Disclaimer: Still not mine

AN: I'm only using some of the stuff that happened in the last few episodes and using it differently as a plot device for this story, which does make this OCC/AU to some degree.

*I'm just fooling around here so to the reviewers who seem really upset about the portrayal of characters actions, thoughts and feelings. Settle down. When you write some material you can portray them however you want. I'm happy for constructive criticism about the writing, but I don't really appreciate someone telling me that these characters would never be this confused. Come down from fantasy land, because nothing actually happened on the show. To me, that means there is room to explore how it potentially could happen. I've never written anything with two female leads but I do know that is the popular fan theory and I am trying to make it realistic, just know that in this story fingers will be staying in pockets and not in pants [to a certain degree ;)]. Sorry to disappoint, but even though I can read it I struggle to write it...awkward for me, dry for you.

Anyway, carrying on..

Jane tossed and turned trying to get to sleep that night. The evening had not gone at all how she thought it would. Maura had been so upset and the subtext was thick. It was like finally, now that she had created the pressure of leaving, all these little things they never dared to bring up were floating to the surface. Questions that may have once been simply pondered and forgotten were now sitting back waiting longingly for an answer.

Answers can be scary. Scary and so definitive as only truth can be. There were a lot of reasons why talking about possible feelings would be a mistake. One, it really could just be out of fear. Two, Maura could possibly be confused in her feelings because she has never had a friendship as close as this in her life. Three, these could all just be excuses because at least one of us is chicken shit.

What would even happen though? Do women really just all of a sudden decide that they're basically together in every sense so why the hell not? It seemed strange when Jane thought about it. So much so that Maura's question of having perhaps maybe always known of this connection begged more attention. Had she had deeper feelings for Maura this whole time?

She did love her. Like really, really, love her. Being around Maura made Jane happy. She didn't need anything romantic for it to be special. The way Maura looked at her like she was the only person in the world made her feel special. Whilst the relationship was platonic it lacked no comfort. They had physical contact; they sometimes shared a bed, or held each other. There was never a reason, or need or situation where it felt like they had crossed some line. They were soul mates. Of this, Jane was certain. She just never thought it would be possible for a lover to be one.

Because that's what this was really about. Maura has realized that they are close enough to be lovers. It was clear from the hope in her eyes when she asked if Jane was choosing the wrong door. Jane knows when Maura said this she was really saying 'please choose me'. If Jane had thought it an option before now, if she'd had time to process it without the whole moving away looming, would she had come to the same conclusion?

She knew she was different to Maura, mostly in that she knew their friendship was not like other friendships. She had the ability to compare. Maura had never really had many friends and certainly not a best friend. So it wasn't unusual to her to be this close. She could be touchy feely with Maura and it wasn't weird because there was no preconceived idea as to boundaries. Maura thinks Jane is the only person who has ever really loved her. She has accepted this love, however deeply and it's just never been a question. How deep was this love?

Jane looked up at the dark ceiling and let out a deep breath. Maura had never actually stated explicitly that she had feelings other than friendship, though Jane felt it had been implied. She just kept saying she was sad. She had never had a best friend, and she had never had a best friend who left. It was beginning to feel like another door had already been opened here, and Jane was bothered enough to want to walk through it now. The door wasn't even there yesterday! It was like this unstoppable force. I am in love with Maura.

Jane knew she couldn't deny that she had been subtly flirting and testing the waters tonight. She felt attracted and Maura was showing all the signs of a person who was about to crack and acknowledge every little thing that was festering inside her. If her Mother hadn't interrupted she and Maura would have kissed. The fact that she is lying here in bed thinking about it tells her everything she needs to know. She has a case. The case of Maura and the loveable twit, she smiles to herself, Maura is in love with me.

Maura was having the same struggle as Jane over in Beacon Hill. Sighing constantly and thrashing her legs around, moving them out of the bed sheets. She knew something had happened tonight. Something had changed slightly. She had simply tried to comfort herself in Jane's arms, the only place she felt truly safe. She had tried to ask Jane why it had to be this way. Tried to show her that maybe it didn't have to be this way. She couldn't control the feelings. They'd never been like this. It was like her heart was ripping out of her chest. Even though she knew it was ridiculous, it was exactly how she felt.

Miserable, weak, and lonely she only had herself to blame for making Jane too uncomfortable to stay. She had hoped for a quiet night. Just she and Jane like old times; drinking wine and retiring for one last cuddle that night. Instead she was lying there frustrated at the whole situation. They'd almost kissed. Jane's eyes were dark, she was definitely showing signs of arousal, and she was teasing past the point that they would usually stop at. They could cross that line, Maura thinks to herself. It wouldn't have bothered her in the slightest. She wouldn't care what others thought. She liked the idea of having Jane all to herself, being everything that she needed.

Though she was not really confused by the feelings, she was confused about how to express them without making everything worse. Jane didn't like discussing intimate things. It was hard to gauge what her reaction might be to the idea of them together as more than friends. If things didn't work out though, it would be much worse than simply having Jane living further away. Once again the thought overpowered everything else. The friendship was too precious, she was reading too far into Jane's feelings. Jane certainly didn't look as sad in fact she'd looked almost as though she was feeling pity. Maura knew it was possible she had misread everything in her emotional state. The second-guessing was killing her.

Sighing one last time she went downstairs for a glass of water. Pondering over potentially rushing over to Jane. Lost in her own thought whilst shutting the fridge she turned to head back upstairs, only to find Angela Rizzoli watching her from the lounge.

"Angela! You frightened me," Maura exclaimed putting her hand on her chest.

"Sorry honey, I'm just having a little nightcap, hope you don't mind," Angela shrugged.

"Of course not," Maura smiles, "May I join you?"

"Sure! Always room for one more," Angela smiles, "Plus this is your house, and your wine," she smiles wider.

Maura smirks and clinks their glasses together taking a seat.

"I'm going to miss my Janie," Angela sighs sipping her wine.

"Of course, you're her Mother, you have every right to feel that way," Maura assures her.

"It's going to be a good thing, Janie not being in so much danger and all. Of course, Agent Davies makes the whole thing even sweeter. I think he and Jane have really hit it off; he sure has eyes for her! Picked her up and everything, took her out to dinner," Angela exclaims wide-eyed and hopeful.

At this Maura's face drops. She hadn't seen this Agent Davies, but Jane had referred to him when she was speaking of the job offer. Was Jane accepting the job offer because she wanted to pursue a relationship with this man? If so Maura was feeling even more doubtful now. Why wouldn't Jane tell her about it? They had always shared this kind of thing. Did Jane simply feel sorry for her? Not want to upset her? Colour rose to Maura's cheeks, no longer listening to Angela rave about Jane's potential life, settling down with Agent Davies.

Feeling out of sorts all over again Maura finished her drink, bid Angela a good night, and went back upstairs slowly. Angela smirked into her drink. She could get things moving, she knew she could, she just had to hit the right button. If only Jane wouldn't be so god damn stubborn. She shook her head looked up at the ceiling and hopped up off the couch; her Janie would make the right decision in the end. With that, she turned out the lights and left out the back door.

Maura felt sick to her stomach, pacing in her bedroom, thinking about what Angela had mentioned. If she had noticed Maura's unease she certainly didn't acknowledge it, and for that Maura was thankful. All up it had probably been a good thing. She had almost worked up the courage to travel to Jane's and not let their earlier discussion go. She was starting to think, she needed to pursue her, fight for her and that Jane wouldn't be able to say no, because she loved her too, and she felt everything just the same. She thought the worst thing that could happen was that Jane couldn't commit to something like this, with a woman. Now that she knows about Agent Davies, Maura decides that the whole thing was in her head, that Jane didn't understand her sadness at all. Jane couldn't read her questions like she usually could because her attention had actually been focused on another romantic interest.

Maura imagined the whole evening in her head again, this time through Jane's eyes and realized that feeling sad wasn't the worst thing, or being just plain wrong about her conclusions. The embarrassment was worse. At the thought of how she had behaved and what she had revealed she felt mortified. How could she face Jane again? She jumped out of bed and began packing. Paris had to happen sooner than she first predicted.