DISCLAIMER: See previous chapter.

Nothing is a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.
― Lorrie Moore

November 1977

Remus Lupin sat on the floor of the Astronomy Tower, frowning up at the night sky and checking the various charts and books scattered around him.

He wasn't afraid to admit it: he was not the best student when it came to Astronomy. He was perhaps the third worst out of his friends. Sirius Black was naturally the best, having been taught everything about stars before he could even talk. Peter Pettigrew was a close second, having learned everything he could about the subject to impress Dyanola Dearborn. And James Potter was undoubtedly the worst, having dropped the subject as soon as he could because he just did not care.

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

He was not an idiot. He knew he should have asked for help, but Peter was off shagging his girlfriend, Lily was with her friends, and Sirius was... well, Sirius was a distraction. In fact, Sirius was the reason that Remus was playing catch-up because Sirius was handsome and charismatic and funny, and Remus was too busy paying attention to him in their recent lesson when he should have been listening to Professor Sternen.

It was a bit unfair really, but it was his own fault and he knew it.

After all, he was the one who had chosen to continue with Astronomy after third year, despite knowing that he was quite awful at the subject. And he was the one who had decided to partner with Sirius when he could have partnered with Lily Evans or Emmeline Vance or literally anyone else. And he was the one who had decided to take N.E.W.T. level Astronomy, all because Sirius Black was studying it and he wanted to spend more time with him. And he was the one who was stupid enough to fall for his best mate in the first place.

Scratch what he said earlier.

Remus Lupin was an idiot, and it was all his fault.

"MOONY!"

Remus jumped up from his place on the floor and spun around, wand out and pointed at the intruder, a hex ready on his lips, stopped only when he saw who it was. Sirius grinned sheepishly and held his hands up in surrender. Upon recognising his best mate, Remus growled and lowered his weapon.

"Fuck, Sirius," he grumbled, pocketing his wand again. "What the fuck are you doing, you prick?! I could have hexed you."

"Oh, I do love your foul mouth, Moony," Sirius beamed, moving closer and letting the door shut behind himself. "My apologies. I didn't mean to startle you. Though in my defence, I thought that with your wolfy senses, you would have heard me."

"Yeah, well, I was preoccupied," Remus replied, gesturing to the mass of papers on the floor.

"I can see," Sirius replied, looking at the charts and maps of constellations scattered around. "Studying the stars, Moony?" He looked up and grinned coquettishly. "I'm a star. Why don't you study me?"

Remus sighed.

Sirius Black was a flirt, and the only thing worse than Sirius flirting with him was Sirius flirting with him and his traitorous heart making him believe that he stood a chance. Luckily, he had known Sirius for a long time, and he was smart enough to know that he did not stand a chance.

"What do you want, Sirius?" he asked calmly. "I have work to do."

"Well, since you asked so nicely, I have a question for you and I want an answer," Sirius replied, moving closer so that he was within touching distance.

"Go on, then," Remus replied, valiantly ignoring the way his heartrate increased.

"First of all," Sirius began, "I need you to know that I am completely serious about this, okay?"

Remus frowned, suspicious and a little worried because his friend actually sounded serious and Sirius was rarely ever serious. "Okay..."

"So, it's Bonfire Night this Saturday and I..." Sirius hesitated for a moment, shifting from foot to foot, grey eyes travelling around the Tower briefly before settling on Remus. He nodded to himself and continued, "I tried asking you the other day, but I think you thought I was joking – but I wasn't. Look, Remus, I fancy you something rotten and I think you might possibly fancy me too, and I was hoping you would like to join me at the celebrations this weekend?"

For a long while, nothing was said.

Remus just stood there feeling too big for the space he was in, unsure what to say or do. He felt like he had been slapped and then told that he had won a hundred million quid; shocked and elated and unable to fully comprehend what was happening.

Of all the things that Remus Lupin had thought he would hear in his lifetime, Sirius Black saying that he fancied him was one thing he had never thought of. He had hoped and wanted and fantasised, but he had never thought that it was a real possibility. He had never actually thought that he would ever hear those words come from Sirius's mouth. Sirius Black was charming and handsome and overwhelming, and Remus had accepted long ago that he was just not in Sirius Black's League. Beautiful people belonged with beautiful people, and werewolves belonged with no one.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, sounding more than a little nervous. "Say something."

"I, uh... I mean... Right."

"Something coherent," Sirius urged with an uneasy smile. "Please. If you don't fancy me or I've gotten this all wrong, then tell me and we'll pretend that this never happened."

"No, I just... Really?" Remus asked, completely befuddled. "I mean, I always thought you were joking when you flirted."

"Yes, well, I wasn't," Sirius replied.

"Right."

After a long moment of silence, in which Remus stood there like dumb giant and Sirius fidgeted, Sirius cleared his throat and asked, "Have I got it wrong? Do you not actually fancy me?"

"No, you haven't – you haven't got it wrong," Remus replied. "I just... I'm in shock, okay? You've caught me unawares."

"Well, I don't know how," Sirius said. "I've been trying to court you for a long while now. But I am apparently very bad at it. Or you're completely oblivious. Or both. It doesn't matter because I'm asking now, away from the crowds and without theatrics. I'm asking you to go on a date with me. So?"

"Sirius, I... I can't," Remus replied. "I'm a wer—"

"Let's not do that," Sirius interrupted.

Remus frowned. "Let's not do what?"

"Let's not do the whole 'I'm a werewolf and not worthy of love and you deserve better' thing," Sirius replied, gesturing wildly. "The whole self-pitying martyr act. I know what I'm doing, Remus. And I know what I want. So, let's not pretend. Let's just... allow ourselves be happy for once."

"I don't..."

"Look, I know we're mates and everything, and that this is a massive risk, but we're Gryffindors for a reason," Sirius stated, stepping closer and right into Remus's personal space.

Remus felt like he couldn't breathe. Sirius was so close – too close – and it was making him feel a bit dizzy, like he was drunk on a high wire. Strange enough, it was not an unpleasant feeling.

"It could ruin everything," he replied.

"It could," Sirius agreed with a nod, "But it could also make everything a million times better."

Remus swallowed and took a step back, almost slipping on a piece of parchment but catching himself at the last moment. Sighing, he moved over to the railings, distancing himself from the other student, and leaned against one. "Sirius, I don't know," he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're my best mate. I can't lose you."

"You won't," Sirius replied from where he was still standing.

"You don't know that," he retorted.

"I do," Sirius insisted.

Remus marvelled at his best mate, wondering how Sirius could sound so confident? The point of the future was that it was uncertain; that it was unpredictable; that it was terrifying, and nothing was guaranteed. How could Sirius be so sure?

"How?" he asked.

"I just do," Sirius answered assertively. "Look, I get it. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you either, so if you want to stay just friends, then I'll accept that because I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. I need you, Remus, so whatever you say, we'll do."

"Sirius..."

"But I want you to think about it first," Sirius continued. "I know I'm a mess and you are just as fucked up, but I really fucking like you and I know that this could be something great."

Remus worried his lip and stared at Sirius, so honest and open and vulnerable, and he wondered why he was depriving himself. He wanted this. Sirius wanted this. So why was he stopping it?

"Promise I won't lose you," Remus requested, because Sirius had not broken a promise since their fifth year and the Incident with Severus Snape. "Promise me that if this goes tits up, we'll still have each other. I can't lose you, Sirius. So, promise me, no matter what happens, I'll always have you."

"I promise," Sirius replied without hesitation.

Remus swallowed and nodded to himself. He knew it was going to be messy, and it was probably going to hurt because Sirius was chaos and Remus was control, but maybe it was what they needed.

"Alright," Remus replied. "Let's... Let's take the leap and hope it goes right."

Sirius looked shocked, like he had expected Remus to reject him, "Really?"

"Yes," Remus grinned. "Ask me again."

Sirius beamed brighter than his namesake and stepped into Remus's personal bubble again as he asked, "Will you go with me to the Bonfire this Saturday?"

Remus shrugged and replied all-too-casually, "Sure."

"Aces," Sirius replied. "Right, well. I don't know what to do now. That's all I came to ask." He cleared his throat and looked at the ground. "Do you want some help?"

"No, you're too distracting," Remus replied.

Sirius turned back and raised an eyebrow, and Remus realised what he had just said. "Sorry?"

"I mean. Nothing. I'm fine," Remus stuttered. "I'll be fine."

Sirius smirked but said, "If you're sure."

"I am."

"Alright. Well, then. I suppose I should be going."

"I suppose."

Sirius nodded and stepped away, allowing the werewolf to breathe again, and began walking toward the exit. Remus watched his mate walk towards the door.

"Wait."

Sirius paused and turned around. "Yes?"

"I, uh..." Remus shook his head dumbly, not sure why he had stopped Sirius from leaving but taking the moment to study his friend. Sirius looked so handsome and delicate in the moonlight, and Remus felt his impulsive nature take over as he stormed over, placed a hand on either side of Sirius's face, and kissed him.

As far as first kisses go, it wasn't bad.

It wasn't earthshattering but it wasn't underwhelming either. It was chaste and sweet, and it made his heart beat faster than was probably healthy. He could smell Sirius (expensive shampoo, sweat, wet dog) and he could feel Sirius's lips against his own (soft, chapped, eager) and, overall, it was quite a pleasant kiss. He pulled back a moment later and opened his eyes, enjoying the look of delighted surprise on Sirius's sharp features.

"Well. That was..." Sirius cleared his throat. "That was something else."

Remus grinned, a little self-conscious because Remus Lupin was the personification of Control and his Gryffindor nature had just made an appearance.

"No going back now," he said.

Sirius grinned, his cheeks a dusty pink, and replied, "I guess not. Though, when I pictured our first kiss, I always thought that I would be the one to instigate it."

"Yes, well," Remus shrugged. "I'm full of surprises."

"Apparently," Sirius replied appreciatively. "I think this is going to be fun."

Remus just grinned and replied, "It's going to be an experience, at the very least."

A/N: Thanks for reading!

Written: October, 2019
Rewritten: October, 2019