Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Season Four (Round 11)

Team: Puddlemere United

Position: Captain (reserving)

Prompt: Typical HP Trope: Adults are useless and your story MUST also start and finish with the same word.

Also written for the Quidditch Pitch in Harry Potter's World!

House: Ravenclaw

Prompts: Genre: Humor

Quidditch Players: Fred Weasley, George Weasley

Word Count without A/N: 1,587 (Google Docs)

Dedications: CupCakeyyy. Alina, you helped me so much, you deserve it.

"He's just a kid. He shouldn't be burdened with that kind of knowledge!" Molly Weasley yelled in protest.

Harry sighed. Of course, he wouldn't be allowed the knowledge he needed and deserved. Why did he even expect anything else? His whole life—particularly this summer—should have taught him that.

"You do realize that, statistically speaking, we're going to find out anyways?" Harry asked, motioning to himself, Ron, and Hermione. Both of them nodded.

"What do you mean?" Sirius questioned with a look of confusion on his face. Almost all other adults in the room were wearing similar looks.

Harry was surprised to see the Weasleys in that group."Seriously? Didn't anyone ever tell you? Every year the adults try—and ridiculously fail—to keep a secret. Usually it's an attempt on my life. We discover parts of it, then we get in danger, and someone ends up in the hospital wing at least twice per year. Every year so far has gone by this way and I don't expect it so change. Every year there is something we don't know that would drastically help our chance of getting out of the mess with less injuries."

"Someone ends up in the hospital wing at least twice a year?" Bill repeated incredulously. His parents too looked surprised, much to Harry's shock.

"You mean you don't know? Don't parents or guardians get informed when their kids are injured? I just assumed that the Dursleys didn't care as usual, but you're telling me that not one of you knows what happened during our years in Hogwarts?" Harry questioned the Order members.

"Well, Mom and Dad know some of second year and these two", Ron motioned to Sirius and Remus, "Should know most of the third year. And apparently that's it. They don't seem to know about the rest."

"There's more?!" The mentioned adults exclaimed in protest.

Ron stared at them in silent wonder and Harry facepalmed.

"Yes, of course there is!" Hermione informed them. Her voice was full of disillusion and disappointment. "I thought everyone knew of that! Wasn't the whole chamber thing in the Prophet? Though the lack of letters to parents or guardians certainly explains why mine weren't worried after second year."

"What happened in your second year?" Tonks questioned, but she was ignored.

"You're telling me Ron was hurt during his time at Hogwarts?" Molly asked.

"I thought your other years were just quiet and normal!" Sirius stated. "Apart from the tournament of course."

"There hasn't been a 'quiet and normal' year since these three arrived." George snorted.

For a few seconds, the only sounds that could be heard were those of the house and Kreacher's mumblings. Then, all the adults demanded at once to be told the whole story.

It took Ron, Hermione, and Harry a few minutes to quieten them down; it was so loud they barely managed to hear their own thoughts. It would have taken them longer, had they not persuaded the twins to temporarily silence the Order members. Tonks ran upstairs to close the curtains of Mrs. Black's portrait.

"Good, now that you can actually hear me," Harry stated, "I'd like to say a few things. First, we would tell you the whole story, but that would take hours at least. Second, we have since realized some of our actions we're incredibly stupid, but it's not like any of the adults around was any help. Did everyone understand that?" He waited until they all confirmed it.

"Well, first year. Of course there was my childhood before that, but to my knowledge no one ever accursed Petunia and Vernon of being competent parents, so it would be pointless. The first major thing was that Fluffy the Cerberus was locked behind a door that could be opened by an Alohomora, a first year charm. Then there was a troll in the dungeons and we were sent to our common rooms, including Hufflepuff and Slytherin whose dorms are in that area."

He paused, hoping to see them pale, but to Harry's disappointment, they didn't.

"After was that Quidditch game where Harry's broomstick was jinxed by Quirrel in the teacher stands and no one but Snape noticed," Ron added.

"Then there was the fact that no one noticed that our Defense teacher was hiding Voldemort himself under his turban. Shouldn't that be picked up by the wards?" Hermione questioned.

"Then the protections for the stone—that should not have been in a school full of children in the first place—were laughable. And basically made for us."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Sirius questioned worryingly.

"I mean, Fluffy? We were friends with Hagrid who, no offense, is known to let things slip," Hermione elaborated. The Devil's Snare? Neville tried to stop us and he is a prodigy in Herbology. Then the flying keys? Harry's the youngest Seeker of the century! A troll—and the boys had already defeated one by that point—a chessboard for Ron, and a logic puzzle for me. Also the Mirror of Erised that Dumbledore had found and explained to Harry. And he returned the Cloak."

The other two members of the Golden Trio nodded in agreement. Harry scanned the Order members and was let down yet again. The faces showed protest, not surprise or agreement and, quite frankly, Dumbledore seemed to do this stuff on purpose for some reason.

"Second year," Harry begun. "The first major thing was the fact that the diary wasn't recognized by the wards. I mean, it was a piece of Voldemort! This can't be common or legal!"

"Then there was the fact that Lockhart was hired," Ron stated. "Even if he was the only one that applied, it would have been better to give Snape the job and look for someone to teach potions or something."

"Let's not forget that apparently no one ever questioned Myrtle how she was murdered, otherwise it would have been ridiculously easy to locate the Chamber," Harry criticized.

"Speaking of the Chamber, how come I was the first to figure out it was a basilisk?" Hermione wondered. "I mean the roosters should have been a major clue—at least the second time. As should Slytherin's banner."

"I think that was everything major from second year, wasn't it?" Harry questioned, looking at Ron and Hermione. After they nodded, he continued. "Third year was really relaxing in retrospect. For once no one was actually trying to kill me!"

Fred and George cheered, only to be shushed by Molly.

"Let me think, apart from the Dementors nearly killing me twice I can't think of anything. You?"

Harry turned to his friends.

"You forgot to mention that they interrupted a Quidditch game that almost all of the students attended when they did it the first time, but other than that…" Ron trailed off.

"The fact that I was allowed a time turner—I mean I was fourteen! I should not have been given that responsibility, especially not without proper advice on how to handle it! And Trelawney's incompetence."

Ron frowned. "We forgot to mention Binns's and Snape's teaching techniques now that I think about it."

"Well, they are not directly harmful," Harry stated sarcastically. "They just stop the majority of the students from entering any job that required either subject."

"Fourth year should be obvious. There was a plot to kill Harry after he won the Tournament. And of course Bagman bet on Harry's win so he gave always gave him high points and Karkaroff was not even trying to seem impartial," Ron snorted.

"And that I was entered in the first place and no one ever made any effort to stop the rest of the school from shunning and/or bullying me! So," Harry glared at each Order member separately, "Are you going to tell me what I need to know?"

Of course they didn't. Why had he even thought it would change?

Though at least Remus and Sirius supported him.

The day after Sirius' Death Harry managed to sneak into an Order meeting.

It was not nearly as hard as it should have been.

"So, I just wanted to make sure all of you to know that it is your fault Sirius died," Harry announced the second he entered the room."

"How did you get in here?"

"What are you talking about?"

Harry held up a hair clip he had borrowed from Ginny in response to the first question. "I picked the lock. You should really do something about that, it was ridiculously easy to sneak in here. Even the Ministry was more of a challenge! Which reminds me!"

If looks could kill, the entire room—except for Remus—would have dropped dead right on the spot.

"I blame all of you for the Death of the closest thing I ever had to a parent—no, Dumbledore, the Dursleys weren't anything close to parents. If anything they were human Dementors—it is your fault, because you were all too incompetent to do your bloody jobs and! And you kept the information I needed from me. Did it ever cross your minds that maybe I would not have went to the Ministry if I had known of the prophecy? Or! Or if you had actually tried to stop us by informing us that he was safe. Because it took us at least an hour to get there, someone could have waited for us at the entrance or something! It is your fault and yours alone!"

Harry stormed out of the room. He had lost any faith in the Order. After all, he was not a complete moron, was he?

Please tell me what you think!

~Marvelgeek42