Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.

Kate Beckett faced a lot of things in her life. She lost her mother at the young age of 19, her whole life was thrown off course changing from law school to the police academy, her whole life changed when she finally became a homicide detective, her life changed when annoying play boy Richard Castle decided to follow her and base his next books off of her. However her life changed the most when she was shot, in the chest and was left fighting for her life. Fighting for her life that has constantly been changed through out the time since she was 19 till now. She was 31, unmarried, no children and has still not achieved her life goal, catching her mothers murderer. As she lay on the operation table lost in some sort of unconsciousness. She could see everything so clearly it was like she was in a museum of her life. She could see the times she would make cookies with her mum and also the times she would argue with her mum shouting horribly mean things at her, things she could never take back, things she would later regret saying to her mum. She could see the time when her dad and her first talked about boys when she was just 16 and still so shy, when the thought of her dad knowing that she had had her first kiss was absolutely mortifying. And then she saw the time she realized she had lost her dad to the bottle and how she felt so alone and so helpless. She saw the time she read her first Richard Castle book, it was a rose forever after. She remembered how safe she felt, how she felt almost free, his words giving his characters something she could never have, closure. And then she just saw Castle and all the things he has done for her, how many times he has made her feel free and not just his books, how he makes her laugh and cry. There was a lot of Richard Castle in this place that must be her life. Her worst and best memories. Kate just stood there and wondered if this is all she wants all of these memories. She knew she wanted more even though she never told anyone she always wanted to get married and have children but now she knew she may never get that because now she was dying, She had flat lined. Her heart had stopped beating. Her blood had stopped flowing. She was dead. But she didn't want to be and this is when the begging came in, the bargaining. Begging to a God she does believe in, another fact that nobody knew about her. She promised everything she could think of. She would start going to church again, she wouldn't have sex again until she was married, she was try harder with Castle even give him a hug everyday, she would eat healthier, she would clean her apartment and make sure it would always be spotless, she would never drink coffee again. She would do anything to stay on Earth because she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to die.

She heard the steady heartbeat of her heart monitor, she heard the doctors sigh in relief and then she knew that she was going to be okay. She was going to live the life she wanted. She was going to be Kate.

Kate remained in her unconscious state until she woke up 3 days later with her dad by her side and Castle on the other. They had both claimed one of her hands. She knew Josh wouldn't be there. Josh was never there. Josh was in Haiti she just knew it. Her eyes slowly flickered her eyes open and she had never seen 2 men more happy and grateful in her entire life and she knew she was surrounded by good people, extraordinary people. They both stood up and leaned over her watching as her green eyes flickered on them. A tear rolled down Castle's cheek. Her dad look like he was going to collapse any moment out of pure joy. She wanted to speak but there was something lodged into her throat she couldn't breath. Why couldn't she breath. She tried to raise her hand but that cause so much pain, she would have scream but there was so much pain. Too much pin. She heard Caste and her dad trying to stop her but she couldn't breath why couldn't they understand that. She heard their voices raising trying to calm her, her heart monitor speeding up getting louder, doctors speeding into the room trying to stop her too but everything was getting so fuzzy. The doctor's were holding her still, she could see Castle's blue eyes, they were so blue. And then she felt it, the thing that was lodged in her throat was being taken out and she had never felt so much relief because now she could breath and she felt her tears on her cheeks. She was so scared.

She blinked just for a second and then Castle was gone, her dad was gone and the heart monitor sped up again as well as her breathing, she started to shake but it hurt to shake but that didn't stop the shaking. The doctors looked so confused, they couldn't see anything physically wrong with her until she heard a female voice that sound like she was stood at the back of the room.

"She's having a panic attack."

She heard everything slow down. Saw the doctors just stop for a second before there were four people dressed in scrubs stood around her telling her she was okay that everything was going to be okay. But that wasn't what was wrong what was wrong was that Castle wasn't there, her dad wasn't there and she needed them. Her eyes were flying around the room, well as much as they could because she was lying flat on her back. But the next thing she heard was Castle pushing his way past the doctors, never being able to stay away from her and taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. And the heart monitor slowed down its rapid beating. But she still needed her Dad. She managed to whisper, the work coming about broken and croaky "Daddy." And he was there instantly taking her other hand and the heart monitor slowed down almost back to normal and she could feel everyone staring at her but she was so tired and she felt her eyes closing without her permission.

The next time she woke up Castle and her dad was still clutching her hands but there was sunlight coming through the windows and she squeezed both hands slightly, too weak after being shot and going through serious surgery to squeeze their hands any tighter but they both felt it and they both looked up at her both blue eyes staring back at her and the corners of her mouth lifted up slightly. Her dad went to let go of her hand. Her eyes widened her grip tighter to the point of her being in pain. Jim quickly took her hand and a look of relief washed across her face and a look passed between Rick and Jim. This wasn't normal, not for Kate Beckett. Jim leaned over and pressed the call button and a minute later a doctor came into the room.

"Good morning Detective Beckett how are you this morning." He said cheerfully walking over to the monitors and writing things down on the chart. He was tall and pale and looked like he spent a majority of his time in the hospital but then she thought doesn't every doctor ? And then she thought of Josh he doesn't just spend his life in hospitals he spends half of his life abroad. And then she remembered he had asked her a question but it bothered her. Not the question the fact that he had called her Detective Beckett and not Kate. Detective Beckett was her job, was tough, was the one who got shot. She is Kate, the caring one who is also scared, she is also the one in the hospital bed at the moment.

"Its Kate." She whispered quietly, brokenly. And it must have been a shock to Castle and Jim because their eyes both snapped towards her shocked. She had never done that corrected herself from being Detective Beckett to Kate. Denied herself being a Detective almost. Separated herself from her career, a career she was very proud of.

"Yes of course Kate, it's good to see you awake how're you feeling ?" He asked cheerfully. his perfectly styled her almost bouncing with his enthusiasm.

"I'm good." She replied slightly louder gaining her voice.

"Can you rate your pain please ? 1 being the best it could possibly be 10 being the worst pain ever." He had his pen ready on his chart ready to write down whatever she says. She could see it in Castle's and Jim's eyes that they didn't expect her to answer the question knowing she is a proud person and often doesn't let people see her vulnerable. But she shocked them, she answered the question.

"A 7 but that is mostly just an ache but whenever I move it goes up to about 9."

"Okay that is to be expected. Any questions ?"

"Can I have some water please ?"

"Of course. Another doctor will come and see you in a few hours to do some tests."

Everyone in the room nodded and he walked out of the room a nurse coming in a few moments later with some water and a straw for her. The water felt amazing going down her throat.

She felt her dads hand touching her forehead and she looked up at him smiling, well smiling as much as she could. "I love you daddy."

"Love you to Katie."

She looked at Castle and then her dad again "I'm scared"

"I know Katie." His hand was stroking through her hair.

"Please don't leave me" She whispered.

"I won't. Never Katie."

She turned to look at Castle and looked him in the eyes and he could see the fear in her eyes, "You to Castle."

"I won't."

"Good" But her eyes were starting to close. darkness over taking her as she fell asleep again. Thinking of Castle. Thinking of a future with Castle.