An awkward silence would spread between us, & after what seemed like an eternity, he coughed & broke it. I realized then, we were still out in the cold. Unlike me, Gon could get sick.

I shifted awkwardly, about to speak, but he beats me to it.

"Where's Alluka?"

My throat tightens, unsure of what to say. I was hardly ever at a loss for words. Gon knows it too, for he looks at me strangely, as if I hadn't heard him.

"S-she's back home." I finally answered, my voice coming out in a stutter, much to my annoyance. "It's been two months since I been on my own.."

His eyes narrow slightly & I gulp. Crap. He's mad now, I think.

"Weren't you supposed to tell me? I recall that was our promise two years ago." He takes a step towards me, now looking more hurt than mad, & it kills me inside.

"I've tried to, I swear." I answered desperately, my chest tightening painfully & I clutch at it. "But I can never find the right words..." My voice trails off & I realize how pathetic I sound.

"You stopped writing to me half a year after we separated." Gon took this chance to look at me accusingly & I flinch. I had no words to explain my reason of why I stopped keeping in touch with him, so I just fell silent, that awkward silence looming over us again.

A sigh would emit from Gon's lips & I look up at him nervously. He had a sad smile on his face.

"I really missed you, you know." He looks towards me, taking more steps until he was now directly in front of me & he opened his arms & next thing I know, my body moved on its own, into his arms where he embraced me & I immediately felt the warmth of them. The warmth I had missed for so long now.

"I've missed you too." I tried to voice all my feelings into those four words as best as I could, hoping he'd forgive me.

His arms tighten around me, & I flinch.

"I'm sorry..." He murmured, letting me go moments later & I look at him. "I just don't want to lose you again."

My heart starts hammering in my chest & I take large gulps of air, causing the cold to hit my throat & it stings. "You won't..." I spoke out, the cold making my voice come out raspy. I intended to keep my word. The absence of Gon had weighed on me like a rock, for the past two years, & I didn't want to go through that again.

I was in love with him.

I realized that, half a year after we had gone our separate ways. That's the reason why I stopped writing to him. I was afraid he would reject my feelings & I thought separation from him would make them go away. But they hadn't.

I was in love with Gon Freecss.

There was no denying that now as he stood in front of me.

Silence spread once again, & I could hear Christmas music still playing through the plaza.

"When did you get here?" I finally asked, having been in the city since leaving Alluka back at my family home, two months ago.

"Just arrived today actually." He pulls his coat tighter around him & I suddenly thought of an idea.

"Want to go have dinner together?" I ask carefully, shifting from one foot to the other. "Then you can stay at my place...if you want."

Gon would look at me, a frown etching on his face. "Of course I want to."

I then nod, nervousness setting through me.

Gon turns around to look at all the shops & such around us. "So where do you suggest?" He asks, with a glance towards me. I could still feel the tension between us & in his voice. We were still far from repairing what we had 2 years ago.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "I know of a place." I then walked past him, & took the lead, & I heard him follow me. My mind was in a whirl & my emotions all over the place. How was I going to get through this dinner? Acting normal was hardly possible.

We walked in silence along the sidewalk, averting the crowds of people that would cross our path. It wasn't long until we reached it. My favorite place to eat. It was a small pizza parlor, but it was rather popular. Luckily, we were the first in line for the dinner rush & I ordered two mediums to go, with some drinks after confirming with Gon. He was waiting silently beside me, & I could feel his eyes boring into me as I had ordered, which made my skin crawl nervously.

When our order was ready 15 minutes later, Gon would help me carry the stuff & I would lead the way back to my apartment. I only planned to rent it for a few weeks until I figured out what to do now that Alluka was no longer with me, but those weeks had turned into two months, & I still hadn't figured out what I wanted to do.

Though now with Gon here...I was determined to fix what we once had. & possibly...confess my feelings to him.

My mouth went dry at the thought. What if he rejected me? That would surely place a bigger rift into our friendship...was it worth it?

I had been so deep into my thoughts, that I hadn't heard Gon calling my name.

"W-what?" I stammered out, getting pulled from my stupor.

Gon looked quite annoyed. "I asked, have you done any training while I was gone?"

"Of course I have." I replied quickly, trying to make up for not paying attention. I really didn't want to make him more mad.

A sigh would escape Gon's lips as he looked away from me, & I felt my heart shatter slightly. "I'll have to test you out later then."

I would glance at him in surprise at this. Was he saying we would have an actual fight of strength or just a spar? I hoped it was the latter.

I would turn my attention back ahead & spotted my apartment building. "Here we are." I mumbled, stepping up onto the stairs & into the building, holding the door open for Gon, since he was holding the pizza boxes. We could've taken a cab, but the parlor wasn't far from my place, so it would've been a waste.

"Nice place you got." Gon commented as he stepped inside & I would follow, leading the way to the elevator.

"It's okay." I murmured, pushing the button to call down the elevator & I waited awkwardly next to Gon, who I felt staring at me again, though when I turned to look at him, he had already turned away.

I was relieved when the doors to the elevator opened & I stepped inside, waiting until Gon was inside as well before pushing the button to my floor. Though I realized I was in a predicament. I was now alone with Gon in an elevator & he was standing quite close to me. It made my heart pound. I would glance at him & saw how he looked so calm. Like nothing was wrong. I admired him for a moment longer before the moment was broken by the elevator doors opening.

I gulped as I stepped off of it, Gon following as I led the way to my room. Once there, I shook slightly as I reached for my keys in my pocket & unlocked the door, pushing it open.

"Well, here it is." I spoke awkwardly, as I gestured an arm towards the now open doorway of my apartment.

Gon nodded & headed inside quietly. I let my arm fall before following him in & shutting the door behind me. He had hung his coat & scarf on my coat rack by the door & I do the same, removing my boots as I do so, before heading down the hall.

"Seems cozy." He stood in the middle of my living room when I reached him & I blushed in embarrassment.

"Y-yes, well...I hadn't planned to stay here for long." I took the pizza boxes from him to place on the table before moving off to the kitchen to get plates & cups. I avoided looking at him, though a sensation through my back told me he was staring again. What was his deal?

"Killua."

The sudden sound of his voice made me drop a cup & I turned to face him, surprised to see him directly in front of me. I hadn't even heard him approach me.

He had a dominant look on his face as he placed a hand on either side of me, on the counter behind me, locking me in place. I had no way to escape now.

"G-Gon?!" I was taken aback by his sudden behavior & I wanted nothing more then to shrink away from his gaze. Those brown eyes were looking at me in a way they never have before & it frightened me.

Next thing I know, he takes a hand off of the counter to bring up the bottom of my shirt & place a hand beneath it, on my bare stomach. I shivered at the touch of his still cold hand.

My breathe hitched as his face inches closer to mine, sweat beginning to slip down the side of my face. His hand was slipping further up my shirt.

His lips soon press against mine & my blue eyes widen. They were cold, yet unbelievably soft. Softer then I could ever imagine. My hands clenched at my side as I made no move to stop him, finding myself getting pulled in by his actions, & my eyes close, succumbing myself to the kiss.

His kiss then becomes frantic, almost desperate as he pulls me from the counter & starts to walk me backwards towards the couch, our dinner clearly forgotten.

Gon breaks the kiss momentarily to push me onto the couch, & I fall, in a daze, my shirt halfway up, revealing my stomach & I blush. He climbs on top of me, looking down at me with such a serious gaze, I find myself looking away.

"Killua."

At the sound of my name, my face turns back to look at him, & I find myself holding my breathe, wondering what he's going to say.

"These past two years without you have been painful." He pins one of my arms up over my head & laces his fingers with mine. His words, along with this simple action is almost enough to make my heart stop.

I give his hand a squeeze, my eyes saddening as I look away again, but he uses his free hand to grab my chin to force me to look back at him & I am practically in awe of his boldness.

"Never leave me again." His voice is desperate, begging. He then leans down to kiss me again, straddling me, keeping me in place.

I am out of breathe when he pulls away, but he brings his lips over to my ear & he gives the shell a lick before moving down to my neck & giving my pale skin a soft suck, causing me to moan. My whole body now feels like it's on fire, despite the coldness of my apartment.

A year & a half ago, this only occurred in my dreams, & now...now it was happening in reality. My heart was pounding like crazy.

"I love you, Killua." His breathe hit my ear as he whispered into it. "I always have. But I thought you were growing to hate me & that's why you stopped writing.."

His words made my head spin. Gon. Gon Freecss loved me & he thought I would hate him for it. My heart nearly broke at the thought.

Never.

"Oh Gon..." A sob escaped me & I tugged him closer to bury my face into his chest.
"I could never hate you.."

"Then why did you abandon me?" His voice was full of sorrow.

"Because I fell in love with you." I finally confessed what I had been hiding for over a year now. He looked surprised at this.

"I fell in love with you & that's why I had stopped writing. Because I thought you would hate me for it."

He would pull away to look down at me & he let out a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I glare at him for laughing at such a serious moment.

"You. Me. Us." Gon giggled once more before settling down. "We're just dummies aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself." Now I couldn't help but laugh.

He silenced me by kissing me again & this time I accepted it more easily, wrapping my arms around his neck. When he pulled away, I look steadily back at him.

"I love you, Gon."

That bright smile I loved so much would cross his face. "I love you too, Killua."

We skipped dinner that night, & instead spent the night passionately together. Our friendship definitely not only rekindled, but turned into something more entirely.