Alice sat on the end of the bed, staring out the window as light slowly trickled across the floor. She could hear the dog's cheerful barking—he was probably running along the fence line trying to entice passerby to play with him. Through the window, Alice could see just a tiny portion of the small village, but could tell it was already awake for the day.
Cullen had risen earlier than her, and she could hear him in the cottage's kitchen right now. When they had decided to retire to this modest home in a tiny Ferelden town near Cullen's family, Alice had been concerned they might be in over their heads. They had just spent the last three years living in a castle with numerous servants, and before that had both lived mainly in a Circle, where meals were generally cooked by someone else. Alice had some experience, since mages tended to help in the kitchen in different shifts, but she had not yet adjusted to many aspects of life with only one arm—cooking was one of those things.
However, they were doing surprisingly well. Cullen had some hidden talent for cooking, apparently, and he was helping Alice rehabilitate to be able to function with just the one arm so she could do more around the house. Truthfully, she felt that choosing a quiet life was the best choice they could have made. She loved their little house in this little town, and she loved not having matters of life and death upon her anymore.
"Alice?" Cullen called from the kitchen. "Are you awake?"
"Yes," Alice replied, feeling her heart hammer faster, reminded of what she had to do today. I swore it would be today, she reminded herself. "I'll…I'll be out in a minute." She winced at the sudden quiet from the kitchen, knowing Cullen could hear her hesitation and nervousness in her voice.
Sure enough, soon footsteps came down the hall and her husband appeared in the bedroom doorway. "What's wrong?" he asked, taking in the sight of Alice, still in her nightclothes and sitting on the end of the bed with worry etched on her face. "Do you need help?"
He was always ready to help her in any way she needed. Sometimes she had to remind him that she did indeed still have an arm at her disposal and had truly adjusted to doing most things with just one hand. "No," Alice replied. "I'm fine." She ran her hand through her hair, thick and tangled from sleep. "I just…"
Cullen walked over to her, dropping to one knee in front of her and taking her hand in his. "Alice, what is it?"
"I have to talk to you," Alice said quietly, not looking into Cullen's eyes.
He was quiet for a second. "All right," he replied, running his thumb over her knuckles in a gentle, comforting way. "What is it?"
Alice stood abruptly, pulling her hand from Cullen's grasp. She couldn't keep herself still. She walked to the window, looking out it for a moment. There was Cullen's mabari, wagging his tail and racing along the fence with some of the village children. Alice turned back to Cullen, who had not moved from his kneeling position, just turned his torso slightly to watch Alice.
Maker, how do I even start with this? I can't just say it outright, can I? Her stomach had tied itself into knots and her heart was beating out of her chest. "We haven't really discussed this at all," she said. "Do you want children, Cullen?"
Cullen was clearly surprised by this question. "I…" he began, and then rose to standing, clearing his throat. "Alice, I don't want you to think I am not perfectly content in our life together. I love you and I want you to be happy."
"I'm not asking that," Alice replied. "I know all of that. What I'm asking is, do you want children? When you married me—or even when you were younger and thought about marrying someone in the future—did you think about children as a part of that future?"
Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand while the other rested on his hip, Cullen sighed. "I…yes, I suppose I did, in an abstract sort of way. But I don't want you to think I'm unhappy without children." He smiled, looking at Alice in that way that made her feel like he would walk to the ends of Thedas and back for her. "I am the happiest man in the world with you as my wife. I don't need children to be happy."
Her heart twisted at his words. She gasped a little breath holding back the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes and brought her hand up to cover her mouth, trying to hide her onslaught of emotion.
Cullen crossed to her, reaching out to hold her. "Come now," he soothed, laughing just a little bit. "What's the matter?" He wrapped one arm around her waist and placed one hand on the back of her head, holding it to his shoulder. He swayed them back and forth in a comforting way, shushing her tears.
"Do you think I would be a good mother, Cullen?" she asked. Alice could feel Cullen's little laugh more than hear it—felt the breath by her ear and the way his chest moved with chuckles.
"What kind of question is that?" Cullen asked.
"I need to know what you think," Alice insisted, pulling away. "You would like children, you just said so. Would you like children…with me? Would I be a good mother for your children?"
"Alice, of course," Cullen replied, looking almost bewildered at this point. "What does this matter though? It's all hypothetical."
"It's not," Alice blurted out, turning away and walking a few feet before turning back. "It's not hypothetical. Not anymore. We're going to have a baby."
Cullen's expression of amusement melted almost immediately to shock, his mouth agape. "What? You mean…" he whispered. "Y-you're sure?"
"Yes," Alice replied, feeling her breath quicken again. "I'm pregnant."
Cullen crossed the few feet to her. "Maker's breath!" he exclaimed, laughing between breaths in shock and wonder. "You're pregnant. We're having a baby."
"Yes," Alice repeated again, feeling a smile pull at her lips, inspired by Cullen's reaction.
Cullen wrapped both arms around her waist, picking her up and twirling her around as she laughed. When he put her down, he grasped her face gently in both hands, pulling her in for a deep, passionate kiss, one she felt right down to her toes and nearly made her forget all of her worries about the whole thing. When they pulled apart, he stayed with his forehead touching hers, staring into her eyes. "A baby," he whispered in wonder.
Then Cullen seemed to realize something. "But wait," he murmured, reaching a hand up to stroke Alice's still slightly tear-stained cheek. "Do you…do you want this?"
"Yes?" she replied, pulling her forehead away from his. "I don't know. I really don't know." The full reality of the situation was starting to return and a lump returned to her throat. "I just…I don't…"
Cullen guided her back to sit on the bed, sitting beside her. "Tell me what you don't know, love," he said.
"I'm scared," she admitted, letting her hand migrate to her stomach. It was still flat as ever. She tried to imagine it growing round with her and Cullen's child. She found the picture difficult to conjure. "What if I can't do this? I mean, I have one arm, Cullen!" she pointed out. "How would I even hold it?"
"You'll learn," he told her. "You've learned to do almost everything else with one hand, you'll learn this too."
Alice shook her head, staring at her bare feet on the wooden floors. "What if I'm not meant to be a mother?" she whispered. "I don't have any sort of experience. I tried to avoid most of the younger apprentices in the Circle. I don't even know my own mother that well." She paused, then looked back up at Cullen who watched her with his full attention. "I don't know how to be a mother."
Cullen's hand found hers, lacing their fingers together and placing his other hand on top as well. "And you think I know how to be a father?" he replied with a small laugh. "Maker's breath, I've probably got less experience with children than you. But this child—our child—will be how we learn. It's the start to that normal life you always wanted." He squeezed Alice's hand affectionately. "We can learn together. Just like everything else we've done."
Staring into Cullen's eyes, she was taken in by how the light sparkled off them, making them look more golden than any other color. "I hope she has your eyes," she found herself saying without even thinking.
A smile grew wide on Cullen's face. "And I hope she has every bit of her mother in her," Cullen replied. "Her kindness, her wisdom, her beauty." He stopped and kissed Alice very gently, their lips barely brushing together. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Alice replied. She took a deep breath. "I think I can do this. I feel like I could do anything if you told me I could." A thought struck her and she smiled. "Your sister is going to be so excited."
"Oh, Maker," Cullen realized with a sigh and chuckle. "We'll have to tell her won't we? There's a lot we'll have to do." He stared at Alice in wonder for a moment longer, then rose from the bed. "First things first—breakfast for my wife and child." He held out his hand to Alice, pulling her up when she took it.
"I'm always open to you cooking for me," Alice told him, and followed behind him out to the kitchen. Her worries were not gone, certainly, but she felt more capable of the long journey that they both had ahead of them.