This story is for nonprofit entertainment purposes only. All rights to all characters belong to their creator.

Author's note: This story is a continuation of If I Could Tell You - however, reading it is not necessary, as this story stands alone. This story is going to have a LOT OF LEMONY MATERIAL! Stay away if mature situations offend you! I am not going to warn which chapter specifically contains the lemons, because in the case of this story, the plot would be ruined. I will be warning before each chapter that lemons are a possibility. Also, it is possible that some of my future writing for this story may need to be done on another site, as things may get a bit too naughty for FFnet . If this occurs, I will make it known. Please review and let me know if my writing has improved at all!

It was late summer. The trees were beginning to turn their beautiful fall colors, and the breeze was definitely cooler. The summer had been miserably hot. But that was not what was on Misao's mind, as she sat, staring blankly into space.

She was sitting in what was once the office that held all the important information of the Oniwabanshu. The desk that once held paper primarily for writing in secret code now held stacks of accounts tallying up the expenses and intake of the inn - all carefully recorded by Okon. Behind this desk is where Misao sat. Only, instead of writing the letter she intended to send, she sat, lost in thought.

So much had happened in the past five years - more than she could ever have imagined, though so many things had stayed the same - or seemed to. Okina had aged, but he still had his wits about him and enjoyed teasing pretty girls like the lecher he was. Okon and Omasu were still as nosy as ever - but they still did so much to help Misao that it was hard for her to complain. And Shiro and Kuro were as easygoing and placid toward Misao as they always were.

Only four years ago today, Kaoru and Kenshin had welcomed their son, Kenji. That sweet little redheaded child had grown into quite a Mama's boy - Misao wondered how it was possible that he'd ever stop crying and hiding behind her skirts.

Yahiko had gotten so much bigger and stronger that Kenshin gave him the sakabato. It astounded Misao at first, until it was pointed out to her that Kenshin no longer had the desire or the drive to carry the world upon his shoulders.

And Misao's life had changed immensely, probably more than anyone else's, when the person who pointed out Kenshin's reasoning to her happened to marry her four and a half years ago.

Her life had taken a path she had always dreamed about - but like many dreams, the reality was vastly different from what she had expected. She was happy in her life, for certain - but she had a longing, a yearning, for something that she couldn't ever say aloud.

The past four years seemed a blur - both to her emotions and her mind. She could still barely believe that Aoshi had finally married her. After all those years waiting so fruitlessly, she had begun to believe she would have to resign herself to old maidhood.

Thankfully not, Misao thought wryly. The first two years had been anything but maidlike. She still blushed when she thought about many of the things she had experienced then. She was so young, so innocent - and that had changed quickly. In her wildest imagination, she never thought that Aoshi could be such a skilled, exquisite lover.

She thought about the time she had been taking too long in the bath just a few short months after they married. She knew she had been there more than an hour, but her back was sore that day. She sat soaking herself, until she heard a pointed knock on the door. "Go away!" she said miserably. As the door opened, much to her initial embarassment, she took in the form of her husband, clad in nothing. "I'm the only person you can't tell to go away, Misao," he told her, as he slid noiselessly into the water, lifting her so that her mouth met his. It was very strange that her back had suddenly stopped hurting after that.

Then there was also the time that she and Aoshi went to a picnic that Kaoru had invited them to - everyone from the old days was there. It was a long journey, so they took their time. However, as they were only a few minutes away, Aoshi suddenly grasped her small hand, pulling her behind a large tree. There, on the forest floor, he made love to her, much to her surprise and delight. When she asked him why, he only smiled slightly, as he always did.

When they arrived at the gathering, Misao was all smiles. After greeting everyone, she went to sit and talk with Kaoru and Megumi - and both of them were giggling at her. "What?!" Misao said grumpily. "Oh, Misao," Megumi said, in a surreptitious way, "Don't ruin your glow. You look lovely." Misao was confused at first, but Kaoru laughed, and reached over to pull a leaf out of Misao's hair that she had, unfortunately missed. "Well, now I know why you're so happy," she told Misao, squeezing her hand. "I couldn't be gladder for you."

Then, there was that time about 3 years ago when Misao was cleaning her room - well, their room. She was very busy straightening the sheets when Aoshi came up behind her, pushing her to her hands and knees-

The shoji suddenly slid open, revealing Omasu and Okon. Misao seemed to jump about three feet in the air, immediately turning crimson. "What?!" she asked, somewhat sharply.

"What's the matter?" Omasu asked, looking curiously at Misao. "We didn't mean to disturb you."

"I was just busy, that's all," Misao replied, a little testily. "Why didn't you announce yourself before you opened the door?"

Now genuinely irritated, Okon said, "In a house of onmitsu, we should hardly need to announce ourselves. Of all people, Misao, I would think that you'd be able to sense us."

Omasu whispered to Okon, as if Misao wasn't standing there, "She's just as grumpy as Okina is when we catch him reading his naughty magazines."

This only reddened Misao's face further. "What do you need? I'm in the middle of trying to write a letter to Kaoru. I need to concentrate."

They both smiled. "Someone wanted to see you before she went to bed." A small form stepped in front of them, and Misao instantly smiled.

The child was nearly three years of age, with blue-black hair, and beautiful bright eyes. She looked like her mother, but had an unusually sedate personality for a child so young.

"Keiko!" Misao held out her arms, and the little girl smiled shyly as she went to her mother. Misao gently smoothed a loose lock of hair behind Keiko's ear. One of the only times Aoshi insisted on anything was on the name of his daughter - a name Misao didn't care much for. She was glad she didn't argue it though, because as Aoshi explained, it was his mother's name.

Probably the only time he's explained anything to me, Misao thought, before remembering her child was in her lap.

"Why aren't you in bed, sweetling? It's pretty late for you to be up."

"Mama, I wanted to tell you good-night." Keiko looked at her with her guileless, deep eyes. It was almost unsettling, how such a small child could be so composed and articulate.

Misao smiled, and hugged her beloved daughter. There was no way she ever thought she could love someone so much, until she had Keiko. This small, fragile being meant the world to her. And to her father, as well. Aoshi was reserved by nature, but there was no way he could hide the love he had for his child. His eyes fairly glowed whenever she was around.

"And," added Keiko, "Why is Dada always so sad?"

This question took all of them off guard. Misao looked at her daughter in slight confusion. "What do you mean?"

Keiko's large eyes looked up at Misao, visibly worried. "Sometimes Dada gets sad when we play in the yard."

In the courtyard of the inn, Misao had placed four identical tablets bearing the names of their fallen comrades, so they would never be forgotten. As much as he had moved forward with his life, Aoshi always had a distant look in his eyes when they happened to brush across those reminders of his past. She could tell he tried to hide it, but the change in his demeanor was detectable - apparently, even for his small mite of a daughter.

Misao gently stroked Keiko's thick hair. "Dada has a lot of memories that make him sad," Misao said, staring off into the distance as she said it. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't love playing with you."

Keiko, being young and straightforward, accepted this answer, but not without looking Misao squarely in the eyes and saying, "Sometimes you're sad too, Mama." Her eyes, wise beyond their years, seemed to bore into Misao's soul.

Misao, taken aback, smiled at her daughter and simply said, "I'm never sad when I'm with you." Keiko giggled.

But in her heart, Misao's answer was, I know.

...

The next morning, Misao was practicing with her kunai in the part of the courtyard that was reserved for training. She was focused and alert; in particular, she was trying to work on handling surprise attacks. It was much easier when she had a partner, but Okon and Omasu had insisted on taking Keiko shopping for another kimono (as though the child weren't spoiled and doted on enough), Shiro and Kuro were running the inn, and Okina was still sleeping, something he did more and more often these days. And her husband had been in the mountains for the past week on a mission he wasn't talking too much about.

Focus, she reminded herself. She walked to the edge of the training area, with her back facing the dummy, kunai in hand. She slowly backed, then twisted around sharply, the dagger at the throat of the dummy.

This is silly, she thought. I really should be doing this with a partner. Much as she'd rather practice kicks and the like, however, she knew that her weakness lay in how she always made herself so vulnerable with her emotions and bearing. She showed too much of her inner feelings to truly master the art of the onmitsu. Everyone had been telling her this for years, and for the past three months, she had been practicing much harder on trying to turn an attacker into a victim. So she resolved to try again.

Backing slowly, she tried to feel everything around her - the tuberoses in the garden, the sensations of the birds above on the roof, the twirling of the breeze. She became one with her surroundings - so much so that she could finally sense the presence of the dummy behind her.

Turning quickly, she was about to shout "Gotcha!" to whom, she wasn't sure. But that wasn't what happened.

A large hand grasped hers, holding it and the knife firmly. Another clasped firmly around her mouth. She was about to scream, when a voice said something huskily, right next to her ear.

"You're still too slow."

She turned suddenly, completely surprised. Aoshi was standing there, looking at her. He wasn't supposed to be back for another week. He kissed her quickly, lovingly, but chastely.

"You're home!" Misao said breathlessly, momentarily forgetting her irritation, before it flared right up. "What's the big idea with that? You scared the hell out of me!" The flash in her eyes made her husband's eyes twinkle with amusement - ever since their marriage, he had immensely enjoyed teasing her and no longer made a secret of it.

"I couldn't help but notice that you still need work. Do you want to practice with me?"

Enticing as that sounded, Misao had a moment of hopeful wishing before her heart sank, for more than one reason. "What time is it?" she said, looking at the sun. "I have to get a letter out to Kaoru today."

He held something out to her. "Maybe you'd like to read this first." It was a letter addressed to her, from the Kamiya Dojo!

She tore it open impatiently, reading it quickly.

Dearest Misao, we hope all finds you well, Kaoru wrote, and we hope everyone at the inn, and your family is well, too. We, ourselves have been doing very nicely.

Megumi has written me that she has finally finished training her apprentice to a level she finds satisfactory (it's only taken 10 years!) and that she has been hoping to take a short break from her practice and leave it to her student while she's gone. She invited us to go to a small hot spring and inn that she found in the mountains near Kyoto. Isn't that exciting? We hope you can make it. We plan to leave two weeks from the writing of this letter so please send your reply right away. It's about time we had some time to ourselves!~Kaoru

Misao was so surprised, she could barely move. She looked up at Aoshi, who was staring at her curiously, as always. She wasn't quite sure what he would say - he always thought that she couldn't do anything herself and would somehow manage to get into trouble. It didn't help that he was usually right.

She smiled excitedly and said, "Kaoru and Megumi want me to go with them on a retreat to a hot spring, just us girls. It sounds like fun."

He looked at her squarely. "Where is it?" She could already sense his unease. The events four years prior had put him on guard - Misao had not only nearly lost her innocence, but her life as well when those bandits took her. He would never tell her she couldn't go, but he wasn't above trying to find ways to prevent it.

"An inn in the mountains near here." She showed him the area Kaoru had mentioned; about 20 miles away. Aoshi's eyes narrowed immediately, looking at the paper. He then turned to her as he said, "Do you know why I've been gone so often lately?"

Aoshi opening up to her about his business was rare indeed. It wasn't that he didn't trust her; it was simply that Aoshi was always quiet and didn't volunteer information, even to Misao. That was the one thing about him that sometimes drove her nuts.

Well, not the only thing -

Her wandering mind was cut off when Aoshi said, "You already know that the government has been bothering me for some time about several things they want me to do for them. They want me to become a police officer, they want me to do secret work. Normally I can just ignore them and not care," he said, giving much more information than he normally would. "But when they told me six months ago that women and children were disappearing after going into the eastern mountains, I agreed to help them. You can imagine that I would be concerned when I see you making plans to go to the same place."

Normally, the fact that he had willingly told her his doings without being mercilessly goaded would be a cause for celebration. But she was tired. Tired of him thinking she couldn't do anything on her own. Tired of thinking she was weak. Tired of believing he had thought her undesirable.

There. She finally confronted the thought.

Ever since she lost their second baby a year ago, he hadn't made love to her. It stung deeply. He was still affectionate - still held her until she fell asleep at night, still insisted on being the one to braid her hair every morning, still kissed her lovingly. But that was as far as it went.

Did he find her ugly? Certainly her body wasn't the same after having children. She had become so comically huge with Keiko that when Yahiko saw her at nine months of pregnancy, he wasn't able to stop himself before he guffawed aloud, even as Kaoru struck him sharply over the head with her fan. Misao had so many stretch marks that even though she had gone back to a slender physique, she wasn't quite girlish anymore. Maybe Aoshi found her unattractive.

Maybe he was angry at her for losing their son.

Or maybe he had another woman.

The thought haunted her constantly, even as she tried to banish it. Aoshi had been celibate for so many years before marrying Misao that it made no sense. Still, the idea kept sneaking into her mind.

A little too testily, she said, "Why do you think I can't take care of myself?"

His eyes were guarded as he replied, "I think you can take care of yourself, but I don't want to risk anything happening to you."

"Well, maybe I'm stronger than you think. Maybe, if someone did try to attack me, I'd be able to defend myself. I'm not as weak as I used to be."

"I won't forbid you to go, if that's what you're trying to get me to say."

"Well, whether you did or not, I would be going. I need to have some time to myself. I need to think. I need to be - away - for a little while." Unconsciously, her eyes met the small black stone Aoshi had placed in her son's memory, right in the middle of the garden, next to the bamboo poles. It wasn't traditional to mourn a child who had died before even taking a breath, but Misao had been devastated. It was his way of showing her that he cared.

So she thought at the time.

He looked at her sharply, obviously irritated himself, and said, "Suit yourself. But be on your guard."

"I always am," Misao said, before turning toward the office to go write her reply.

Perhaps she would have felt differently if she could have seen the torture that lay beneath Aoshi's eyes as he watched her walk away. That, however, was something few would be able to see.