Title: Whatever the Heart Desires

Rating: T

Timeline: Season 2, Episode 1: Eagle Two

She pushed the glass door of the hotel and was immediately greeted by a rush of cold night air. Goosebumps erupted on the surface of her skin, but she welcomed the contrast to the overwhelming heat she felt inside. The remnants of the anxiety she had been feeling for the last few hours were still pumping through her veins, and a feverish feeling had captured her body.

As her heels hit the pavement, and her legs mindlessly carried her away from the epicenter of her failure, her mind filled with blame once more. She grumbled under her breath, admonishing herself for the unbelievable lack of judgement that made her mess the protection detail. It only took a second of distraction to turn a standard security operation into chaos with unprecedented complications and potential victims. Even though in the end they had managed to secure the situation and ultimately have a positive outcome, she still felt irrationally guilty.

She had always prided herself for being a perfectionist, and when it came to her job that characteristic was exacerbated. Never resigning from her responsibilities, she would always address every mission with gravity. That particular personality trait was one of the reasons why she was exceptionally good at her job. While she understood that mistakes were inherent to the human condition, unfortunately there should be no room for failure in this job. Failure often costed lives, and tonight had been a primary example of that.

From the moment she turned her back to search for the source of the explosion, which unleashed a catalytic reaction that lead to compromising the mission, she had felt panic engulf her whole being. Part of that feeling still resided in her. But even though she recognized her mistake the biggest blow came from Sargent Parker.

In the aftermath, he had congratulated her team mates and had not acknowledge her presence, not even to admonish her for doing a terrible job. After years of working together, she already knew it only meant he was deeply disappointed with her. She would have to deal with her own regrets, but his disappointment was even worse to accept. If there was something she dreaded, it was to let down those who trusted her the most.

"Hey, Jules!"

Her thoughts were cut short by her name being called out in a deep husky voice she knew quite well. Turning around, she saw the owner of that voice walking towards her. She sighed heavily, already feeling her patience wearing thin. The last thing she needed was his sympathy, or his uncanny ability to be in tune with her emotions. So she just walked faster, hoping it would dissuade him from following. However, he was an incredibly persistent man and kept jogging towards her, easily catching up.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault." He said softly.

Those were the words she had been wanting desperately to hear, and he was offering them so willingly and without any hint of condescension that it almost made her forget how incredibly mad she was at herself.

"Yeah, I know." She answered back. If she rationalized it thoroughly, she had to admit that it could have happened to anyone else on the team, but the fact that she was the one who had lost control of the situation was hard to accept.

He offered to take her back, but her plans involved walking the short distance to her home hoping the night air would help clear her head. In spite of her refusal, he kept insisting, his protective behavior fully displayed. His name came out loud as a warning for him to back away before she unleashed all her irritability on him. She was no damsel, nor was she in distress, and she was already about to burst.

When he asked if she thought he felt sorry for her, she could only regard him with an earnest stare that told him that was exactly what he was feeling or at least that he was trying to make her feel less guilty. Then he brushed it off and offered to take her home once more.

There was another refusal from her as she tried to get away from his hold on her arm, but he startled her by pulling her flush against his body. Suddenly they were face to face and she saw an overwhelming passion in his eyes, one she had seen countless times before and had been running away from it for quite a while. This time he did not allow her to get away and when his eyes shifted to her lips she did the same in expectation.

In the space of a heartbeat his lips crashed with hers and insistently moved against them. The surprise only lasted a second, and she found herself unable to control her actions and kissing him back.

It did not take long for them to forget their surroundings and for her to get lost in the sensation of his lips demanding more. She obeyed by slightly opening her mouth to fully taste him. Her hands came around his neck, pulling him closer and feeling him increasing the pace and pouring all passion into the kiss. She responded just as eagerly, feeling a portion of the tension that had been building between them release, and her body melt in his strong embrace.

Soon after, she realized what they were doing and how exposed to curious looks they were. With great effort she detached her lips from his, breathing hard. He too was struggling to consume air, and rested his forehead on hers, closed his eyes and allowed a large grin to form on his lips. His smile did not last long because when she opened her mouth again it was to shatter the illusion of happiness.

"This was a mistake, Sam." She whispered between intakes of air, remembering that was exactly the line they sould not have crossed.

A flash of hurt briefly crossed his blue eyes and she immediately regretted the bluntness of her words after such a wonderful moment. In the next instant he took a step backwards, deliberately putting much needed space between them, and breathed deeply. By now she knew that deep intake of air meant he was collecting his scattered emotions to hide behind walls of fortitude.

For the last time that night he offered to take her home, this time in a calm, collected voice that left no room for her to refuse. She complied silently, as cold drops started to fall from the sky and hit her skin while thunder roared in the distance. In the short distance back to the truck, she still fought against the delicious haze that his soft lips provoked in her.

Uncomfortable was an understatement to describe the car ride to her house. Silence reigned in the fairly large space of the SUV and not even the hushed tones of the radio were enough to cut the tension between them. In the midst of her inner turmoil, she was able to steal sporadic glances at him. He kept looking forward, raptly concentrated on the road, while his hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. Otherwise, his face was an unreadable mask. But as always, his eyes betrayed the emotions hidden inside. Under the brightness of the rapidly passing street lights his expressive blue eyes shone with a peculiar mixture of happiness and rejection. Another twinge of guilt settled on her chest.

She had been absently staring at him when his eyes shifted towards her. In that moment, she felt her cheeks uncharacteristically blush under the intensity of his stare. Averting her eyes, she turned away and watched the solitary spring rain drops that hit the window and raced down the glass in a kaleidoscope of white and red, reflecting the blurred street lights.

Long gone were the thoughts of her monumental failure, apparently becoming irrelevant ever since his lips crashed on hers. If his intention had been to somewhat erase her self-deprecating thoughts, he had successfully achieved his goal with that kiss. Her lips still tingled with the sensation.

A short while later he pulled the truck on her driveway, turned off the engine but made no effort to get out. Gathering all the courage she could find, she turned to him. In that moment she found no words to either apologize for her reaction or to demand a reprise of their kiss. Instead she just stared with a small smile, silently thanking him for his care, and all the forms it took tonight. He nodded in silent acknowledgment, eyes filled with sadness.

She got out of the car and quickly ran to the front door without looking back fearing she might be tempted to act against her better judgment. Once inside her house it felt like she could breathe easily again as the sound of the truck faded into the distance. The silence that greeted her was deafening, filled with bitter loneliness that had never quite bothered her as much before. She made her way upstairs to her bedroom, and after a quick night routine changed into a comfortable set for bed. Exhausted, she desperately wanted to nestle between the sheets and succumb to a dreamless sleep.

As she lay in bed with darkness all around, her mind remained wide awake, racing with the memory of their kiss. It had been a long time coming, and she could not deny she had yearned for it for a while. And he had made no secret of his intentions either.

She sighed while watching the contrasts of moonlight and darkness reflected on the ceiling and wondered if he too was having difficulties to sleep. Imagining him lying on his bed did not help to restrain her train of thought.

She recalled how their first interaction had been far from what it was now. The intensity and ridiculousness of that meeting irked her so deeply that she could not control a slight exasperation towards him. The first impression had definitely been interesting. It only got worse when he was properly introduced as their new colleague, completely unbeknownst to the rest of the team.

That night, as they sat around a table sharing drinks, she asked why he had left the army for SRU. There had been nothing innocent in that question, only curiosity with the purpose of making him uncomfortable about his intentions to disturb the status quo of Team One. To her surprise, his previously guarded face changed to complete sadness, and for the first time she saw the deep sorrow that lurked behind his very expressive blue eyes. He had been visibly stunned by her brutally blunt question but remained silent, just staring at her. She had made an impact, maybe deeper than she anticipated, but it only spiked her interested in him. Suddenly, he became a challenge to her, to know what lay underneath his sarcastic quips and the mask of a stoic soldier, even though she wanted to play uninterested since they were having a new rookie without their consent.

His attempts to persuade her to go out with him had been absurd to say the least, but he always kept a nonchalant air about it that drove her mad. She kept turning him down at first, but he seemed like a man that was used to fight for what he wanted, persistently.

It was his admission of what had happened in the army, which they all accidentally heard over the ear piece, that had made her feel a lot more sympathetic towards him. That had been the answer to the very first question she ever asked him. She recalled how stunned he had been as he turned the corner and there she was, waiting for him and hoping her company would be enough to soothe his somber mood. That night they had finally gone out for dinner.

After particularly difficult shifts, coffee was taken in the back of her jeep. She usually parked by the Harbourfront marina, while the Toronto skyline illuminated the view against the night sky. They would fill the hours with conversation, naturally opening up to each other while their bodies nestled together in the small space.

She could not identify the exact moment when friendship had turned into something more. All she knew was that something had changed within her when his fingers touched her skin.

She had been so distracted wincing at her bruised reflection in the mirror that she had not heard him knocking on the door of the locker room. He just barged in calling her name, and her reaction was to sarcastically greet his presence while instinctively holding the towel tighter around her chest. He had realized the mistake right away, averted his eyes and found an escape by twisting her curling iron in his hands. Her body relaxed then as she watched how flustered he became at the mere sight of her barely covered body.

It was only by calling out his name that he stopped the ramble and found courage to look her in the eyes. His first instinct was to produce a joke, which had done nothing to make any of them less uncomfortable. She kept assuring him she was fine, compelled by his display of concern. It was not the first time she had gotten hurt while doing her job, and it certainly would not be the last. A bruised back was only a small inconvenience for someone that constantly pushed her limits. For a long time she had been self-sufficient and carefully hid her vulnerabilities, which made her almost forgot what felt like to have someone worry about her. It caught her off guard that he had been the only one asking.

When he boldly asked if she needed a second opinion, his eyes turned into a darker shade of blue, and his voice dropped into a low, raspy whisper. There was a challenge in his tone that dared her to follow, knowing perfectly well that resistance was futile.

A shiver ran through her body then. In that moment she had hoped the reaction to his incredibly suggestive tone would not be embarrassingly visible on her exposed skin. Slowly, she had turned around only to feel his fingertips lightly touch her bruised back. They had burned a trail over her skin, igniting a fire within her that had only one way to be put out.

Unfortunately, their moment had been interrupted by an unwelcome caller with the worst sense of time. She saw his face change, and even though he said she could bring her date, which was only for her benefit, she could tell there was jealousy in the way he pursed his lips with a small, tight smile. There had been a side of her that had enjoyed his barely concealed display of jealousy, but had appreciated even more how his eyes became hopeful and his entire body relaxed when she consented to breakfast.

Hours after that encounter, she could still feel the sensation of his fingertips on her skin. To her immense frustration, that simple touch had fueled many inappropriate dreams that had her wake up in the middle of the following nights flustered and greatly unsatisfied.

They had got increasingly closer over the past few months and she had discovered deeper layers of his personality. And without realizing, she too had exposed herself to him, to a point where they were very comfortable with each other. Perhaps more than they should have.

It was a dangerous game they played, dancing around a metaphorical line, which was meant to keep them safe. Probing and teasing the line, closer and closer, until it became blurred but never daring to cross it no matter how many times they were too close to the limit. Tonight he had completely obliterated it with an incredible kiss that had made her feel more alive than anything else had in a long time.

She tossed and turned as the hours passed by, trying hard to ignore the overflow of memories triggered by him, while her treacherous mind continued to sway between reason and emotion.

A voice in the back of her mind reminded her how hard she had worked to achieve the goals she had set for herself long before they met. Ever since she made the controversial decision to become a police officer, she had gone to great lengths of sacrifice and had never looked back. Giving in to temptation could jeopardize all her hard work. The consequences of a relationship with him, even if in secret, were perfectly clear. But would she be able to remain rational?

It was pointless to deny the physical attraction, but she wondered if it would be enough for her to put her job, and the safety of others, on the line. In the dead of the night, she pondered if he was worth sacrificing all her achievements for a feeling that was stronger than anything she ever felt before.

She looked at the expanse of space beside her and sighed. That side of the bed had been unpleasantly empty for quite some time. As purpose-filled her professional life was, her personal life lacked the semblance of normalcy. In all relationships, she had desperately sought for that intense passion, but they all had lacked it. Yet, they had served their purpose to fill the lonely hours just fine. And it was usually over before it got overly complicated.

As an extremely compassionate person by nature she tended to connect deeply with others, but when it came to her deepest feelings she would rather keep them safely locked inside. By experience she had learned that completely trusting someone else and baring her whole heart would only lead to sorrow. Right now, she struggled to keep both her job and heart safe from harm and all because of him. That blue eyed, caring, occasionally cocky man that so easily torched through nearly all her defenses and was able to capture her heart, scaring her deeply.

She had the distinct feeling that something entirely different was brewing inside, a feeling she would rather not name but that was mirrored on his face every time he looked at her. At first she thought his intentions were only to have an outlet of sorts to release the tension after emotionally grueling shifts. Companionship and understanding were essential for their survival. But over time, she realized he might want more than she was willing to give.

Something inside told her it was already too late for denial. He pulled her towards him like gravity and it was getting harder to resist. After tonight she might no longer be able to.

Moved by emotion, she finally yielded to temptation, eager to lose herself in the passion he constantly showed whenever they were alone, away from the strains of the brass or potential looks from colleagues. She might be doing the second monumental mistake of the night, but she could no longer ignore neither her feelings nor the need to be touched by him, no matter the consequences of it.

Throwing the covers back, she jumped out of bed, changed into regular clothes and left the house in a hurry. She made her way towards his apartment in the quietness of the deserted streets.

She knocked on his apartment door sometime later, disturbing the silence while the numbers 1008 stared back at her accusingly. For a split second a flash of doubt crossed her mind, but it was immediately erased as soon as the door opened. She could not run way anymore.

He stared at her dressed in a simple pajama set, with his short blonde hair ruffled up in all directions and sleep still clouding his eyes. After a few blinks he rubbed his eyes, not entirely sure if the vision of her standing outside his door so late at night, with hair slightly wet from the rain and a look of desire on her face, was another product of his imagination.

There was no time to wonder about it because a second later she assaulted his lips. He huffed at the sudden contact, but his arms automatically enveloped and pulled her smaller body strongly against him for the fear she might run away again. He had plenty of dreams like this, but as her tongue swept over his lower lip, begging for entrance, he knew it was already better than anything his imagination could conjure.

He wanted to ask what had changed her mind, or if she was entirely sure of it because once they crossed the line again there would be no turning back, but she kept her lips firmly attached to his.

As the kiss intensified, her hands disappeared below his shirt and roamed over his chest, unleashing goosebumps across his skin. To her benefit, he detached their lips long enough to take off his shirt and throw it across the room. Now she had plenty of space available for her hands to caress his upper body and to watch his reactions to her light touches.

He pulled at the hem of her own shirt, urging her to take it off and bare herself to him. She did so in one swift movement. If the desire in his eyes had not made her shiver, she would have laughed at his wide eyed expression so entranced by the sight of her exposed breasts. Cautiously, he held onto one of them and squeezed lightly. Need built within her more ardently than before and she could feel her cheeks heat up with every fast beat of her heart.

She pressed their bodies together again and shivered once her skin touched his for the first time. The sensation was entirely new. Lips voraciously captured hers while his hands traveled down her back. He held onto her bottom and lifted her effortlessly so her legs could wrap around his hips. With her arms and legs safely around him, he then pushed her against the nearest wall, and when their centers collided she felt how excited he was for her.
His lips descended over the exposed skin of her neck and bit her gently to test her reaction. It did not disappoint when she whimpered close to his ear, her nails dug into the skin of his shoulders and her hips unconsciously buckled against his, making him groan in return.

There was a mischievous smile on his face as he carried her to the bedroom, careful not to stumble and make a complete mess of their bodies. But she was making it hard to concentrate by nibbling on his ear. The room was dark when he entered and they fell together on the bed in a motion that lacked so much class that when his full weight fell on top of her it made her laugh out loud.

Clothes were discarded in haste and for the rest of the night there was no more laughter. Only their mingled moans in the midst of pleasure filled the darkness of the room as she gladly gave herself to him.
Later, when the waves of passion settled down, they were still enveloped in each other as if time had stood still, and the only sounds that filled the room were their heavy breaths. She held him close when he laid his head on her chest and breathed as hard as she did, both completely spent.

Unwilling to part from her but knowing he must, he rolled to the side, all the while staring at her with a smug grin on his face. Instinctively, she wanted to slap that smile off but soon realized a very similar one was on her lips as well.

The dim light of the room reflected on his eyes which were now a deeper shade of blue than she had seen before. What she immediately knew was that it was the look of immense happiness and it was completely contagious. She smiled brilliantly at him. For the first time she would willingly put reason on hold and allow herself to fully enjoy the moment with no room for fear or regrets.

When words failed, she dropped a lingering kiss on his lips, a gesture that conveyed how truthfully she wanted him no matter how many lines they had just crossed. He nodded, equally assuring that he felt the same. She then molded her naked body to his and laid her head on his shoulder. A perfect fit. His arms held her securely against him and she could tell he was slightly surprised by her display of affection.

Finally she realized he would be worth all the secrets. But time would unforgivingly force her to choose between him and her job, and there would be heartache without end.

For now she was content to rest within the circle of his arms, with the soft beat of his heart underneath her ear lulling her into a sated sleep.

A/N: I also wrote a very steamy M rated version of this story. Let me know if anyone is interested in reading it.

Thanks for reading!