minato disappearing with Kakashi and leaving me to wander with a hangover to shishou's trying to understand what the hell just happened."

"Did you understand what happened?"

Lee paused, then shook her head, "No, I still don't really."

"Well, be comforted that you're not alone in that. I'm fairly certain the entire village has no idea what to make of your relationships,"

"Except Jiraiya-sensei," Lee added with a smile which only caused Tobi to frown with a look of familiar irritation.

"Yes, except for the toad sage," Tobi concurred.

Hashirama wasn't really paying too much attention to their conversation though, as he covertly watched them, instead he was thinking back to all those years ago before they'd died, before Konoha had even been created. Tobirama had been the spare, and when their father died and Hashirama became clan heir and married Mito…

Hashirama loved Mito, grew to love her, but he'd worried about his brother. And he'd thought, I don't want Tobirama to be like I was, I want him to have the right to choose who he wants to marry, to not have to marry for politics or an heir for the clan.

But Tobirama had never chosen anyone, never shown an interest in anyone, not then when he was still a young man only barely of marriageable age, or later when Konoha was built and Hashirama hokage… And it seemed that even later, when he became hokage himself after Hashirama and Madara's deaths, he still didn't choose.

For a while Hashirama had wondered if Tobirama was interested in men, but that didn't seem right either, because Hashirama had known that Tobirama was propositioned by them too but nothing ever seemed to happen.

Tobi had always had his mind on other things, hadn't seemed to want to be attached to anyone else, had seemed content living through Hashirama and playing the part of the eccentric and taciturn uncle and then grand uncle.

But the way he looked at Eru Lee…

They'd often talked of what it might have been like, if Lee had been born in their era instead, but Hashirama had never imagined that Tobi might look at that hypothetical Lee the way he was looking at this one, and if he had… If he had then Hashirama might have suggested that Tobi marry her.

Or who knows, maybe Tobirama would have decided to marry her himself.

Tobi's head whipped up and he turned and narrowed his eyes near Hashirama's hiding place, Hashirama shrunk back, immediately feeling panic because he'd momentarily forgotten that his brother was a brilliant and unparalleled sensor.

Before Hashirama could scramble out of the way and back to the compound Tobi was upon him and dragging him out to the ramen stand, "Brother, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, hi Tobi, fancy running into you here…" Hashirama said with a laugh, which Tobi was having none of obviously, before Hashirama was unceremoniously thrown onto a stool.

"Oh, hello shodaime-sama, what brings you here?" Lee asked, looking torn between being confused by his presence and wondering if she should be confused by his presence, a look he was extremely familiar with from her youth.

It still was adorable on her even as an adult.

"Eavesdropping, poorly eavesdropping," Tobirama said with a glare as he sat back down.

"No, I was just… Walking around, it's such a beautiful day after all…"

Tobirama's glare was enough to stop Hashirama with that excuse before he could even get started. Which… Well, Tobi had always been a bit too sharp, even when they were children, even when Hashirama had been sneaking out to meet with Madara by the river all those years ago…

"So, I see you two are having lunch," Hashirama said, distracting himself from his own thoughts and focusing on the here and now, the here and now being Tobirama apparently on a date with Eru Lee.

"Yes, brother, a lunch that you weren't invited to," Tobirama said in a tone that was anything but pleasant.

His eyes darted to his brother then to Lee on the opposite side of Tobi, trying to dissect everything about the way they were sitting, the way they looked at each other, and if he really was seeing the spark that he thought he was seeing, "Do you often have lunch together?"

Lee shrugged and supplied an answer, "Sure, once a week or so, or whenever Tobirama needs to talk cross dimensional fuijutsu with someone."

Which judging by Tobi's harsh glare was quite often and… And Tobi was aware of why he was doing this, Hashirama was sure that Tobi knew that he liked Lee, he'd always been aware of things like that but… But Lee didn't know, more, Lee had been roped into dating Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina, Mito's former and last apprentice.

And it seemed that Tobirama was unwilling to say anything, to Lee or Kushina and Minato, that instead he'd just wait forever for something that wouldn't happen unless he reached for it…

Hashirama burst into tears, "I'm so sorry, little brother, your love life it's just… it's so sad!"

Tobirama grimaced and shuddered, "Why am I not at all surprised that this is happening?"

"Uh, Tobirama, should we do something about him?" Lee asked warily as she handed Hashirama a napkin which Hashirama eagerly took to dab at the crocodile tears pouring down his face.

"No, you'll only encourage him," Tobirama said, "Just let him get it out of his system,"

And there he was, putting on a brave face even now, when he knew exactly why Hashirama was bawling, when it was Tobirama's love life that was in complete and utter shambles. But Tobi just sat there in grim silence and Lee in an awkward one as they paid their bill and waited for Hashirama to stop, and when he didn't stop they left him behind, Tobirama suggesting that they head to the Senju compound to continue discussing fuinjutsu while Hashirama was otherwise occupied.

And so, it was the ramen chef, Ichiraku, who asked, "Um, shodaime-sama, is there anything I can help you with?"

And Hashirama lifted his head, sniffing and dabbing at his eyes, willing himself to stop crying, and cementing in the determination he'd need to do what had to be done, "Well… Do you happen to know where Uzumaki Kushina is today?"

"I'm sorry, uncle, but you want me to what?"

Hashirama, having wormed his way into Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina's apartment to have a word with Kushina, did not even hesitate as he repeated, "I want you and Minato to give up on Eru Lee."

Kushina did not look all that much like Mito, after all, they were very distantly related but there was a spark of determination that seemed to be present in all Uzumakis that Hashirama had ever met when she said, "No, with all due respect, no uncle Hashi. I like Lee, hell I may even love Lee someday, and Minato and Lee certainly love each other, and I'm not going to stop dating her just because it offends old people's sensibilities!"

"Oh, this isn't about that," Hashirama said with a smile, one that clearly disconcerted Kushina by its abrupt appearance, "Really, under normal circumstances I'd be very happy for you kids. After all, when I was younger marrying and courting whoever you chose just wasn't done. So, it's nice to see the younger generations having the opportunities that we didn't get to have."

Kushina blinked, frowned, and then asked hesitantly, "…Ok then, what is this about?"

Hashirama sighed, feeling unusually serious, and not entirely sure how to put this, finally he said, "It's about my younger brother, really. He's… I've been worried about him so long that I've forgotten what it's like to not be worried about him. And I always thought he just wasn't interested, because he never seemed to be but… But then, recently, with Lee, I thought that maybe he just was really picky. Maybe the right person didn't exist all those years ago, maybe he had to wait, and maybe now is the only chance he'll ever have."

"Huh?" Kushina asked, apparently not having managed to follow Hashirama's rambling all that well.

"Oh, well, I want you and Minato to stop dating Lee because I think my brother should give courting Lee a try," Hashirama summarized with an embarrassed smile, because it did sound odd when he put it like that.

"What?!"

"I'm not too old for nieces and nephews, Kushina," Hashirama said before adding, "I always wanted to be an uncle and I think Tobi would have made a great father if he'd ever had the chance…"

And Hashirama had taken to wondering if their children would have Tobi's white hair or else they'd get a more Uzumaki red with Lee's hair mixed in and whether their eyes would be like emeralds or rubies…

"No, no, what? You want Minato and I to stop dating Lee, so that she can bang your brother!"

"No! No, nothing like that, just… You already have Minato anyways! Why do you even need Lee?" Hashirama cried out, because really, wasn't a two-person relationship good enough for them? Didn't one of them feel a bit like a third wheel anyway? It just wasn't fair for Tobi to have no one while Minato and Kushina got Lee as well.

"Hey, watch it old man!" Kushina said, jabbing a finger into his chest with accusation, "We need Lee because I say we need Lee, and Lee needs us, you can't just substitute me and Minato with Senju Tobirama of all people!"

Hashirama flushed, "Why not? I think they'd work very well together!"

"Why not? No offense uncle, but your brother's kind of a stiff ass. Not to mention he barely seems to even tolerate Lee!"

"You just don't know him as well as I do, he's very hard to read, but he likes her, he likes her a lot. He even spends time deciding what to wear when he has lunch with her! If that's not Tobi liking someone then I don't know what is!" Hashirama rebuffed with confidence born of years of knowing his brother's ticks extremely well.

Kushina's face burned tomato red and she shouted back, "Oh yeah, well, Minato and Lee and I have sex!"

"Sex," Hashirama said slowly, his voice cold as steel and far closer to Tobirama's in tone then his voice usually was, "Is not the same thing as love."

(It probably shouldn't have been surprising that Kushina threw him out of her apartment.)

Of course, the next thing Hashirama made sure to do was to invite Lee to dinner at the Senju compound.

Lee sat at the table eyeing the scrolls on the walls and all the decorations collected over the years of the Senju clan's existence with curiosity, "You know, it's so weird not being here for official ninja reasons. Normally I only came over to this place to see the English ninja, I don't think I've been here since he started spending more time in England."

"Oh, yes, he is an interesting man," Hashirama said with a nostalgic smile, before adding, "I'm not looking forward to whenever he comes back."

"It really is easier when he plagues his home country rather than ours, isn't it?" Tobirama added with a scoff as he sipped at the sake Hashirama had brought out for the occasion.

"I don't know, I kind of liked him, I mean he was terrifying, but you have to admit that he was terrifyingly charming too." Lee said, with her own nostalgic grin.

"The man did not lack for charisma… Which probably explains why he's eating the English alive." Tobirama eyed his cup of sake then looked at Lee with an indulgent smile, "A toast, to our friend the Englishman?"

Lee raised her glass and struck it against his, "To the English shinobi, the samurai without a master, whose grand ambitions will probably light my home country on fire as he terrorizes peasants and kings alike."

They stared at each other for a moment, and before tipping back to drink, both burst out into laughter. Which… Well, it was nice that someone got Tobi's sense of humor, because to be honest that had never been Hashirama. Mito had gotten it, sometimes, but… Mito was gone now.

Lee's laughter died down, "Oh, you know, he really was a crazy guy. Still, he has his own wars, and we have ours…"

"Yes," Tobirama echoed, "It seems we always have our wars…"

"Maybe this will be the last," Hashirama said to fill in the sudden silence, "Who knows? Maybe this time we'll finally learn that there's no point in slaughtering each other like this. I have hope, this time, I think, will be the last time."

Tobirama offered him a slow, sad smile, one that doubted, the same smile he'd given him when Hashirama had told him the idea of Konoha, of this village of clans all come together as one where their children could grow up and learn and fight when they were ready and not a moment before.

Hashirama hated that smile.

"This will be the last war, Hashirama," Lee said quietly, almost as if she was making a vow rather than a statement, "And if it's not the last one then I'll make sure that it is, I promise."

Before either he or Tobi could ask how she intended to do that there was a knock at the door, although really it was more like insistent pounding, very familiar insistent pounding from years ago when Kushina was Mito's apprentice.

Hashirama suddenly felt dread along with a slow burning anger pool inside of his stomach.

"So, are either of you going to get that?" Lee asked, and when neither of them stood Lee did so, walked out of the dining room and down the hallway to where she opened the door and Hashirama could hear her voice.

"Oh, Kushina, hi, did you need something?"

Kushina's voice was much louder and twelve times more insistent, "Lee, you have to come to my apartment, it's an emergency!"

Hashirama felt that slow burning anger start bubbling at a slightly faster pace.

"Emergency, what kind of an emergency? I haven't even had food yet."

"An emergency emergency! Lee, this is no time for dawdling, the future of Konoha itself is at stake, believe it!"

Footsteps as Lee walked back in, poking her head in the room, "So, um, I guess I have to go save Konoha at Kushina and Minato's place, sorry for the last-minute notice, I was just told myself."

Tobirama glared at the wall, and offered a curt, "I see, am I invited, since this is an emergency?"

Lee removed her head, shouted down the hallway to the door, "How catastrophic is this emergency, should Tobirama come?"

"No! No, the nidaime should not come! In fact, if he comes, it will get even worse!"

Lee poked her head back in, looking thoroughly and adorably confused, "Apparently, if you come it will make things even worse… Which, is a very strange emergency, but I'm not one to waste times with questions about the absurdity of the universe. Do you want to reschedule?"

"No, it's fine, Lee," Tobirama said before bitterly adding, "Besides, if we were to reschedule, I have the feeling there might be another emergency,"

"Hm, yes, I've found that the inconsistent fickle being overseeing our universe often has it out for me too. Alright then, I'll catch you later at lunch or something, and thanks for the invitation, shodaime-sama."

"Oh, it wasn't a problem, Lee-chan," Hashirama said tightly before adding, "Don't worry about it."

And then Lee was gone, running to the front door and slamming the door behind her as she went, no doubt to Minato and Kushina's apartment where Kushina had come up with some elaborate seduction scenario involving the three of them.

And Tobirama simply spared a look for his brother and then downed an entire cup filled with sake in one single swallow.

The picnic Hashirama put together for the pair of them was ruined by unseasonably bad weather, then unseasonably rowdy genin (who also happened to be Minato's students, sweet little Kakashi-kun offering his sincere apologies and wishing him the best of luck).

The movie was ruined by burglary of all of Lee's films, which prompted a vengeful Lee to declare war on the thief and hunt them down through the village, only to find all the VHS tapes inside of Kushina and Minato's apartment where Kushina had been borrowing them for the weekend.

The friendly spar, the walk through the village, the dinner at the restaurant, all of them met the same fate and as every time Lee laughed it off and Tobirama tried to laugh with her Hashirama found himself becoming genuinely upset.

And he found himself thinking, not of the Tobirama he saw today, but from one years and years ago when the clan wars were still raging who had seemed so tired and lonely…

And finally, Hashirama just couldn't take it anymore, and went directly to the source.

They met in the middle of a training field, Hashirama leaning against a tree while he waited, and Kushina walking in with the poise and confidence of a truly lethal kunoichi about to enter battle. Good, she knew what she was getting herself into.

"Kushina," he offered curtly.

"Hashirama," she offered just as curtly back.

They eyed each other with narrowed eyes, each of their hands at their sides, poised and ready for the first sign of hostilities to begin forming hand seals or else reach for kunai.

"I suspect you understand why I've invited you here," Hashirama said, and did not miss Kushina's blood thirsty grin.

"Oh, believe me, I know."

"Then you also know that it appears neither of us are willing to compromise outside the field of battle," Hashirama continued, to which he earned a nod.

"Of course, Uzumaki never give up and Senju are uncommonly stubborn bastards," Kushina narrowed her eyes at him, "Of course, you should know that you aren't going to win this one, gramps."

"You know, they said the same thing about Konoha, and I didn't give up then," Hashirama responded, "I see no reason why I should start giving up now."

"So then, we have to do it the hard way," Kushina said.

"It appears so."

For a moment, each of them waited for the other to back down, Hashirama for Kushina to bow her head and admit she'd lost this one, that she already had Minato and didn't need Lee besides, that perhaps Hashirama's brother deserved a chance at love and a family of his own. And Kushina, well, she waited for Hashirama to bow his head and give up on that future for his brother, to just give in and say that it would be fine and that it didn't matter that his brother had never found anyone to share his life with.

And both no doubt regretted the fact that it had come this far, but that didn't mean either was willing to back down.

And so, neither was truly surprised when, at the same exact time, they threw themselves at each other, him unleashing the might of the mokuton, and her the dreaded Uzumaki chakra chains.

Naruto watched as Hashirama trailed off, sipping at his own cup of tea and saying mildly, "This is really good tea, a gift from Lee, you know, from last Christams since Tobi insisted she not give us anymore sentient friends."

"Well, who won?" Naruto demanded.

"Uh, well, it wasn't really that sort of a fight… I guess I'd say we both lost," the shodaime said with a look of embarrassment.

"Huh?"

"Well, for one thing, when we started forming craters in the field and new trees started cropping up everywhere they sent my brother and Lee to break up the fight. So, Kushina and I didn't really get far enough to do any real damage. But that said, I don't think either of us felt like we accomplished anything."

Seeing Naruto's look of confusion, the shodaime continued, "See, we were both so angry and afraid I suppose that neither of us were really thinking. Kushina was worried about your dad and I was worried about my brother, and we didn't stop to realize that maybe Lee, Tobi, and Minato should be the ones to figure this all out. Instead we just ruined a training field and embarrassed everyone around us."

"Oh," Naruto said, and then putting two and two together he said, "So, you're saying I shouldn't fight with my sister because…"

"Because it's her life and her feelings, and no matter how you feel about them you can't change them, even if you think you know better."

Naruto nodded slowly, and then asked, "You think the nidaime is talking about the same thing with Hari?"

The shodaime laughed, "Uh, no, probably not… He probably just told her that he deals with his brother being an idiot all the time and you have to learn to ignore it."

Naruto nodded, picturing this very easily, and then the shodaime's words caught up with him, "Hey!"

Author's Note: So, yes, another chapter for this thing, this time prompted by gnurd who asked for a fic detailing Hari being placed with some unsuspecting jonin, but really, we have to deal with the whole Shisui thing before we get to any of that, as well as the Tobirama and Lee dynamic.

Thanks to readers and reviewers, you guys are amazing as always, reviews are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto or Harry Potter