This is the first Brittana story that I have written in years. I'm so out of shape! But I loved writing for them so much and maybe some of my readers are still out there?

If you are - I hope you enjoy.

bobbieyoung

...When The World Stops Turning...

She swallows. This is not what she had planned. For them. For herself. This is not what she had in mind when she jumped on that plane two years ago. But here she is - she's got the job she wanted so badly, an apartment to die for and more money than she could spend on things she doesn't need but always thought she had to have.

Her friends are jealous, her parents worried and she's... ok. It would be a lie to say she's happy. But she's ok and sometimes, ok has to be enough.

The fabric between her fingers feels soft. Why do they keep buying the most expensive sheets? They smell heavenly because as usual, they've just been washed. The mattress underneath her is so big. She would have never thought to possess such a huge bed one day but now it's like... nothing special anymore. Everything in her apartment is big. And new... and classy.

She closes her eyes before letting herself fall back into the pillows, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. With a deep breath she tries to go back to the dream she had last night. It was unique... except that she's been dreaming it over and over again in the past couple of weeks. Why now? Why so often?

What's unique about the dream is the fact that it feels so damn real. Almost as if she keeps going back in time to see how she made the wrong decision. To feel the regret.

The dream is about soft lips, warm hands and the loveliest face she's ever seen. It's about cold winter nights but the two of them sweating under the covers. It's about-

"What are you doing?"

Her breath hitches, her heart starts pounding. She can feel her cheeks getting warm and red. She opens her eyes, then turns her head to the left.

"Brittany? Are you ok?"

Her girlfriend is standing in the bedroom and stares at her confusedly. Her girlfriend.

"Uhm... yes?" Brittany answers before sitting up. Her head feels dizzy. She puts her hands on her cheeks. They're burning. She hopes that her girlfriend won't notice.

"Are you sure? I've called your name like three times before I came upstairs to see if you're still alive."

Brittany clears her throat. This is so embarrassing. Not really in front of her girlfriend because she doesn't know what's been on Brittany's mind lately. But she's embarrassed because she keeps denying the fact that she wants something else.

She doesn't want to live in this apartment, she doesn't want to live so far away from home, she doesn't want a relationship that's been so annoying and she definitely doesn't want a sex life which is non-existent!

She doesn't want to feel like this anymore. Empty and constantly searching for something she's long lost before and can't get back. There is no way.

"Brittany... I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just thought we had agreed to do the laundry every Tuesday evening. I know I can be a little bit fussy sometimes... I'm working on it. You know that, right?"

Alana is standing there with her long brown hair in a tight ponytail. Her glasses are pushed up to her forehead, her eyes tired and empty, too. There is a paper in her hand and Brittany knows exactly what's written on it.

Fussy... Brittany thinks it's funny because Alana isn't fussy. She's a maniac. Tuesday is laundry day because Monday is groceries day and Wednesday is cleaning-the-whole-apartment-day and Thursday is gym day and Friday is the only day they go out to do something fun. And by "fun" she means meeting Alana's parents for barbecue which is everything but fun. It's nerve-wracking.

"Are you trying to get me to sign that paper again? Alana... I told you I need some time to think about it. It's not just a simple decision for me. I can't just buy such a big house with you without knowing for sure that I can afford it."

Alana shakes her head before crossing the room and sitting down next to Brittany. Their knees touch. Brittany jerks.

"I know, Britt. And I told you that you don't have to worry about it. You know I can easily afford it on my own but I want this house to belong to the both of us. I want it to be ours. You only have to pay as much as you feel comfortable with. I'm more than happy to pay for the rest."

Brittany sighs. She appreciates it. She really does. Alana has been nothing but generous. In fact she treats Brittany like a princess. It makes her feel special and desired. No one else has ever wanted to give her that much.

But the thing is - she doesn't want it. How can she sign that paper when she knows exactly that she doesn't truly want to do this?

She bites her lip. This is horrible. She basically watches herself getting deeper and deeper into something that makes her feel like she's suffocating but she can't find the way out.

If she was an honest person, she'd open her mouth now and tell Alana that they don't have a future together. She'd tell her that she cares deeply but she's not in love. She never was.

But she's not an honest person. And so she leans in and presses a kiss to her girlfriend's cheek. She lingers there before raising her hand to Alana's jaw.

"You need one more week to think about it, don't you?" Alana's voice sounds soft in her ear. Brittany nods before getting up from the bed. "Yeah... you always do."

Brittany doesn't answer to that. She wouldn't know what to say.

It's hours later when Brittany finally feels like she can breathe again. She's sitting at the counter of her favorite bar, her best friend right beside her and a cold beer in her hand.

Quinn has been talking about her new boyfriend for the past thirty minutes and Brittany feels bad for not really listening. Too much is on her mind.

"He just gets me, you know? He knows exactly when to leave me alone and when to hold me tight. It's like he can read my mind sometimes" Quinn says with a dreamy voice.

Brittany turns her head to look at her friend.

"He can read your mind? That's... creepy."

Quinn laughs and pushes Brittany playfully.

"Come on, Britt. You know what I mean, right? I'm sure you and Alana were the same when you got together. How long have you been dating now?"

Brittany takes a sip from her beer.

"A little over a year I guess. And no... I don't remember ever being like you and your new guy. I'm not like that. All romantic and things like that."

Quinn's jaw drops. "Britt! You miss out on so much! I haven't known you for that long but I know when I see desire. And you..." Quinn points her finger right at Brittany's face. "You are definitely desiring something. You should talk to your girlfriend about marriage and stuff... I think you'd be good at it."

Brittany almost spills her drink. She coughs repeatedly and tries to play down her panicking.

"Jesus, Britt! I was kidding! I mean sort of... can't you see yourself doing it one day? Getting married? We're twenty-seven... it's about time."

Brittany closes her eyes for a moment before trying to find the right words for an answer. Millions of thoughts in her head but not one she could speak out loud without feeling guilty.

Quinn doesn't really seem to mind (or notice) that Brittany doesn't take part in their conversation much. She keeps fantasizing about the future with her new boyfriend and whether they may or may not get married soon. They order one drink after the other, not caring about time or the consistent increase of alcohol in their blood.

She missed this... hanging out with friends, not worrying about new houses, laundry or potential parents-in-law. Because most of her friends don't live here.

She's known Quinn for about two years. They got to know each other when Brittany came to L.A. to start a wonderful career as a dancer. She loves it. It's everything she's ever wanted to do since she was a young girl. Now that she's living the dream, it's not like she should complain... but... it's now that she realizes that success is one thing. Happiness is something completely different. One keeps you motivated, the other keeps you sane. At least that's what she thinks.

Once Quinn can't stop hiccupping, Brittany accepts that it's time to go home. She pays the bill that is incredibly expensive but she'd rather spend money on drinks with her friend than on ridiculous bed sheets that aren't even comfy to sleep in.

"Hey Britt... I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure that the girl over there has been s-s-taring at you the whole time we've been here" Quinn points across the room and starts giggling. Brittany's sure that Quinn just wants to be funny so she doesn't even look into the direction her friend is is pointing towards.

"Ok, Quinn. Come on, let's get you home."

"I'm serious! She's been constantly throwing glances at you. And she's super hot... look! She's staring again!" Quinn slaps Brittany's arm to get her attention and she's successful.

Annoyed, Brittany turns around to see what Quinn is acting all childish about.

"Oh no! Now she just turned around. But I swear she was staring at you, Britt. Maybe we should wait a minute. I'm sure she'll look again."

Brittany sighs. She's too tired for this. But her friend is persistent and so they stand there and wait. And while they're waiting something in Brittany's head starts turning. She narrows her eyes. Has she seen this woman before? She can only see her left arm and a shoulder from behind. Dark hair and curvy hips. The light in this room is so dim and the alcohol in her blood making her dizzy. But something about this picture feels familiar. Just when she's about to see the woman's face, someone passes by and blocks her view for two seconds. Enough to miss the chance - the woman is gone.

"Well... now I don't see her anymore. Do you wanna leave? Britt?"

Brittany can hear her friend's voice but she's not registering her words. Her senses are highly alert, her heart starting to beat faster than usual. It couldn't be... could it?

She stands up on her tiptoes to see if the woman is still there somewhere. She's probably just imagining things. It would be the coincidence of the century.

But it feels like her heart jumps out of her chest when her eyes find what they've been looking for frantically in the past couple seconds.

Brittany feels like she loses ground. It's impossible but then again it's not. She can see her, all of her and it's hard not to break into tears here and now.

She's standing there, looking as gorgeous as never before, wearing a red dress and holding a clutch in her hand.

Her high heels look dangerous but Brittany knows that it's never been a problem for that woman to walk in such shoes. She'd never wear sneakers. It looks like nothing has changed in two years.

"Brittany? Do you know her?" Quinn asks carefully and puts her hand on Brittany's shoulder.

Brittany swallows. It's when the words leave her mouth that the woman lifts her head and their eyes meet for the first time in what feels like forever. This is crazy. It's that one moment in life where you believe in faith and destiny and complete madness all at the same time. It's the moment you think: This can'tpossibly be!

Her voice is raspy when she speaks up.

"Yes... that's my..." Brittany can see brown eyes widen when they stare at her from a distance. "That's my wife."

For a short moment the world stops turning and Brittany is sure that for the rest of her life, everything has changed.