America gulped in pure horror. He had been invited by his brother (who?) to the Commonwealth dinner party. And guess who'd be cooking. England.

Sadly he had no choice but to come. He couldn't bear the thought of over-cooked, rubbery beef and soggy peas.

Well, at least there'd be alcohol.

****************************************************************He arrived to find the entire Commonwealth sitting at a table, obediently eating England's cooking.

"Oh, Alfred!" Arthur seemed very happy. Unusually so. "Come sit next to Nauru."

Arthur placed a plate in front of him. Alfred nervously opened his eyes. But instead of burnt fish and chips , or Shepherd's pie seemingly made with the remains of a sheep, he saw chicken tikka masala, the curry delicately poured over a pile of fluffy Basmati rice. Alfred looked up at his former ruler in shock.

Arthur chuckled. "Don't look at me like that. My cooking's improved a lot since rationing ended, and since the influx of immigrants from my former colonies." He waved at India, who was sitting across the room. "Thanks India!"

All Alfred could do was eat in silence, unable to form coherent words.