Epilogue: The man you want is dead…

The gritty wind swirled around the lone man who stared across the plaza, seeing the crumpled shape of Drago, the gun spilling from his dead hand, his sightless dark eyes staring at the tall shape facing him. Hiccup grimaced and took a staggering step forward before a knee gave way and he crumpled to the the ground, his hands slamming against the dirt. He took a couple of shuddering breaths, each agonising as his sight blurred.

"HICCUP!" Astrid screamed as she sprinted across the Plaza towards the crumpled shape. Hiccup lifted his pale face, his eyes softening with relief as he saw her run towards him. His pale lips moved in a soundless prayer of relief.

"Astrid," he breathed. "Milady…"

Toothless roared and all the dragons backed down, bowing they heads submissively to the Night Fury that sat straight on his haunches, the blue glow running along his dorsal spines, wings and in his mouth. Hiccup's mouth quirked up in an appreciation of his friend. "Bud…you never cease to amaze me," he murmured dryly as Astrid wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back. wincing and cringing as she jostled his wound and his bruised chest. She stared down and her eyes widened in horror.

"Oh my Gods, you're wounded!" she exclaimed. Leo snapped round, holstering his pistol and motioning to the soldiers to make sure the remaining outlaws and outcasts were properly restrained.

"He got you?" he said in a worried voice, his eyes narrowing and flicking over his nephew. He crouched down, laying a concerned hand on the man's shoulder. "Show me…" Hiccup lifted his right hand, the palm scarlet with blood from the wound in his right side.

"There's a lot of blood," Astrid murmured as the older man lifted his head.

"Get Gothi!" he shouted urgently. Gobber and Fishlegs worriedly headed for their dragons to go fetch the Elder from her home on Raven's Point Butte as Hiccup gave a small smile.

"'sokay…" he murmured. "Look…I've ended both gangs and the outlaw Drago and saved Berk…" He gave his lopsided smile. "Not bad for a man who died twenty years ago…"

"Hang in there, Hiccup…" Leo murmured, glaring at his friends as Astrid hugged him closer, her arms more or less holding him up.

"Oh no…you are NOT leaving me, Mr Skinny!" Astrid growled, gripping him even tighter. His head was lolling, soft hair brushing her cheek.

"Still…Sheriff Skinny…" he mumbled, his eyes rolling back in his head…and then he pitched senseless onto his face.

oOo

The clean-up was in full swing with the twins expertly collecting and fitting men to the coffins they had prepared…but they had to work hard to create far larger than usual coffins for Alvin and Drago were both enormous specimens, fully the equal of the late Sheriff Stoick Haddock in size…and the twins for once needed to recruit all the help they could get the manoeuvre and bury the Outcast and Outlaw. In the end, both men were squeezed right into the furthest corner of the cemetery, far away from the honoured graves of the Haddock family…including the one who was still alive…for the moment…

The spare dragons had posed more of a problem, because Whispering Deaths were very difficult to handle and Leo was not surprisingly very wary around the dragoons that had maimed him. And he felt it was cruel to keep them in cages anyway. His solution had been simple: release them back into the mine.

"They're not pets, they're difficult to train and they could munch their way through the mountains for a century without making any sort of a dent," he had told Fishlegs and the younger Dragon Master had considered the options and agreed. But the Screaming Death had proven more of an issue, for it had finally woken from its horrendous crash but with two broken wings. It had set fire to the remains of Lars' General Store-much to his annoyance-and stampeded around the Plaza, demolishing the gallows, which no one had been unhappy about. Finally, Gustav had noticed that the remaining Whispering Deaths had clustered around the huge white dragon and had been feeding and helping it.

"Isn't it just one of them…but different?" he asked simply. Fishlegs stared and Leo face-palmed.

"Yes," Fishlegs admitted, staring into the red eyes…then walking forward, his head ducking down and pudgy hand extending to hover inches from the enormous fangs. There had been an awkward pause…and then the Screaming Death had briefly pressed his nose into Fishlegs's palm. Leo had raised an eyebrow.

"I'm impressed," he admitted.

"Oh Thor…how many hands have I got left?" Fishlegs squeaked.

"Two…" Gustav grinned as the husky man worriedly opened his eyes and stared into the Screaming Death's face.

"Hello," he said nervously. "I know you don't really want to be here and there's nothing in Berk you really want…we've only got sandy dirt under here and no fish…so maybe we could just let your family take you home?" The creature gave a growl. "We will leave the mines alone if you leave us alone. Deal?"

There was a pause and then the monster roared, the impact of the sound bouncing Fishlegs ten yards across the Plaza against the haberdashery shop. Leo uncovered his ears and shouted to the younger man as the Whispering Deaths carried the injured dragon out of Berk-permanently. Temporarily deafened and concussed, Fishlegs raised an arm with a thumb up.

"I-I'm okay!" he shouted blearily and promptly fainted.

Once the dragon issue was sorted, the twins had concentrated on finishing their clear-up. They had rounded up and organised the remaining dead Outlaws and they were almost done when Ruff paused, hammering the lid down on a coffin and frowned.

"You realise he's only gone and put us out of business!" she complained. Tuff frowned stupidly, hammering a crude name-plate onto the lid.

"What?" he mumbled. Ruff sighed.

"Ryder…Hiccup…whatever," she explained with forced patience, twirling the hammer in her hand. "Think about it. Dagur and his lunatics are gone. Alvin and the Outcasts are gone. Drago is dead. There is no one here now to call the border scum and the gunslingers. There won't be people gunned down all the time. What are we gonna do?"

Tuff hit himself in the face with the hammer while he thought and then sighed.

"Well, we can always find something else to do," he said. "I mean everyone dies so we won't be totally out of a job…but we're handy with a saw and a hammer so maybe we can go into construction?"

"But I have no idea how long any of our stuff lasts!" Ruff protested. "I mean, we bury it so we have no clue if it breaks after a week…or is still going years later!"

"There's only one way to find out," Tuff said with a wild look in his eyes. "Dearest sister-we must conduct a scientific experiment…"

"Oh Loki…" Ruff groaned, imagining them sneaking round the graveyard and digging up various previous clients to check the state of their coffins. "What did you have in mind?" Fortunately, Tuff walked to the fence and gestured to the half-wrecked building at the end of the Plaza.

"We help Astrid Hofferson rebuild her home…so she has somewhere to live with her brother and her dragons and her awesome boyfriend…"

"And we showcase our Gods-given abilities to create as well as destroy…" Ruff said in relief, her eyes lighting with enthusiasm. Tuff frowned.

"LOKI!" he groaned, face-palming. "I knew there was something we forgot. We never blew anything up…" Ruff's eyes widened in shock and she hit herself in the face with her hammer.

"You're right," she slurred drunkenly. "Jus'…jus' better try better n-next time…"

And then she slumped over the coffin. Tuff sighed. "That's it!" he said to the dragons in the yard. "I'm not starting work on my own." And he promptly knocked himself out as well.

oOo

The room was dim and cool, the lean shape wrapped in a patched knitted blanket and a large sheepskin as the small, bowed shape moved slowly, leaning on her staff as she bathed the deep wound in his side. The limp shape gave a soft hiss, writhing in pain as the old woman soothed a thick paste into the wound, then slowly and carefully eased out the bullet. Her claw-like hand inspected the bullet then probed the wound to check there was no debris…before sealing the wound and staunching the bleeding. But as she turned away, the patient slowly rocked his head to allow pain-filled emerald eyes to glance at her.

"Have you done?" he croaked, his voice hoarse with pain. She nodded silently, her hand gently caressing his gaunt cheek, before pressing a bowl to his lips and helping him swallow the foul-smelling potion that would soon ease his discomfort. Eyes dark with pain, tendrils of auburn hair dark against his sweat-drenched ashen face, he gripped her hand. "Thank…you…" he breathed and passed out again.

oOo

He awoke much, much later, feverish and light-headed, his breathing a little harsh and rasping. He whined softly and pressed a hand to his bandaged wound as he heard a worried croon from the far side of the room-where faithful Toothless was waiting. His blurred vision picked out the shape, the big worried eyes and he felt a surge of warmth and security well in his chest at the sight of his bonded dragon waiting for him. He closed his eyes again, allowing his body to relax. Then a gentle hand softly wiped the sweat from his pained face, the cool cloth easing his aching head. His eyelids fluttered and his dazed emerald eyes opened again-to see a familiar beautiful face and piercing azure eyes meeting his own gaze. Her fingers trailed gently over his flushed cheek.

"Milady," he whispered and her lips curled up in a relieved smile.

"You had me worried, babe," she murmured, wiping his feverish face with her comfortingly cool cloth once more. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment but his hot hand rose to shakily press against her cool cheek.

"Me? Be on my feet in no time…" he rasped. She smiled again, pressing her cheek against his hand.

"My love, you've been out of it for five days!" she told him and his eyes widened in confusion.

"WHAT?" he choked in shock. She caught his hand and kissed it softly.

"You've been very sick with fever after your wound," she told him softly. "But Gothi is much more positive now…" He frowned, fighting through the fog of the last few days and finding nothing but dark dreams and frightening images and nothing coherent.

"Oh…" he murmured. "The town?" She burst out laughing.

"So…the town, eh? Not me or Toothless or Leo?" she teased him. He frowned, trailing his fingers through her hair.

"You're here, I can hear Toothless and you would've told me if there was anything wrong with Leo," he told her calmly and she punched his shoulder lightly. He whined in pain. "Is everything violence with you?" he asked as she lunged forward, urgently pressing her lips to his. His arm wound around her neck and they kissed passionately for a long moment. "Much better," he sighed after she finally straightened up, running her fingers through his hair.

"Things have happened," she admitted lightly, though her tone wasn't worried. "The twins have moved into home renovations…" Hiccup frowned, feeling disorientated again.

"The twins? That's where you're going? Twins?" he asked her in surprise. She gave a small chuckle.

"Well, they're guessing there won't be anywhere near as many funerals as they are used to so they'll need something else to occupy their time," she reported. "Their first project…is the house…" she reported.

"The Berserker House? That ruin?" Hiccup frowned and rubbed his forehead. He was getting a headache trying to keep up with the news.

"Yup. They're rounded up a couple of Svens, Mulch, Gobber…even Gustav's helping…they want to rebuild the house so…um…we have a home…" Her voice was embarrassed. His eyes crinkled in a smile.

"We?" he teased her.

"Yeah…they seem to think…that we're a couple…or something…" she mumbled, her eyes sliding to the ground. Her hands drew back and she folded them ashamedly on her lap. He gritted his teeth, bracing his hand by his body and managing to push himself to a sitting position, his head spinning as he changed position for the first time in days. He took a breath, shook his head and then gently placed a finger under her chin and lifted it so he could look gently into her eyes.

"People in Berk don't have any tact, do they?" he commented roughly but she remained still and stiff. "Hmm…Gobber was involved, wasn't he?" She nodded finally.

"They don't really understand what happened while I was a prisoner there…" she mumbled but he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I do," he reminded her, "and though I know how hard it was for you, it doesn't worry me, Astrid. Because I'm in love with you….and when you love someone, you love all of them…their past, present and future. And I know I absolutely have far more baggage and darkness in my past than you ever could, Milady…but if you could maybe one day forgive that…then-then I would want to ask you…if you would become my wife? I-I don't have much to offer you…except my rapier wit, of course…but maybe…one day…would you consider it?"

Her blue eyes flicked up in surprise and saw the genuine concern in the emerald depths. The love. And she blinked hard against the sudden burning tears…

"Of course, I can understand if I'm too damaged and you want someone better," he told her softly, the faint hint of resignation in his tone rending her heart. "Hel, you deserve someone far better than me. But I do love you and I think we kind of met each other in some of our worst times…and I just wonder if maybe…possibly…you wanted to make some better times together…"

Tears were trickling down her cheeks now, gentle sobs shuddering through her. He tenderly wiped a tear from her cheek and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his shoulders slumping. "Forget I…"

"Yes." The sound was barely above a whisper but he stiffened and his eyes widened in shock.

"M-Milady?"

"Yes," she managed a little more strongly. "Yes, please. I want to marry you…my skinny, sarcastic, brilliant gunslinging, dragon-taming, brother-rescuing, town-protecting Sheriff."

He gave a shuddering sigh and a smile lifted his lips.

"Well, that's a relief," he murmured before she flung herself on him and kissed him senseless.

oOo

Half the town turned out to see them return to Berk two days later when Gothi had finally cleared him to fly. He had protested against the restriction because he had flown before in far worse shape…but as his side pulled almost unbearably as Toothless eagerly banked and swooped, he appreciated the advice from the expert. There were cheers and whooping and somehow Barf'n'Belch managed to create an overhead explosion that had everyone ducking but acted as a sort of fireworks welcome to the returning hero.

"Guys, cool it-it's just me," Hiccup had said in a self-conscious tone. Gustav had flung himself at Hiccup and hugged him and Leo and Gobber had swiftly followed, though the big blacksmith had almost snapped the lean gunslinger in half with his huge embrace. Leo had grinned broadly.

"I couldn't be more proud," he murmured and Hiccup had hugged him, grateful to his only remaining member of family. "And the House is coming along nicely…though the entire inside has been gutted…since the twins decided neither of you wanted an accurate reminder of the former owners…" Sharing a swift look with his fiancee, the Sheriff had nodded.

"That's for sure," he mumbled.

"And who knew Tuff had a real flair for interior design?" Leo told him. Hiccup stared at him in shock.

"Tuff? Mr lunatic twin?""

"The very same," Leo grinned. "Though he tends to like purple brocade a lot…not sure how come there is so much of it in Berk but anyway…well, you'll see…" Casting Astrid a worried look-as neither wanted to live in a purple-swathed boudoir-Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck.

"Maybe we should perhaps look over the renovations?" he suggested but Leo gave a grin.

"Not a hope," he warned his nephew. "He won't let anyone in." Then he paused. "We thought you could maybe stay at the Hostel until the house was done up…unless you want to move into Stoick's House…?" As he had expected, Hiccup instantly shook his head.

"I need to go there and look through his things…maybe garner what memories I can…but not now," he mumbled. "It's all a bit much to take in, to be honest…"

"Which was just what we thought, babe," Astrid reassured him. "So we've got a room for you upstairs." He glanced at the building and sighed. It would do…but he had really hoped to spend some time with Astrid… He nodded and absently walked forward, through the saloon doors…into a neat, tidy and clean room with the tables polished and soft furnishings clean and pressed. He frowned, walked back out again, inspected the sign then walked back into the saloon.

"Yeah, it's bin cleaned," Gobber grumbled. "I ne'er knew Leo was as pernickety as yer about all this tidiness malarky…"

"Yeah-you should've heard him when he went into the kitchen when he moved in," Gustav grinned. "He screamed like a girl!"

"Not like a girl!" Leo pointed out.

"You did scream though!" Gustav ribbed him.

"There was stew on the ceiling! And the pans had tar welded onto them!" Leo protested.

"Ah. That's where I get it from!" Hiccup grinned. Gobber gave them both a sour look.

"Tisnae fair tae make a man scrub his own kitchen three times!" he grumbled. "And I'm banned from cookin' in meh own kitchen!"

"Gobber-if he hadn't done it, I would," Hiccup told him. "You're a threat to public health!"

"You see, dear sister?" Tuff commented from the doorway. "Is there no end to his vindictive desire to completely put us out of business? Now we can't even have people die of eating Gobber's cooking!"

"Actually-you were the one who got stew on the ceiling!" Ruff pointed out.

"That was self-preservation! It was going to attack me…"

A screech outside and a vague rumble of thunder had them all frowning as the Skrill landed in the Plaza. Hiccup snapped around, hissed as he pulled his wound and strode out…to see Drunken Olaf slide off the dragon and caress her gently. She purred.

"OLAF?" he exclaimed. Astrid slid her arm through his.

"Yeah…" she murmured.

"Yer see…the Skrill used to be his dragon…before Dagur stole her and kept her locked in that cage," Gobber explained. "Olaf used tae be our messenger and courier…when nae one would attack a man on a Skrill, would they?"

"Except Dagur," Hiccup guessed.

"And Eret," Gobber added. "Bereft o' his one friend, Olaf…well, he crawled intae a bottle and stayed there…except when the twins keep burying him…"

"NOT OUR FAULT!" came the shout from the saloon.

"And once the Outlaws had gone, Olaf went back and reclaimed his dragon. He's hardly touched a drop since!" Astrid finished as Olaf stumbled over his own feet and ended on his face. The Skrill rolled her acid-yellow eyes and very gently picked him up using her claws. He hugged her and staggered gently across the Plaza, the dragon obediently following him. "Not sure about the courier business though," she added in a low voice.

"This is Berk," Hiccup reminded her. "Anything is possible…" She grinned.

"Speaking of which, let me show you our room…" she suggested. His emerald eyes widened and a smirk lifted his lips.

"Our room?" he echoed. She tried fluttering her eyelashes at him as Leo and Gobber shared a wink.

"Oh yeah…" she said seductively.

"Hold my appointments!" he announced…but a sudden roar had Gobber and Leo glancing up and the blacksmith sighed.

"Yer may want tae reconsider that!" he said grimly as a full troop of Nightmare Cavalry swooped over the Plaza, circled and then landed, backed up by another troop of blue Nadders. Stormfly gave an inquisitive croak and a score of aggressive responses had her lowering her frill meekly. Toothless growled but sat protectively by his friend: he didn't engage his blue glow but he was eyeing the strange dragons very suspiciously as Hiccup walked onto the Plaza and stared at the General who dismounted from his blue and green Monstrous Nightmare, his big blond handlebar moustache ruffled in the breeze as he strode towards the tall, lean auburn-haired man wearing the Sheriff's star. Two dark-haired Colonels dismounted and held his dragon's reins respectfully as he inspected the local lawman.

"General Henryk Haaken, Eighteenth Dragon Cavalry!" he introduced himself. Hiccup shook his hand firmly.

"Sheriff Hiccup Haddock," he replied, his quick green gaze flicking over the assembled army. "Um…to what do we owe this honour?" The Colonel gestured to a familiar black-clad shape on a brown and orange Monstrous Nightmare at his side. Marshal Per Larson gave a tight smile as he leapt from his dragon and landed with a thump by the Colonel's side.

"They've come about the Night Fury," he said.

Everyone stiffened and half a dozen hands dropped to their pistols…but Toothless gave a small croon and rose to his feet, scampering to Hiccup's side and nudging the man just where he had been shot. Hiccup grimaced and then gently caressed his head, his hand lowering to scratch under the chin and earn a loud purr of contentment.

"Yeah, Bud-they're talking about you, aren't they?" he murmured. The General frowned.

"Rumour has it a wild Night Fury was caught in these parts recently," he said. "There certainly was a report…filed by Colonel Jenkins of the Nineteeth Cavalry…before he disappeared…" Hiccup cast a glance at the black dragon, who was almost drooling with contentment, lying on his side and pawing the air happily.

"Hmm…you may have been misled," he admitted dryly. "I mean, my dragon hardly looks wild, does he? You could only get this level of trust and bonding with a dragon raised in captivity since hatching…"

"That's right!" Fishlegs announced, walking forward. "Fishlegs Ingerman, local Dragon Master. These creatures are incredibly difficult to tame and if you don't imprint on them at hatching, it's nigh on impossible…"

"Especially for the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself!" Leo added. "I think there was a man in 1814 who may have managed it…"

"I thought it was 1815?" Fishlegs countered.

"That was a misprint in the Seventeeth Edition. The Sixteenth says 1814," Leo told him with a grin.

"My Uncle is also a registered Dragon Master," Hiccup explained with a grin at the confused expression facing him. "Welcome to Berk!" The General stared at him in shock.

"So you're the Sheriff who ended Alvin and Drago Darkheart's reign of terror? Who captured his gang and turned them over to the Marshals to bring to the capitol for hanging?" he said disbelievingly. His look up and down the tall, lean shape was frankly disparaging. Hiccup rolled his eyes.

"Of course…because I look sooooo impressive and intimidating…" he said sarcastically then sighed. "I may've had a little help," he murmured, glancing around his friends and family. Astrid moved to his side and looked smug, her hand finding his. The General gaped.

"A little help? The man has wiped out four troops sent after him in the last two years! By all rights he should have razed this insignificant speck of a town off the map! How on Midgard did you do it?" Hiccup gave a small smug smile.

"We're Vikings," he told them cheerfully. "Crazy is what we do best. My friends, the townsfolk, my girlfriend…and of course, a fistful of dragons were all we needed to beat him…" Larson was chuckling now, his eyes crinkled in amusement. He had received the rewards for Drago and his gang, of course, but he was willing to acknowledge that he hadn't been the man to capture them, just the man charged with bringing them in.

"Of course, the fact that the Night Fury is captive bred and bonded means he belongs to Sheriff Haddock," he pointed out and the General nodded curtly.

"Oh well," he said in resignation. "If you ever feel able to persuade him to help the nation, we would still be very grateful for his help in some captive hybrid breeding programmes…" Hiccup stared at Toothless, who had ambled back to Stormfly and had nuzzled against her affectionately.

"I'll think about it, sir-but I guess he's already found his lady…" he pointed out dryly. "Not sure I can persuade him to go out with some army dragons when he's happy here…"

"AWWWWW!" came the chorus from the saloon. Hiccup rolled his eyes.

"And that dragon-rustler, Ryder? The one you tried to hang?" the General asked Larson.

There was a long moment of silence as the Marshal glanced across at the tall, lean shape, his hand still twined with his girlfriend's, his dragon behind him, his friends around him and the trust of the town evidenced by the star on his chest. Ryder may have been a bad man…but Sheriff Hiccup Gudmundir Haddock deserved a chance…

"I think you'll find, General, that the man you seek, the dragon rustler, died in the conflict with Drago and Alvin the Treacherous," he announced firmly. "The man you want is dead." He looked up. "Isn't that right, Sheriff Haddock?"

There was a twinkle in the Marshal's blue eyes and for a moment, Hiccup paused, then nodded.

"Buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in the cemetery," he added. "Lots of men died in the conflict-the twins were very busy…"

"NOT ANY MORE!" the shout came from the saloon. The General sighed, then reached into his saddle-bag and drew out a scroll.

"This is a Commendation from the Governor for you, Sheriff," he announced. "In gratitude for your service and heroism in the defence of this town." Hiccup accepted it warily as cheers broke out around him. Gustav was punching the air and the twins butted heads and promptly knocked themselves out. Astrid grinned then stole a quick kiss on the cheek. Instantly, he swung her round to reply with a much deeper, more passionate effort on the mouth and the chorus of 'oohs' and whistles echoed round the Plaza. The General coughed to try to interrupt them.

"Thank you," Hiccup said, nodding. The General grinned but the intended recipient of the words-Larson-merely nodded.

"I guess there won't be much call for Marshals to visit Berk now…with such a heroic Sheriff," he smirked.

"I can only hope," Hiccup sighed as the party mounted up. With a shout, they all took off and shot into the cloudless sky, their wings wrapping the whole Plaza in dust.

"Wow, they sure know how to make an entrance and exit!" Gustav said in awe as everyone else coughed and choked until the dust settled.

"How does it feel to be dead?" Astrid asked Hiccup and he grinned at her.

"No different," he admitted. "I mean, I've been dead for twenty years already so being dead twice over seems to have no noticeable effect…" Then she punched him on the shoulder. "Oww! Was that really necessary?" he added.

"Just checking," she grinned. "I mean, I don't want you having any excuses for our wedding…"

"Wedding?" Gobber asked, grinning broadly. "Ah can see it now…the reception in meh saloon…"

"Congratulations," Leo said more practically, shaking Hiccup's hand and smiling at his nephew's horrified expression then pecking a quick kiss on Astrid cheek. She grabbed his hand.

"Thank you," she murmured. He smiled.

"He'll be fine," he reassured her. "I've been dead for twenty years as well…but I think you couldn't have chosen a better man. And I know he has got the girl he loves. I'm sure you'll have a long and happy future together."

oOo

The big day had dawned bright and dry and warm and everyone was invited or had invited themselves. The Plaza was done up with bunting in whatever colours the people of Berk could find-basically all of them in no particular order-and tables laden with food were set up in Gobber's saloon for the reception. Hiccup and Leo had spent the night before at Fishlegs's house so that Astrid could prepare in private as tradition demanded. Hiccup was nervous and had paced from five o'clock when he had woken. Even a long flight on Toothless hadn't calmed his nerves.

"What if it's a disaster?" he had asked. "What if she changes her mind? What if we're incompatible? What if something happens to her because of me? Oh Gods…I can't put her through that…maybe I should call it off and…"

"It'll be fine," Leo groaned from his bed, trying to get some sleep.

"But…"

"HICCUP!" the older man said finally, sitting up and stretching wearily, his long limbs cracking as he did. "You have been kidnapped, raised by a stranger, survived bandits and trappers, seen your first wife murdered, been on the wrong end of the Berserkers, killed Gods-know how many men in gunfights and trained a Night Fury…who has turned out to be an Alpha. I think you can survive a wedding!"

"But…"

"You've even been declared dead twice! I mean even I have only been declared dead once! I'm never getting back to sleep am I?"

"Nor me," Fishlegs grumbled from the third bed. Leo ran his fingers through his messy, grey-streaked auburn hair and yawned.

"We might as well get him ready then," he said. "I mean, if we fail to deliver him to Astrid on time, all three of us will be dead…and there won't be any surviving the wrath of Astrid Hofferson!"

So all three were waiting in the Plaza at noon, decked out in their finest-Fishlegs in his best brown frock coat and pants, a grey cravat at his throat: Leo was in black pants and waistcoat with a rust-red shirt while Hiccup was resplendent in black pants and boots, black waistcoat embroidered in gold (one of Stoick's that Fishlegs had altered) and a green silk shirt. Hiccup was still rambling and Leo was amused to see him so discomposed when he had been so cool when facing his enemies. Without thinking, he grasped his shoulder and leaned close to him.

"Your Heather would approve," he murmured. "She would want you to be happy. And so would my sister…your Mom…and your father." Hiccup nodded, blinking hard and then he took a sighing breath.

"Thanks," he said, looking down at Gothi, who had an amused smile on her face. Gobber was at her side as the saloon doors opened and Astrid emerged, with Gustav in a neat tailored brown suit walking her forward in the place of her father. She was swathed in a fine cream cotton gown that flattered her slender figure with a lace veil overing her face. Her shining golden hair was braided over a shoulder as usual and he could see her bright azure eyes through the veil: she was smiling. Gustav very carefully placed her hand on Hiccup's as he backed away to stand by the best men-Leo and Fishlegs. Gothi raised her hands then began to scratch on the dirt as Gobber-not always accurately-began to read the words of the ceremony.

For once, the people of Berk were silent and respectful as the young couple said their vows, holding hands and staring lovingly into each others' eyes. Rings were exchanged and Astrid smiled up to her husband as Gothi scratched the final line in the dirt.

"I now pronounce you…husband and woof!" Gobber announced.

There was an awkward pause as Gothi whacked him with her staff.

"Ow, yer evil witch, how canna hope to read such terrible scratches?" Gobber protested. "Husband and WIDE!"

"Oh Thor…" Hiccup murmured as Astrid tried to look offended but instead burst into laughter.

"Husband and WIFE!" Gobber realised. "WIFE! That doesnae look like wife! I mean…"

"Just kiss the bride, would you?" Leo hissed. "I think this could go on for a while!"

"Shall we, Milady?" Hiccup grinned and leaned forward to share a passionate kiss with his new wife. Around them, the dragons roared and the skies above the little town of Berk were lit by explosions and fire as the dragons all celebrated the marriage.

"Yes, Sheriff Skinny," she smiled as they finally parted.

"Indeed, Mrs Sheriff Skinny," he replied, glancing around at his friends, his townsfolk and his dragon…his home…before his new wife demanded his attention once more. "Now let's start celebrating," he murmured.

This is Berk, the smallest remotest town in most maps of…well, anywhere. Here in the wild and untamed Badlands, we're somewhere under the 'B' if you're looking for us. We're the descendants of Vikings and like our home, we're tough and uncompromising. But we look after our own and we fight for what is ours.

I arrived here with no memory of my true family, no home, no friends, a dying Monstrous Nightmare and no purpose but revenge and an early death…but here, though it's been hard and painful and frankly, it's sometimes been no picnic, I have finally found my family, friends, my beautiful and brave and scary wife, a community…and of course, I've found my best bud…my dragon!

I'm home.

The End.

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And so we leave them to get on with their happy ending (unless someone lets Gobber do the cooking-bleurgh!)

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Acknowledgements (and apologies) to A Fistful of Dollars, Silverado, Blazing Saddles, A Million Ways To Die In The West and The Outlaw Josey Wales for borrowing bits of plot and lines. Hope you enjoyed the story, see you soon!-harrypanther

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Cast (for those interested)

From 'A Fistful of Dollars'

The Man with No Name - Hiccup/Ryder

Silvanito - Gobber and Leo

Ramon Rojo - Dagur

Don Miguel Rojo - Savage

Esteban Rojo - Vorg

John Baxter - Alvin

Antonio Baxter - Snotlout

Piripero - Ruffnut and Tuffnut

Marisol - Astrid

Jesus - Gustav

Chico - Bucket

Not actually in the film…

Dragon Trappers - Viggo, Ryker, Eret

Sheriff - Stoick

Dragon Master - Fishlegs

Drago Deathbringer - Drago

Town Elder - Gothi

Townsfolk - Sven, Sven, Sven, Sven, Lars, Mulch, Drunken Olaf