Diclaimer: I do not own Blindspot or any of its (amazing) characters. I just play with them for fun.

He was up early, paying special attention to every detail this morning.

He was dressed professionally, but not formally- he needs to be approachable, but professional.

He's eaten and has had something hot to drink.

He has reviewed every detail of his office: lighting, furniture layout, even the scent.

This was going to be the most important day of his career.

He's spent decades training for this, and yet he's still not sure he's ready. He spent all night going over his plan, but he knew no amount of planning would prepare him.

These are his friends, and he is paid to protect them. He protects them from themselves, and they need him. They give up so much of their lives, and in some cases their souls, for this job. It's his job to keep them from that edge, and to help heal the cracks they all have. He offers understanding and perspective, and helps them through the ungodly world in which they live and the ungodly sacrifices they make every day.

And he helps them piece their souls and their lives back together when needed, and reminds them that they have souls and needs too.

Today, they needed him more than ever.

He hears the footsteps approaching from the hall, and takes one last deep breath. As he slowly releases it and puts his game face on – relaxing his body, putting a gentle smile in his eyes and on the corners of his lips. Dr. Borden looks up to greet his friend.

"Good morning Assistant Director Weller," he says, smiling slightly and bowing his head gently. "Please…" he continues, gesturing to the chair.

"Hi doc" Weller replies, walking quickly to the chair. He sits down, but is on the edge of it, bouncing his leg without noticing it.

Dr. Borden pauses, observing Weller. The Assistant Director is known to have an energy, an intensity, about him. He's tightly controlled, and even under the most challenging circumstances, maintains his composure. Dr. Borden suspects behind closed doors there is a release of some sort- there has to be – but so far they've not discussed that.

Today however, the doctor senses something more, something stronger and more primal. Today, Dr. Borden is struck not by the normal tension just under the surface. He isn't sure what he was expecting, but today he feels something unfamiliar- it's powerful, almost chaotic- radiating from the man.

He puts his game face back on and sits down across from Weller.

This is going to be the most important day of his career.

They need him.

"I understand we may have a lot to get through today" he says, smiling gently. "Where would you like to start?"

Weller looked at Borden, confusion on his face. "I don't know" he said quietly. "I don't know how to start…" he said looking around him.

Borden waited a minute for him to continue on his own but then decided to help with a prompt. "Perhaps you could tell me about Jane, and how she returned to the team?"

Weller was grateful for the doctor's recommendation. He nodded in agreement. Weller briefly walked the doctor through meeting Nas, and finding out about Jane's location. He paused then, taking a deep breath. "She was held by the CIA, a black site, since they took her" he said, voice shaking "they tortured her for three months," he said, tears glistening in his eyes "she broke out on her own," he said, a note of pride in his voice this time. He continued the story, telling the doctor the NSA asked them to recover her.

"When I saw her, on the screen, I immediately just…." he said, again shaking his head and looking away.

"You what?" Dr. Borden asked softly. Weller shook his head. "How did you feel when you first saw her?" he asked again. After a moment Weller responded "I felt like nothing else mattered, even existed. I felt like… I felt everything, all at once – I don't know how to explain it" he said, frustration evident in his voice. "There's just something ….. with her" he said, the pain clear in his voice.

Well, there it is… thought Dr. Borden. Weller is never this open, especially about Jane, he thought. He quietly wrote a note in his notebook, without changing his expression.

"Let's continue, we'll come back to that. What happened when you went to recover her?" he asked.

Weller nodded. "I made the call, to go in alone. Bring her out myself."

"Was your judgment clouded?" he asked . "Yes" said Weller, not hesitating.

"Why did you make that decision?" asked Dr. Borden

He nodded, thinking for a moment before he responded, "I think…. I didn't want anyone else touching her… she just…" he said, "and I knew she wouldn't hurt me- or, at least not kill me- but anyone else would have been dead doing what I did" he looked up "I was right," he added.

"She found me before I found her, had a gun to my head. I told her I just wanted to talk but she laughed, I told her… I told her I never wanted anyone to get hurt" he let out an angry chuckle, angry at himself "I don't know what I was thinking…. She said she wasn't going back and I told her she'd have to shoot me"

"Did you think she would, shoot you?" asked Borden.

"I think she's been through too damn much" he said, not answering the question directly.

Weller told Dr. Borden about the fight they had, about the punches thrown and the fury they both felt. "I wanted her to stop, I asked her, but she kept coming at me" he said, a far away look in his eye. "And I kept going at her. I've never…." he started before cutting himself off. "I was out of control, my emotions… I felt so much rage, betrayal, I couldn't even see straight. She was tortured for three months, and then I beat the hell out of her" he said. "Doc, I wasn't just trying to restrain her."

He stopped for a moment, and Dr. Borden wondered if he even realized where he was at that moment. He was lost in his head, clearly overwhelmed. Borden quietly made another note.

Weller seemed to shake himself, and looked back to the doctor. "I threw her to the ground, and when she landed, she pulled a gun, pointed it at me. I saw it in her eyes, she didn't want to do it, she just wanted to leave. And then, Reade and Zapata came and she put the gun down."

Dr. Borden could tell he wasn't done, so he waited patiently. "She thought I was going to send her back to the CIA" he said incredulously "that I would…" he trailed off, tears forming in his eyes.

Borden spoke calmly, "she believes you sent her there?" Weller nodded his head.

"How do you feel about her now?"

Weller sat for a moment. He opened his mouth to answer a number of times before finally answering. "I don't know. Every answer would be a lie. Truthfully, I feel every emotion about her."

"Which ones?" asked Borden, prompting the man to continue.

"Anger. Fear. Betrayal. Distrust. And I know I can't trust myself when it comes to her, Doc."

Dr. Borden paused, looking at Assistant Director Weller and wondering how he might respond to the next question. "What other emotions do you feel towards Jane?" he asked. "What you described, those are all dark emotions, which can sometimes be easier, but you said you feel everything…."

Kurt looked up at him, but didn't answer. He looked sideways, avoiding the man's eyes.

"Attraction?" he asked. Kurt looked back briefly before dropping his head. He nodded once.

"Protective?" he continued. Kurt nodded one more time.

"Your relationship with Jane has always been… complicated. Intimate" Borden said. Weller looked back up at the man, his eyes a swirl of blue. "I want to protect her and I want to destroy her. I want to grab her and…, and I want to pretend she never existed - it's too much, it's too strong. I'm not thinking straight."

Dr. Borden felt him start to shut down but knew he needed to keep going. They weren't done yet, not by a long shot.

"Have you spoken since Jane, since her return?" Weller scoffed a little, looking back down at his toes. "Yeah" he said quietly. Weller's eyes drifted away, and he told the doctor about the lie detector test, and everything Jane had said.

"She was lying to us the whole time. She was taken by Carter and tortured, and he saved her. She never told me any of that. Her handler, it was her fiancé. She remembered him." Borden listened with interest to how Weller described the events.

"How did you feel when you heard Jane talk about her handler, her fiancé?"

He shook his head once again, "jealous, and betrayed."

Borden nodded, understanding. He quietly put a note in his notebook.

"I remember she told me that she was having memories, about being engaged. I was… I felt jealous even then," he said, shaking his head "but I never knew he was real, that he was here."

"What do you think, why didn't she tell you what was happening?" Borden asked softly.

Kurt paused. "She said she did the things they asked because she was trying to protect us. That they threatened to kill me and the team if she didn't do what they said" he said, drifting off.

"Do you believe her?" the doctor asked. Kurt looked up and thought to himself a minute. "yeah, she was telling the truth." he paused, a shadow crossing his face, "But I don't know why she hid it, lied to me. Feels like she chose him over me, I guess. "

Borden nodded quietly. "Jealousy and betrayal" he said softly.

Thanks for your feedback and reviews - let me know what you like and what you don't. Hope you've enjoyed this fanfic!