Okay so this is my first attempt at DW fanfiction so please don't be too harsh! The story is set between Doomsday and sometime prior to Turn Left.

The premise of the story is that while separated in different universes, the Doctor and Rose are sometimes experience each other's emotions. Basically it charts Rose's life in Pete's World without the Doctor, and the Doctor's life without Rose.

Please note that this will be a super angsty fic, and there are references to different topics which could potentially be upsetting, I will try and include tws the best I can, but please be cautious.

It won't be entirely angsty and there will be Nine and Ten fluffy flashbacks included. Please enjoy and review!

"Despite being surrounded by the majority of her loved ones Rose knew she would be lonelier than ever this Christmas. A few years ago if she had been asked to describe her dream Christmas it would have been a lot like this; she was to spend the festive session with her Mum, Mickey and her Dad, they would be able to celebrate in style in Pete's mansion and there was snow, real snow. While this should have made for the perfect Christmas, there was one important fact that ruined Rose's Christmas. He wasn't here.

It had been mere weeks since the worst day of her life, the day she told the Doctor she loved him on Bad Wolf Bay, the day her heart crumbled in two, the day she died. Rose hadn't been able to hold back tears for more than a few hours since that day, and now on what was supposed to be the happiest time of year she was more sad than she could ever remember being before.

She just wanted to be pulling crackers with the Doctor in her mum's flat in the Powell Estate like last year. Rose would have traded all the expensive presents from Pete, the 15ft professionally decorated tree and the serving staff waiting on them hand and foot for just one moment with her Doctor. Last year may not have had the storybook feel of this year's festivities but to Rose it had been the perfect Christmas.

Rose didn't wake until almost midday on Christmas morning, she had cried until the early hours and as a result wasn't fit for her usual routine of getting up with the birds on December 25th. Jackie had to wake her up so that the Tylers could open their Christmas presents together. Rose tried her best to be genuinely pleased by all her beautiful designer gifts and not to succumb to the dark cloud that loomed over her at all times. Pete seemed satisfied that his (kind of) daughter was enjoying her day, but Rose knew that Jackie could see right through her pretence.

In the afternoon Mickey and his grandmother came for Christmas dinner. Rose took one look at the lavishly decorated table, her eyes focusing in on the expensive crackers and she knew she couldn't do it. The memories of last year, of the Doctor, were too strong.

"I'm really sorry everyone but I'm not feeling well, I'm gonna have to go upstairs and skip dinner," she had told her parents and the Smiths. It had been a lie, and a very transparent lie at that, to get away from the table. Rose dashed out of the dining room before any of them could challenge her, but instead of going to rest in her room she had slipped out the front door.

Rose's coping mechanism for dealing with the past few months in Pete's World had been to avoid anything that would remind of him. This had proven difficult, everything reminded her of him, even stupid things like bananas and Dickens' novels. She had found herself taking refuge in the nearby chapel.

"One of the subtle differences between this parallel world and her home was that Catholicism was the prevalent religion in England rather than Anglicanism.

Rose had said to Jackie when they first arrived, "Did Henry VIII never convert or what?"

"I don't know sweetheart," her mother had replied, "Why don't you investigate? Sounds like something you and the Doctor would have done."

"Mum, don't pretend you know him, don't pretend you care what he would do if he was here," Rose had shouted, "Don't pretend you aren't glad I'm not with him anymore!"

Jackie had learnt not to mention the Doctor after that.

The truth was Rose knew the Doctor would find all the little discontinuities between the two worlds fascinating, she could picture him, leaping around in that pinstriped suit of his, trying to solve the mystery. And so Rose did not dwell on the differing religious denominations between Earths.

"However she found the Roman Catholic masses soothing, she wasn't entirely sure why, Rose had never been religious, but there was something about the ritual of religion that eased her mind.

Rose slipped into a pew at the back of the chapel and dropped to her knees, closing her eyes pretending to be praying. She emptied her mind of thoughts of the Doctor so that nothing clouded her mind, and she almost felt okay, almost.

As she opened her eyes from her silent meditation, she noticed a nun had sat down beside her on the pew. The nun noticed Rose glancing up at her,

"I'm sorry child, you looked deep in prayer," the Sister whispered, "Did I disturb you?"

Rose got up from her kneeling position and sat beside the nun, trying to banish thoughts of cats in wimples,

"No Sister," she said, "In fact truth be told I wasn't even praying."

The nun nodded, "I've seen you here quite a lot recently, you find sanctuary here am I right? But you're not a member of the Church I would guess?"

Rose blushed as the sharp blue eyes of the elderly nun surveyed her,

"No, I'm not even a believer." She didn't know why she had admitted this to a woman who had dedicated her whole life to the Catholic Church, and she half expected the old lady to throw her out of the chapel.

To Rose's great surprise the old woman replied, "It does not matter, it's our duty to help those in pain no matter what they believe."

"How'd you know I'm in pain?"

The woman suddenly reached out and took Rose's hand, her eyes had taken on a glassy look and she whispered rapidly almost as though she was in a trance.

"Child, you said you're not a believer but I know you have your Messiah. The God in the Blue Box. And your heart aches because he is so very far away. You wonder if you were ever good enough, and you think you can't ever be the person you were with him again. But Rose, you should know that you're his Messiah as much as he was yours. The fallen angel needed you to rise again, you were the Doctor's salvation."

"How do you know his name? How do you know my name?" Rose said, attempting to get up and walk away from the nun, but the elderly woman's grip on her hand was vice-like, "Get off me!"

"But just like Lucifer, he leaves only pain and destruction in his wake. Child, I'm sorry to tell you there's more destruction to come. You will find your Angel again, but before then you will lose yourself and you will suffer and suffer and suffer. God bless you, Rose Tyler, God save you."

With that the old nun released Rose's hand, and shut her eyes briefly before re-opening,

"Yes, as I was saying, the Church is open as a sanctuary to you. What is your name child?" she said, as though she had no recollection of what she had just said.

Rose got up from the pew and ran, ran from the church and away from the spooky nun. The words "you will suffer and suffer and suffer" reverberated around her head. How could she possible suffer anymore? Rose felt that her heart would simply shatter if she had to endure anymore emotional pain.

It bothered Rose that the nun had known her darkest fear, that she was nothing without the Doctor. Before she had begun travelling she had felt useless, a shop girl with nothing extraordinary about her. But with him she had felt like the most important woman in the universe. Now Rose wondered why she had ever thought she was worthy of travelling with the Time Lord. She remembered being insecure at the start of her adventure, but he had helped her to build up her self-esteem.

Soon after Rose began travelling with the Doctor, the big-eared, leather-clad, blue-eyed incarnation of the Doctor, she began to doubt her worthiness.

Rose remembered they had been back in time to the 1950s Soviet Union chasing some rogue Kewps (which were aliens that resembled huge earwigs), and after having tracked down and sent the malignant creatures packing, they had celebrated by getting Russian vodka in the local village.

Rose had been to buy herself and the Doctor another round, and saw on her return that the Time Lord was deep in conversation with a young Russian woman. The Doctor looked entranced by the woman, and his blue eyes were fixed on her intently. Rose set down the glasses of vodka on the table and smiled at the girl, she smiled back and said that she and "Doctor Smith" had just been discussing her hobby parachuting and she was sorry to have disturbed them. She said her goodbyes to the Doctor and Rose, and hurried out into the cold Russian winter.

"Who was that?" Rose asked.

"Rose Tyler; that was Valentina Tereshkova. She will become the first woman in space," the Doctor had replied excitedly, "A truly remarkable woman! Oh Rose, she's absolutely fantastic!"

All the way back to the TARDIS, the Doctor talked about how brilliant Valentina was, "Do you know even in your time, she's still seeking to be a pioneer. Seventy years old and wants to travel to Mars!" "She was only a textile worker before she became a cosmonaut, imagine being able to achieve such great things from such insignificant beginnings! Fantastic!"

"…Doctor," Rose finally spoke once they were sitting in the TARDIS, having allowed him to rave on for some time, "Why don't you bring her with you instead? You could go anywhere in time, and have any choice of person to travel with. You could travel with the first woman in space, or Marilyn Monroe, or Marie Curie, or Einstein, or Shakespeare. Why settle for me? I'm just a shop girl who lives on a council estate."

The Doctor looked at her, he surveyed her with his ice blue eyes, "Rose Tyler, I could go anywhere in the Universe and anytime in history or in the future, but I could never find anyone I'd want to travel with more than you."

Rose avoided his gaze, "I'm just a stupid ape, a stupid ape who didn't even do A-Levels. I don't get it," she replied.

He reached out his calloused hand and stroked her check, then tilted her chin gently so that their eyes met.

"When will you believe that you're incredible? I don't know where I'd be without you and that's the truth. Don't ever doubt yourself Rose, you're too good for that."

After a while Rose had begun to believe him that she was worthy to travel in the TARDIS, but now having been stranded on Pete's parallel world, she doubted he ever even believed those words himself. To Rose, the Doctor's hesitation when replying to her declaration of love on Bad Wolf Bay said it all, he was relieved to be rid of the silly shop girl from the council estate.

Maybe now, he was with someone smarter, more elegant, and more cultured; perhaps he had gone back in time to pick up bloody Madame de Pompadour, Rose thought bitterly. She mentally reprimanded herself for being this bitter, but the voice of self-hate was persistent in her head.

You were never worthy. A dead weight the Doctor had to bear. Useless, stupid girl. You will never amount to anything without him. Rotting away here where he left you. A boring human life. What you deserve really.

Tears began to roll down Rose's cheek as waves of despair washed over her, and the voices in her head got louder. The water on Rose's cheek felt as though it would freeze in the cold December air as her self-loathing grew even stronger. This, coupled with the nun's eerie predictions, solicited loud sobs from Rose which racked her body.

An older man, presumably concerned by her sobbing, approached her. But instead of offering words of consolation, he grabbed her and tried to wrench off the designer coat she was wearing which contained her expensive new phone. Rose resisted her mugger, but the man was strong and seized her coat, throwing the young woman to the floor in the process.

She landed on the snow-covered pavement heavily and wondered if she had broken something.

"Rich bitch," the mugger muttered as his victim sobbed. For good measure, the man kicked Rose in the ribs several times before running off with his prize.

In that moment Rose thought she would die, she had never felt such pain before and such cold. She couldn't bring herself to her feet and her body felt like ice. Rose screamed, but it seemed almost everyone was in their houses celebrating Christmas Day.

She closed her eyes, accepting that it might be for the last time and she felt surprisingly indifferent to this fact.

Meanwhile in a parallel universe…

The Doctor had just dropped Donna off, after her nightmarish wedding experience. It was probably best she had declined to travel with him, he thought. He couldn't deal with becoming close to another human, only to have them ripped away like Rose.

It was Christmas Day on Earth, which he was currently orbiting. Millions of humans below, eating Christmas pudding and settling down to watch the great telly on that evening. His previous form would have dismissed it all as "domestic", but he was jealous of those below. The Doctor wished he too could have spent a Christmas Day with the people he loved…or rather, the person.

Instead he watched the lights of the planet below, wishing that she was here beside him, making him laugh or making him think deeply. If Christmas was the season for wishes to come true, why was his only desire not being granted?

The Doctor re-entered his empty TARDIS, and stood desolately by the controls. Suddenly, the Doctor felt a tear roll down his cheek. That was weird. He was depressed but not that sad. The tears seemed to be rolling spontaneously down his cheeks. Suddenly the Doctor felt a searing pain in his side, so strong that he doubled over and then collapsed on the TARDIS floor. His mind raced as to what could be causing these irrational feelings, but before he could consider too thoroughly, he passed out.