A/N: In this story, Denise didn't die, and Negan isn't as big an issue as he is in the actual show.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

––

The gate seemed larger than she remembered, further away, and tightly locked up. She felt that if she kept walking, the gate would get no closer. She felt she couldn't close the gap between her and those walls. She wasn't sure she wanted to, but she had to. She had to keep walking, had to rasp on the gate and step inside once more. She had to do this. She didn't want to, but it wasn't just about her wants anymore. If it were, things would have been much simpler. Things would have been better, and they wouldn't have turned out quite like this.

However there was no sense in arguing, let alone with herself. The facts were what they were. Or perhaps they weren't, and she was wrong. She didn't know entirely for sure, but she had to find out. This was the only way. She hadn't been there on their first trip, and while she could just sneak in and find Michonne or Maggie or Glenn, or someone she'd never gotten entirely close to like Abraham and ask for directions, but if it were true, she would need a place to return to. A safe place, and this was the only one she knew of. And should the worst occur, it was the only place she'd want to be.

Adjusting the bag on her shoulder, Carol approached the gate of Alexandria. She released a long, silent sigh and pushed on, trying not to hesitate any more than she already had. She could see the shadow of someone just inside the gate, and she knew it was likely Eugene. The shadow of their hair seemed to fit, that was for certain.

She reached out to rattle the fence when a loud roar sounded from behind her. She would have jolted had her luck not already been proven to be rotten. Now all she could was cringe. Cringe and wait for him to dismount and demand to know where the hell she'd gone and why. She did not want to have this conversation, not here, not with him, not knowing there was still an engine humming in the background. Only it belonged to a car, so likely Rick was driving, or perhaps even Glenn. He likely stayed behind to keep an eye on Maggie, as she was expecting their child, but who can say? Glenn's gentle heart might have guilted him into going to find her.

She inhaled deeply and raised her head to the sky, clearing her throat and turning to face the small group behind her.

Daryl swung his leg over the motorcycle and narrowed his eyes at her, taking in her duffel bag, the blood that smeared across her neck and jacket, and the holes in the massive jacket she wore. He stomped over to her and grasped her shoulders, keeping eye contact the entire time, and his grip tightened on her shoulders.

"The hell happened to you?" His voice was rough, but full of concern and tenderness as well. "Why aren't you inside with the others?"

Carol blinked. "What?"

The gate opened suddenly, Rick and Abraham were on the other side, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he'd seen the note. She wondered how in the world Rick had seen her note, but not Daryl. He was here when she left the group, but maybe he left before her note was discovered. She didn't know why he left, but maybe it was for the best. She could handle Rick's glances and questions better than she could Daryl's. He was easier to lie too, perhaps that was it. Put on a smile, force enough authenticity behind it, and it was enough for Rick. He had other things on his plate. She didn't know how well he'd swallow her lies after this, but frankly she was out of lies. At least for the moment.

Rick took over instantly, guiding Daryl, Rosita and Denise back inside, clamping a hand down on Carol's arm and leading her away from them to have a word with her when Daryl fell out of sight.

"Are you all right?" He scrutinized her.

"It's not my blood." She couldn't say she was okay, not even in a lie. She was too tired for that. "There were a few walkers...and a couple people who...wouldn't let me by, but...it's done."

"What the hell were you thinkin'? Runnin' off on your own like that?" His voice was firm but soft. "You could have come to us, Carol. With anythin'." He bent down toward her so she couldn't avoid eye contact. "With anythin'."

She wanted to laugh. She actually wanted to laugh in his face and remind him of the last time she'd done something he didn't approve of. Things had changed now, but she still remembered how her heart fell when the car door didn't open, at how he looked at her, at how he stood there watching her drive off without batting an eyelash. She remembered all of it, so how in the hell could she come to him with what happened with the girls? How could she expect him to understand? He wouldn't. Nobody would. That's why she didn't tell anybody, why she deterred Tyreese from telling anybody. It wasn't easy to explain, and if she was being honest, she wasn't sure she could get through the events that occurred at the pecan grove. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to get through it.

Rick frowned when Carol didn't speak, her face draining of color, and he set a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "I'm glad you're back."

"Daryl didn't know I was gone, or the group with him," she murmured. "Who does know?"

"Only a few. Tobin found the note, brought it to me, and I went out with Morgan to find you. Morgan insisted he could find you on his own, that I should head back and wait for Daryl and the others to return."

"Return from where?"

"They were out on a run. Denise knew where to find some medicine, and there's never too much of that these days."

"Is Morgan still looking for me?"

"Yeah... I'll take Daryl and bring him back, let him know you're here with us." He squinted when the sun caught his eye. "But why are you here with us? You told us not to follow you, but you came back. Why? I'm not complainin', just...wonderin'."

"I need to see a doctor," she stated.

"We'll take you to Denise, and she'll figure out what's wrong, if you don't already know. She'll get it fixed."

"Not that kind of doctor, Rick."

The gate slammed shut, Rick stared at Carol, and Abraham called to him to let him know he and Eugene were about to head out for their run. He wasn't entirely sure where they were going, but he wasn't about to let Eugene go there himself. He wanted to slip out before, when Denise and Daryl and Rosita had gone out, but then Carol had left, and it got a little crazy around here. Abraham made him delay his trip, but Eugene wouldn't wait any longer. It was now, or he was going to attempt to leave on his own.

"...why don't you get cleaned up?" Rick suggested, stepping toward Abraham. "We'll talk more about this later."

She headed toward Rick's home. She was tempted to stay with anyone else, because Daryl was in that house too. There was no other place she could be at. She didn't want to see Tobin, because he'd want to know why, and she couldn't tell him. She could tell him such sweet lies, but that required energy she didn't have. Her act required too much, and she didn't want to be near him. They were never really together, not in the way he thought, and he had to know that now. Eventually she'd go to him with some lie. She didn't care if he bought it or not. Having closure had to be enough. She'd be as kind as possible. He deserved that much.

She set her bag down in her room and threw away the remains of Tobin's jacket, having pried the gun out of the sleeve hours ago. She placed her clothes in the hamper and stepped into the shower. She turned on the water, testing the temperature, and she slid down onto the floor, pulling her legs to her chest. The water rained down on her hair and over her trembling shoulders, gliding down her back.

Wave after wave of warm water shot down on her, the blood from the walkers and the blood from the men who had wanted to know where she was from spinning down the drain, and she cried into her knees. It was different from when the wolves attacked, from when she'd almost killed Morgan, from when she lost the girls. Her tears were for an entirely new ache, and she couldn't keep them to herself any longer. She'd kept them at bay while she trudged her way back to Alexandria, while she'd spoken to Rick, while she'd passed members of her family, but they had had enough of being ignored. She'd lost this battle.

– – –

Daryl heard from Glenn that Carol had gone home to shower. He knew Michonne had collected towels and washcloths yesterday to wash them and abandoned them in a pile in the laundry room so she wouldn't miss her shift on guard duty. Someone was supposed to get around to folding and distributing them, but no one ever did. He decided to bring her some, trying to fold them as neatly as he'd seen her fold them. He'd never had to fold a towel before, but he'd watched her do it at the Greene's and the prison and here, so he did as he'd seen her do.

He carried them up to her room and knocked on the door, but there wasn't a response. He called to her, but still nothing. He nudged the door open, peeking in with narrow eyes so he didn't walk in her naked or anything. He opened his eyes fully when she wasn't there, but he heard the shower. He placed the towels on her bed, stepping back to leave before she came out of the bathroom, and he heard her crying. It rooted him where he stood, and he gazed at the door.

He'd seen Carol cry many times in the past over the various fallen members of their family, but he had only ever heard her sob like that when she lost Sophia. He had to hold her back from trying to reach her little girl, and he never forgot that day. The way she called out to her daughter, as if pleading to be wrong, as if she could will Sophia back from...that. Then she went limp in his arms, bawling into the earth after Rick pulled the trigger. She was inconsolable, wouldn't attend her funeral or knowledge that walker as her little girl. He'd been angry with her, but he understood her actions now. After Merle, he understood.

Yet he didn't understand now. She hadn't lost her daughter again. They hadn't lost anybody else in a while now. Things were looking up, so why was she weeping in the shower? What had happened to her in his absence? The blood on her clothes... He assumed it was from walkers, but what if it wasn't? What if she was outside of the walls and was attacked? She had a bag with her, but he hadn't had the chance to talk to her about it. Once Rick spotted them, he practically yanked her away. What the hell happened to her while he and Denise and Rosita fetched those meds? To make her cry like that... If this person or persons weren't already dead, they would be soon enough.

He closed the door to her bedroom and hurried to find Rick. He was going to demand to know what Rick knew, what Carol had told him, and if Rick didn't know, he'd ask Carol once she was out of her room. Until then Rick was his only option.

Daryl made his way through Alexandria, trying to find Rick, but instead he found Enid running out of Maggie's office. He approached the young girl who was in a panic, hearing what was wrong, and they bolted back inside to check on Maggie who had crumbled over in agony once Enid cut off her hair.

––

Rick paced the length of his and Michonne's bed, rubbing the back of his neck, replaying the information he'd gotten from Carol earlier. He shook his head to try and wrap his mind around it, but it wasn't sticking. The only thing he felt was consternation, possibly even more so than when Tobin came to him with Carol's note. He wasn't sure that was possible, but here he was now. Goddamn it.

Michonne entered the door. "I heard Carol was back."

"Yeah." He rubbed a hand down his jaw.

"Is she okay?" She frowned at his behavior. "Rick?"

He dropped onto the mattress to still his movements and his hands fell to his lap. "She's pregnant."

Michonne was thrown. "What?"

"Well, she thinks she might be," he corrected. "We have to get her to Hilltop, let Harlan check."

"What makes her so sure?"

"I dunno. I haven't spoken to her since. She's gettin' cleaned up now."

She crossed her arms. "She'd have to be pretty sure to come back after leaving like she did."

"I know."

"We'll get her to Hilltop then. While you and Daryl bring back Morgan, Sasha and I will get Carol to Hilltop. We'll do whatever needs to be done to get answers." She closed the space between them. "It'll be okay."

"We lost Lori," he asserted, envisioning the walker slumped against the wall with a fat belly, her hair in his teeth. "She...couldn't deliver Judith without a C-section, and we lost her."

"We're not at the prison anymore, Rick. We have doctors and medicine. We have the means to keep her alive, if something goes wrong." She smiled reassuringly. "It'll be okay. If anyone can survive on sheer will alone, it's her."

"It's not just the delivery I'm worried about," he confessed. "What if the baby doesn't make it? What if she miscarries? Or...has a stillborn? We're all infected, and I can't see Carol go through losing her child again. This time would be so much worse..."

"Again?" Michonne felt the air vacate her lungs. "When did she...?"

"She had a daughter, Sophia. She was twelve years old." He caught her eye. "I...I left her to fend off a few walkers. She wandered off before I got back, and... We found her on the Greene's farm. She'd been bitten on the shoulder. I killed her."

She nodded, remembering the loss of her son. "We'll make sure that doesn't happen again."

"I don't know if we can avoid it."

"Let's just make sure she is pregnant, all right? We can worry about the rest after."

"You're right." He stood up and squeezed her hand. "You and Sasha should get ready. I'll talk to her."

Before Michonne could reply, Daryl burst into the room, breathless and gripping the frame of the door. "It's Maggie. She needs help!"

– – –

The brunette was still doubled over in pain, only now in her husband's arms, and Denise was by her side, but Denise didn't know much on this matter. She knew the basics, but basics weren't going to do much here. Maggie needed Harlan, and she needed him as soon as possible. He had the equipment and the knowledge to assist her and the baby.

"We gotta get her to Hilltop." Glenn's voice was a mixture of tearful and urgent. "We need to go right now!"

"Michonne's gone to get the RV," Rick affirmed his friend. "Enid and Carl are getting weapons for the trip, and Denise will come along with us to keep an eye on her."

Glenn nodded. "Okay." He looked down at his wife who was shuddering against him.

Rick straightened and dragged a hand through his hair, his stress increasing twofold. He hadn't worried about Maggie. She was young, and he didn't think to worry about her. He should have considered this. He'd just been thrilled when Glenn and Maggie told them of their baby and the sonogram. He'd remembered Lori telling him about Carl, and he was happy for them. They were living the life they deserved to live, and now this was happening to them. It wasn't fair. They didn't deserve what might happen to their baby.

He calmed himself. He'd get them to Hilltop, and Harlan would take it from there. He would help Maggie, help the baby, and it'd be fine. He simply had to get them there.

Carol jogged into the room. "I heard about Maggie. Is she all right?"

Rick moved to let her see Glenn and Maggie who were curled up on the floor. "We're taking her to Hilltop. Michonne's getting the RV, Carl and Enid are getting weapons, and I'll drive us there."

"Us?" Carol didn't take her eyes off the young woman.

"We have to get you to Hilltop too."

"Maggie's the priority," Carol argued softly. "She and her baby. We know without a doubt she is pregnant, and Harlan should focus on her."

"It doesn't work that way, Carol." He lowered his voice more. "If you are, we need to know. It might not just be you anymore."

She met his eyes. "Fine, but on one condition."

"What?"

"Neither Daryl nor Tobin can find out about this. Whether I am or I'm not, they don't find out. If I am, I'll figure it out, but I don't want either of them to know yet." She searched his eyes. "Okay?"

He cursed under his breath. "Carol—"

"Neither of them," she interjected. "Neither find out."

He couldn't make that promise, but there wasn't a chance in hell of her cooperating unless he did. She might sneak out to find a pregnancy test later, or do what Lori did and send their runners out to get one. She was crafty, and if he didn't agree to this, he couldn't be there to protect her and the life she might be growing. He couldn't protect Lori in the end, and he wouldn't let that happen again. He couldn't lose Carol, not like he'd lost Lori. She would see and hold her child, if she was pregnant. He didn't know if he could keep that promise, but he'd break his back trying.

"Okay."