Chapter 11 : Confessions & Absolution

She found him sitting on the edge of her bed. He had changed his shirt, but then apparently got lost in thought. "Sherlock?" she said gently to get his attention. "Are you okay?" He looked up at her warily, but didn't answer. Had he changed his mind since he left the sofa? She thought frantically. She sighed and sat down next to him and reached over to take his hand and was taken completely surprise by the wave of self-loathing that she felt coming from him. She grabbed his other hand, as well. "Sherlock, what in the world has happened?" She concentrated on sending him comfort. He could feel her doing it, he started with surprise, and his eyes locked on to hers.

"How are you doing that?" he whispered hoarsely.

"It's my last big secret." She said quietly - unsure of his reaction, yet again. She could feel his doubt and uncertainty again. "Remember how I told you that the TARDIS was sentient?" He nodded. "Well, she couldn't speak like you or I do, but she did communicate with empathy and telepathy. At first, I wasn't able to really communicate with her at all, but after awhile I could "sense" her - until that day that I lost my first Doctor and Jack. On that day, I joined my mind to hers in order to try and save the Doctor. In the process, I picked up a little bit of her abilities. Since then, I have had increased empathic abilities. Through touch, I can sense and identify strong emotions and even send some of my own. I was holding your hand and could tell that you were upset, so I wanted to send you some comfort. I was trying to help. That's all."

Sherlock laughed – a laugh without humor, but full of irony. "Another thing to add to my list of Amazing Things about Rose Tyler. You do realize that none of your secrets reflect badly on you, don't you? None of them are things that you have done wrong. There is nothing that anyone could look down at you for. You have been worried about what I would think about everything you have told me. However, there was no reason to ever worry because even though all of this has been strange, none of it has been bad. There is nothing that could make me think less of you. If anything, every piece of information that you have given, every story you have told, has even increased my esteem for you!" Rose's heart soared at the words and his acceptance of her, but the tone worried her.

"Then what is the matter, Sherlock?"

"I just realized that you're not going to be able to say the same thing about me!" He finally said, defeatedly. "I'm not a very good man, Rose."

"I think that you are wrong about that." Rose told him quiet and confidently- still holding his hand.

"I don't get along with people very well and I have been called a psychopath."

She smiled gently stroking the back of his hand with his thumb, "Nah! Just a sociopath, at most, I would say."

"I have blood on my hands, Rose."

"As do I, Detective," she replied seriously," but I can honestly say that it was all done in the defense of myself or someone else – and I am willing to bet that the same is true of you."

He nodded, but continued. "I have an addictive personality and I am prone to darkness. I require mental stimulation, and usually I try to keep it at bay with investigations and cases. If I stay busy and interested – then I can fight it. But if I don't, if I get bored, if I despair, then I need to find that stimulation somewhere else. I've been known to have a drug problem and it's not dead – merely sleeping. It could wake up anytime and I assure you that it wouldn't be pretty." He looked up at her.

"How long has it been?" She asked quietly, still stroking his hand.

"Since I've used?" He knew what she was asking. She nodded. "Not since I met John." She nodded again. "You don't seem surprised." He said.

"Truth be told, Sherlock, everyone has a weakness, or at least a weak point - something that they are running from - something that they are always fighting against. You had a pretty close look at all of my baggage today. No, I didn't turn to drugs, but I did turn to danger. Why do you think that I am so good at my job? I'm a jeopardy-friendly, adrenaline junkie with a nose for trouble, Sherlock, and without that constant high, I just don't know how low I would get. I experienced it once, after first being trapped here in this universe and hitting bottom, knowing that I would have to go back to the drudgery of a normal existence again. I didn't exist here five years ago, and for a while after arriving, I actually considered making that a true statement again." Sherlock look at her closely - recognizing what she was really saying to him. Her eyes were dark with remembered pain, but then they brightened. "After a while, though, I found so much to live for, Sherlock – my family, my friends, my job, and a whole universe of beings who could probably use my help in one way or the other. Plus, there is this gorgeous genius detective hanging around now and I have a feeling that things are going to get even more interesting! Maybe even interesting enough to keep him out of trouble, too…or into it, as the case may be! " She smiled, that dazzling tongue touched smile that instantly lifted him out of himself. He grinned back, his doubts melting away, as he thought about the kinds of trouble that they were going to get into – together! Things were definitely going to be alright with Rose Tyler around! In fact, he may never be bored ever again!

"I definitely think that I would like that." He said and her grin grew even wider.

"Good! Let's go get something to eat first, though, yeah? I hate getting into trouble on an empty stomach!" She gave him a quick kiss, grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the door.

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