AN: Thank you for your support! You guys rock! I had to divide again and again so it's bit more left of this crazy story arc (at least seven chapters with this one)... Sorry for the delay, it took me forever to get this chapter "right. The tone was too heavy to begin with! A very difficult one (darkside) and was not on my originally planning - at least not this way. I finally finished it. Hopefully the next chapters won't take such long time.

More family fluff, angst (darkside!)..some silliness! And Reylo (subtext...? There is no such thing as Reylo subtext, it's too obvious in canon - seriously ;)) I think I'm just making it way more obvious...

The Falcon symbolises Ben's mental/dark state, just like in the movies...(mostly in TFA but it also symbolizes (his) home in both movies) In this fic his toy Falcon also represents his heart/soul.

Chapter forty two - Lost to the darkness of the past

There was nothing around him. Nothing except dark space. With silent footsteps he ran and looked frantically around this endless pitch black void. What happened to his family? Where was he? How long had he been in there?

"You lost the Falcon..." said his mother through the dark and lit a small light at the end of the dark tunnel and Ben ran toward it, but it died as soon as she finished her sentence. He was left alone in the darkness.

"Yes, but..." replied his father and another light was lit but before Ben could run toward it, was cut of by his uncle, who also lit up another light.

Did you lose Chewie as well?"

Ben hoped his family would continue talking, it was his only guidance to getting out of the dark.

The kriff is this...?

KR: Darkside, duh.

You mean darkside fever...?

KR: Something like that.

Why did this happen? Because dad lost the Falcon? Come on...I do not love that ship like that...

KR: No, but he loves the ship more than you...he send you away for trying to take it, remember...and then he lost it himself...

Oh right...stupid ship...stupid dad...

Before his family could continue talking to light up more exist for him, Ben felt a cold breeze on his neck and he stiffened in fright as he was grabbed strongly from behind. He thrashed wildly around in panic as he was being pulled slowly backwards into the dark. He tried in vain to look over his shoulder but no matter how hard he tried to move, he couldn't look at what was behind him. The cold breath was still on his neck, which made all of his hairs stand up on their roots. The only thing Ben could feel from whatever presence behind him was that it was pure evil.

"No, he's home on Kashyyyk with his...family...has been there for while," said his father's voice, who had taken away too long time to answer such a simple question, and that lateness might have cost Ben his freedom. His father's voice lit up another small light in the darkness, but it kept getting farther away from Ben as he was being pulled away from it. His father scoffed like he could ever lose someone as precious as Chewie, while he no idea they were in danger of losing his son, right in front of their eyes.

Ben tried to call for help as he struggled against the dark being. When there was no sound he grabbed his throat in panic. Had he lost his voice...his mind? Was he trapped inside his own darkness? Was this part of the darkside fever? What happened? Would he be stuck inside there forever? Ben wanted to cry, but he couldn't. The only sensation in this blackness was the chilling cold of a beast that clung to his soul.

"So you are alone now...?" said his mother worried, another light in the dark. She had no idea her son felt alone, since technically he shouldn't be as he was in the same room as them. But thanks to his darkside fever, he felt separated from them, like he was in another world and could never join theirs ever again. In this strange darkness, Ben could hear them, but they all sounded far, far away instead of right by his bedside. Not as part of his life, but only as a memory or a dream.

Can nobody hear me...? Each step forward, made Ben take two step backwards. The ground felt slippery and ice cold like his soul. No one...?

"Solo is being Solo." Ben could hear the smirk in his uncle's voice over the joke, that Ben was so tired of and wanted to hit him for, especially since the timing of it was awful. He felt so alone. None of his family seemed to detect the horror he was facing, not for the first time. None of them would notice it, until it was too late to save him.

Help... Ben tried his hardest to scream without his voice and fought tooth and nail to get away from the evil force that was dragging him deeper into the dark. Frantically he clawed and bit at whatever was dragging him back, like a penned animal trying to get away from slaughter.

"I need my co-pilot...I need my little co-pilot," said his father and that plea lit up the biggest light in the dark. He sounded as desperate as otherwise he couldn't fly his ship, but Ben thought he had no ship since it was stolen or did he get another ship? He must have or where was he calling from? With a private com-link?

What? Who is his little co-pilot...?

KR: Maybe he has another...child...like Rey, he is waiting for her to grow old enough to be his co-pilot, there is no way he is talking about you...

Why do you have to be so...mean?

KR: I told you it's my job...

Why does he want...me?

KR: He doesn't...

"Ben...? My son?" his father's voice called out to him through the darkness, but Ben couldn't answer it even if he wanted to, but his call of light made Ben keep fighting the dark and with brute strength he got away from the invisible force. But not for long as the darkness grabbed him tighter and pulled away.

Help me...

Is that you dragging me into the darkside?

KR. No...comment...

Hmm...

KR: Or you know...the supreme leader...

Ugh...stupid Snoke...

KR:...he is not stupid...

Just cruel and creepy...

KR: Well...

"Who stole it?" said his mother, like she planned on finding the thieves and make them pay. Her hard tone made Ben flinch, as if she had directed it at him, since he had tried that once and her rage, gave him trouble fighting against the dark as it made him so afraid. And it dimmed his father's light of hope.

"It's a long story..." said his father carelessly, which didn't fit in any way to how angry he was when Ben tried to take it and Ben felt himself sink into the darkness with despair.

Everyone can steal the Falcon but me...I'm not worthy...

"You misplaced it," said his mother, like he had put it in a wrong parking spot.

"No! I caught the thief, but lost her but not before she...!" yelled his father.

She...?

KR: Ah, he was having an affair...

He was not!

""So while our son was fighting for his life, you were hunting some stupid sexy ship thief," spat his mother, who had no idea Ben was in fact fighting for his life.

"Sexy? No, she was cute, but a troublemaker. What do you mean fighting for his life...wasn't it just a flu...? Ben? Why isn't he answering me? Did he faint? Or his he pretending not to hear me? Ben?"

Ben helplessly listened to his parents fight, while he did his own fight against the darkness. Praying for them to stop fighting and notice the danger he was in.

"He's asleep, because you chose the Falcon over him!" screamed his mother. "And some other woman...like Sana Starros..."

"He did," agreed his uncle. "And Sana is hot...not that you are not...ow, ow, ow..." Luke owed when Leia probably twitched his ear for that flirtatious remark.

Ewww...Luke was flirting with mom...yeah take that ear right off him!

KR: She sure will..but who is Sana?

One of dad's old...erm...

KR: Flings?

Shut up...I meant a co-worker...

KR: Right...

"No, I did not do that! Ben, you know who I would chose. I told you that," called his father, to Ben who had given up on fighting the darkness, since he couldn't communicate with them and thus not get any help from them.

The Falcon.

KR: The Falcon.

He sent me away for it...he loved it more than me...no matter what some stupid...dream...said...where he was supposed to give me a toy Falcon...

KR: You want that toy?

That was not the point! I want Rey!

KR: I would never have guessed...

"Ben...answer me, boy. And Leia, what do you mean another woman? You are my only woman. Sana didn't steal the Falcon. It was a little girl," said his father and little Ben perked his ear, when he heard his father mentioned a girl.

A little girl...? Who?

KR: I wonder...

A little girl stole the Falcon...?

KR: I mean, if she is an awesome pilot like Ani...I mean Pre-Vader...

You mean it was...my...?

"What girl?" Ben shouted at the top of his lungs, like he was expecting his father to suddenly be able to answer him, which he of course didn't. So instead Ben looked around like he was expecting the girl to pop up in the darkness and help him get out, before it was too late. At least he seemed to have got his voice back, but still his family couldn't hear him. The girl was his only hope.

"A little girl?" said his mom stunned, like she had never seen one in her entire life even though she used to be one. Ben kept glancing desperately around for the mysterious girl, he hoped was Rey. His only hope...like he was her's.

"Stole the Falcon?" said Luke in disbelieving voice, like he couldn't believe in female strength even though own sister was a force to be reckoned with.

"Yes," replied Han. "Why isn't he answering me? Are you daydreaming about some girl? Or having a nightmare about the girl...?"

"A nightmare...?" said Ben, who thought whatever he was going through was a nightmare enough. Especially without his Rey...

"NOOO! COOOOME BAAAACK!"

"Rey!" little Ben's head shot up, when he recognized her small and desperate scream from his dream as she was being abandoned on Jakku forever.

"NOOO! COOOME BACK!" Her scream echoed all around him in the void. Ben struggled as hard as possible against the darkness and looked all around for her, but still she was nowhere to be found.

"I will return to you, sweetheart! I promise!" he shouted towards her scream. He prayed his hope would be able to reach her, though he needed one desperately himself. The tables had turned, he had to save her and get them both out of this darkness.

"COOOME BACK!" yelled little Rey, like she was possessed.

Rey...! What is she doing in there...? Did she steal the Falcon...?

KR: Just a figment of your imagination...really...you believe that...? She was hardly born back then.

True...but return? But I hadn't even met her back then...in this life...I mean...

KR: So you were the one who left her on Jakku...?

NEVER!

KR: Then...I have no clue...(lying)

You are...lying...

KR: I already told you...the truth, but you didn't listen. Not my fault...so stubborn...

Rey is not Vader...reborn...

KR: That's only part...of the truth...

I'm not listening! I just want to get out of here! Now I'm trapped both in the flashback and inside the flashback itself...this is getting ridiculous! Is there no end...to this...?

KR: Everything has an end...but I doubt you will like the ending...

Just get on with it!

KR: No sense for drama...

I prefer comedy...

KR: So uncivilized...

Ben listened as Little Rey's scream grew louder, followed by her little footsteps and some heavy ones and suddenly he saw her appear in front of his eyes. She was being dragged through the darkness by some big ugly alien, was it...Unkar Plutt? She struggled in his grasp, her body facing Ben, as she kept yelling, her little eyes wide with terror and panic.

"COOOME BAAAAAACK!" Her little hand fumbled to get to him.

"NOOO! Let her go!" yelled Ben, as he thrashed in the hold darkness had on him to get to her. He reached out as far as possible with his hand towards her.

The precise moment he managed to brush Rey's little fingertips, she disappeared into thin air, like she or that stupid alien, had never existed.

Ben was shell shocked. He looked down at his hands, as if he was the one who had caused her death when all he had done was trying to save her...while trapped in darkness. He whipped his head around.

"NOOOO!" Ben threw his head back and yelled as desperately as when Vader was reborn as machine and had lost Padmé and the twins.

How do you know he did that?

KR: He told me...

Of course he did...but I don't care about that, but only REYYYY!

KR: You know she is alive...

REY!

KR: VADER!

Little Ben screamed and screamed as if his heart had been ripped out. Unstoppable tears ran down his face so he couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He was lost to despair. This was the final straw. No Rey, no hope. Ben felt himself sink deeper into the darkness, as the pure hopelessness engulfed him. All hope was lost...

"A girl stole the Falcon...?" heard Ben, his mother's voice say in a disembodied voice. Like his father had forgotten about that fact and little Ben kind of did. What girl...? Not his Rey?

"A girl?" said his uncle, who didn't seem to have list of suspects, despite running a school full of children.

I'm lost...and none of you seem to care but about the stupid Falcon...while my Rey...is lost...everything is lost...except...what girl...? Who stole the Falcon? And why?

"Don't worry son, I got your precious Falcon back from that naughty girl that smuggled herself on board," said his father with his grinning voice.

What my Falcon? Not his? What is he blabbering about? And what girl? Rey...? Did she sneak onboard...and take my..erm the Falcon? Why?

KR: I told you Rey isn't born yet...or at least just an infant...your visions are from her lonely future...

She could be that powerful...

KR: That's a bit ridiculous...even as a Vader standard...and he doesn't steal!

Rey does...I think...to survive...Rey...what happened to her...? Where is she...?

KR: Back in the Falcon...the thing everyone cares about and you can never return to her... because you are lost in the darkness...

I'm lost in darkness...

"COME BACK!"

? That was...the Rey today...is he...I mean she! Inside here...? What is she doing in here...?

KR: I told you that is not possible. She couldn't stay so long inside someone else mind...it must be your mind playing trick on you.

"BEN!"

That was definitely Rey...

KR: No, just your wishful thinking. She can't come inside.

What about the erm...kiss of destiny...

KR: She has to love you in order for that work...

Oh...right...

KR: Onesided doesn't count...

That sucks...

"BEN! You idiot! Come back, NOW!"

I would never imagine Rey saying that...

KR: Are you sure...?

No...

"BEEEN!"

I want to come back, but I'm trapped in here. Where are you?

(deadly silence)

Great...

KR: Told ya...just imagination...

Well, then I just have to get out on my own...

KR: Good luck with that...

For some reason, his father's words about the naughty girl who stole the Falcon gave Ben hope (it could be from a certain point of view his Rey) and just in time he looked up to see child Rey reappear, still calling for him, when she was about to leave through the fog. With great force little Ben managed to break free from the dark being, follow her from the darkness and into the light.

As he exited the fog of darkness, he expected to be see Rey on the other side but no such luck. Then he hoped he would at least be able to see his clueless family, whom he was going to give them a piece of his mind for not noticing anything was off about him, how he was nearly lost to the darkside forever and have them go and save his Rey immediately. There was no time to lose. But to his horror he saw more than them. He saw himself or rather his body lying on the bed, beside his mother, uncle and his holo dad.

Was he dead?

The kriff!

KR: Creepy...

To investigate little Ben looked down at his body. It was corporal, but he could hear his heartbeat thundering in his ears. Ghost don't have heartbeats, or at least he didn't think so. Also his vision was blurry and the sounds were like he was underwater. He seemed to have regained partly his sight and hearing, but he couldn't talk or feel anything of his surroundings. No sensation, not even warm touch of his mother's hand who held lovingly onto his. Only the cold of the dark. At least he could see them and move freely, though he couldn't communicate in any way. That was something. But that still didn't mean he liked this in any way. Especially since he had no idea what this was and no way to get any help or how to get back or how to even save Rey.

"Why isn't he answering me? Are you sulking because of the dress-up game your mom did with you?" said his holo dad sternly from the holographic viewer, which his mother had put on top of Ben's comforter, so he was staring down at him. "Stop sulking, boy. It's over and done with. I need to talk to you..." His father's frown suddenly turn into a smirk. "Are you having dreams about that naughty girl? A true Solo." He grinned and winked him.

"Skywalkers think that way, as well," said Luke offended, that Han thought they were so innocent.

"What naughty girl? And stop yelling at him, Our Ben fell asleep," said his mother, who had no idea it was far worse than that. "He needs to rest."

From the outside Ben certainly looked like he was sleeping, but on the inside he was trying to break out of his own body and contact with the outside world. Or rather try to get back inside his body. His ghost hand went right through his body, when he tried to insert himself back in. Great...

"What? When did he fell asleep? He was screaming at us just minutes ago. Aww, he must be so tired, so exhausted. Does he have a high fever?" said his father who completely changed his harsh tone to the softest one and furrowed his brows in concern.

Leia moved to rest her hand on their son's forehead. "It's not as high as it used to be...in fact he feels...cold..."

"Cold? That's not good is it...?" said his father and bit his lower lip in worry.

"No..." replied Ben's mother. "But I will put a another blanket on him and heating pads. When he wakes up he can get some cocoa."

"Yeah, it worked last time," commented his uncle. "It made him feel better...so where is the Falcon now...?" Ben floated over to him in his new form. He made at face at him for bringing attention from him to the Falcon, but his uncle just stared through him, even though he was supposed to be force sensitive. Maybe this was something else then the force, but what else could there be but the force?

KR: Nerd!

Is there something else but the force...?

KR: I don't think so...

"I told you I got the thief, so I didn't get your message until now and called right back," said Han victoriously, like he had been in some heroic battle or managed to get to work on time.

"And where is the thief?" asked Leia suspiciously and peered into the holo, like she was expecting to see the thief in cuffs behind him.

"Erm...that's bit more complicated..." Han grew flustered. and looked around in his little holo.

"How so?" pressed Leia on and her eyebrows drew in one line, like she was trying to see through him.

"She vanished..." Han threw his hands up in the air. Ben looked down at his ghost like body and back at his father, like there was some link between his condition and the thief.

"You mean escaped...?" said Leia and added helpfully like Han didn't know how to write a report. "With a pod?"

"No...vanished..." Han gulped like he had seen a ghost, which Ben thought was a bit funny since he didn't believe in those. He waved to him in the background, but his father didn't see him so he pouted. It was worth a try.

"Vanished?" Luke shivered, which Ben thought was funnier since Luke had talked with ghost and shouldn't be afraid of them. He poked him with his cold ghost hand and to his surprise and joy, Luke jumped up in fright.

KR: Hehe, take that Luke.

Yeah...but vanished...? Like my...Rey? So she is the ship thief...?

KR: Well, that would be anticlimactic...and no that doesn't make any sense...

Well, then I'm still lost...here and there...

KR: No one cares about you...

Rey does...and dad called to check on me...

KR: To bad you can't return to him...or anyone ever...

Rey wants me to come back...she was calling for me...in here...

KR: That's just your..erm imagination...

It was way too detailed for that...

KR: Maybe...

"People can't just disappear, Han," said Leia, who frowned at how her brother, who ran and looked frantically around the small dark room. "Luke, sit down."

"I know," replied holo Han and glanced at Luke at his side. "What are you looking for?"

"Something touched me..." Luke did not sit down, he trembled and ran his finger over the ghost touch.

Ben decided to poke him again and once again Luke jumped up. Ben chuckled, but wouldn't dare try that with his mom, so instead he put a comforting hand on her shoulder. But she showed no reaction and didn't take her eyes of her sleeping son in bed, but on the other hand missed seeing her son's trapped soul behind her. For some reason his uncle seemed to be the only person and thing, he could touch in the room. Maybe because of his forcesensetivity, but Luke still couldn't see him. Ben sobbed, it was all fun and games to be able to trick his uncle, but he didn't want to do that for an eternity. He wanted to go home. This sucked, so he kicked his uncle in the shin, like it was all his fault, who yelped and jumped on one foot.

"Hmm..." said Han and peered into the room and looked right and Ben's naughty soul, but didn't seem to see him.

"Just the wind..." commented Leia and Ben was so pissed, that this wasn't enough to make himself clear.

No...I'm about to vanish...into the dark...why can't anyone of you...see that...?

Suddenly he felt a familiar sensation and touched his face. To his surprise there were tears. Tears from when he watched Rey disappear, tears from now and then. As before he couldn't communicate with his family no matter how much he wanted to, only watch...and torment his uncle with his ghost tactics. At least that was fun.

"Are you sure...this isn't Ben...he is not dead...? We haven't heard from him from a while..." said his uncle and rubbed his sore foot. "Naughty nephew..."

"Don't even joke about that!" Leia slapped his arm and Luke owed and holo Han frowned at him for that horrible joke.

But, just to make sure, Leia checked Ben's pulse and sighed in relief when she heard it. "Don't scare me like that," she scolded, but Ben wasn't sure whether she was talking to him or her brother or maybe both.

"What's that...?" said his father suddenly and pointed at sleeping Ben's face, that was dimly hit by the blue holo.

"What's what?" Leia peered at Ben's face in dark, like she was seeing it for the first time and her brother followed her example.

"That on his cheek..? "Are those tears...? said his father worried. "Or is the holo just messing with me...?"

Yeah! I finally got through to them!

KR: That's what you think...

Oh...

"Are you sure it not just sweat...? He isn't awake. Can you cry in your sleep?" asked Luke and looked like wanted to find a book and read on it, instead of just checking. "Can you kick people in your sleep?"

His sister, who believed more in actions than reading about them, touched her son face tenderly and she withdrew her hand when she found something cold and wet. "Ben, sweetie are you crying? How long have you been crying?"

Ben's couldn't answer, which made his family even more worried.

"Why would he be crying...? Is he in pain? Maybe we should see a doctor. I can pick him up and..." said his father frantic and tried to lean as far as possible as a hologram like he was hoping to be able to come through it and pick him up that way.

Pick me up...? Bring me...home...?

All of a sudden little Ben could feel the heat from the extra layer that was put on top of him and the pad his mother had placed under him, like she was trying to thaw the ice around his heart. He welcomed that change from the cold. Yet, he felt so hopeless. It pained him that his mom was so close, yet so far away. And Rey was still trapped alone...without him. But his father wanted to pick him up from this place and then they could go get Rey, there was still hope...

"No, he doesn't need any doctors. He just need to rest," his mother waved away his concerns and whispered in Ben's ear. "You are safe, there is nothing bad here and whatever is bothering you in that dream, I will protect you from it."

Despite her warm words, Ben's soul felt cold again.

Mom...you can't...help me...you never could...not even when you are...right beside me...you never saw my true pain...what I really wanted...no matter how much I screamed about it...I need to be woken up!

KR: No one can protect you...except me...and super awesome Vader/Rey of course...

I don't mind...Rey...but she can't help me...in here...right?

KR: No.

Wait...did dad say he wanted to pick me up...?

KR: He meant Rey.

I wouldn't mind that...

KR: So you wouldn't mind him getting Rey as his "little co-pilot" and leaving you with your uncle...forever...and ever...?

As long as Rey is happy..

KR: Liar...

I'm...not lying...I want her to be happy...that's all I...want...

KR: Liar...

Stop calling me a liar!

KR: Only liars say that.

Sigh...

"What is he dreaming about...? It must be something bad," said his uncle and shivered in fright, like he wanted Ben to stop having bad dreams, because it was making him uncomfortable or maybe it was just the possibility of the ghost in the room. "Why else would he be crying...?"

"A nightmare...?" said his father. "We can't protect him from those...oh, no I kind of told a ghost story. Don't worry Ben, it's wasn't a ghost that stole your Falcon."

"Then what was it?" asked Luke, who was afraid enough that there seemed to be ghost in the same room as them, which he believed was Ben, but was still scared of.

"I don't know..." replied his father, which did not make Luke feel any better nor answered any of the question Ben had about the girl.

"You don't have to worry about the Falcon, sweetie. It's safe," said Leia, like she knew exactly what was bothering her son, when the truth was she was far from the truth. "Your father got the girl...whatever who tried to fly off with it."

I don't care about that stupid ship.

KR: I thought you loved it.

I did... but clearly my family treasure that ship more than...me...I mean they are way more worried about that...I mean...right...?

KR: Of course they do...it's the FALCON! While you are...a nobody...

A nobody...

KR: Like Rey...except as Vader, of course.

That doesn't make any sense...but what girl tried to take the Falcon? Rey?

KR: No, that's not possible...

Then who?

KR: I have no idea...

"What, of course the Falcon is safe," scoffed his father, like he had never heard anything as ridicules in his entire ridicules life. "His as well."

What, there are two Falcons...?

KR: Did your father buy you a ship...? So you wouldn't try to steal his Falcon?

The kriff is happening here...are there two girls...?

KR: You know there are more girls than just Rey in this galaxy...

I don't care.

"I thought you said it was stolen," said Luke and gasped that he had been played a fool...at least twice. He glared at the air, as if he was expecting the ghost to be there.

"Were you fooling around?" Leia frowned at Han. "What do you mean, Ben's Falcon? You bought him a ship? Why didn't you buy a better model then?"

"You are giving Ben, the ship thief a ship?" said Luke incredulously and Ben's soul glared at him for that nickname and kicked him again so Luke yelped and jumped as far as possible from that angry ghost.

"Not Ben...you've got to be kidding me..." muttered his uncle, who stared around the room and he tried to find a safe spot. "And why are you picking on me...? Naughty son..."

"Stop that noise, Luke. My angel is trying to sleep," Leia scowled at him.

"Angel..." Luke huffed and then stared afraid, expecting to be hit again by some invisible force and he sighed in relief when nothing happened.

"And he's not your son or a thief but my little bandit...and, no not a real one...why did you think...oh...right, I didn't clarify." Han then chuckled over their misunderstanding. "I was talking about Ben's toy Falcon. It got stolen, but I got it back." He smiled directly at Ben-soul who gaped at him, while the rest of the family was stunned.

A toy...not the real Falcon...? Not another ship...?

KR: Erm that explains how a little girl could have taken it...

That makes way much more sense...but why would dad care so much about my stupid toy...? Why is he giving me a toy in the first place? I thought he hated me...and what girl took it?

Next up: Mysterious girl of the past...