March 1989

Snowflakes float down outside the library window and Eleven is tempted to breathe on the glass and draw figures in the fog. It's halfway through March but winter is still hanging in there. And while usually El would be itching for spring to finally arrive with the flower buds and warm breezes, this year she doesn't mind it. This year she wants everything to slow down.

College acceptance letters have been arriving all week. Dustin's been accepted to Caltech and all the boys got into IU. Jonathan is finally going to NYU. Lucas is eagerly awaiting an answer from Chicago and no one got into MIT. Mike should hear from Michigan today. He acts undecided but El knows he really wants Michigan, especially since MIT didn't work out.

And El will stay here. Not forever, but for now. She's studying to get her GED later this year and then someday, maybe someday, college courses of her own. And in the meantime… She looks around the room. The library is nice. Maybe she could work here.

She's not looking forward to missing any of her friends once they leave for school, but she's most anxious about Mike. Yes they'll talk on the phone and there will be photos and letters but it's not the same. Paper and technology are hard and cold, so different from the warmth and life of someone's presence. She remembers those days in the Upside Down, relying on memories of her friends to survive. It's not the same. What if she forgets those little things that can't be captured over the phone? The curve of Mike's jaw that she sees when she nestles her head on his shoulder. The way his freckles change depending on the light. The gentle touch of his breath when he whispers in her ear. The way his nose crinkles when he's thinking.

But she's more worried that he'll forget these things about her. What if he finally sees her for what she is, broken and deficient, a monster who could snap at any moment? Maybe he should.

When Mike gets home from school that afternoon, he finds El sitting in the dining room, a crisp white envelope sitting on the table before her.

"Is that…?"

"Michigan." She smiles.

He grabs it quickly but his fingers hesitate at the seal. This is one of those moments that create forks in your life and he's not sure if he's ready yet. But El is looking up at him with anticipation, so he slides his forefinger under the flap.

Dear Michael,

It is with with great pleasure that I write to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to the University of Michigan as a member of the Class of 1993…

Accepted.

El must see the answer on his face because suddenly she's wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. "Congratulations," she says into his chest, muffled by his sweater.

And he hugs her back and pretends he doesn't feel a wave of anxiety within all the excitement.

His parents are thrilled and even Holly is happy for him. El stays for dinner and afterward they end up on the couch in the basement, each working on assignments. The room is quiet, just the sounds of their breathing and pencils scratching against paper.

"This is nice," Mike says. El looks up with a smile but raises an eyebrow. "Being here, I mean, working down here with you. It's nice."

"I think it's nice too," she agrees, before turning back to her work. But Mike's not done.

"You know, it could be like this all the time next year if I go to IU."

She whips her head back up but he's looking away. "What?"

"If I go to IU...I could come home sometimes and study here, with you."

"Mike," she sighs and he knows what she's going to say. And he knows she's right. But still...he's a little scared. He wants to go to Michigan, he really does. But what if he can't make it there? What if he doesn't make any friends? And what if while he's away, El outgrows him, finally realizing all that the world has to offer? All the better there is out there than him.

"You have to go. You want to go. If it were me in your shoes, you wouldn't let me stay."

"Yeah." He nods. "You're right."

She stares at his profile and he stares at the floor and when he speaks again it's almost strained.

"What about us?" He's nervous; this is the closest they're ever come to a conversation about their relationship.

She flicks her eyes down to her hands, fingers tangling together. "What about us?"

"What if you finally realize you don't need me?"

She snorts softly. "What if you meet a hundred girls you like better than me?"

She looks back up at him again with a laugh, but his brow is furrowed and he's looking at her so seriously that her smile vanishes.

"I will always want you."

"Me too," she replies, voice barely a whisper.

"Come here." He opens his arms and she crawls onto his lap, tucking her head into the crook of his neck.

"It'll be fine. We'll be fine." He whispers and she nods against him but they avoid each other's eyes. They're both still worried; they just don't want the other to know.

"We'll be fine."