How to Apologise to Harry Potter in 10 Days

Draco Malfoy decides to apologise to Harry Potter, but finds himself falling into old familiar patterns instead. All he needs to do is say two little words. Why is it so hard?

Part 4/4

Day 9: Tuesday

Waking up with a smile is a strange but not unwelcome experience for Draco. Although there isn't any explicitly established relationship other than a friendship between him and Potter, there is clearly something unspoken there. Potter's behaviour to him has been odd and certainly flirtatious at times. Perhaps today, Potter will finally make a move. Although he supposes he must encourage it as much as possible. Potter's brave, sure, but he won't jump into the fray without cause.

With this in mind, Draco heads over to the Ministry just before midday. He wants to give Potter the right signals, but showing up to the Ministry in the early hours of the morning again might just seem desperate. Draco is only prepared to hint at his feelings to lead Potter in the right direction, not make a pathetic, undignified fool of himself.

Witches and wizards in the Ministry of Magic lobby seem to stare at him more openly today, and he touches his hair nervously. Despite his humiliation at being seen without his hair slicked back, he has braved it today knowing Potter likes it un-styled, as it's a vital part of his plan to push Potter into making a move. It better be worth it.

Potter's office door is closed which presents Draco's first hurdle. His arms still refuse to knock. Instead, he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, and waits for the door to swing inwards on its own. Potter knew he was there on his first visit, so he must have sensory spells. Sure enough, after a moment the door swings inward to reveal Potter at his desk, wand raised. Draco gives Potter a sly smile that he hopes comes across as flirtatious and not sinister.

Potter splutters for a moment – Draco suspects he has nailed the smile – before finding his words. "Your hair!" he exclaims.

Draco shrugs and runs a hand loosely through his hair. "You like it better this way" he says casually watching Potter's reaction closely. He is not disappointed; Potter visibly gulps and blushes. This is almost too easy. Why didn't Draco see it before?

"Don't you?" Draco adds when Potter doesn't reply.

"Yeah, it's…well it looks…um…" Potter squirms and trails off. Draco straightens up and enters Potter's office, closing the door behind him and stopping just beside the desk. Potter looks up at him with wide curious eyes. Merlin, it feels good to be in control again.

"Very good?" Draco finishes for Potter.

Potter laughs nervously as he nods. "Very good." Good.

Draco carefully sits himself down over the side of Potter's desk, one foot resting on the floor. "My hair's not the only thing looking very good today." He says with a wink.

Potter narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Malfoy," he says slowly, "What are you doing?"

Trying to flirt with you, you idiot. "Sitting."

"On my desk?"

To be closer to you, you idiot. "You're in my favourite chair."

Potter abruptly stands, and Draco finds their positions reversed as he looks up at Potter. Fuck, this is it. Potter's going to make the move. He's going to lean down and…walk right past Draco. He takes a seat on the visitor's chair on the other side of the desk. "Chair's yours." What the fuck?

Draco has no choice but to take up Potter's desk chair, lest he reveal his plan and embarrass himself. He thought for sure the courageous Gryffindor was going to kiss him, especially after that awful pick up line. He takes the seat and puts his feet up on Potter's paperwork, hoping to get a rise out of the man.

Potter doesn't take the bait. "Comfy?" he asks, with raised eyebrows.

"Yes. Thanks for keeping it warm for me."

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" Potter asks again.

Wondering why you're not kissing me right now. "Still sitting Potter, just in a different location."

Laughing, Potter rolls his eyes. "You're up to something. I can tell."

"Is this your Auror training coming into practice again?"

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?" Draco repeats.

"As I said, not exactly." Potter shuffles in his seat nervously, which only makes Draco more curious to understand his meaning.

"Are you planning on elaborating, or should we just sit here and echo each other all day?"

"Not exact –"

"Potter!" Draco warns.

"Alright, I only meant, I have a lot of experience…er…watching you…no, that's not the right word. Monitoring maybe?" admits Potter uncomfortably.

This is interesting. Draco drops his feet and leans forward in his chair, smiling gleefully. "You've been watching me? Doing what? Sleeping? Showering?"

Potter's face floods with colour. "Oh Merlin no, Malfoy, that's not what I…I knew that was the wrong word. I meant in school when – "

"At Hogwarts? When?" Draco inquires eagerly.

"Mostly during sixth year when I thought you were a…"

Suddenly, Draco understands and his smile disappears. "Oh. That."

"I'm sorry." Another apology from Potter. Is he trying to upstage Draco?

"You were right." Draco acknowledges sullenly. This is not where he thought this conversation was heading.

"I didn't want to be." Says Potter quietly, and Draco can tell he's being genuine. Once again, he compares himself to Potter. Merlin, how could someone like that like someone like him? Maybe he is wrong about Potter's feelings. Maybe Potter just pities him.

Through his own self-pity, Draco realises this is the perfect opening for him to finally apologise. Merlin, after nine days he's really going to do it. The internal debate of his and Potter's feelings can wait a little longer, this is more important. He takes a deep breath.

"Don't think I've been distracted." Potter says before Draco has the chance to speak.

"What?" Draco asks, genuinely confused.

"I still want to know what you're doing." Oh, he's still going on about that. Maybe the "very good" line was a bit overkill.

"I'm not doing anything. Can't a friend enjoy another friend's company?" Draco asks, but he knows his excuse is weak.

"Yes, but you were…" Potter trails off.

"What was I doing, Potter?" asks Draco, curious to find out how Potter has interpreted his actions.

"You know. Behaving…differently."

"What exactly did I do Potter?"

"You were…you know." Potter raises his eyebrows and looks at Draco with a pained expression.

"I'm afraid I don't." Draco teases.

"You were flirting with me!" accuses Potter, his face turning red again.

"Oh how scandalous, Potter. What did I say?" Draco jokes, trying to keep the tone light.

"You know what you said!"

"Remind me." Draco smirks, but his stomach is tight. They weren't supposed to discuss the flirting. Potter was just supposed to kiss him. Why hadn't Potter just kissed him?

"It was only five minutes ago!"

"Enlighten me, Potter, please." And hurry up and kiss me.

"You are unbelievable." Potter huffs, starting to look a little angry.

Draco panics. Potter probably isn't going to kiss Draco while he's angry. Maybe he hasn't flirted enough. "Hmm…most men say that after the mind-blowing sex with me, but there's a first time for everything."

"There you go again!" shouts Potter, louder than necessary. Okay, maybe more flirting isn't the answer.

"Does my talking about sex offend your sensibilities?" Draco asks defensively.

"You know that's not it, Malfoy!" yells Potter. He takes a deep breath like he is calming himself, and then continues in a lower volume. "Are you going to explain yourself or not?"

Not a chance. "I am not going to explain flirting to you, Potter. Didn't your parents ever – oh fuck. Potter, I didn't mean…" Draco pauses feeling like a real asshole now.

"Relax, Malfoy. And I know what flirting is, you git. I'm just trying to work out what your motive is." Potter sighs.

Draco is surprised. Is it not blaringly obvious? "My motive? My motive for flirting with you? Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am serious. If you're just trying to get a rise out of me, then congratulations, you win. If it's something else…well I'd like to know."

Potter doesn't get it. He really doesn't get it. Draco shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're having this conversation."

Potter frowns. "You're the one who started flirting."

"Yes, but I didn't think I was going to get the third degree about it."

Potter sits up in his chair, staring at Draco incredulously. "What did you expect? You're so guarded all the time. You never admit vulnerability. And here you are suddenly flirting with me so obviously as if you don't even care if I notice or not. If you're that confident, I don't see why you wouldn't just tell me how you feel, and, I don't know, kiss me. But this isn't about how you feel at all. This is about how I feel, isn't it? You…you're trying to trick me."

Merlin, Potter is so much more perceptive than Draco gives him credit for. Although he has missed out on one very crucial part: Draco is head over the heels for him. Maybe he needs to make that part a little clearer.

"You want me to kiss you?" Draco asks softly.

Potter's eyebrows furrow. "Did you even listen to what I just said?"

Yes! I'm going to show you how I feel. "I heard you telling me to kiss you."

Potter looks up at the ceiling before returning his eyes to Draco. "Malfoy, you're missing the point. Will you have a serious conversation with me, please?" he pleads.

Draco hadn't intended to make the first move, but with Potter basically instructing him to kiss him, he figures the lines are a little blurred anyway; he stands up and crosses the office to stand in front of Potter. Potter jumps up to meet him, looking a little panicked. This is it. Merlin, this is it. Draco closes his eyes and leans in to kiss Potter, but he can't find Potter's lips. Where are Potter's lips? He opens his eyes. Where the hell did Potter go? He swivels around surveying the rest of the office quickly. Potter has already returned to the recently vacated desk chair, with his feet up mimicking Draco's earlier position, and playing with his wand in one hand.

Draco is mortified. Potter has rejected him. He wants to run and hide but his feet are frozen to the ground. His whole body feels numb. "You…you told me to kiss you."

Potter stares back at Draco with a sad expression. "No I didn't."

Draco feels anger bubble inside of him. "You told me to kiss you and then you rejected me. What the fuck, Potter?"

"Malfoy-"

"What are you playing at? Is this a big joke to you? Here I am trying to apologise – "

"Apologise?" Potter interjects

'- and you've been mocking me this entire time." Finishes Draco.

Potter looks surprised. "You're the one who was trying to trick me!"

Merlin, Potter is clueless. "I wasn't trying to trick you, I was trying to…well, it's not important. It didn't work anyway. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Malfoy-"

Draco mutters to himself, staring at the floor, unable to meet Potter's gaze. "Absolutely ridiculous of me. How could you ever…why would anyone ever want-"

"Draco." Draco's head whips up at the use of his first name. "You don't understand. I want to kiss you. Merlin, I've wanted to kiss you for days."

Warmth and feeling start to return to Draco's body. Potter wants to kiss him? "Then why-"

"I like you, Draco. I really like you. So if you're going to kiss me, I need to know how you feel first. Because if we kiss, and then you get defensive and push me away again, I don't think I can cope with it" Potter confesses, his voice shaking slightly.

"You like me. You really like me." Draco repeats in a daze.

Potter smiles, and Draco thinks his heart might be exploding in his chest. "I thought it was obvious. Now, your turn."

"My turn?" Draco asks nervously.

"You know…How do you feel…about me?" Potter asks, biting his lip.

"Oh." Draco wants to tell him. I like you. "I…I…" I really like you. But he can't. The words come out wrong. "I don't know." No that's not it. I like you. I really like you.

"You don't know" Potter repeats expressionlessly.

I do know. I know I like you. I want to see you every day. "Um…" Draco wants to slap himself in the face. Just tell him. Why can't you tell him?

"If you don't know, then I'd appreciate it if you'd stop flirting with me and trying to kiss me." Potter says in his cold voice. Draco feels his inside freeze to ice.

"Potter –"

"Malfoy." Potter interrupts with a curt nod, before turning his attention to the paperwork on his desk. It's a clear dismissal.

Shame flooding through him at his cowardly behaviour, Draco finds the strength to move his legs and reach the door of the office. He risks a look at Potter from the doorway and sees the man's jaw tighten as he continues to ignore Draco. Draco wants to tell him he lied. He does know he feels. Merlin, he knows all too well. He wants to shout it in Potter's face, but when he opens his mouth, no words come out. Draco turns and leaves the office. Once a coward, always a coward.

Day 10: Wednesday

Draco is a coward. He knows it. Potter knows it. Most of the Wizarding world knows it. He can't apologise. He can't admit his feelings. He could never stand up to his parents, to Voldemort. Harry Potter apologises without thinking, Harry Potter shares his feelings even when it's risky, and Harry Potter stood up to Voldemort time after time. Harry Potter really is an angel, he thinks, Harry Potter is an angel and he likes Draco Malfoy. Draco doesn't know what he's done to deserve Potter's attentions, but he knows he has certainly done a good job at ruining it. And for what? Because he's too much of a coward to just say how he feels.

He thought he was in control yesterday, but Potter, again, like in everything, beat him at his own game. Merlin, it's probably why he likes Potter so much. Potter can't be manipulated, Potter challenges him, Potter sees right through him.

Draco sighs. He wants to see Potter so badly. The thought of how he left things yesterday with Potter not knowing how Draco really feels, makes his stomach turn. Potter needs to know, Potter deserves to know. But how is Draco going to tell him? He has wasted nine days trying to apologise, how is he going to confess his feelings in one day?

Rolling over in his bed, Draco realises he doesn't have to do anything. He could lie here every day and just let everything happen around him. Potter would get over him eventually and they'd probably never see each other again. That does it. Draco jumps out of bed. He can be a coward or he can be with Potter. He can't have both and he wants Potter more than he has ever wanted anything.

His resolution set, Draco dresses and heads to the Ministry, ignoring the anxiety that settles in his stomach and makes him want to vomit. He hopes he doesn't end up vomiting on Potter. That probably wouldn't go down very well. Although actually, Potter might see it as exposing vulnerability and forgive him without the need to confess his feelings at…okay, no. Draco stops himself before those thoughts can continue. He is not going to vomit on Potter. That is not part of the plan.

Potter still hasn't revoked his all access rights to the Auror offices which is a good sign, although there's also a good chance that Potter forgot he even organized it in the first place. Still.

When he reaches Potter's office, he finds the door closed again. Fuck. Draco pauses for a moment. If he can't even knock on a door, how can he be brave enough to finally apologise and confess his feelings to Potter? He turns away from the door, lifts his arm and mimes a knocking motion. Easy. He turns back to the door. All he has to do is repeat that motion but in this position. His arm doesn't budge. Shit. Potter isn't opening the door automatically for him today it would seem. Potter won't even let him into his office again if he doesn't say what he came here to say. Draco concentrates intently, lifts his arm and knocks. He is really knocking on Potter's door. The door opens. Potter doesn't even look up from his desk.

"Potter-" Draco begins from the doorway.

"I'm busy." Potter says to his desk.

"Potter, just listen to-"

"Still busy, Malfoy."

"I'm an idiot, a git, an asshole, a fool, a stupid horrible cowardly person and I have no idea what you see in me."

"You forgot twat." Potter says but there's a hint of a smile on his lips, and Draco knows he has been given a window, and he is not going to blow it this time.

Draco takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "You were right about me not wanting to show vulnerability. It's hard for me to be completely honest about how I feel. I really don't want to be doing this right now, but if I don't, I might lose you, and that's worse, much worse."

"Draco-"

Draco is relieved to hear his first name from Potter's lips again, but he can't dwell on it for too long. There's much more to say. "No, just let me speak. If I stop, I might not be able to continue. The reason I came to see you last week was because I felt guilty, I feel guilty. Everything that Voldemort did, I just let it happen or worse, I helped it happen. I thought I didn't have a choice, but I did. Just like you did. He took everything from you, and you risked your life over and over again to defeat him and to save other people. You saved me and I never gave you a reason to. I know I can never apologise enough after everything that's happened but I am sorry, I am so so sorry."

"You didn't-"

"I know you're going to try and defend my actions or more accurately inactions, and I know you've already forgiven me but there's no defence for what I've done and I needed to apologise."

Potter looks like he wants to say more in Draco's defence but he nods instead. "All this time, you've been coming to apologise?" he asks softly but Draco notices the disappointment in his voice.

"Not exactly." Says Draco shyly, walking into the office and closing the door behind him.

"Not exactly?" Potter repeats, starting to smile.

"There's this one other thing."

"Yes?"

"Fuck, the apology was much easier." Draco mutters to himself.

"Yes?" Potter repeats eagerly.

Draco meets Potter's eyes and summons the courage to continue. "I like…seeing you every day. I can't imagine not seeing you every day. Every morning when I wake up, I'm thinking about when I'll see you. And seeing you right now, my heart…" Draco casts a targeted sonorus charm, so his heartbeat is amplified. The unnaturally rapid thump thump of his heart pounds in his ears, and knowing Potter can hear it now, makes it beat that much faster. "Every time I see you." Draco clarifies.

"What are you saying?" Potter asks intently, standing up.

Draco drops Potter's gaze and stares at his feet. "You know what I'm saying."

"I need to hear you say it." whispers Potter. Of course he does. Draco has never worked this hard for a kiss before. Then again, he's never wanted to kiss anyone as much as he wants to kiss Harry Potter.

Draco forces himself to look up. "Merlin, Potter. Harry…Potter. Harry, I like you."

Harry's face lights up with a dazzling smile and he takes a step forward. Draco swallows. Harry takes another step closer. Draco bites his lip. Harry draws nearer again, until he could be no closer without touching. Draco waits. Harry leans in. Draco closes his eyes. He's going to kiss me, he thinks, Harry Potter is going to kiss me. He can hardly hear the pause between his heartbeats anymore.

Draco feels the lightest pressure on his lips but it's enough to send an electric spark shooting through his body. The kiss is gentle and soft. Draco has never been kissed like this before. He wants to lift his arms up to run his hands through Harry's hair, but he finds they won't budge from his side. He'll have to work on that.

Draco can't believe he can feel this good with just the slightest pressure of Harry Potter's lips on his. Apologies and confessions aren't so bad he reasons if they are followed by Harry kissing him like this.

"Harry?" Draco says as they finally break apart, enjoying the way the word tastes in his mouth. "I really like you."

A/N Here it is! Finally finished. Ended completely different to my original plan - I now understand what writers mean when they say their characters control the story! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this one. It has been really fun writing in present tense for the first time ever - hope I didn't fuck it up! Although I want to focus on my next Scorbus fic now, this certainly won't be the last Drarry from me! Watch this space! If You haven't already read my other Drarry fic, "I Hex You, You Hex Me" then you can get your fix there in the meantime! Also as always, hit me up on twitter if you like. I still don't understand how threads work and the merits of retweet vs reply but I'm getting there: Queen_of_Thyme