Phoebe's words had, even if Kathryn hated and denied it, an effect on her. She noticed that she was indeed staring at Chakotay when he played or cuddled or simply held Chapa and that her mouth was hanging open every single time. It made her edgy and tense and she tried her best to stop this behavior because she feared that someone else would notice.

On the next day, when the house was quiet for a change, she slipped into her father's study. Feeling giddy like a child at Christmas, she dropped to her knees and crawled under the desk. She imaged Chakotay's reaction if he had ever found her hiding under her ready room desk and she was sure he would have thought that she was crazy. Maybe she was crazy even now, but she needed to do this, she needed to feel it.

She listened to the steady tick-tock of her grandfather's clock and imagined her father was here with her. To her relief, she could feel him; could feel his presence.

"Daddy," she whispered. "I'm home."

She laid her chin on her knees and simply let the happy feeling float through her body.

The noise of little feet echoed through the hall and she smiled when she heard the door open. "Kathryn?" Chapa said quietly and she could hear the frown in his voice. "Kathryn?"

Huddling deeper, she tried to be as still as she could and heard him entering the room and surrounding the desk. She knew she was far from invisible but put her hands over her face to tease him.

"Kathryn!" Chapa exclaimed excited and questioning at the same time when he found her.

She dropped her hands and leaped forward, tickling him. He laughed happily and when she stopped he sat down beside her, mimicking her posture.

"Kathryn, why you sit here?"

"I did it when I was a child."

"Why?"

"It was an opportunity to be close to my daddy."

A shadow crossed his young face and she could kick herself.

"You like your daddy?"

"I did. To be honest I liked him very much."

"Your daddy nice?"

"He was a very nice man, very gentle and funny."

"My daddy not so nice."

She laid her arm around his shoulder, squeezing him to her. "I know. I'm sorry."

Chakotay entered the room, unnoticed. He had heard Chapa laughing and was curious what the two of them were doing in here. He frowned as he heard them talking and needed a moment to realize that they were sitting under the desk.

"But you have a wonderful mommy who loves you very much…," Kathryn said.

"And uncle Chakotay. Uncle Chakotay is very nice!"

His confession put a smile on Chakotay's face. It was good to know that he liked him even if he couldn't show it every time.

"Yes, your uncle Chakotay is a nice and gentle man."

"He plays with me. Daddy never played with me. Daddy only angry. Mommy says Daddy not angry at me, but he wasn't nice. He yelled at me."

Kathryn felt honored that he told her all this but she didn't know how to respond. She didn't have much experience with children.

"He shouldn't have done that. But your mommy is right, he wasn't angry at you and now you should be happy that you have such a nice family."

"Grandma!"

"Yes."

"And Phoebe, and you!"

"Yes, we are all part of your family."

"Kathryn?" He looked at her expectantly.

"Yes?"

"What did your daddy do when you sat here?"

Kathryn smiled. "It was a game we played."

That certainly had Chapa's attention. "A game?" he asked with wide, curious eyes.

"A game," she nodded. "I used to sit here as quiet and still as I could while my daddy was working." She pointed at the desk chair. "I practiced for our games or just listened to his shuffling on the desk or my grandfather's old clock." She got quiet and listened. "Do you hear that? The tick-tock?"

Chapa listened carefully and nodded.

"Every fifteen minutes the clock rang and I waited and waited. Sometimes he was done early, sometimes it took longer but I knew it was worth the waiting because when he was done he would search for me in his study and as soon as he found me in my hiding spot he whirled me around. Then I had to win three of his games to get more rides."

"Did you?" he asked with interest.

"Every time, and then I got more rides and if I was really smart he went with me into the corn fields. I loved to spend time with my daddy. I miss him."

Chapa pressed his body to her, giving her comfort. "You could also play with Chakotay!"

Chakotay suppressed a cough and his throat was tight while he waited for Kathryn's response. What he couldn't see was that Kathryn tried to make a neutral face. "That's a nice idea," she said, her voice sounded strangled.

Chakotay thought that it was time for him to leave but when he turned, one of the wooden panels squeaked.

Chapa looked with wide eyes at Kathryn. She put one finger over her mouth, keeping him quiet.

Chakotay thought of leaving or playing their game. He decided to make them happy and play their game. "I thought I heard voices, didn't I?" he said loudly with a confused voice.

Chapa hold back an excited giggle as they listened to Chakotay's footsteps. "Are they behind the curtains? No, not there. Hmm." More footsteps. "Where could they be? Disappeared out of the window? No the windows are closed." The footsteps came closer and Chapa was already bursting with excitement and Kathryn showed him he should put his hands over his face.

"Ah! Here they are!"

Chapa burst into delighted giggles as Chakotay dove under the desk and picked him up to whirl him around. "No!" Chapa shrieked. "A game first!"

Chakotay let him to the ground and raised an eyebrow. "A game first?"

Chapa nodded at him and Kathryn, who had emerged from under the desk.

"I think you're a little too young for a game," Chakotay said.

"No!"

"Kathryn, what do you think?"

"Hm, I think we should give him a chance."

"Yes!" Chapa nodded.

"Okay, if you think you're ready." Kathryn and Chakotay knelt down beside him. "You have to win three times to win a ride."

Chapa nodded, his brown eyes bright with attention. "Two plus two," Kathryn said.

Chapa needed a moment before he had the answer. "Four!"

"That's absolutely right. Okay, next one. Three plus one."

This time the answer came immediately. "Four!"

"Again, that's right. Only one left. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Chapa nodded.

"Four plus two."

Chapa frowned. Kathryn and Chakotay saw how his brain worked and shortly before he answered, Kathryn thought that it was too hard. "Six?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"Six!"

Kathryn turned her head to look at Chakotay and Chapa watched them nervously.

"That's absolutely right," Kathryn said and in the same moment Chakotay jumped up and raised Chapa in the air, whirling him around. Chapa laughed and giggled and shrieked and Kathryn was too distracted to notice that she was staring with an open mouth.

"Kathryn!" Chapa eventually exclaimed out of breath between giggles and laughter. "Kathryn's turn!"

Chakotay let him down. "It's Kathryn's turn?"

He nodded. "Kathryn wants to play too!"

Kathryn blushed to a deep red and tried to hide it when Chakotay looked at her. "Okay," he said, appearing unaware of her tension. "We only need someone to make the games."

"Chapa!" Chapa called out immediately.

"But they have to be very, very hard."

Chapa nodded dutifully and turned to Kathryn. "Kathryn, thirty-two plus forty-nine."

He only knew the numbers until fifty and this was, at least for him, the hardest he could come up with. Kathryn was glad, as she was having trouble concentrating. "Hm," she put on a strained face. "That is very hard." She rubbed her chin. "Let's see, thirty plus forty is seventy. Seventy plus two is seventy-two and seventy-two plus nine is…" She used her fingers to count. "Seventy-nine… Eighty," she mumbled. "Eighty-one!"

"Is that your answer?" Chapa asked like she had earlier.

"Yes it is."

He looked at Chakotay for confirmation and when he nodded Chapa turned to Kathryn. "That is right!" Kathryn smiled happily. "Two more and you win a ride," Chapa said and Kathryn debated with herself whether she should solve at least one of them wrong. The thought of being whirled around by Chakotay made her toes curl. And not in a bad way. "Twenty-one plus sixteen," Chapa distracted her thoughts.

"That's easy. Thirty-seven."

Again, Chapa looked at Chakotay and he nodded.

"That's right," Chapa hopped up and down before his face grew stern. "You only need to have one right but the last one is very… very hard!" he said with a serious tone to Kathryn.

"Okay. I'm ready."

"Forty-seven plus fifty-twelve!"

Kathryn suppressed a chuckle and tried not to look at Chakotay who seemed to be barely able to hold back his laughter. "Oh, that's really very, very hard," she said, matching Chapa's serious tone. "I don't know if I can solve this."

"You need to if you want to win the ride."

"Forty-seven plus fifty-twelve, huh?" Chapa nodded, unyielding. "I'll try my best." She got quiet for a moment and while she looked on the outside as if she was counting she was further debating with herself but decided to solve it correctly to make Chapa happy. "I don't know…," she said uncertainly. "Could it be… one hundred and nine?"

Chapa looked at Chakotay and Kathryn saw that he was trying to figure out the answer himself. Finally he gave Chapa a nod. "That is right!" Chapa clapped excited.

Before Kathryn had the chance to comprehend what had just happened Chakotay grabbed her and her feet left the ground. She couldn't do anything other than laugh out loud as he whirled her around. She soon felt giddy and exhilarated, memories of her childhood were flashing through her mind as the room danced in front of her eyes and Chapa's excited young voice rang in her ears.

Too soon for her liking, Chakotay let her down slowly and time suddenly stood still as she became aware of how her body was pressed against his. Their eyes locked and the air was charged, the world around faded.

She wondered how long it had been since she had looked into his eyes like this. Too long was all her foggy mind could come up with; way too long.

"You happy now, Kathryn?" Chapa asked from their side, breaking the spell.

They parted slowly, hesitantly, and Kathryn cleared her throat.

"Yes," she said with a husky voice. "It was… exciting."

#

Kathryn successfully avoided Chakotay during the following hours. Their little encounter in her father's study had made her even more tense and jumpy and she needed solitude to calm down and regain control of herself. She felt like a nervous wreck and swore silently at her sister, and maybe, when Phoebe got home, would also do it out loud.

She walked to the willow tree and, standing ramrod straight with her arms crossed in front of her, watched the cornfields swaying in the wind. It soothed her nerves, though not her mind and it came up with the wildest images and thoughts, every one related to Chakotay and especially the look in his eyes when they had stared at each other. It was a raw look, like a fire burning inside and she felt drawn towards its heat.

She shook her head. She was ridiculous, she told herself. He had moved on long ago and even if he was still in… still liked her in a romantic way, that didn't mean that she was reciprocating his feelings.

She rubbed her face and her stance relaxed a bit. Who was she kidding? She was in love with him, probably from the moment she first laid eyes on him, though that didn't mean that she had to act on those feelings. She hadn't done it for seven years after all. So why should she change it now?

An unbidden smile came to her lips. Because she was free now. Free to do whatever she pleased. And so was he.

But what if her surmise was wrong? What if he didn't share her feelings? Could she survive being rejected by him? Would it perhaps damage their friendship beyond repair? Her mental health wasn't too well at the moment. Could she risk it further?

She sighed. She had been so sure that he had moved on, it would've made everything easier as she wasn't well versed at handling emotions. Not somebody else's and frankly not her own.

She decided that she needed more time to think; more time to make a decision.

"Kathryn?"

She jumped and spun around. "Yes?"

Chakotay was walking towards her position, a questioning frown on his face. "You disappeared rather quickly earlier," he said, stopping next to her. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

She could see that he didn't buy it. "You're not," he said and she knew that at least this surmise had been correct. "To be precise, you're far from fine."

"It's nothing, Chakotay," she waved dismissively.

"Is it because of us?"

Her eyes widened. "Us?" she breathed.

"Sekaya, Chapa and I."

"Oh… that us," she murmured. "No, no, you're not the reason."

She was nervous and he could easily tell that this was a lie. "No, Kathryn, you don't have to do this. You're still upset and that means we'll move out immediately."

"No!"

"We had an agreement. And I'm going to keep it."

"You also said you would be there for me."

"Yes, and I'll be available day and night but you need to rest. We'll move out." He turned without waiting for a response and walked with determined steps away.

"Wait!" she said loudly, coming after him. "Chakotay, wait." She reached him and grabbed his arm. "You can't just leave now."

He stopped, turning to her. "I can. I'll move to the quarters Starfleet gave me. I'm sure Sekaya is allowed to move in with me in until she has found a new place to stay. I'll get my stuff later."

"You don't need to move out."

"Kathryn, you need your rest."

"Rest is the last thing I need."

She gasped as she registered what she had just said.

"Kathryn?" he asked questioningly, not daring to hope that her words meant what he thought they meant.

She sighed and her shoulders sagged, the tension leaving her body. It seemed that the time to think was up as the thought of watching him leave was far worse than the risk of telling him. "Stay. Please stay."

"Why do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly.

She breathed long and deep. "I want you to stay… because of me."

The open look on her face stunned him. Could Sekaya be right? Could it really have meant something more that Kathryn didn't like seeing him together with Seven? No, this couldn't be true, he told himself, but the open look started to mingle with uncertainty and vulnerability and he wasn't so sure anymore.

He suddenly became aware that the woman in front of him was the woman he met on New Earth; the woman he only caught glimpses of in quiet times throughout their journey. It was Kathryn's turn now, he realized, the captain is taking the backseat. They had reversed places over the last few days.

He chuckled that he hadn't noticed earlier.

"What's so funny?"

She was cute, he thought, standing in front of him, hands on her hips, demanding an answer.

"Nothing," he shook his head but he saw that she getting anxious and he knew he had to tell her. "I just noticed that you aren't the captain anymore."

She frowned, confused. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just realized it."

"And will you stay?"

"I need to hear it."

"What do you need to hear?"

"The reason. The reason why you want me to stay."

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't know for sure. I need to hear you say it."

Shyly she avoided his gaze.

"Come on, it's not so hard," he encouraged her.

"For me, it is," she said, fidgeting.

"Okay, then I'll start." He closed the space between them and put his arms around her waist. "Kathryn, I love you."

Her heart skipped several beats and her eyes filled with tears. "After all these years, after all we've been through I really thought it was too late."

"It's never too late." She laid her head to the side, giving him a light version of her death glare and somehow he was glad that his fiery captain was still there behind this vulnerable woman. "To be honest, I thought so too," he admitted.

She smiled up at him and laid her arms around his neck. "What happens now?"

"First you need to tell me how you feel."

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Yes."

She breathed deeply. "Chakotay, I love you."

"Was it so hard?" he teased her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Actually… no. I should've done it years ago," she teased him back.

Laughing, he picked her up and whirled her around until she too, was laughing happily.

After he had let her down, she looked at him. "I'm glad my mother didn't listen to me when I tried to talk her out of letting you stay here," she said.

"You tried?"

She nodded sheepishly. "Yes, and you know what she said?" He shook his head. "She said that she's the captain in this household and you're going to stay as long as you want to."

He laughed with twinkling eyes and his hands wandered down to rest on her rear end. "How does forever sound?" She shook her head and he looked hurt. "No?"

"There's not enough space in this house for two captains."

He chuckled, relieved. "Then we need to have our own house. But it won't stand further than that, okay?" He pointed to the border of their property.

"Sounds fair," she smiled up at him. "You know… we're making plans for a life together and haven't even kissed yet, much less…"

He pulled her head to his and kissed her soundly. Any coherent thought left her mind as he nibbled at her bottom lip and his tongue gently slipped into her mouth.

"As for the other thing…," he breathed against her mouth after they had parted. "I doubt we'll find a quiet place here."

"I know something," she pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. "I often dreamed of taking you to our cabin at Lake George…"

He started to tug at his earlobe with his right hand while the other held her close. "I… I was already there."

"You have been to Lake George?"

"Yes. Two days ago. I thought you went there to be alone."

She was disappointed. "I always thought we would go there together the first time."

"I haven't seen much, except that it needs to be cleaned up."

"Then we'll do it," she said, far too happy to be disappointed for longer.

"Do you think we'll have enough time to clean up once were there?" he asked wickedly.

"We'll see," she said just as wickedly.

He couldn't resist the sexy look on her face and kissed her again.

"You know, I always thought you would take me here the first time I ever came to Indiana," he said, resting his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry I was so cold."

"It's okay."

"No, it wasn't." She had an idea and extracted herself from his arms. "Come with me," she said excited, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her.

"Kathryn…"

"Come on," she tugged at his hand and they hurried around the garden.

"Kathryn…"

"Come."

She stopped when the house was out of sight. "Kathryn…?"

"We'll start again."

"What?"

"We'll do it again."

"What?"

"Coming here."

He smiled and squeezed her hand. "I like that."

She looked at the path that lead to the house. "I wonder how our families will react to this… change."

"Our families are so tied together… I bet we'll receive a lot of 'I told you so's and 'It's about time's."

She laughed happily. "That sounds about right. Phoebe already noticed my feelings for you."

"And Sekaya mine for you."

She looked deep into his eyes. "I'm glad I wasn't able to stop loving you."

"So am I."

They smiled at each other and after giving him a quick kiss, she turned. "Now come. It's time to go home."

With that she linked her fingers with his and hand in hand they walked up the path to the old farmhouse of her past and into their future.

The End