Written for Season 4 of the QLFC, Round 11.

Title: Deflating the Moon

Team: Wigtown Wanderers

Position: Chaser 2

Position Prompt: (spell) Riddikulus

Optional prompt(s):

5. (word) coffee

10. (quote) "Green is not a creative colour." - DHMIS

14. (quote) "Dream a little harder" - Team Starkid, Twisted

Word Count: 2,997 (On submission) - Updated: 3,300

Beta(s): DinoDina (who saved my life, thank you!)

The enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall imitated the grey of the sky beyond. Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter sat at the nearly empty Gryffindor table. The four boys often took a while to eat their meals as they spent too much of the designated lunch hour talking. This Monday they were discussing the lesson plan for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"It's fairly straightforward, I'm surprised at Enid, last term her lessons were mental," James said. He adjusted his glasses and squinted at the parchment.

"You shouldn't call her that, she's a Professor," Remus interjected.

"She asked us to call her Enid because that's her name. She's not wrong, how would you feel if everyone suddenly started calling you 'Professor Lupin'?" James replied.

"Merlin, you shouldn't flirt with him like that when you're out in the open James, what will people think?" Sirius said, pointing at the pleased look on Remus's face with his fork. "Professor Lupin would be too smug for public consumption." Sirius tried not to read too much into the way Remus's gaze slid to his mouth.

"Don't worry about him Moony, he's just jealous." James winked across the table.

"I'm not," Sirius insisted. He wasn't. A smile curved the edge of Remus's mouth like he had something clever to say.

"What are we covering on Wednesday?" Peter asked. Sirius sighed quietly in relief.

"Boggarts," James replied, having memorised the plan. He was very focussed on trying to cast a heating charm on his cup of coffee.

"They make the thing you're most afraid of appear, don't they? You don't think she'll actually bring one into the class?" Peter asked, his eyes gaining a certain manic edge.

"Why not? She's totally mental," James said. Sirius furrowed his brow; could the Boggart read minds?

"They don't make it appear, they simply imitate it," Remus clarified, giving Peter a reassuring nudge. "Whatever a Boggart does, it does it to scare you, not actually harm you."

"You're right, he does sound very smug," James pointed out. Sirius laughed halfheartedly.

"It can tell what you're most afraid of?" Sirius checked, turning to Remus expectantly. Wasn't that stuff supposed to be sort of private? Remus remained quiet.

"Oh come on Professor, you know you're dying to tell us," James pressed. The edge of Remus's mouth twitched, not that Sirius was staring.

Remus rolled his eyes, but lamented: "Yes, it can tell."

James reached over and patted Remus's shoulder. "Was that so difficult? Honestly, smug and stubborn."

Sirius couldn't believe they were all acting so calm, as if they had nothing to hide. Remus was sitting right there.

"Prick," Remus groused, smiling.

What if the Boggart gave the game away by trying to frighten Remus with the transformation? Sirius had seen it happen, he'd seen Remus on the nights before. He knew it terrified Remus, and rightly so.

They had only discussed Remus's furry little problem a number of times in Remus's presence, generally they preferred to treat him like he was normal, but this was a breach of security!

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" James asked Sirius.

"He's just jealous," Peter piped up, awkwardly trying to jump on the now-irrelevant bandwagon.

"I said I'm not!" Sirius protested co-operatively.

"Prissy," James muttered.

History of Magic had been desperately boring as usual. Sirius prodded James in the back to wake him once class had finished and the boy began to robotically pack up his things. Remus stood and packed his bag with frustrated vigour.

"S'wrong?" James asked groggily, Remus was already shimmying between desks.

"I'm fine. Sirius, Can we talk?"

"I'm not Sirius?" James queried as Sirius pushed past him.

"Shut up. You shouldn't have skipped your coffee this morning," Sirius said.

"Lovers tiff," James explained to Peter, running his fingers through his classroom bedhead.

"It's not!" Sirius replied over his shoulder.

"Told you Black's a fag," Rosier snorted at his own genius and nudged one of his fellow Slytherins. His classmate obviously wasn't impressed as he pushed passed him and left.

"It's too early in the week for this kind of drama," James sighed, pulling out his wand.

Out in the corridor, Remus was fidgeting with the strap of his worn satchel. Did he want to discuss the way he kept looking at Sirius with… anticipation? What would Sirius say?

"I'm sorry for the dramatics but I'm worried about your behaviour," Remus said when Sirius was a little closer. He looked somewhere between apologetic and stern. Sirius frowned.

"My what?" He eyed Remus's shiny Prefect badge. Was he going to get a detention?

"I know it's a lot to adjust to. My… problem isn't something I can expect you to just deal with, but I need you to really listen to me, alright?" Remus was speaking low, short bursts. Sirius was straining his ears so he didn't have to lean close. He couldn't afford to give Remus the wrong idea.

"I'm listening." He leaned forward anyway, if only a bit.

"Do you even realise that you stared at me the entire time Professor Binns was discussing the history of werewolf encampment?" Remus asked, exasperated.

"I wasn't staring, I worry, what if you'd reacted somehow? Givin' yourself away, then where would we be?"

"I'm perfectly capable of withholding the truth, Sirius, it's you that's giving it away," Remus stressed.

"I'll say." James poked his scruffy head around the corner to interrupt, Peter flushed at his side. Remus didn't take his eyes off of Sirius until he gave a brief nod of understanding. Sirius gulped.

"Is that a detention slip, James?" Remus asked, gesturing to the paper in James's hand with his signature tone of resignation.

"I know, I didn't think Binns was capable, but it was Rosier's fault really," James explained.

"He said that-" Peter began but James smacked the back of his head.

"Peter, we don't use that word in polite company," James snapped. Sirius's eyes widened in understanding. Rosier must've used his favourite slur for Muggleborns in front of James.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You need to get a hold on your temper."

"Thanks Professor, I'll try and remember that next time you're storming out of a room because Sirius wouldn't hold your hand under the table."

"Don't be obscene. Sirius is a student, it wouldn't be appropriate."

Sirius struggled to laugh along at this easy dismissal.

On Tuesday, when classes had finished, Sirius was more concerned than ever. Remus thought Sirius was jeopardising his cover? Remus barely even acted like he was hiding anything half of the time!

"I'm worried about him. He thinks he's infallible, uncatchable, but we worked it out, didn't we?" Sirius paced up and down the Gryffindor dormitory; Remus was in a meeting with his fellow prefects.

"We share a room with him, it's different. He's very careful when he's downstairs," James insisted, watching his best mate wig out. The door opened and Peter entered laden with swag from the kitchen.

"'Lo Peter," James greeted, hopping off of his bed to receive a pastry from the shorter boy. "Any news?"

"Diggory's gotten some bird pregnant."

"What and he told you? Is he pleased?" Sirius asked, momentarily distracted.

"Unlikely, considering he was found out in Defense when Enid set the Boggart on him." Sirius felt drained when he turned to James and gave him a pointed look at this revelation.

"I told you Remus is at risk, the Boggart is a major breach."

"What do you expect me to do about it? Push him down the stairs?" James asked, biting into his pastry and frowning. "I'm already parched, any chance of some coffee, Pete?"

"You have a problem," Peter grumbled, turning for the door as though he was going to go to the kitchen for coffee and walk it all the way back to the top of the castle.

"Don't leave, James is right, we have to do something about this!" Peter turned, his round face shining at the prospect of being included.

"You mean push him down the stairs?" he asked.

"Oh second thoughts, just go and get the coffee."

That night, the common room was packed to the gills, but this didn't seem to bother Remus, who continued to bend over a too-large book and read away.

Sirius and James had claimed the spot closest to the fire for a game of chess and they were both sweating profusely as the competition waged on. Every so often Remus would eye Sirius from across the room, making it hard for him to concentrate.

"Hi," Peter announced himself before sitting down on a stool in front of Remus, helpfully blocking Sirius's view of the tired boys face. Plan A was afoot!

"Alright?" Remus asked, picking up a neatly cut piece of parchment and marking his place with it. Peter looked nervous as usual, but Remus always made a point to be patient with him. Sirius did sometimes admire Remus's Prefectly ways.

"We have Defense tomorrow," Peter announced with all the subtlety of, well, Peter.

"Potions first, would you mind sitting with me? I'm desperate at anything that involves measuring," Remus said kindly even though it was completely untrue. He'd carried Peter's grades all last term.

"I'm nervous about the Boggart actually, I won't be able to laugh, I freeze up when I get scared."

"I already told you, it can't hurt you, I don't even think Boggarts are real. They're just a magical figment of people's combined imagination." Ah, Professor Lupin the philosopher. Sirius looked at James, amused. James evidently hadn't been eavesdropping as he looked back at Sirius, sweating.

"Are you going to make a move? Ever? Or are you just going to make dreamy eyes at your boyfriend over there?"

"Don't be ridiculous babe, you're the only one for me," Sirius said, his attention remained on the other conversation.

"I really don't want to be anywhere near one of those things, what if it turns into a giant and tries to step on me?" Peter asked.

"Dream on," James replied without enthusiasm.

"Then imagine it as a tiny person, say Riddikulus, and step on it. It's as easy as thought. If you can imagine a solution to the problem it's solved, you don't actually have to fight it. It's like knowing you're dreaming, you can control it," Remus replied.

"Can't we just skip it? I'm too cracked to confront it but I don't want to get caught skiving off alone," Peter leaned forward, his genuine nerves making a convincing display.

"Take your damn turn," James persisted.

"Shush," Sirius hissed, but Peter and Remus had bent their heads together to speak quietly amongst the chatter.

"Mate, you need to reel it in," James pressed.

"Reel what in?"

"I don't know, your tongue for a start." Sirius scowled at him.

"He's our friend, you should act like it now and again instead of acting like such an arsehole," Sirius said, refusing to return his attention to the chessboard. James rolled his eyes.

"Friends? Is that what you call it these days?" he asked.

"Is there something you're trying to say?" Sirius whispered, his gut twisting.

"I think I'm already saying it, mate." James didn't lower his voice. Peter stood up from where he was sat with Remus and walked over to their seat by the fire. James didn't say anything more. Sirius only felt relieved, which was ridiculous because there was nothing for James to say anyway.

"We'll have to think of something else," Peter said. "Remus told me that if I was serious about not going to the class I should speak to the professionals and he'd look the other way."

"It was a long shot anyway," James said, not looking at Sirius. "I've never been able to persuade Remus to skip a class, not even Sirius has managed that."

"You need to sit somewhere else to finish this game, I can smell the pair of you," Peter complained.

Sirius found his eyes returning to where Remus sat, he'd returned to his book.

"May as well call it a day with the chess anyway, Pete, I've already lost my queen."

Sirius ignored him. There was nothing to say.

When they returned to the dormitory, Sirius was the first to take a much-needed shower. He sat in his rumpled towel at the edge of his four poster, shaking out his dripping hair like a dog. Droplets scattered across the room and Sirius saw Remus grab a book out of the firing range out of the corner of his eye.

"You always find the messiest way to do things," Remus complained.

"If you think this is bad just wait until tomorrow," Remus was in his pajamas clutching the rescued book, sporting a set of cheap wire reading glasses he only wore at night because his 'eyes get tired'. Sirius tried not to think.

"Why doesn't that look on your face fill me with confidence?" Remus asked.

"Because you're more evolved than the average troll?" Sirius countered.

"You're up to something, don't try and charm your way out of it," Remus said, winking.

"Nothing you want to know about Professor," Sirius said, his mouth suddenly a little dry. He wished Remus wouldn't look at him like that.

"Off the record, then?"

"I was considering a retaliation on Rosier, I might paint some portion of the school green."

"Green? Not a very creative colour for revenge on a Slytherin, is it?" Remus climbed into his four poster and read the spine of the book he was holding.

"It's a set up. I'll plant something of his at the scene."

"I don't suppose you plan on getting caught?"

"Who's going to stop me? You? You're going to skip Defense to sneak into the entrance hall and foil my plan?"

"You're planning to skip Defense?" He opened the book on the first page and inspected the contents.

"It's a big class, I won't be missed. Neither would you if you had to attend to your Prefectly duties and save the school from your friend-turned-traitor: Sirius Black."

"I could always just tip off McGonagall," Remus pointed out, his tone a little less engaged as he started reading the book in earnest.

"You said this was off the record!" Sirius protested.

"I see, I'm not the only one who's more evolved than the average troll," Remus said, his body language making it clear that he was done talking. Merlin, he was cute. Wait…

On their way down to Breakfast James and Sirius were gesturing to each other frantically behind Remus's back. James had already told Sirius that he couldn't think of anything further they could do but Sirius kept on pressing him to come up with something. Peter had gone ahead for maximum gorging time, he loved breakfast food.

Sirius pointed to his head and then waved his hands, as if to indicate James should just think of something and do it. Remus simply moved straight ahead, unconcerned. The three of them paused as the staircase moved.

James stared at Remus, turned to Sirius, and shrugged helplessly.

"Think!" Sirius mouthed urgently. James rolled his eyes and squinted at Remus's back. The staircase adjusted to lead them on a slightly shorter route to the great hall. James raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. In one swift motion James pressed his hand into Remus's back and pushed.

"James!" Sirius exclaimed, James looked aghast but obviously he wasn't very well practiced in pushing people down the stairs. Remus caught himself on the bannister and turned to face the two of them. James slowly lowered his hand.

"Oops," James tried. Remus looked incredulous.

"Oops?" Remus parroted shaking his head. "You really are cranky when you haven't had your coffee."

"You had something on your robes," Sirius interjected.

"A moth," James added. Remus narrowed his eyes at the two of them.

"Uh-huh. How about you two walk ahead. I'll keep to the back incase the moth comes back."

If Sirius had been clever enough to put something in Remus's breakfast it wouldn't have worked. Remus didn't eat anything at the table, he only eyed Peter with suspicion as the others ate.

Inevitably the Gryffindors were making their way up from the dungeon to the Defense classroom. Sirius was having palpitations, his hands were sweating.

James had pulled out his wand and was sort of waving it in Remus's general direction as if he could will him to skip class without actually harming him. Sirius had to gesture at him to pocket it when a small portion of Remus's robes started to change shade.

Peter scurried ahead a little and shared a frantic look with James before simply sticking his foot out to trip Remus. Remus stumbled for the second time that day and wheeled around to face his friends. He looked at Peter.

"Please watch your step," he told Peter, and then he was off again with renewed determination. He pulled his Defense text out of his bag. Sirius hesitated.

"Remus?" He called, Remus paused, his posture stiff. The other two wisely continued, leaving Sirius to his last attempt.

"Off to complete your grand master prank then?" Remus asked, running a thumb along his books frayed edge.

"No, I'm just afraid of the Boggart." Remus didn't look convinced but he humoured him.

"Why?"

"Because if people see what I'm afraid of they'll… find out." Dawning realisation coloured Remus's face.

"Find out what?" he asked like he already knew.

"My secret." The look of understanding was replaced with annoyance.

"Your secret? You must think I'm really daft. You think I haven't noticed the three of you conspiring to get me out of this class? Is that what you think, that I'm going to give myself away? Did it ever occur to you that I might happen to have my own plan?"

"Well, do you?"

"Sure, the first step is to not act incredibly suspicious all of the time. This is my life, it's part of who I am. I can't just cower. It would be noticeable." Remus turned to head for class.

"Please, I can't go in there, they can't know."

"They won't know. Trust me, I've thought about it. Boggarts go for shock tactics, they're not as clever as you seem to think."

"What if you're afraid of getting caught, won't that thing find a way to get you caught?"

"I'm not afraid of getting caught just because of a Boggart. It won't make a monster out of something like that unless you do it for it."

"What if I get you caught?"

"Don't."

"Can it tell what I'm thinking?"

"I don't have time to be afraid about it every day Sirius, come on. I promise there will be one more threat to our way of life immediately after this one."

Sirius tried to think of something to say. "Alright."

They head toward the class.

"No more scheming?" Remus made a show of checking behind Sirius's back. They stood just outside the door, they were almost late.

"Aren't you scared it'll know?"

"The whole point is to not be scared." Remus opened the door, but Sirius actually reached out and slammed it shut.

"Remus, what if I'm gay?" Remus dropped his textbook. Sirius half expected to see his guts spilled out next to it on the ground. Sirius bent to pick it up and passed it back to Remus, Remus's grip shook a little as he took it. With his free hand, Remus reached across the space between them and brushed a thumb over Sirius's cheek. Sirius's ears popped.

"Then that's one less thing to worry about," Remus said. He pulled his hand back and opened the classroom door again.

Remus's Boggart was a moon.

"Riddikulus," Remus said with confidence, and it deflated. The Boggart whistled as it shot around the room and Sirius laughed along with the others. Remus moved to stand beside him.

"Like I said, if you can imagine a solution, the problem is already solved."

"So smug," Sirius chastised, his cheek still tingling.